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  • Joi_lin's Avatar
    38 posts since Mar '08
    • I am depressed for being so single, and can foresee myself being left on the shelf for the rest of my life. Really envious of people who are good and healthy relationships. I am already in my late twenties and didn't engage in the relationship for years. I feel I have already missed the boat in finding a partner as most of my colleagues are married or engaged. I feel there is a stigma attached to singlehood. But I do not want to walk into a dating agency and grab anyone who fancies me. To me, relationship must be mutual.

       

      So many people around me already talking about babies, mother-in-laws etc.I feel so outdated. And often get questions about when are you getting a boyfriend? getting married? you already not young, do not be choosy, etc etc.

       

      Sometimes, I do wonder if every woman on earth must get married. I somehow feel an unmarried woman has some inbalance in her life. Looking at some of the unmarried old woman I know, they seem to experience certain things like bad temper, insecurity, loneliness, defensiveness, extremely sensitive, etc. I just afraid I would end up being like that soon.

       

      Many a time, I wonder what is wrong with me. I always feel awkward when I attend gatherings/ lunches whereby people talk about their other half. Usually people will find me pleasant , in other words, they think I am simple -minded, easy-to-please person. However, to the contrary,I am more opinonated and independent. Perhaps thats put people off. And after the first date, I didnt hear from the other party anymore. Then, again I wonder if i should act dumb, pretend to be agreeable to look more attractive to others, in other words act according to my looks. By the way, I am not even materialistic in the first place.

       

      I just find it frustrating. Sometimes I think maybe when I hit the big 30, I do not want to socialise anymore. Everyone will be talking about partner/family issues which I can no longer understand.

       

      I think I can make up part of growing singles, who are not welcomed.I already started to feel the stigma.

       

      What do you guys think of women who are left on the shelf? Problematic?

  • ^tamago^'s Avatar
    55,141 posts since Sep '03
  • seotiblizzard's Avatar
    28,979 posts since Apr '06
  • Yuki~!'s Avatar
    2,751 posts since Jan '08
    • icon_lol.gif join the singles club

       

      Sometimes being single isn't really a bad thing

      Edited by Yuki~! 03 Mar `08, 6:52PM
  • gigabyte14's Avatar
    21,825 posts since Jul '06
  • mancha's Avatar
    8,961 posts since Sep '04
    • There are lots of guys out there. Most of them unsuitable for you. Do not bother about the one that find you unsuitable for them. Its their perogative, just as you have your perogative.

      Its true, as you get  on in years, most of the guys are taken, and whats left are either gays or nerds.

      But there is still one gem out there, undiscovered. All you need is one, isn't it?

      Continue to socialise. Fret not. Be discerning. Do not be a "any dude will do" lady.

      If still you do not find that gem, so be it. At least you enjoyed your growing up.

      Its all in your mind.

       

  • YuutoFlow's Avatar
    374 posts since Dec '07
    • Proud To Be A Single ^_^

      No Freat :D There Is Always Another Part Of You Undiscovered :D

       

      Hope You Find It Soon :D

       

      Cheers

  • soleachip's Avatar
    7,209 posts since Jun '07
    • Originally posted by Joi_lin:

      I am depressed for being so single, and can foresee myself being left on the shelf for the rest of my life. Really envious of people who are good and healthy relationships. I am already in my late twenties and didn't engage in the relationship for years. I feel I have already missed the boat in finding a partner as most of my colleagues are married or engaged. I feel there is a stigma attached to singlehood. But I do not want to walk into a dating agency and grab anyone who fancies me. To me, relationship must be mutual.

       

      So many people around me already talking about babies, mother-in-laws etc.I feel so outdated. And often get questions about when are you getting a boyfriend? getting married? you already not young, do not be choosy, etc etc.

       

      Sometimes, I do wonder if every woman on earth must get married. I somehow feel an unmarried woman has some inbalance in her life. Looking at some of the unmarried old woman I know, they seem to experience certain things like bad temper, insecurity, loneliness, defensiveness, extremely sensitive, etc. I just afraid I would end up being like that soon.

       

      Many a time, I wonder what is wrong with me. I always feel awkward when I attend gatherings/ lunches whereby people talk about their other half. Usually people will find me pleasant , in other words, they think I am simple -minded, easy-to-please person. However, to the contrary,I am more opinonated and independent. Perhaps thats put people off. And after the first date, I didnt hear from the other party anymore. Then, again I wonder if i should act dumb, pretend to be agreeable to look more attractive to others, in other words act according to my looks. By the way, I am not even materialistic in the first place.

       

      I just find it frustrating. Sometimes I think maybe when I hit the big 30, I do not want to socialise anymore. Everyone will be talking about partner/family issues which I can no longer understand.

       

      I think I can make up part of growing singles, who are not welcomed.I already started to feel the stigma.

       

      What do you guys think of women who are left on the shelf? Problematic?

