asking u guys...
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I've a Qn mark in my mind, abt my bf. I'm not saying I'm having a bad r/s.. but sometime, certain quiries of mine cant be solved by talking it out with him. It end up in a quarrel.
I'm younger by 4 yrs than my bf. I do know that I've some thinking prob (as in childishness etc..) He tried to teach and guide me. He got a v.v.v.bad temper (undeniable), and I get scolded alot for my mistakes regardless big or small one. I've not been treated this way even fr my ex.. (i know sometimes harsh words mean well..) & i'm restricted alot in how i behave etc. I dont wear revealing clothes but been snapped at for wearing low off-shoulder one. Sometimes, its like I'm his personal PDA, i should keep in mind of his liking and thing-to-do. If i missed it, i'm dead... kana scold again. I know gf are suppose to be more delicated in every area... but u see, im not even his wife (any possibility is going to be in the future, not now).. only a gf. I'm told to do this, do that.. I am tired. What i think the way I'll adopt for now, is to put down part of my feelings, and live on my "own". Cuz its always me running up to him, wanting to hug him n be loving, what i get back are cold shoulder. (but in some areas he is attentive and loving tho). So u see, im a lovely-dovey type person, but he's not..
What kind of behaviour should i adopt in tis r/s. -
Dun ever love someone who doesnt love u.
Its a give and take situation for both parties.
But it seems that u are the only one giving and he is the one taking.
MCP -
If he's like that than why be with him in the first place ?
put yourself into more misery -
What are the possible behaviour you have thought of?Originally posted by lil_pinkie:..............
What kind of behaviour should i adopt in tis r/s.
Cheers -
The r/s is off-balance. It feels more like a parent-child thing.
What is required is mutual respect.
If he can accept you the, why can't he accept you now?
If you feel the r/s is running down on your self-confidence. You better re-evaluate. Talk to him if possible.
Another possible reason he is picking on you is that he has found a new target. -
you are like his pet and he's your master.
let him know you have your own opinions too!!! -
(A) Do you love him?Originally posted by lil_pinkie:I've a Qn mark in my mind, abt my bf. I'm not saying I'm having a bad r/s.. but sometime, certain quiries of mine cant be solved by talking it out with him. It end up in a quarrel.
I'm younger by 4 yrs than my bf. I do know that I've some thinking prob (as in childishness etc..) He tried to teach and guide me. He got a v.v.v.bad temper (undeniable), and I get scolded alot for my mistakes regardless big or small one. I've not been treated this way even fr my ex.. (i know sometimes harsh words mean well..) & i'm restricted alot in how i behave etc. I dont wear revealing clothes but been snapped at for wearing low off-shoulder one. Sometimes, its like I'm his personal PDA, i should keep in mind of his liking and thing-to-do. If i missed it, i'm dead... kana scold again. I know gf are suppose to be more delicated in every area... but u see, im not even his wife (any possibility is going to be in the future, not now).. only a gf. I'm told to do this, do that.. I am tired. What i think the way I'll adopt for now, is to put down part of my feelings, and live on my "own". Cuz its always me running up to him, wanting to hug him n be loving, what i get back are cold shoulder. (but in some areas he is attentive and loving tho). So u see, im a lovely-dovey type person, but he's not..
What kind of behaviour should i adopt in tis r/s.
(B) What do you expect of him?
(C) Have you sorted out your differences with him personally and calmly?
(D) Are you the only party making the effort to please him? -
Then don waste ur time on tis kind of guy la...Originally posted by lil_pinkie:I've a Qn mark in my mind, abt my bf. I'm not saying I'm having a bad r/s.. but sometime, certain quiries of mine cant be solved by talking it out with him. It end up in a quarrel.
I'm younger by 4 yrs than my bf. I do know that I've some thinking prob (as in childishness etc..) He tried to teach and guide me. He got a v.v.v.bad temper (undeniable), and I get scolded alot for my mistakes regardless big or small one. I've not been treated this way even fr my ex.. (i know sometimes harsh words mean well..) & i'm restricted alot in how i behave etc. I dont wear revealing clothes but been snapped at for wearing low off-shoulder one. Sometimes, its like I'm his personal PDA, i should keep in mind of his liking and thing-to-do. If i missed it, i'm dead... kana scold again. I know gf are suppose to be more delicated in every area... but u see, im not even his wife (any possibility is going to be in the future, not now).. only a gf. I'm told to do this, do that.. I am tired. What i think the way I'll adopt for now, is to put down part of my feelings, and live on my "own". Cuz its always me running up to him, wanting to hug him n be loving, what i get back are cold shoulder. (but in some areas he is attentive and loving tho). So u see, im a lovely-dovey type person, but he's not..
