At a loss again.. was it a wrong decision?
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Originally posted by Nobunaga Oda:Few months back, I developed a fondness for someone I shldnt have. Before she is already happily attached. Its been few mths since I started to have feelings for her. i didnt tell her in the begining its because of my inferiority complex. Her boyfriend is my good friend.
Its been a very long time since I had those feelings. Is it love or is it just infatuation? Or isit just that I need someone to hug me and put her arms arnd my neck and whispered 'I love u' in my ear to make me feel loved.make me feel wanted?? Am I really ready for a relationship with her?? I myself donÂ’t even know the answer to these qns.
I love her for who she is, not wad she can give me. I donÂ’t care bout her past. When I look in her glistening eyes, i can see a tint of sadness among the happiness in her beyond the happiness is a little girl lost and suffering the constant torture of trying to balance bf, studies and parents itÂ’s a very important year for her this yr. I love her bright and cheerful character. I think of her everyday. I would be happy even if she just called or msg me. But I am very afraid to make my feelings known to her, cause my past experiences keep haunting me the fear and the agony of rejection again is really to much for me to take furthermore my already plummeting confidence in myself keeps hindering me. Many people like her, I donÂ’t think I will even stand a chance if i confess to her, yea who would like to be seen with a fat and ugly bf
I am at a loss.The story continues...
She has just broken up with her boyfriend weeks ago. Its been more than a year and i still like her alot. I am confident its not a crush or an infatuation. We have become very close aft they broke up. I decided to bring her out with one of my friends and let her have fun and cheer her up.
But then overtime and after few outings, he confessed to her that he likes her and she too feels the same. The feelings are mutual. The reason she haven got together with him is that, she feels that she is treating him as a substitute and she still love her ex.
You people may think im stupid and did not strike and confess to her straightaway. It is because she was very depressed and i dont wanna scare her off. I also dont wanna pressure her and therefore tried to give her some time to get over. Another reason is that i dun wanna lose her as a very close friend. I really dont want to.
But looks like i was wrong. Am i wrong for giving her time to settle down? I am now at a loss. If i tell her now and confess, is it too late? Shld i just forget her and cut contact? I dont knw wad to do now. Haiz.
Pls help. Thank you.
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Originally posted by Nobunaga Oda:
The story continues...
She has just broken up with her boyfriend weeks ago. Its been more than a year and i still like her alot. I am confident its not a crush or an infatuation. We have become very close aft they broke up. I decided to bring her out with one of my friends and let her have fun and cheer her up.
But then overtime and after few outings, he confessed to her that he likes her and she too feels the same. The feelings are mutual. The reason she haven got together with him is that, she feels that she is treating him as a substitute and she still love her ex.
You people may think im stupid and did not strike and confess to her straightaway. It is because she was very depressed and i dont wanna scare her off. I also dont wanna pressure her and therefore tried to give her some time to get over. Another reason is that i dun wanna lose her as a very close friend. I really dont want to.
But looks like i was wrong. Am i wrong for giving her time to settle down? I am now at a loss. If i tell her now and confess, is it too late? Shld i just forget her and cut contact? I dont knw wad to do now. Haiz.
Pls help. Thank you.
Nobu,
What are your chances of winning over the other guy if you confess now ?
Learn how to pick your battles.
Heartbreaks can be avoided and friendship need not be abandoned.
If she has likings for you, wouldn't you know ?
If your chances of going into battle and winning it is zero, why try anyway and get yourself slaughtered ?
If cutting contacts with her is the only way you can move on, then do it.
If you are emotionally strong and is able to overcome the emotional bindings, then it's alright to hang on to this friendship.
It really depends on you Nobu.
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you said you dun wan to lose her as a very good friend but bear in mind that once you confess to her, your relationship with her will change (either for better or worse) and i dun think she can be your very good friend again...
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Its all about timing...ok...seriously...the guy who likes her now...he may not also be sure if he likes her in person or other things...not that i'm being rude here...you need to know what you like about her...then you can be sure and know what you're doing
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WHy not you wait for awhile and overlook the whole situation before making any hasty decisions?
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Relax... Dont put too much hope with some1 who dont feel the same with u..
Confessing now wont be good as u know the response.
Just be friends 1st. i know u love her but too bad its only one ppl clap.. not both of u.
