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  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,202 posts since Apr '07
    • Joi_lin,

      You seem like a good catch.

      There's plenty of guys here in SGforum.

      Go dating with them, to sharpen your dating skills.

      After your date, ask them for some feedback, so that you may improve.

      Since you havn't been dating for quite a while. You're probably a little uptight when you go on a date, more so if you have liking for the guy.

      As you date more, you'd be more easy with yourself.

      Yes, dating requires some practise to get it right.

      Rule of thumb when you date.

      Don't expect the guy to pay or do everything for you.

      DON'T leave home without your wallet and your brain.

      OFFER to pay or take care of yourself first, BUT if he insists to take care of it , accept graciously and show some gratitude. Don't REJECT.

      Try to relax , and most important.. enjoy the date and have fun !

       

       

       

      Edited by jojobeach 05 Mar `08, 4:52AM
  • Moderator
    Yunhaier's Avatar
    7,747 posts since Apr '01
    • Originally posted by Joi_lin:

      I am depressed for being so single, and can foresee myself being left on the shelf for the rest of my life. Really envious of people who are good and healthy relationships. I am already in my late twenties and didn't engage in the relationship for years. I feel I have already missed the boat in finding a partner as most of my colleagues are married or engaged. I feel there is a stigma attached to singlehood. But I do not want to walk into a dating agency and grab anyone who fancies me. To me, relationship must be mutual.

       

      So many people around me already talking about babies, mother-in-laws etc.I feel so outdated. And often get questions about when are you getting a boyfriend? getting married? you already not young, do not be choosy, etc etc.

       

      Sometimes, I do wonder if every woman on earth must get married. I somehow feel an unmarried woman has some inbalance in her life. Looking at some of the unmarried old woman I know, they seem to experience certain things like bad temper, insecurity, loneliness, defensiveness, extremely sensitive, etc. I just afraid I would end up being like that soon.

       

      Many a time, I wonder what is wrong with me. I always feel awkward when I attend gatherings/ lunches whereby people talk about their other half. Usually people will find me pleasant , in other words, they think I am simple -minded, easy-to-please person. However, to the contrary,I am more opinonated and independent. Perhaps thats put people off. And after the first date, I didnt hear from the other party anymore. Then, again I wonder if i should act dumb, pretend to be agreeable to look more attractive to others, in other words act according to my looks. By the way, I am not even materialistic in the first place.

       

      I just find it frustrating. Sometimes I think maybe when I hit the big 30, I do not want to socialise anymore. Everyone will be talking about partner/family issues which I can no longer understand.

       

      I think I can make up part of growing singles, who are not welcomed.I already started to feel the stigma.

       

      What do you guys think of women who are left on the shelf? Problematic?

       

      icon_arrow.gif Your worries are not unfounded - you are facing an intimacy VS isolation crisis (Erik Erickson), and if you are unable to find someone to share intimacy, you are apt to fall into isolation. It isn't simply just because you are single and alone, but because simultaneously, you do not have a solid cause in life to redirect your focus or fall back on.

      And this is affecting your self image because now you reckoned that there might be 'something wrong' with you because it seemed that the world have entered into their next phase, while you are still stuck even at the first step of dating.

      Everyone here is saying 'oh being single is good, because you have a lot freedom, time, etc.' But the problem is not about the lack of freedom and time to do what you want, but rather, the lack of ideals to burn out the abundance of time you have on hand. And thus, very naturally, your biological clock and your social environment will start pressurizing you till the edge of the cliff, until you take the plunge into isolation and give yourself up.

      Being single is not problematic, but I do not agree that people should be single, if they have a choice not to. It's not a social stigma thingy that I am looking at (in fact, I am hardly a conformist); it's the individual growth factor that one will greatly miss out if he/she adopt singlehood, despite having decent choices. 

      In Love, there are several dimensions of 'afflictions', but not every affliction is 'fatal'.

