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Stop Dating Violence - Love Doesn't Have To Hurt!

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  • Love_Doesn't_Hurt's Avatar
    1 post since Jun '08
    • Hey guys, I will be starting this thread to spread awareness on Dating Violence.

       

      This is not govt-initiated but rather, because I am working on this campaign, I thought it will be good if I could post this on the forums.

       

      All of you are free to respond or air your opinions regarding this issue but I hope the posts will stay relevant and constructive.

       

      If you have problems and want to talk privately, you can contact the hotlines provided.

       

      Lastly, the campaign will be going to the schools and will be distributing free mouse pads as well as showcasing some exhibits so pls support!

       

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      What is Dating Violence?

       

      Dating violence is a pattern of overcontrolling behaviour used against a girlfriend or boyfriend.

       

      It manifests in various forms including psychological/emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse.

       

      In a nutshell, it is not love!

       

       

      Forms of Dating Violence

       

      1) Emotional Abuse

       

      -           hurling insults or swearing at you

      -           belittling you

      -           threatening or terrorizing you

      -           destroying your property or possessions

      -           isolating you from friends and relatives

      -           being irrationally possessive

      -           extreme jealousy from partner

       

      2) Physical Abuse

       

      -           shoving

      -           slapping

      -           punching

      -           kicking

      -           hair pulling

      -           using/threatening you with a weapon

      -           forcibly confining you

       

      3) Sexual Abuse

       

      -           unwanted sexual touching

      -           forcing you to consent to sexual activity

      -           rape or attempted rape

      -           having intercourse with you while you are under the influence of   alcohol or drugs

       

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

       

       

      Victim – Are You One?

       

      Many people don’t recgonise that they are in an abusive relationship. They don’t realize how they have gradually changed because of the abuse. If the answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you may be a victim of dating violence.

       

      -           Are you constantly questioned by your partner on your whereabouts, phone calls and conversations?

       

      -           Are you constantly criticized, insulted or threatened by your partner?

       

      -           Has your partner grabbed, pushed, slapped or hit you when angry?

       

      -           Has your partner forced you to engage in sexual activities under the threat of physical harm/persistent pressure?

       

      -           Has your partner urged you to drink alcohol excessively or consume drugs?

       

      -           Has your partner threatened to commit suicide or cause self-harm to you, self or others (eg, “If you leave me, I will never let you be with someone else”)?

       

      -           Have you been fearful of your partner’s behaviour and reactions to your conversations and activities?

       

      -           Have you been at the mercy of your partner who insists on controlling your movements and your money/possessions?

       

      -           Have you felt anxious but afraid to end this relationship for fear of your life or safety?

       

      -           Have you been forced to keep away from close family and friends?

       

      Let’s Get Real - Myths and Facts About Violence

       

      MYTH: Jealousy is a sign of love.

      FACT: Jealousy is the most common reason for assaults in dating relationships. When a man continually accuses a woman of flirting or having an affair, he is possessive and controlling.

       

      MYTH: When a woman gets hit by her partner, she must have provoked him in some way.

      FACT: No one deserves to be hit. Whether or not there was provocation, violence is always wrong and should not be condoned.

       

      MYTH: Men cannot control their sexual urges, and if a woman gets her date sexually aroused, she deserves what she gets.

      FACT: Men can control themselves and women have a right over their bodies. Forcing sex on a partner is illegal. When a woman says NO or NO MORE, then the man should stop.

       

      MYTH: Maybe things will get better.

      FACT: Once the violence starts, it usually escalates without some kind of intervention. Waiting and hoping for change is not a good strategy, Partners in an abusive relationship need help to break out of the cycle of violence.

       

      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

       

       

       

       

      Where to get help?

       

      You have the power to take the first step to change your circumstances. If you are concerned about your behaviour or your partner’s behaviour, speak to a counselor or social worker today.