      Most people sort of just settle for something or someone, in one way or another, as time goes by and as they get older.

      You can always join singles club, not because there are suitable candidates for nesting, but because there are a few unmarried, inbalanced characters experiencing certain things like bad temper, insecurity, loneliness, defensiveness and extremely over sensitivity. icon_lol.gif

  • Nata|ie's Avatar
    6,471 posts since May '03
    • Look at the brighter side.

      Some people are destined to get married late. Good things are worth the wait....

      Singlehood is fun. You really get to do alot of things that married/attached people might not be able to do, becoz of their commitment. When you are single, you are only accountable to yourself for your actions.

      Married or attached also have their blissful moments.

      缘分, 可遇不可求! 是你的,你跑也跑不掉.

       

  • Uncertain's Avatar
    1,111 posts since Jan '07
    • Dun be too pessimistic ya... I understand how u feel when someone dun response to you.

      It is not good to rush into a marriage. Just look at Lee NanXing and Yang LiBin, u know liao. Married so many years also ended up divorced and no kids.

      Being single is not the end of the world, just live it to the fullest. Just imagine all the monks and nuns have your thinking, will u think they are still alive today?

      Have a rational mind though i know it is painful to see couple holding hands and so on. Sometimes is better to wait then to rush into one. U never know when u will meet ur Mr. Right.

      Gd luck and hope u will see him soon :)

  • ShrodingersCat's Avatar
    7,581 posts since Jul '04
    • Hmm actually i think the problem is often lack of 'exposure' and not giving yourself opportunities to socialise.

       

      A lot of people tend to settle into a routine once they start work, and more often than not, spend most nights in front of TV or computer.

       

      They feel that joining activities by SDU/SDS is like 'demeaning' but.. actually for a lot of their activities, if you keep in mind its just getting to know new people - not say desperately want to 'commit', i don't think it's a bad thing to do ba.

       

      However, most important, seeing many unhappy marriages and relationships - i always feel that if you can't meet the right one that you can be happy with, then better be single and happy, than married and tormented.

       

      Be happy :)

  • onlooker123's Avatar
    322 posts since Jan '08
    • Join SDU or SDS

      Go out to meet more people.

      Prince Charming is not going to fall down on your lap.

  • Fatum's Avatar
    34,549 posts since Aug '05
    • Originally posted by Joi_lin:

      I just find it frustrating. Sometimes I think maybe when I hit the big 30, I do not want to socialise anymore.

      Omigod .... please ! .... you're still YOUNG !!!!! ..... icon_rolleyes.gif

  • ghast.'s Avatar
    766 posts since Apr '07
    • to each, their own opinion la. i believe some are really sick and tired of being alone all the while. rushing into stuff is not going to do you any good. besides, don't shortchange yourself man. choosing a life partner is only once. 30 aint considered old for the society now man. so take yr time la. be proud of your status. think, your status may change within 6 months and you might start to miss it. so treasure it man.

  • xavier1979's Avatar
    6,269 posts since Aug '02
    • Don't think so negative about 'being left on the shelf'. There're many ladies in their 30s who are leading fruitful lives, even without a boyfriend.

      love.png isn't something that can be gained in a jiffy. Be patient, continue to meet up with people. Who knows your Prince Charming is just round the corner?

      But if you chose to shut yourself up, no one can truly appreciate the character you are inside.

      Of course, you can always join the Singles Club, or any dating agency. They're a dime a dozen these days.

      Stay cheery, ya? smile.png

  • Beyond Religion's Avatar
    565 posts since Feb '06
    • Originally posted by Joi_lin:

       

      Many a time, I wonder what is wrong with me. I always feel awkward when I attend gatherings/ lunches whereby people talk about their other half. Usually people will find me pleasant , in other words, they think I am simple -minded, easy-to-please person. However, to the contrary,I am more opinonated and independent. Perhaps thats put people off. And after the first date, I didnt hear from the other party anymore. Then, again I wonder if i should act dumb, pretend to be agreeable to look more attractive to others, in other words act according to my looks. By the way, I am not even materialistic in the first place.


      I think you might have described your own problem there.... While independence is a character strength, being opinionated is not. You are of course entitled to your own views and opinion, but sometimes you must give and take. Doing so does not require you to "act dumb" and is certainly not a compromise of your own independence. It is just simple courtesy. State your views by all means, but do not be too pushy and expect others' conformance. Also, if you are too obstinate and conceited with your own opinions, you will come across as a petty, argumantative, uncompromising, and cantankerous person.

      I suggest that you talk to a good friend. Ask his/ her honest opinion on what he/ she thinks about you. They may be in a better position to help you reflect on your own character weaknessess.