      Most afflictions are reversible, if you can diagnose the hindrance that is obstructing your path in Love and provided if you are determined to change your fate. I do not believe that you will be left on the shelf, if you are actively seeking to evolve yourself.

      The difference between both genders is that women are generally passive towards finding the right one. They rather wait and die waiting, than having to appear desperate. Somehow, you probably believe that time and fate must work hand in hand mystically to create the possibility of love.

      But I tell you, it is not a one size fits all approach because contrary to popular belief, fate do not come naturally to all (CloUdiSm classify phenomenon as Barren Affection). icon_idea.gif

      ***

      Originally posted by Joi_lin:

      I need to say most of my friends are female. Perhaps it is my environment. I do not know. I am not that extremely outgoing type and I dislike patronizing clubs and pubs. I do not like outdoor activities. Not that I have never tried before but it is really not my cup of tea.

      ***

      icon_arrow.gif The reason why your current situation does not improve over the years, it's because your current life does not change much. The equation is logical. If you want to witness improvement, you got to spur a drastic revolution. From your above statement, I conclude that you are probably more inclined towards a homely person or your interests are generally solitary activities.

      What are your chances? Minimum?

      Highest common factor on why people are still single over a long period of time - they dislike socializing with people outside their core group and generally prefer to 'swim' around familiar areas, doing the things they always do or being the person they always behave.

      If you want to ignite the first spark of Love, you have got to allow yourself the opportunity to be able to provide you with the options to do so. You got to have more options or make more options for yourself. If you have new interest to indulge in, you allow yourself more opportunity to know new friends. If you have new cause to pursue in life, you will find more like-minded people who will share the same ideals (e.g. a religion). If you are willing to evolve yourself, say when you learn to better doll up yourself, you improve your self esteem naturally when you feel good inside and outside.

      Every plus points you actively initiated, will translate into a positive outlook and you will naturally be attractive when you strengthen your self identity and learn not to be encumbered by all these worries.

      Trust me, quality mates are not that difficult to find. The problem in most people is the lack of self awareness and the strategy they employ. icon_exclaim.gif

      Cheers

      Edited by Yunhaier 05 Mar `08, 12:48AM
  • Go's Avatar
    221 posts since Jan '08
    • Relationship is like a tree. When it is still a shoot, much attention and effort have to be given. After it matures, most trees will be able to sustain itself and withstand the wind and rain. Hence, you only need to stress at the start of the relationship but will be able to enjoy and relax in the end. Case by case basic.

       

      Attraction comes best from who you really are and that makes yourself special from among other people. Of coz, do things in moderation.

      Meaning : if I am simple guy, that doesnt mean that I wear singlet and shorts for date and give a shock to whoever that I dating with. To do things in moderation, means wear something at least presentable but shows out my simplicity.

      Well, from your case, if you are opinionated, learn to respect one's views and stop when you feel the conversation is getting too heated up.

       

      Remember, in dates, dont bend your character till it is completely different. Two things may happen :

      1) The guy will feel strange about you if he sense that you are acting.

      2) You managed to convince the guy that your acting is real. But then, tat really leads you to have split personality in future.

      Bend yourself a little is encouraged and I called that "tolerance".

       

      Dates are just making friends. Be normal and humble. Experience will help of coz.

  • Nikar 3's Avatar
    1,214 posts since Jan '08
    • (Angel)

      Guys are more weary of good gal, they dun like to touch them and feel very boring and awkward to be with them, they like bad gal like me who are active and chat non stop from sex to panty, it provide a chance for them to show their heroic act to change us into a good gal.

      yes, agree totally.
      real guys prefer real girls like you.

      somehow, those good-good girls i see liao always treat them like sisters, don't dare to talk dirty or flirt ot tease or share anything with them. haiz.

      Edited by Nikar 3 05 Mar `08, 10:08AM
  • crimson soldier's Avatar
    990 posts since Jul '05
    • hello :)

       

      There's no need to be a "bad girl" or to bend over to please anyone. Just be yourself and truly take pride in who you are.