       

      1) Centre for Promoting Alternatives to Violence (PAVe)

      T: 6555 0390

       

      www.pavecentre.org.sg

       

       

      2) [email protected]

      T: 6449 9088

       

      www.transcentre.org.sg

       

       

      3) Family Service Centre Helpline

      T: 1800 838 0100

       

      4) Samaritans of Singapore

      T: 1800 221 4444

       

      In case of immediate threat to life, call the Police at 999.

       

       

      Visit www.family.gov.sg/stopfamilyviolence for more info.

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

      Edited by Love_Doesn't_Hurt 24 Jun `08, 5:59PM
  • hiphop2009's Avatar
    6,606 posts since Jan '06
    • hello!

       

      welcome to sgforums.

      maybe i suggest u can start a new forum to drive the campaign~

      den dun forget to make me ur moderator~ :D

  • Moderator
    honeymouse's Avatar
    6,785 posts since Sep '06
    • As most topics on AA usually involve discussion on relationship, I believe this can serve as a "tool" to help people identify or assess their health of their relationship.

      Go for it, TS (Love_doesn't_hurt)!  

  • Gosu.'s Avatar
    493 posts since Jul '06
    • Yup, love doesn't have to hurt, I was subjected to such an incident half a year back for almost 3 years. It was horrifying and intense  at the same time. Not something I want to go through again.

       

      I think the issue here is to enlighten people to the plight they are in to start with(if any). Because in a relatiionship some may overlook emotional abuse as passion.

       

      Double thumbs up for this campaign

      Tim

  • SBS7484P's Avatar
    8,452 posts since Dec '07
  • Gosu.'s Avatar
    493 posts since Jul '06
    • Originally posted by SBS7484P:

      agreed~

      love doesn't have to hurt..

      if it does then it isnt love is it. =)

       


      Wrong. Actually love is divided into two catogories

      Eros and Agate love(Book - Woman who love too much)

      Eros meaning the sacrificial pain and the desperate yearning for the partner, often mistakenly referred as passion. Evidence of such 'passion' is the willingness to go through pain and torture(literally speaking). Woman tend to possess this more than man. Eros include more physical intimacy.

      Whereas Agate love is described as to the best of my vocabulary and knowledge's comprehension - mental intimacy. Which depicts mutual trust, understanding, and the freedom of communication via mainly speech. It can be known as the logical sense to loving, and is depicted by the understanding and appreciation of the freedom and wants of the partner.

      Only when Eros and Agate love is balanced to a certain extent; is there true intimacy, which is essentially the yearning of the other yet balanced with a logical speck of understanding, mutual trust and allowing for space for communication, thus bringing the relationship to a level of divinity so to speak.

  • dumbdumb!'s Avatar
    14,289 posts since Jan '03
  • And life goes on... with shades of grey
    BadzMaro's Avatar
    33,748 posts since Apr '04
    • omg.png

      3) Sexual Abuse

      -           having intercourse with you while you are under the influence of   alcohol or drugs

      explain pls.

    • Means they may not be in a consenting sound mind ?

       

  • Cool-gal's Avatar
    9,068 posts since Jul '06
    • yeah.

      love dun hurt u physically and emotionally.

      for the one who loves u, wont hurt u no matter wad.

       

  • dumbdumb!'s Avatar
    14,289 posts since Jan '03
    • Originally posted by Cool-gal:

      yeah.

      love dun hurt u physically and emotionally.

      for the one who loves u, wont hurt u no matter wad.

       

      actually i disagree..

      let me rephrase:

      love SHOULDN'T hurt you physically and emotionally.

      but sometimes it happens, because humans are not perfect, but it shouldn't be tolerated.

       

  • Gosu.'s Avatar
    493 posts since Jul '06
    • Originally posted by BadzMaro:

      Means they may not be in a consenting sound mind ?

       


      I think it means that alcohol/drugs have influenced their ability to reason/resulted in the party unable to express disconsent.