U can continue to love her till she is ready to get another bf.. rite now.. its a disaster if u be with her cuz since she still love her ex..
Sigh.. love problems again.
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This is the classic case of '左�為難'. Either you lose the love, or you lose the friendship.
From her reasoning of not getting into a relationship so fast, she seems to be mature and sensible. Keep your options open.
Who knows another girl might come along your way.
Who knows your friend might choose to give up.
Who knows she might go back to her ex.Just be a good friend, silent company, listening ear and a shoulder to cry on for now.
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If you really value the friendship, walk away from her, cut off all contact for 6 mths at least. At least you still can resume your friendship with her 6 mths later after all the dust settle. If you reveal your feelings now, and it turns out she don't like you, then habis lor, friends also cannot be liao.. so, u gotta decide now, friendship better, or try to be bf/gf better. However since your friend already confess 1st liao, if you step in now, will be like horizontal knife stealing love.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Nobu,
What are your chances of winning over the other guy if you confess now ?
Learn how to pick your battles.
Heartbreaks can be avoided and friendship need not be abandoned.
If she has likings for you, wouldn't you know ?
If your chances of going into battle and winning it is zero, why try anyway and get yourself slaughtered ?
If cutting contacts with her is the only way you can move on, then do it.
If you are emotionally strong and is able to overcome the emotional bindings, then it's alright to hang on to this friendship.
It really depends on you Nobu.
I dont know the ans to all ur qns. I have been very close with her for abt a yr, she doesnt really go out much and she have very little friends. So i think my chance are pretty high. For the whole year i am very wary of wad i do and wad i say to her. So she has no idea, how much i like her.
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Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:
you said you dun wan to lose her as a very good friend but bear in mind that once you confess to her, your relationship with her will change (either for better or worse) and i dun think she can be your very good friend again...
Yes, i am aware of this. So i am stuck inbetween.
I am not prepared. -
wow, someone else actually made up a scenario exactly like that! he actually got that bit right.
And i am repeating myself yet again. truth hurts. but she doesnt like u la.
she was with one of ur friends, they broke up now she meets another one of your friends and falls for him.
The answer is obvious and logical. She doesnt likes you.
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Originally posted by fairlady_xoxo:
Its all about timing...ok...seriously...the guy who likes her now...he may not also be sure if he likes her in person or other things...not that i'm being rude here...you need to know what you like about her...then you can be sure and know what you're doing
Abt timing? I have waited long enough and i gave her time to settle down. Guess wad? This happen. But it would be very despicable for me to strike her when shes at her most vulnerable period. Wad u mean by in person? Wad do i like abt her? Everything. -
Originally posted by Pitot:
wow, someone else actually made up a scenario exactly like that! he actually got that bit right.
And i am repeating myself yet again. truth hurts. but she doesnt like u la.
she was with one of ur friends, they broke up now she meets another one of your friends and falls for him.
The answer is obvious and logical. She doesnt likes you.
U got a point there. But all the while my relationship with her has been just close friends. She has no idea. Not even a tint of it. I think twice before doing things for her and say things to her. To her the guy have to make the first move, not the girl.
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Originally posted by BangHong:
WHy not you wait for awhile and overlook the whole situation before making any hasty decisions?
Its either i get it over and done with quick. Feel sad now and recover aft a few months or just delay my torture. -
Originally posted by Zarks:
Relax... Dont put too much hope with some1 who dont feel the same with u..
Confessing now wont be good as u know the response.
Just be friends 1st. i know u love her but too bad its only one ppl clap.. not both of u.
U can continue to love her till she is ready to get another bf.. rite now.. its a disaster if u be with her cuz since she still love her ex..
Sigh.. love problems again.
That is like going back to square one. Right now, its just good friends. -
Originally posted by Nobunaga Oda:
U got a point there. But all the while my relationship with her has been just close friends. She has no idea. Not even a tint of it. I think twice before doing things for her and say things to her. To her the guy have to make the first move, not the girl.
it wont go anywhere. stop living in denial. either surrender and accept defeat or tell her straight in the face. Stop wasting your time just because you are afraid of the answer.
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Originally posted by Pitot:
it wont go anywhere. stop living in denial. either surrender and accept defeat or tell her straight in the face. Stop wasting your time just because you are afraid of the answer.
I dont know la. If i tell her, my relationship with her will change drastically. -
Don't think so. if both parties can handle it well.
if not just suck it up.
