Agony.
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It all started about 5 years ago, (2003) when I met her ( Lets call her K). I was in secondary school then. She was this average girl, not very pretty, not extremely good in her studies, but had a kind and naive personality. And i was a young childish boy, with nothing to show.
I started to like her, feeling things i never had, doing things i did not do for anyone. I kept walking her home, spending time with her in her studies. But kept it quiet in school. We talked about our dreams, future and everything actually. I found out how similar we were. We both wanted to be able to give our families a very very good life, want to travel the world. Want to be successful. We also wanted our first relationship to work out till the end. We were not finding just a girl/boy friend, but a future spouse( Hard to believe i know.. but its true, People at 15/16 dont think of such things so early) She kinda had interest in me, but liked another guy more( Hereby known as X) X liked her too, but luckily he did not made any moves. I proceed to tell her i would mind if she tried it out with him. Almost giving up hope, I asked her to make me a promise, to meet in 2009 october 11th 8 oclock, in the kindergarden we went to. She agreed.
Long story short, the decision was made on prom night, me or X. I won.
We began our tough first year together, she being unable to cope with a boyfriend, started to neglect me, showing mroe interest in her friends, introducing me as a friend. ect ect. It was tough, but somehow, we made things work. And we began our sweet 2nd year. Things became so well, that i became complacent.
I was sure she wont leave me no matter what i do. I really thought that way. I focused more on my games, dance, everything else. I did pay attention to her, but it wasn't enough apparently. She began hinting that i should be more concerned. I was too blind to see how serious it was. Quarrels always end with me threatening breaking up. Knowing how much she loved me, i would always 'win'.
A few months before our eventual breakup, I kinda felt it. I started to treat her really nice. Trying to rekindle our flame that was once burning so strongly. It worked for a while, till i got complacent again. She said i was playing too much, not doing what i said i would do. Failing my modules one after another in poly. Not doing what i was dreaming about.
Then came my family problems. Our business wasn't doing so well. We sold our house and rented one due to bed debts and bad record.( we could not get a loan). My handphone line was cut off. Could not contact her for a month. (only my dad had a working phone line). We drifted even further. And i was still too childish to think, refusing to seriously look for work. Refusing to study hard.
We broke up on our 3rd anniversary. She cried very hard. And so did i. It was over.
I thought long and hard. Realising how much i loved her and how important she was. Her being there when i needed it. I wasn't there when she needed me. I hate myself. Letting such a good girl go. I finally went out looking for a job. And worked day and night. everyday. Made alot of good brothers and sisters on my job. Good natured hard working malaysians, Who were very supportive.
I then failed my diploma, failing the same module twice. Not due to work or love problems, just my own stupidity and stubborness. refusing to attend classes. Now i am too ashamed to face my family or her.
I continued life as usual and worked and worked. Thinking of ways to continue my studies. One of my malaysian brother offered to lend me money to study in SIM. I had just deffered from NS and could apply for a 15 month course in SIM. I hesitated, after all... I only knew him for 2-3 months. I planned it as my last resort.
I know i'm being selfish putting love over family. But i really wanted her back. I wanted to show her i could do the things we both dreamed of. Then i started talking to her again.
I found out how much i screwed up. She was really disappointed in me and din have much feeling already. She wanted to give X a chance. X has been waiting for her for 5 years. Treating her very nicely.( there were in the same class. did i forget to mention that?) And the promise to meet in 2009 was cancelled.
It was like stabbing me and kicking me in the groin. It pushed me to work even hard. Its been 4 months since our breakup and i never once did sleep well. Sleeping is impossible now. And i have work almost everyday. Life is shit for me now.
Am i being selfish for wanted to keep her for myself? Asking her to give me another chance even though i know X could treat her better? Am i being selfish for being so down for a puppy love even though my family is not in very good fianancially? Hard to know what to do now.....
-Very much in pain and unable to sleep.
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Long story....
You are not being selfish.
You just don't have enough confidence in yourself.
Why do you have to put yourself down ?
Why do you think X can treat her better ?
What is so good about X you cannot rival ?
You screwed up.. so what ? Everyone screws up at least once in their lifetime.
It's not how hard you fall.. it's about how fast you can get up.
Time waits for no one... success is your own doing.
If she can see you trying very hard to make good your life again, you may get another shot , but all boils down to fate and timing.
Good luck in achieving your dream.
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Would she be happier if she gave X a chance?
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a girlfriend is like jam, it's sweet, it's nice, it's desirable, but what's the point of having jam if you don't even have bread for it to be spread on??
right now you have 3 priorities you need to settle:
(1)studies (2) work for $$$ (3)girlfriend
well, you seriously shouldn't have allowed your work and gf to affect your studies, so close to your diploma already.. but no point whining about it now, too late for regret.
I suggest that you focus on yr NS now, get some savings, in the meantime strategise and plan your future career /studies route.
no career plans.. no $$$.. no credible academic cert... I don't think I need to say more, you should know where your priority should lie by now.
*not telling you to break off completely, maintain contact still, but focus on yr own success and I'm sure she'll come back eventully, if not meet someone even better!!
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You need to love yourself in order to love someone.