       

      Tell yourself, someday you will find the one person who will make all your waiting worthwhile, all your previous anguish insignificant and your insecurities resolved! It is never too late to find that one person even when you are 40 or 50 years old.. Even if you don't find that one person, our BGR/marriage is just an oftenly overrated aspect of our life...life is so much more. It is very possible to lead a fulfilling life in singlehood.

       

      I think the problem is that you are allowing your singlehood to affect who you are and it is not very healthy yeah? Have something to focus on, find your passion and you will be great! Guys are attracted to girls like that, as I'm sure girls are attracted to guys who know themselves and their passions :)

  • caleb_chiang's Avatar
    10,446 posts since Jul '05
    • it’s just sometimes, people are more choosy about their partners. Sometimes, have to give and take one.

  • Alucard101's Avatar
    453 posts since Aug '07
    • More desperate you are to find a guy,things won't work well for you.I see a lot of girls desp and ending up with wrong guys.

       

      Just a note of caution.Ther mit be smthng you are dng wrong which u mit not be aware of like in behaviour or smthng tho you mean smthng else.Ask your good frnds,they mit help in this regard.

       

      And what ever every one says,you have to be at least not bad looking and not too fat.So something in this way would help too.

       

      My 2 cents

  • aremeis's Avatar
    255 posts since Nov '07
    • As I read your post here, I just like to express just how surprise I am that you are not into a r/s yet. I did wrote a reply last night but I just did not know what happened the post just did not manage to generate here. So here I am writing my view again.

      Frankly speaking, I feel that there is nothing wrong for a person to have his/her opinions and certain individualistic as well. It makes us unique. Just don't take others comments into heart, I believe asians often have a hard time expressing themselves and letting others perceive them in the correct light. Just because you are not into a r/s doesn't mean that you won't ever. I think this is just a matter of timing, a sooner or later issue - so what's the hurry? Will your inner beauty fade as the years gone by? I think you are not just simply looking for one BUT the Right One.

      I don't agree that you have to change just to comply to others to like and appreciate you. As I had mentioned earlier (about expressing), I felt that you are another unpolished diamond which needs to be polished and refined. A lot of times, I felt that we are rather poor with our choice of words, saying things carelessly and letting others have the wrong perception. And "hurting" them unintentionally. Yes, you may have your ideals and sayings however, we need to be sensitive of others feelings as well. Speak out by all means but do it with a well measured and good hearted dose.

      I think another of fallacy about r/s is conforming. I do not think that suppressing and making yourself into someone else is simply not a good and wise choice.  In a r/s, love is about being honest with each other. You will simply lying to yourself and trying to be someone you are not. Ending up miserable and angry with yourself. It s always important to start a r/s on the right footing and that will require the blending of 2 strong character individuals. So just be yourself and have patience.

      On the topic of who pays for the date, I mean you are really something here. Why do you have to be so mono here? Where's your sense of creativity? "Haggling" like our forefathers? What goes around, comes around; why not pick up the tab on the next date? Don't you want to meet up with him again? Sometimes taking a backseat here would show some appreciation on your part and a lot of good to our sensitive male ego. Heres, flexibilty, tact, sense of timing and understanding for you here. AA another time perhaps?

      It is wrong to generalize things for yourself and what is worse is that you are now trying to draw your own conclusions. How others remain single are simply circumstancial and individualistic. As you have said these individuals are making those around them feel uncomfortable (an understatement) miserable certainly speaks volumes about why they are still single today. Who wants to be around them and feel miserable all the time? Over sensitive and quick temper are certainly some of the turn offs for the majority everywhere.

      No one here, even married ones have the same circumstances. I think one of the reasons for failure is self done. Being negative here isn't going to help a single bit. I'd rather that you shelf your negative thoughts than picturing yourself on the shelf in time to come. Yes, the topics may be honeys, sweethearts, babies and families but aren't they preparing you for your yearnings. As I have said earlier, try and look at things from another angle. See what are the issues ahead of you and most of married people's lessons and tips. These are tips which are invaluable and cannot be read from books which you may not have the time to read. What makes you think for a moment that after your singlehood there will not be anymore problems? On the contrary, the problems forthcoming will come with additional fold and load, so if you cannot understand and solve your own current single problem don't expect to be smooth sailing when you are attached. Just don't make yourself feel and be like a looser.