What kind of behaviour should i adopt in tis r/s.
If u put in more effort 2 express ur love 4 him, but he has no reaction 2 it, ur gonna get hurt each n every time.
Go find some1 else tt cherishes ur love... Some1 tt loves u back... -
Tell him how you really feel about this.. if he really loves you then he should treat you better... 4 years is not really a huge difference but that depends on how old you and ur bf is... generally this shldnt be a problem is you are matured enough... -
There is no really a standard type of behaviour u shld adopt in a rls but one thing is important that is u are happy in your relationship.Originally posted by lil_pinkie:I've a Qn mark in my mind, abt my bf. I'm not saying I'm having a bad r/s.. but sometime, certain quiries of mine cant be solved by talking it out with him. It end up in a quarrel.
I'm younger by 4 yrs than my bf. I do know that I've some thinking prob (as in childishness etc..) He tried to teach and guide me. He got a v.v.v.bad temper (undeniable), and I get scolded alot for my mistakes regardless big or small one. I've not been treated this way even fr my ex.. (i know sometimes harsh words mean well..) & i'm restricted alot in how i behave etc. I dont wear revealing clothes but been snapped at for wearing low off-shoulder one. Sometimes, its like I'm his personal PDA, i should keep in mind of his liking and thing-to-do. If i missed it, i'm dead... kana scold again. I know gf are suppose to be more delicated in every area... but u see, im not even his wife (any possibility is going to be in the future, not now).. only a gf. I'm told to do this, do that.. I am tired. What i think the way I'll adopt for now, is to put down part of my feelings, and live on my "own". Cuz its always me running up to him, wanting to hug him n be loving, what i get back are cold shoulder. (but in some areas he is attentive and loving tho). So u see, im a lovely-dovey type person, but he's not..
What kind of behaviour should i adopt in tis r/s.
From what I have read, it seems that u are feeling pretty tired abt this rls and abt the things u have to do. Like what many say, in a rls there is a give and take thing. U give some, u take some. It cant be u are always giving all the way. It gets easily tired and problem will soon arise.
I think its time u consider ur feelings to come 1st in a situation like this. What u say is correct, u are not even his wife so there is no ogligation for u to do those things. Even a wife doesnt do all those things.
U are his gf, a person he shld love and care for not a person who is there to let him scold. Sounds to me that he is a big ego man (Not the In thing nowadays.)
If possible do try to talk to him (I doubt he will change cos of his ego). If not, consider ur options. Being happy when u are in a rls is imprtant afterall. -
Ger, yr bf got serious attitude problem. if i were u and my gf like dat,
instead of romance whenever we're together, quarrelling and scolding
are going to be common and i know it's not good for the r/s. if marriage and
have kids, it'll definitely get worse. in some cases, the guy beat up the ger.
when scolding becomes a habit, as you know, old habits die hard.
my advice: mutually agree to keep a distance to self-reflect where both of you are heading when everytime suka suka scold scold when together. don't anyhow, anytime meet. meet 1 mth later. if still no respect and he stills "chi fu" you, meet 2 mths later. if still worse, 3 mths.
if it gets better, then meet 3 weeks later. better, 2 weeks etc.
don't you want to marry a good not bad man? Good as in treating you
good and better. Bad as in bad and getting worse.
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Originally posted by lil_pinkie:I've a Qn mark in my mind, abt my bf. I'm not saying I'm having a bad r/s.. but sometime, certain quiries of mine cant be solved by talking it out with him. It end up in a quarrel.
