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Would appreciate some tips on getting over shyness...

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  • shadez's Avatar
    233 posts since Apr '06
    • Well, i admit i'm a very shy person. Like, immensely shy. When i meet new people, i shut myself up like a clam, especially if it's a girl. Embarassed Also, i have a quiet personality, which i have no idea if it is something i'm born with, or something that stems from my shyness...

      I have been quite an introvert from young, never ever being confident and upbeat much in front of people. Case in point, stupid as it sounds, i would always "run away" when seeing classmates or familiar people on the streets. I would call that extreme shyness and insecurity...

      Insecurity is also another issue, i always feel people looking at me when i'm on the streets or anywhere for the matter. It's like a paronoia of mine...it's dumb, i know nobody is even looking at me, but still...the feeling lingers. It causes me to fidget in public whenever i suddenly feel that all the eyes are turned on me. I keep telling myself that no-one is looking but the annoying feeling is still present.

      What made me type this post out is due to a recent party i attended. Well, in the party, i knew almost no one except maybe the host and 2 friends. The party turnout was more than 30 people so the odds were stacked against me socially...and of course, my shyness does not help at all...

      I felt pathetic there, i wished i could dig a hole in the floor and hide there for the duration of the party. Everyone has their own group to party at...it could be partly the fault of the host, who did not personally as a person, introduce me to the other guests, but still...

      I see people coming in, who were most probably educated in schools like ACS and those more english speaking schools who have confidence above anything, they entered and took over the room with their charisma and knack for talking. I was floored...at how people could appear so comfortable and accepted by people.

      Whenever I think of appraching a group or person to talk, i always have this feeling that the person will give me a disgusted look and tell me to screw off or ignore me or something...i think i lack a certain charisma...

      It sure is a long post, but i thank you if you had read till this point. I just want tips from you people, what should i do to gain my confidence and any tips to avoid problems like mine? Confused

  • <Precious>'s Avatar
    6,590 posts since Jul '06
    • What you lack and need is confidence + determination to overcome this shyness. You see, it is a vicious circle that you have to break out. Otherwise, you'll be trapped in it and the longer you remain trapped, the worse things become.

      Whenever you feel shy doing anything, ask yourself why and what is the worst case scenario. In most cases, any fear you feel is merely psychological and irrational. If this is the case, your head must take over control of your heart and force yourself to carry out the act. Once your head taking overcontrol of your heart becomes a habit, it becomes automatic liao. Especiallywhen your act is successful (like getting to know a girl for example), it will encourage you to repeat the act. In no time, you'll find that the act is no big deal and your shyness has been unwarranted. If you become addicted to carrying out the act, you develop a thick skin and voila, your shyness has been overcome and you are now pah buay see.....! Laughing Laughing Laughing

  • Eternal-fire's Avatar
    1,671 posts since Feb '06
    • Why would you even think that people will do things like calling you to screw off? You shouldn't have such a thinking, it kinda makes not wanting to apporach people and talk.

      And I used to have the same problem with you, always thinking people is looking at me. But well to counter that, I just tell myself I couldn't care less if anyone is looking at me.

  • RaTtY8l's Avatar
    2,695 posts since May '06
  • ShellFish's Avatar
    40 posts since Jul '05
    • Hi! What I would like to say is that I also have the same problem. I too, have also ask this question over and over again. Why am I like this and all the replay I get is the same, like what you are getting now. I even go far beyond in reading those self-help books. It did me no good. I maybe crazy, but somehow, somewhere inside me just don't want to change. Its sad really. Sometimes just too angry with myself why others can and I can't. WHY WHY WHY! I don't have the answer as I too am looking for it. I just wish I would really wake up my stupid idea and really break out of the stupid habit. Feel so longly, useless, depress,...

      - just wanted to share my feeling with you, your not the only one

  • browniebaobao's Avatar
    28,364 posts since Mar '03
  • Darkness_hacker99's Avatar
    38,115 posts since Jun '05
  • Sakuraflower's Avatar
    789 posts since Feb '06
    • hm... u are not the only one...

      feel relived to hear this...

      well, some girls like shy guys...

      dun worry , get to know the people and naturally u will talk and chat...