      I am sure as much of what turns you off from the other party are equally the same with guys. Being feminine is a measure of a lady and with a well balanced and mannered words will certainly go a long way for the both of you. Sometimes, girls today just do not realize just how sharp their tongues can be. So in a r/s we really need to do away with self centreness and step up with our self control.

      I think the very 1st step about a r/s begins with a date and it is important to be able to communicate with each other first. I think the most difficult task would be to bring up the right topic to talk and the proactiveness of both party. So, I prefer that 1st dates should not be going to the movies and/or places which has distractions that will simply kill our chance to talk. I think dinner and/or some soft music lounges will be a good place to start off. I think you may think this is a bit old fashioned and traditional but who is to say that this tried and tested choice isn't working here? I think sometimes it is also good if you can offer a suggestion to a place to go to - sometimes it isn't that guys aren't initiative enough - it is just that we are not confident if our choice will be alright. Also, learning to be reassuring is another asset one simply cannot afford not to have.

      I don't think eventually the both of you will be running out of ideas and places to go for your dates. For by then, being together each time will bring about more discovery and understanding of each other. Remember it is not the place that matters but the love one that you are with. Enjoying each other's company. So you need not be bothered if you are not the pubbing and clubbing kind, for who is to say that it is a must do to get to know friends and socialize. I am one of the individuals that isn't fancying pubbing and clubbing. Just be comfortable and do the things you like and enjoy. Be happy always.

  • dumbdumb!'s Avatar
    14,290 posts since Jan '03
    • maybe it would be best if she ask her ex bf or guys around her for their honest opinion, and remembering not to take their comments as personal attacks, but as a guide to improve herself.

      because its very hard for us to help seeing that we don't know her on a personal level

  • aremeis's Avatar
    255 posts since Nov '07
    • Unfortunately, if you had read in her post it had been a decade since she had her last r/s and what has happened may be irrelevant. Also, we do not what the reason(s) is/are for the r/s not to have worked out and it may not be her doing and/or her fault.

      I think she is wise enough to know what to do and go about. She is certainly sure and confident of herself here, it is just that some comments from her peers are perceived in a different light and has caused her to doubt if she is ever going to find a partner eventually. As I have said, it is probably not now BUT it is certainly not going to be the same for the time to come.

  • hisoka's Avatar
    37,644 posts since Mar '05
  • Joi_lin's Avatar
    38 posts since Mar '08
    • Really appreciate those insightful comments here. Some of your comments really plunge me into deep thoughts.

       

      Also, I will be more conscious of what to do during dates (if I ever have any in the future).

       

      I do feel being single is not really a good thing. I really do not want to miss out on my personal growth and development. Somehow, I feel human beings are "constructed" in a way to be social and require proper relationships to feel complete and to produce the next generation. But I just find it  tough to secure a relationship, let alone a meaningful one. I start to wonder what is wrong about myself or am I fated to be single? I really do not know the answer myself. Somehow, I really cannot believe singlehood is happening to me. Am I the "chosen" one?

       

      I have a pretty good share of unkind remarks from people around me and some really cannot believe I am so single. Even some well meaning older women came up to me and told me that
      " woman must marry, cannot be single, no good for you,very lonely, very unbalanced " Yes, I really feel my life is pretty loop-sided now and insecurity has been gripping me tightly all these while. This is how I started to feel as if I am be able relate those older and unmarried women. They seems to be my reference points in my near future. The thought of becoming them really scares me.

       

      Many of the conclusions here about myself are pretty accurate. I can be more of a homely person but I do get out of the house sometimes. I engage in light activities like movies and karaoke at times, but with my close friends of course.