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I cant let it fail. I dunno wad will i do and how will i take it.
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Nobu,
How well can you handle rejection ?
It seems you are afraid of losing the friendship if the confession fails.
When it comes to keeping the friendship part. It really depends on how you handle yourself in the aftermath.
I have rejected many guys who are my in my circle of friends before.
Some are still friends. Some dissapeared into thin air.
The ones who remains friends are the ones who can get over the rejection.
The ones who dissapear, are those who became awkward around me, and eventually shun any gatherings I attend.
Rejecting a guy, is something we girls need to do rather often.
So we do get used to it.
So Nobu, you can keep wondering, if you can't handle it well, I suggest you don't even try.
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hmm.. if she treats ur fren as a substitute for her ex, and still loves her ex, den y u want to do stunt and declare u like her..? u are really going to gif her super more problems..
1. she hasn't gotten over her ex..
2. she has to deal with the fact that ur fren likes her and she likes him but thinks that he is just a substitute for her ex..
and if u tell her u like her now, what are ur chances..? in fact, lets not talk about ur chances, think about whether it is fair for her..to nid to cope with the feelings of her own and balance THREE guys in her life.. she will be lagi more confused no..?
i suggest u just let Time do its thing.. go with the flow.. dunid to 'cut contact' or whatever.. just remain on good terms with her.. u still will get to see her and chill out with her and stuff too what.. u dun get to do bf gf stuff like hold hands with her, but u get to see her and tok to her and u dun lose the frenship too, isn't that best of both worlds..?
and i think when the time comes for u to "strike", u will noe it one.. gd luck ;)
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Nobu,
How well can you handle rejection ?
It seems you are afraid of losing the friendship if the confession fails.
When it comes to keeping the friendship part. It really depends on how you handle yourself in the aftermath.
I have rejected many guys who are my in my circle of friends before.
Some are still friends. Some dissapeared into thin air.
The ones who remains friends are the ones who can get over the rejection.
The ones who dissapear, are those who became awkward around me, and eventually shun any gatherings I attend.
Rejecting a guy, is something we girls need to do rather often.
So we do get used to it.
So Nobu, you can keep wondering, if you can't handle it well, I suggest you don't even try.
I knw wad u are trying to say. But now the situation is like wad purple_dragon said. Haix.
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Originally posted by purpledragon84:
hmm.. if she treats ur fren as a substitute for her ex, and still loves her ex, den y u want to do stunt and declare u like her..? u are really going to gif her super more problems..
1. she hasn't gotten over her ex..
2. she has to deal with the fact that ur fren likes her and she likes him but thinks that he is just a substitute for her ex..
and if u tell her u like her now, what are ur chances..? in fact, lets not talk about ur chances, think about whether it is fair for her..to nid to cope with the feelings of her own and balance THREE guys in her life.. she will be lagi more confused no..?
i suggest u just let Time do its thing.. go with the flow.. dunid to 'cut contact' or whatever.. just remain on good terms with her.. u still will get to see her and chill out with her and stuff too what.. u dun get to do bf gf stuff like hold hands with her, but u get to see her and tok to her and u dun lose the frenship too, isn't that best of both worlds..?
and i think when the time comes for u to "strike", u will noe it one.. gd luck ;)
I knw. But i feel so like sort of envious or jealous of the guy as she keeps on tell me abt him. Like how cute is he, how sweet is he. Its wrong for me to think that way. I am having mixed feelings, sad and angry and happy. I think i will just have to wait patiently for it. I waited 1 yr. Wads another few months?
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Originally posted by Terribear:
If you really value the friendship, walk away from her, cut off all contact for 6 mths at least. At least you still can resume your friendship with her 6 mths later after all the dust settle.
If you reveal your feelings now, and it turns out she don’t like you, then habis lor, friends also cannot be liao..
so, u gotta decide now, friendship better, or try to be bf/gf better. However since your friend already confess 1st liao, if you step in now, will be like horizontal knife stealing love.
Wad u mean by horizontal knife stealing love?
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ya i guess it sux dat the person u adore is toking to u abt another person.. but if the situation is like this, there's really nth u can do abt it but to accept it, thinking positively, that at least she is on close terms to u now..
n "horizontal knife stealing love" is direct translation from chinese for snatching other ppl's beloved..