      Very Happy

  • KenPlus's Avatar
    1,205 posts since Sep '05
    • Hmm to overcome shyness,i think you should start to boost your confidence,one way to be confident,maybe you could try to make yourself look good?
      Actually i am also quite shy when in a big group of people whom i do not know well.Why don't you start to get to know one person from the group well first before expanding your social circle,to the rest of the group?
      And when talking to people,try to maintain eye contact,if you are really shy,try to cough abit ,i don't know if this sounds stupid,but it work for me when i feel shy hahah.
      Don't be sad.

  • aiglosicicle's Avatar
    1,246 posts since Mar '06
    • i used to share your problem. but i finally got sick of it and i decided to run for the for the student council in my school. the election process forced me to speak to thousands of students. i am still quite shy but after the incident, i felt so much more confident of myself and my ability to communicate. i got elected and throughout my council term i have improved a lot.

      try getting yourself into any situation that will force you to speak up. it will really help. Mr. Green

  • dreameryb's Avatar
    237 posts since Jul '05
    • Mine is worse. Each time I talk to new people, I blush badly. People say that is is lovely but I think it is just so pathetic. And I am male…

  • airgrinder's Avatar
    2,472 posts since May '01
    • Well reading self-help books, attending seminars, etc will help only that much. Ultimately, its about you yourself taking the first step to overcome the challenge about your shyness.

      "The best way to overcome Fear is to face Fear himself. After you looked at his wrinkles, balding hairline, oversized jeans and water-coloured red plastic teeth, Fear suddenly dun looked so fearful anymore. " Airgrinder.

      So jump right into it. I'll recommend joining Toastmasters Club. What better methods to boast up your confidence and self-esteem via Public Speaking!

      Cool

  • AndrewPKYap's Avatar
    16,470 posts since Oct '06
    • Originally posted by shadez:
      Well, i admit i'm a very shy person. Like, immensely shy. When i meet new people, i shut myself up like a clam, especially if it's a girl. Embarassed Also, i have a quiet personality, which i have no idea if it is something i'm born with, or something that stems from my shyness...

      I have been quite an introvert from young, never ever being confident and upbeat much in front of people. Case in point, stupid as it sounds, i would always "run away" when seeing classmates or familiar people on the streets. I would call that extreme shyness and insecurity...

      Insecurity is also another issue, i always feel people looking at me when i'm on the streets or anywhere for the matter. It's like a paronoia of mine...it's dumb, i know nobody is even looking at me, but still...the feeling lingers. It causes me to fidget in public whenever i suddenly feel that all the eyes are turned on me. I keep telling myself that no-one is looking but the annoying feeling is still present.

      What made me type this post out is due to a recent party i attended. Well, in the party, i knew almost no one except maybe the host and 2 friends. The party turnout was more than 30 people so the odds were stacked against me socially...and of course, my shyness does not help at all...

      I felt pathetic there, i wished i could dig a hole in the floor and hide there for the duration of the party. Everyone has their own group to party at...it could be partly the fault of the host, who did not personally as a person, introduce me to the other guests, but still...

      I see people coming in, who were most probably educated in schools like ACS and those more english speaking schools who have confidence above anything, they entered and took over the room with their charisma and knack for talking. I was floored...at how people could appear so comfortable and accepted by people.

      Whenever I think of appraching a group or person to talk, i always have this feeling that the person will give me a disgusted look and tell me to screw off or ignore me or something...i think i lack a certain charisma...

      It sure is a long post, but i thank you if you had read till this point. I just want tips from you people, what should i do to gain my confidence and any tips to avoid problems like mine? Confused

      Practice Makes Perfect!

  • mystee's Avatar
    1,862 posts since Jan '07
    • what u are lacking is confident.. i think 1st, u should find out why u dont have confident? know ur strength & weakness.. always think of your strength.. & try and improve on ur weakness..

      if u feel that u dun look good, what can u do to make urself look better? haircut? dressing?

      if u feel that u are not intelligent, try and score for one paper and boast your confident.. telling everyone u can do it, if u want to do so.

      i believe everyone have their strength.. but it takes time to discover it.