       

      But I no longer that young to change myself drastically. My character has its fixed mold. Of course, there are some changes that I can try to make and I am still seriously trying to figure out what they are.

       

      Thanks for some of the humour about being "bad". Turning "bad" is never easy for me. I need to align my own actions according to my true values.

       

      Some guys in this forums have been taking advantage of my unique situation and would like to partner me. I really find it amusing. Anyway, I really do not want pity. Instead, I value constructive opinions. Hope you guys get what I mean.

       

      Thank you for your valuable comments.

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

  • FocusPoint's Avatar
    267 posts since Apr '07
    • And don't be so desperate that the first date you go out with and you immediately jumped into bed with him in the hope of snaring him or securing a relationship. Big mistake! They will only view you as an easy lay. Though I'm a man I've to tell you this. Some men do take advantage of women who are desperate and string her along. When they find someone else of their choice they will just leave you cold. So do be careful on that. Open your eyes and don't go into it blindly.

      You do however can let the men know that you are available for a serious long term relationship in subtle manner. That way you won't seems cheap but still retain your dignity. Another thing DON'T ACT PUSHY for you will also scare the men off with your too desperate action. Be yourself and enjoy the dates if they come otherwise go join health clubs or be a volunteer in some society. Make yourself useful and busy. Don't mope about your situation and preferably not going out with those moping ladies who love to sit togather and lament their fate about not having a bf. It will only make you more sad, more desperate and more negative. And soon you will really think and act like you are a spinster when you are only in your late twenties.

      Good luck!

  • Uncertain's Avatar
    1,111 posts since Jan '07
    • Originally posted by Joi_lin:

      Really appreciate those insightful comments here. Some of your comments really plunge me into deep thoughts.

       

      Also, I will be more conscious of what to do during dates (if I ever have any in the future).

       

      I do feel being single is not really a good thing. I really do not want to miss out on my personal growth and development. Somehow, I feel human beings are "constructed" in a way to be social and require proper relationships to feel complete and to produce the next generation. But I just find it  tough to secure a relationship, let alone a meaningful one. I start to wonder what is wrong about myself or am I fated to be single? I really do not know the answer myself. Somehow, I really cannot believe singlehood is happening to me. Am I the "chosen" one?

       

      I have a pretty good share of unkind remarks from people around me and some really cannot believe I am so single. Even some well meaning older women came up to me and told me that
      " woman must marry, cannot be single, no good for you,very lonely, very unbalanced " Yes, I really feel my life is pretty loop-sided now and insecurity has been gripping me tightly all these while. This is how I started to feel as if I am be able relate those older and unmarried women. They seems to be my reference points in my near future. The thought of becoming them really scares me.

       

      Many of the conclusions here about myself are pretty accurate. I can be more of a homely person but I do get out of the house sometimes. I engage in light activities like movies and karaoke at times, but with my close friends of course.

       

      But I no longer that young to change myself drastically. My character has its fixed mold. Of course, there are some changes that I can try to make and I am still seriously trying to figure out what they are.

       

      Thanks for some of the humour about being "bad". Turning "bad" is never easy for me. I need to align my own actions according to my true values.

       

      Some guys in this forums have been taking advantage of my unique situation and would like to partner me. I really find it amusing. Anyway, I really do not want pity. Instead, I value constructive opinions. Hope you guys get what I mean.

       

      Thank you for your valuable comments.

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

      TS, u think the more u worried, the fast u get married? Look at Lin ChiLing, ultra gorgeous and now going to marry the toilet bowl prince... But what age? 32....

  • Joi_lin's Avatar
    38 posts since Mar '08
    • Lin ChiLing is a celebrity and a well-kwown beauty.How can I compare myself to her. Before getting into marriage, must take time to know the person rite? It is not match-making like in the older days. Even before going steady, also must go through dating. It takes quite some time rite? If you really factor the time before 32, I do not think I have so much time to play around.