  • dumbdumb!'s Avatar
    14,290 posts since Jan '03
    • well, some girls would deserved to be left behind.

      there're those girls who're the superficial type. go for look, money etc. and expects the guy to treat them to expensive restaurants, buy anything that they fancy at a drop of a hat etc without consideration for the guy's pockets.

      these sort of girls won't be good wives in the future, of course they will not be considered by wise men who are looking for good wives.

      consider this:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRmS6ZoSERY

      sure, anyone would be attracted by her, but would you consider her to be a good wife material?

       

       

      There's a reason why you're not happily attached. even if you're pretty, if you keep having breakups, it's a clear sign that there's something wrong with you, maybe not looks, but character. maybe you're whiny, or bitchy, or sticky etc.

      either you change or you hope to find someone who can tolerate you for who you are.

       

      Edited by dumbdumb! 03 Mar `08, 10:48PM
  • Darkness_hacker99's Avatar
    38,115 posts since Jun '05
  • cApitaland's Avatar
    5,100 posts since Sep '05
  • w.eikaas's Avatar
    354 posts since Dec '07
    • you are only in your twenties. why worry? plus singlehood has it advantages... perhaps even better than attached. when attached, u risk your heart being broken. so dun worry. take it slowly. dun have, dun have loh. go backpack around the world while your are single.

    • Originally posted by dumbdumb!:

      well, some girls would deserved to be left behind.

      there're those girls who're the superficial type. go for look, money etc. and expects the guy to treat them to expensive restaurants, buy anything that they fancy at a drop of a hat etc without consideration for the guy's pockets.

      these sort of girls won't be good wives in the future, of course they will not be considered by wise men who are looking for good wives.

      consider this:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRmS6ZoSERY

      sure, anyone would be attracted by her, but would you consider her to be a good wife material?

       

       

      There's a reason why you're not happily attached. even if you're pretty, if you keep having breakups, it's a clear sign that there's something wrong with you, maybe not looks, but character. maybe you're whiny, or bitchy, or sticky etc.

      either you change or you hope to find someone who can tolerate you for who you are.

       

      regarding that youtube link - she is yuck! I believe in karma - she has 'bad lights' all over her.... teeth.png stay away from this kind of people! cos you go near her, she will share her 'bad lights' with you.

  • browniebaobao's Avatar
    28,419 posts since Mar '03
  • BrUtUs's Avatar
    15,021 posts since Apr '03
    • Originally posted by Joi_lin:

      I am depressed for being so single, and can foresee myself being left on the shelf for the rest of my life. Really envious of people who are good and healthy relationships. I am already in my late twenties and didn't engage in the relationship for years. I feel I have already missed the boat in finding a partner as most of my colleagues are married or engaged. I feel there is a stigma attached to singlehood. But I do not want to walk into a dating agency and grab anyone who fancies me. To me, relationship must be mutual.

       

      So many people around me already talking about babies, mother-in-laws etc.I feel so outdated. And often get questions about when are you getting a boyfriend? getting married? you already not young, do not be choosy, etc etc.

       

      Sometimes, I do wonder if every woman on earth must get married. I somehow feel an unmarried woman has some inbalance in her life. Looking at some of the unmarried old woman I know, they seem to experience certain things like bad temper, insecurity, loneliness, defensiveness, extremely sensitive, etc. I just afraid I would end up being like that soon.

       

      Many a time, I wonder what is wrong with me. I always feel awkward when I attend gatherings/ lunches whereby people talk about their other half. Usually people will find me pleasant , in other words, they think I am simple -minded, easy-to-please person. However, to the contrary,I am more opinonated and independent. Perhaps thats put people off. And after the first date, I didnt hear from the other party anymore. Then, again I wonder if i should act dumb, pretend to be agreeable to look more attractive to others, in other words act according to my looks. By the way, I am not even materialistic in the first place.

       

      I just find it frustrating. Sometimes I think maybe when I hit the big 30, I do not want to socialise anymore. Everyone will be talking about partner/family issues which I can no longer understand.

       

      I think I can make up part of growing singles, who are not welcomed.I already started to feel the stigma.

       

      What do you guys think of women who are left on the shelf? Problematic?

      wats the big worry? u come to the right place... jz join the outings here n u can socio arnd n hv fun...

  • happysufer's Avatar
    12 posts since Mar '08
    • Be more open and outgoing, try to attend more friends gatherings and learn to socalize more. Be more conscious about your self-image. Take initiatives when there's is a good opportunty. Look Luck in finding your Mr Right.

  • kopiosatu's Avatar
    68,697 posts since Jan '03
    • i give u one month

      hang out with your friends, get a  hobby, go out, go visit other countries, then u tell me if u still feel woeful.

      you're not doing enough to take your mind off things like these.

      and there are things u can do as a single, so do it while u still can, like go on an adventure.

      sekali next time your bf / husband is a goody two shoes, u wanna go sky-diving or bungee jumping but he's too chicken shit to do it. then you feel bad cuz u wanna do, he doesn't wanna do and u just don't do it for the sake of  "give and take".  or if u have money to travel now and that guy doesn't have money to travel... blah blah blah, u get the drift.

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