You are not expressing any love for yourself when you are giving up your love in such ease.
You need to let her know her presence is a happiness to you and like vice, your presence will be a greater happiness to her.
Love is a type of chain reaction. It always started with nothing specticular but end with a change of her and your world.
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no worries,
are they together now ? if not, u can still try for her as u still love her and regretted what you did.. have u ever told her that u really regretted on how u behave and treated her ?
If you think life is a shit for you, then it is for you.. but u cannot think that way. Life is not always the life that we always wanted. Chill out.. Some ppl come and go, and u just need to understand sometimes when the thing is not yours, it wont be yours..
You need to learn to accept and let it go if you done everything to get her back... If the gal really said to you face to face she never has the same feeling again, she means the truth..
Do u prefer being together with some1 who has very little feeling to you? Better dont, u will regret and u wont feel the love.
Be positive. Life is a flower if u look at it the right way, looking the future.
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go for the sim route...
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seriously...
i dun think its pratical for u and her to get back..
once a couple broke up, there'll be a gap..
and for ur case it sounds almost impossible for her wanting to get back to u after 4 months.
not to pour cold water,
but prepare ur life without her....
and get someone better
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The situation with her now,
She feels too tired to give me another chance for now. And feels that she should try it with X because X has been patiently waiting for her for almost 5 years now. He had always treated her well when they studied in poly.
Even though she recognises my hard work over the 4 months, I don't think i have a chance NOW. The only chance i have is to hope it fails between them, and hope that by then, I would have some success to show.
Probably right now i have no chance or choice. She is probably going to get together with X.
Bottomline, I know that chances are very slim now for me. I can only work hard now and hope that one day i would have another chance. To show her that i can do it, I just messed up. To show that I could have done so so much better. I got that to my head, but cant get that into my heart.
I won't give up, I will work hard.
I forgot to ask. So where do i go now? NS or SIM
Ns offers me a way to grow up a little first, taking my mind off things, and allows me to no longer burden my family.
Sim gives me a chance to be officer in NS, earning alot more. But i would have to really work hard to get there. It will also give me a fighting chance with her. Which is really important to me...
Thanks guys.
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TS, ur case very very similar to mine..sadly i can provide no advice, coz im stuck just like you. i also in post break up blues. sian. ya, somemore got ppl waiting for her a few years too. me no hope , no matter how hard i try to salvage it now.
i too, as a student, just going to poly, saw our lives in the future, i saw her as my spouse already. sadddd :( -
concentrate in building up ur career....if need be upgrade ur academic qualifications. nothing is more important than these. the rest will fall in place when the time is ripe.
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when u had her u din treasure her.
so now it belongs to X turn, maybe X can give her happiness ?
all u could do is wish her all the best wif X
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when its gone, its gone la..
In fact, TS, i dont really believe anyone would have waiting for 5 years for some1.. thats totally ridiculous...
As for you, Any path is better for u as u can earn some money..
Your family is more important than her ok, priotize your family 1st...
and for your ex.. i dont think she's matured enough.. she never said she loved that guy, she just said shes giving chance (what the fuck?) to that guy BECOZ he waited for her for 5 years? Thats totally immature thinking of her... That is not love anyway...
No worries, TS, right now, correct your thinking, family and career 1st... if u dont wan to listen to me, then fine, but u dont regret...
Hoping is not gonna work this time, dude.. Life isnt about what u hope, its about all action and results...
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Your priorities now!
1) Study hard, get at least a diploma. SIM diploma is too ex, i dont think it is very recognised either.
2) Work hard to solve your financial problems.
You are not alone, speak with your dad or family about money issues. Our asian culture still sucks as we dont speak openly about money in the household.
As for your love, extend the promised date if she can wait, and show her that you've changed for the better.
Good luck and I hope that you can get out of the rat race.
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About going to NS, defer NS first, i dont think you are prepared for it mentally.
NS can make or break someone. I've seen a lot of cases. Depression, family problems, financial problems, relationship problems all never end well during NS. They say they will help you with your problems but it is not enough. You cant depend on the SAF as they dont want another liability. You will suffer even more!
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SIM cert does not equal OCS. I was from the 'A' lvls cohort of officers but I do not recall my peers holding SIM certs at all. Same for the poly batch, didn't recall any of my seniors holding SIM certs either.
Besides, OCS is no child's play, don't go for the sake of going. If you don't even have the discipline to go through with your diploma studies, I believe the 38 wks of OCS will be hell for you if you enter for the wrong motivation.
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I do realise OCS is no joking matter. My brother is an officer now, he is only a diploma holder. I'm kinda under family pressure to achieve that too. Just went to drink alone at her void deck. Felt kinda away from this world for a while.
Thanks for all your replies, i kinda know what to do now.
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Originally posted by E|v:
I do realise OCS is no joking matter. My brother is an officer now, he is only a diploma holder. I'm kinda under family pressure to achieve that too. Just went to drink alone at her void deck. Felt kinda away from this world for a while.
Thanks for all your replies, i kinda know what to do now.
Knowing wat to do is different from what did you do now. Any plan of "what-to-do" must be implemented. Then u will feel peace.. trust me.