  • Go's Avatar
    221 posts since Jan '08
  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,202 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by Joi_lin:

      Lin ChiLing is a celebrity and a well-kwown beauty.How can I compare myself to her. Before getting into marriage, must take time to know the person rite? It is not match-making like in the older days. Even before going steady, also must go through dating. It takes quite some time rite? If you really factor the time before 32, I do not think I have so much time to play around.

      Joi_Lin,

      Then what are you waiting for ? Prince Charming to come knocking at your door ?

      Go out and date as many guys as you can. You don't have to have romantic thoughts about that ideal date you;ve been waiting for so many years.

      Think of it as "opportunities" to meet some guys friends and check out what's out there in the dating circuit now.

      If that guy don't fit the bill, perhaps his friends will.

      Or you can .. like me.. introduce the guy to your other single friends.

      You wouldn't know until you open the doors. Right now, I sense you are looking at the offers as half closed.

      Don't worry about the guys offering to partner you, they're not gonna bite.

      Just go have some fun.

      Have you watched Sex and the City ?

       In the US of A,  we have parties and we each bring a guy we are not interested in to the party to let other girls check them out.  It can be kinda fun too.

      Edited by jojobeach 06 Mar `08, 10:23AM
  • Hanagata's Avatar
    3,077 posts since Apr '03
  • dumbdumb!'s Avatar
    14,290 posts since Jan '03
    • Originally posted by FocusPoint:

      And don't be so desperate that the first date you go out with and you immediately jumped into bed with him in the hope of snaring him or securing a relationship. Big mistake! They will only view you as an easy lay. Though I'm a man I've to tell you this. Some men do take advantage of women who are desperate and string her along. When they find someone else of their choice they will just leave you cold. So do be careful on that. Open your eyes and don't go into it blindly.

      You do however can let the men know that you are available for a serious long term relationship in subtle manner. That way you won't seems cheap but still retain your dignity. Another thing DON'T ACT PUSHY for you will also scare the men off with your too desperate action. Be yourself and enjoy the dates if they come otherwise go join health clubs or be a volunteer in some society. Make yourself useful and busy. Don't mope about your situation and preferably not going out with those moping ladies who love to sit togather and lament their fate about not having a bf. It will only make you more sad, more desperate and more negative. And soon you will really think and act like you are a spinster when you are only in your late twenties.

      Good luck!

      agree agree. be careful of players.

  • Yuki~!'s Avatar
    2,751 posts since Jan '08
  • angel7030's Avatar
    30,628 posts since Jul '07
    • Originally posted by dumbdumb!:

      birds of a feather, flock together.

      more likely you'll corrupt him than he save you. 学坏三天学好三年


      No, when i met him, we shall slowly stop all our bad things, cos i found the love of my life, we shall begin to plan our love life together. Even if it take 3 years to change, we will do it for the glory of LOVE.

    • Originally posted by Yuki~!:

      Go out with new guys. Have fun. Flirt around. You're free. tongue.png


      the problem is she dunno how to flirt and fun, so guys see nothing in here lor. Want to go near her also scare scare.

  • Joi_lin's Avatar
    38 posts since Mar '08
    • Ok ok. I do not know how to flirt.I am looking at a serious relationship, not hi-bye ones.

  • Isis's Avatar
    3,133 posts since Nov '04
    • Originally posted by Uncertain:

      TS, with regards to your question, i think me as a guy will give u some of my opinion about date.

      First of all, when a guy ask u for a date, he means it. Not some platonic outing, if dun like dun agree to for a date.

      Gals who offer to pay for their bills got to show she is thoughtful and not those who loves to con. Therefore, if a guy knows that u are willing to pay, he will sense it and in return for ur kindness, he will be MORE THAN WILLING to pay ur share.

      In a date, diff guys diff agenda. Some aims for sex at the end of it. Some aims to know the gal more. Believe it or not, i am the latter. For me, date is to know a gal better and before i go for a date, i make sure i draw $300 for it. I nv expect a gal to pay if i ask them out.