I'm younger by 4 yrs than my bf. I do know that I've some thinking prob (as in childishness etc..) He tried to teach and guide me. He got a v.v.v.bad temper (undeniable), and I get scolded alot for my mistakes regardless big or small one. I've not been treated this way even fr my ex.. (i know sometimes harsh words mean well..) & i'm restricted alot in how i behave etc. I dont wear revealing clothes but been snapped at for wearing low off-shoulder one. Sometimes, its like I'm his personal PDA, i should keep in mind of his liking and thing-to-do. If i missed it, i'm dead... kana scold again. I know gf are suppose to be more delicated in every area... but u see, im not even his wife (any possibility is going to be in the future, not now).. only a gf. I'm told to do this, do that.. I am tired. What i think the way I'll adopt for now, is to put down part of my feelings, and live on my "own". Cuz its always me running up to him, wanting to hug him n be loving, what i get back are cold shoulder. (but in some areas he is attentive and loving tho). So u see, im a lovely-dovey type person, but he's not..
What kind of behaviour should i adopt in tis r/s.
Your bf probably sees you as a junior, instead of a girlfriend standing at equal position, walking side-by-side along the life of the relationship. Chronologically speaking, age-wise, it contributed partially to this thinking and the other half is given by your personality, whom he had thought to be one that belongs to that of young girls of those age.
And because he probably likes/thought.it's.a.norm for a girlfriend to be attentive to his needs, in addition with the superiority in thoughts as spoken in the prior paragraph, it's no wonder why he would attempt to 'teach' and 'guide' you... to be a girl of his needs.
Realising the crux of your issue revolves around the power of a relationship; you are struggling beneath the lack of equality and power in the same Love. The discrepancy you are feeling is that you feel you are beginning to lose yourself, your individualistic nature, which seemed like a stranger ever since you fall deep in love with your current bf and step into the relationship.
Chances are, this man does love you, in intensity similar to that of yours - however, he may lack the expressive side of doting, care and affection. And these are definitely your needs. You feel that his needs are at least met to his expectation generally, but minimal for yourself, which causes the differences and resorted to 'giving less' as a means to restore this balance.
*** What kind of behavior should you adopt? A better option is to communicate this through him, minus the sudden quarrels. Quarrels appear for many reasons, sometimes, usually it's not so much about the CONTENT that we desire to communicate - more like the body language, the tone, the words, the style and the overall effect the communication is being brought forth.
You would probably feel/think that 'talking-about-this-to-him-is-useless-nothing-changed-and-we-will-argue. But what makes you think by adopting a different kind of attitude in this relationship will improve your situations? What you are doing is to comform and compromise by solo effort - his stance will remain because nothing has been done to alter the hidden law. Your relationship will gradually break down by the discrepancy suffered and left in ruins before you know it.
He have to know a few elements through your serious, non-quarrelsome talk with him:
I) The importance of equality in the relationship. Power struggle is tiring.
II) Compromise towards each other's needs. Balance out this scale of giving and receiving.
Cheers -
[quote]Originally posted by Patrik:
[b]Dun ever love someone who doesnt love u.
Second that.
Been there, done that.. and have been badly hurt emotionally..
If a person doesnt love u, he will never love u.. nothing can change the fact.. and u will always be at the giving end.. and will never receive..
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Ever heard of..
"Love another for what he/she is and not for who you can create him/her to be."
You are not born as a piece of clay for another to mold but as an individual who has feelings, emotions, dreams, desire and so on. If you are to allow yourself to be moldable, you will never be able to satisfy him and let alone for him to cherish and love you as who you were.
No doubt, self improvements are a necessity but it seems that you are taking all the faults. If you are conscious of your bad habits, just change it. If it's a bad habit by his definition.. well.. you've to think for yourself at least for once, what about his bad habits? -
u deserve better, stop giving in to him. 
he so chauvinistic. -
Ya..just be yourself. They is no pt trying to model urself into someone that will be pleasing to him as that person isn't you anymore.
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shucks..I was gonna ask de same question..aiyah...girls nowadays..luved 2 b treated bad...so many cases..all same profile...! its the nice guys that lose!! coz these girls will always go abck to those assholes BF of theirs..Originally posted by CoWsGomOO:If he's like that than why be with him in the first place ?
put yourself into more misery
so ? wat's de answer?/// -
thanks for all the advises, that i'll go thru thinking seriously. Today we had an arguement again.
n i wan to add that, i m a girl who get jealous easily. n i demand lots of time( when available) together. Im not willingly to share any of the time out, but if possible, i can go along w/ my bf n his fren. His father is v.concern of me, n always ask me to give in as he thinks his son is still 'childish' even he's already mid-twenties. I am so confused~ i know his words mean well, or mayb im the childish one not to take it at an adult level... He used to be MoRe concern/loving, n u know... girls do like to be treated gently n lovingly, tt ans y i was w/ him.. of cuz plus others plus points. These prob arise in the later part of r/s.