      I think under alcohol(we'll avoid drugs), as long as the party is in a consenting mind and have expressed willingness, it is acceptable.

    • Originally posted by dumbdumb!:

      actually i disagree..

      let me rephrase:

      love SHOULDN'T hurt you physically and emotionally.

      but sometimes it happens, because humans are not perfect, but it shouldn't be tolerated.

       


      Ya it does happen, even occasionally. Sometimes it's just that the partner does not know how to react and should be appropriately confronted/advised about it.

      If he/she reacts knowingly/purposefully in an abusive way then it should never be tolerated.

  • Ferret's Avatar
    41,243 posts since Jul '00
  • And life goes on... with shades of grey
    BadzMaro's Avatar
    33,748 posts since Apr '04
    • Originally posted by Gosu.:


      I think it means that alcohol/drugs have influenced their ability to reason/resulted in the party unable to express disconsent.

      I think under alcohol(we'll avoid drugs), as long as the party is in a consenting mind and have expressed willingness, it is acceptable.

      satisfied.png. Just wanna make sure. lol.

  • Princessvaio's Avatar
    3 posts since Jun '08
    • hello i am worried about a friend of mine as she is finally with this guy she had been crushing on for a long time. he was quite cute in a nerdy sort of way, good-boy image. It was bliss for her for 2 weeks, then she became very moody and didn't seem herself anymore. i thought it was a lover's quarrel, so i did not pry.

      She sms me one night and told me, he had been forcing her to have intercourse with him to prove her love. she said she was willing but it hurt like crazy everytime and she would push him away, but he would threaten to break up with her as he said by pushing him away meant she did not have him in her heart anymore. sometimes she would try to bluff him saying she was having her period, but he would corner her and pull down her pants to prove that she was lying and demand to know if she was cheating on him. She really loves him and doesn't want to let go of this painful relationship, always believeing he'll change and love her more in time to come. she believes he's in hurt as his ex (before her) cheated on him and he doesn't want to be hurt again...

  • seotiblizzard's Avatar
    28,979 posts since Apr '06
  • parn's Avatar
    8,225 posts since May '03
    • I would like to know who hasn't experienced some form of dating violence before in their lives?

      Sometimes, it's necessary to experience it at least once in your life, so that we will be able to understand and appreciate the meaning of love and the value of being alive.

      In any relationship, girls must be way smarter than guys for the relationship to exist flawlessly.

  • rain-coat's Avatar
    518 posts since Sep '07
    • hey! i recently did a project on spousal violence and its quite similar to what you are doing! i fully support you!

  • kendoboi's Avatar
    570 posts since Jan '04
    • I think this thread is a good guide but seriously, it can only be applied generally for majority of the people. Not all the actions are really part of what's claimed as dating violence, but certainly will attribute to it.

  • rain-coat's Avatar
    518 posts since Sep '07
    • Originally posted by Princessvaio:

      hello i am worried about a friend of mine as she is finally with this guy she had been crushing on for a long time. he was quite cute in a nerdy sort of way, good-boy image. It was bliss for her for 2 weeks, then she became very moody and didn't seem herself anymore. i thought it was a lover's quarrel, so i did not pry.

      She sms me one night and told me, he had been forcing her to have intercourse with him to prove her love. she said she was willing but it hurt like crazy everytime and she would push him away, but he would threaten to break up with her as he said by pushing him away meant she did not have him in her heart anymore. sometimes she would try to bluff him saying she was having her period, but he would corner her and pull down her pants to prove that she was lying and demand to know if she was cheating on him. She really loves him and doesn't want to let go of this painful relationship, always believeing he'll change and love her more in time to come. she believes he's in hurt as his ex (before her) cheated on him and he doesn't want to be hurt again...

      one of the things you can do for her is to persuade her to make a police report. such a bastard deserves to be jailed and canned...

  • magical_wen's Avatar
    762 posts since Jul '07
  • dangerboi's Avatar
    1,900 posts since Dec '06
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