      Angel says gal must be bad before guys will like. So do i look bad? cos i pm her to know her better but she dun give me any reply? Nevertheless, she does have a good heart :)

      I told BBB before i can be as bad as any guy out there who bed gals. I said i am ugly. Yes I feel but inside me i know i can be as handsome as Daniel Wu and Wang LeeHong without height of course. But if i got this look, what for? Get so many gf for my look for what?

      Inside me, i want a gal who loves me for what i am now. After she accepts me, I will show her what prince charming is... However, will this day comes?

      So TS, I am prepared to be single, are u? If not, make sure u do, cos a desperate gal turns us guy off.

      Gd luck to your future endeavour. And dun be too superficial to look for handsome guy, look dun last till old age. Love does. 

       

      Hiz Uncertain

      Actually i think you a good catch yourself.

      Think you will meet the right princess who is fortunate enough for you to pamper on soon. :P

      I also think angel's innate nature is actually good.

       

       

       

      Edited by Isis 06 Mar `08, 10:09PM
    • Originally posted by Joi_lin:

      I am depressed for being so single, and can foresee myself being left on the shelf for the rest of my life. Really envious of people who are good and healthy relationships. I am already in my late twenties and didn't engage in the relationship for years. I feel I have already missed the boat in finding a partner as most of my colleagues are married or engaged. I feel there is a stigma attached to singlehood. But I do not want to walk into a dating agency and grab anyone who fancies me. To me, relationship must be mutual.

       

      So many people around me already talking about babies, mother-in-laws etc.I feel so outdated. And often get questions about when are you getting a boyfriend? getting married? you already not young, do not be choosy, etc etc.

       

      Sometimes, I do wonder if every woman on earth must get married. I somehow feel an unmarried woman has some inbalance in her life. Looking at some of the unmarried old woman I know, they seem to experience certain things like bad temper, insecurity, loneliness, defensiveness, extremely sensitive, etc. I just afraid I would end up being like that soon.

       

      Many a time, I wonder what is wrong with me. I always feel awkward when I attend gatherings/ lunches whereby people talk about their other half. Usually people will find me pleasant , in other words, they think I am simple -minded, easy-to-please person. However, to the contrary,I am more opinonated and independent. Perhaps thats put people off. And after the first date, I didnt hear from the other party anymore. Then, again I wonder if i should act dumb, pretend to be agreeable to look more attractive to others, in other words act according to my looks. By the way, I am not even materialistic in the first place.

       

      I just find it frustrating. Sometimes I think maybe when I hit the big 30, I do not want to socialise anymore. Everyone will be talking about partner/family issues which I can no longer understand.

       

      I think I can make up part of growing singles, who are not welcomed.I already started to feel the stigma.

       

      What do you guys think of women who are left on the shelf? Problematic?


      Hi Lady,

      Believe it or not, Ladies who are not married nor attached are wholly fine without men. Though it is always a blissful to have a companion to grow old and die with. However, it is still better to marry the right man then to spend your life with the wrong man. In a way, relationship is, in my opinion, determined by affinity; where all the right ingredient has to come into the right places at the right time.

      So what if i will be left on the shelf ?

      Well really..what will REALLY happen if you are left on the shelf ?

      In answering your question about social stigma being a single woman, i don't see there as a major problem. Perhaps you are facing some external and peer pressure; internally, i also think you are yearning for a companion and fear for living your life alone? 

      Actually i think Yunhaier and jojo make some good points about dating. Though i'm no dating guru, i personally feel that dating can become a hobby/a skill that can be picked up on.

      Other than to being "trouble by it", why not look at the half glass full? Open your mind about "the life" being singlehood. Start to planning for finanically stablitiy for old age, no family obligiation which mean that you have tons of the spare time to take up new courses which allow you to meet new and interesting people. Plan a life of adventure, do something that you could like to try and enjoy on, dedicating some of your spare time for meaningful causes.. other than yourself. Infuse an enriching meaning to your life.

      And who knows ? You might just meet the one afew months down the road?

       

      Edited by Isis 06 Mar `08, 10:41PM
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