      Be confident!

  • Devil1976's Avatar
    38,719 posts since May '00
    • Originally posted by shadez:
      Well, i admit i'm a very shy person. Like, immensely shy. When i meet new people, i shut myself up like a clam, especially if it's a girl. Embarassed Also, i have a quiet personality, which i have no idea if it is something i'm born with, or something that stems from my shyness...

      I have been quite an introvert from young, never ever being confident and upbeat much in front of people. Case in point, stupid as it sounds, i would always "run away" when seeing classmates or familiar people on the streets. I would call that extreme shyness and insecurity...

      Insecurity is also another issue, i always feel people looking at me when i'm on the streets or anywhere for the matter. It's like a paronoia of mine...it's dumb, i know nobody is even looking at me, but still...the feeling lingers. It causes me to fidget in public whenever i suddenly feel that all the eyes are turned on me. I keep telling myself that no-one is looking but the annoying feeling is still present.

      What made me type this post out is due to a recent party i attended. Well, in the party, i knew almost no one except maybe the host and 2 friends. The party turnout was more than 30 people so the odds were stacked against me socially...and of course, my shyness does not help at all...

      I felt pathetic there, i wished i could dig a hole in the floor and hide there for the duration of the party. Everyone has their own group to party at...it could be partly the fault of the host, who did not personally as a person, introduce me to the other guests, but still...

      I see people coming in, who were most probably educated in schools like ACS and those more english speaking schools who have confidence above anything, they entered and took over the room with their charisma and knack for talking. I was floored...at how people could appear so comfortable and accepted by people.

      Whenever I think of appraching a group or person to talk, i always have this feeling that the person will give me a disgusted look and tell me to screw off or ignore me or something...i think i lack a certain charisma...

      It sure is a long post, but i thank you if you had read till this point. I just want tips from you people, what should i do to gain my confidence and any tips to avoid problems like mine? Confused

      Not possible for the host to intro you to everybody what.... Then he / she would have so many people to intro to so many other people...

      Next time... Maybe you can get the host to just intro a few people to you or a group to you? Stick more clsoely to them for a starter...

      Another tip... If you have totally no one to talk to for a start... Just hang around... Observe people and smile naturally at them when you feel comfortabe to...

      If you happens to feel more daring on certain occasions... You might even wanna start off conversation with people who happens to be by themselves.. Getting a drink or something...? Wink

  • shadez's Avatar
    233 posts since Apr '06
    • Originally posted by Devil1976:
      Not possible for the host to intro you to everybody what.... Then he / she would have so many people to intro to so many other people...

      Next time... Maybe you can get the host to just intro a few people to you or a group to you? Stick more clsoely to them for a starter...

      Another tip... If you have totally no one to talk to for a start... Just hang around... Observe people and smile naturally at them when you feel comfortabe to...

      If you happens to feel more daring on certain occasions... You might even wanna start off conversation with people who happens to be by themselves.. Getting a drink or something...? Wink

      Hmmm, thank for your tips. True, the host could not possibly intro everyone to me. But when i'm hanging around, i feel pathetic as i think that others would view me as having no friends and a loner or something...i am always thinking about how others think of me... Crying or Very sad

  • sheri's Avatar
    239 posts since Jan '07
    • I also have some of your traits. I managed to only glance through, but as to the party thing....OMG I would not even considered going to such a party, because i think ANY normal person would be socially uncomfortable in such a situation. I once overheard a conversation where the person also commented that he felt uncomfortable at a party, coz he did not know much person. And the person's job actually required him to be quite outgoing, very confident of himself etc . So to conclude, it was probably the situation more than anything.

  • Devil1976's Avatar
    38,719 posts since May '00
    • Originally posted by shadez:
      Hmmm, thank for your tips. True, the host could not possibly intro everyone to me. But when i'm hanging around, i feel pathetic as i think that others would view me as having no friends and a loner or something...i am always thinking about how others think of me... Crying or Very sad

      That's not true! If you really mind so much how people might look at you.. Then be FRIENDLY to them! End of the day if you don't get to mix around with people or you don't make any new friends, it's NOT because you're unfriendly! It's because they are! Mr. Green

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