Who doesnt have negative points too, so i always remind myself tt i shld accept but when arguement arise, i lost my mind.. I do sound v.contradicting here, i mean.. if u r in my shoe, do u not feel confused? To give up or not is not so easily decide as u can speak of.. -
you love him a lot thats why you feel the pain in your heart.
you want him to change for the better but it seems like everything change for the worst.
Sadly to say the more you give in the more the guy wants to take advantage.
I know that if I asked you to leave him you will not agreed cos the love for him is still there.
Either you accept his new ways or is time to go. He will not change back to the concern/loving bf no matter what you do. -
dump him.. he dun deserve ur love..
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to put it blatantly,he's not worthy of you.
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Originally posted by lil_pinkie:I've a Qn mark in my mind, abt my bf. I'm not saying I'm having a bad r/s.. but sometime, certain quiries of mine cant be solved by talking it out with him. It end up in a quarrel.
I'm younger by 4 yrs than my bf. I do know that I've some thinking prob (as in childishness etc..) He tried to teach and guide me. He got a v.v.v.bad temper (undeniable), and I get scolded alot for my mistakes regardless big or small one. I've not been treated this way even fr my ex.. (i know sometimes harsh words mean well..) & i'm restricted alot in how i behave etc. I dont wear revealing clothes but been snapped at for wearing low off-shoulder one. Sometimes, its like I'm his personal PDA, i should keep in mind of his liking and thing-to-do. If i missed it, i'm dead... kana scold again. I know gf are suppose to be more delicated in every area... but u see, im not even his wife (any possibility is going to be in the future, not now).. only a gf. I'm told to do this, do that.. I am tired. What i think the way I'll adopt for now, is to put down part of my feelings, and live on my "own". Cuz its always me running up to him, wanting to hug him n be loving, what i get back are cold shoulder. (but in some areas he is attentive and loving tho). So u see, im a lovely-dovey type person, but he's not..
What kind of behaviour should i adopt in tis r/s.
Regarding the 'pressure' you feel from his 'directions'...Originally posted by lil_pinkie:thanks for all the advises, that i'll go thru thinking seriously. Today we had an arguement again.
n i wan to add that, i m a girl who get jealous easily. n i demand lots of time( when available) together. Im not willingly to share any of the time out, but if possible, i can go along w/ my bf n his fren. His father is v.concern of me, n always ask me to give in as he thinks his son is still 'childish' even he's already mid-twenties. I am so confused~ i know his words mean well, or mayb im the childish one not to take it at an adult level... He used to be MoRe concern/loving, n u know... girls do like to be treated gently n lovingly, tt ans y i was w/ him.. of cuz plus others plus points. These prob arise in the later part of r/s.
Who doesnt have negative points too, so i always remind myself tt i shld accept but when arguement arise, i lost my mind.. I do sound v.contradicting here, i mean.. if u r in my shoe, do u not feel confused? To give up or not is not so easily decide as u can speak of..
I think you should let him know how you feel once in a while...? Show emotions... Not just words... You know your bf DO really care for you... So you just have to let him know appropriately sometimes... Cry if you need to, fear if you're frighten, and show your 'stress' if you can't cope with his 'demands'... However, do not abuse and excessively use 'emotional controls' over him or you'll just face your own fruits... Do not go to EXTREMES.. The MAIN thing is you just want to convey a message across sometimes.. Not mess things up or control him... He should understand...
Regarding mentality... You should understand that you tends to be too childish at times? In showing such and the age that you're holding, it's quite difficult for your bf not to intervene in quite alot of things and affairs within the relationship... Start by trying to show some sense of maturity... If you know of things that you shouldn't be doing impulsively or by your mood blindly, try to review them... Once you've shown him much more, try to let him understand that though you might be 'young'.. You have your own stands and expectations too? But try to go mild on this approach to avoid crashes... It's never wise to do that....
By the way, what are both your ages?
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you just being taken for granted, happens in minor or major form in alot of relationships where one doing cherish the other..
it happens , and if you dont do anything to it , it will just get worst over time..
take care lots -
sounds like an unhealthy r/s to me... better tell him your feelings fast...
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man...compare with me as a bf..it seems i give my own gf 2much freedom n spoilt her too much