Commitment phobia for 6 years or more
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I am 23 yrs soon 24.
I have this problem where if i like a girl, i will avoid her.
i knew this 23 yrs old chinese girl who is malaysian 5 years ago in poly (year2003). during 1st year 2nd semester in polytechnic, i confessed to her that i like her in MRT, she stunned for a while, don't know what to say, then she shaked her head left and right without saying anything. Until then, i don't dare to talk to her much. 3 years later (year 2006), when we were almost graduate from our course, i wrote a testimonial to all my friends, including, telling her that i still like her through a website i created for my classmates when each individual needs to login to view the testimonial.
Within days, she replied with a long email, more than 1000 words most likely, talking about how she fears of crowd, and her concerns and difficulties coming to singapore and study/work, talking about her friends and also stated sometime during polytechnic she does likes me too. I was rather touched because this is the first girl who tells she likes me. But again, due to my relationship phobia of liking someone but yet, don't dare to talk to her face to face or asking her out, i did nothing at all after that email. Soon after graduated from polytechnic, i went to NS. During this 2 years, all this while, we keep contact in email in a 3 monthly basis.
In year Aug 2008, one of my friend as well as her friend's wedding party (The same friend we know of), and she was the bridemaid. Don't know why, this time round, after 2 years without meeting face to face, i am able to approach her and said hi first, asking her how is she. A bit chit chat and jokes during the wedding cemonary. After my friend wedding, one of my good male friend, me and her have to make a 15 minutes walk in a slient, dark, one way street to the busstop. Again i had the chance to do some chitchat, as well as in the bus. Soon reached to a MRT station, i gave her a handshake for farewell and we went different direction.
Since then, i had been thinking about her again till now.
Because i have seen alot of breaking-up-couples, divorces in my life, two-timer or three-timer, and i am also have commitment phobia, i have been thinking what happen if we are really together, will we break up. What happened if we are married, will we divorces. I am quite confident that i have the gut to confess to her again, maybe not face to face, but through email. I am not because fear of rejection but my concern is more on those bad memories we may have if we are being together. I don't wish to destory the wonderful image of her - *if one day after we break up, i may hate her to core. -
I was thinking, althought i like her, however i really don't know her very well, on the appearance, she is wonderful to me, but is she a two timer, is she a 2 face personality, is she a person who toy people's feeling, is she a great spender,... etc, or maybe totally different from what i suppose to expect... i also don't really like girl that are more clever than, i don't know why.
Should i confess again or remains single to retain the wonderful memories of her? Is single better for me rather than getting into relationship?
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if u nehber try, u will nehber know...
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Originally posted by Chunghong2004:
I am 23 yrs soon 24.
I have this problem where if i like a girl, i will avoid her.
i knew this 23 yrs old chinese girl who is malaysian 5 years ago in poly (year2003). during 1st year 2nd semester in polytechnic, i confessed to her that i like her in MRT, she stunned for a while, don't know what to say, then she shaked her head left and right without saying anything. Until then, i don't dare to talk to her much. 3 years later (year 2006), when we were almost graduate from our course, i wrote a testimonial to all my friends, including, telling her that i still like her through a website i created for my classmates when each individual needs to login to view the testimonial.
Within days, she replied with a long email, more than 1000 words most likely, talking about how she fears of crowd, and her concerns and difficulties coming to singapore and study/work, talking about her friends and also stated sometime during polytechnic she does likes me too. I was rather touched because this is the first girl who tells she likes me. But again, due to my relationship phobia of liking someone but yet, don't dare to talk to her face to face or asking her out, i did nothing at all after that email. Soon after graduated from polytechnic, i went to NS. During this 2 years, all this while, we keep contact in email in a 3 monthly basis.
In year Aug 2008, one of my friend as well as her friend's wedding party (The same friend we know of), and she was the bridemaid. Don't know why, this time round, after 2 years without meeting face to face, i am able to approach her and said hi first, asking her how is she. A bit chit chat and jokes during the wedding cemonary. After my friend wedding, one of my good male friend, me and her have to make a 15 minutes walk in a slient, dark, one way street to the busstop. Again i had the chance to do some chitchat, as well as in the bus. Soon reached to a MRT station, i gave her a handshake for farewell and we went different direction.
Since then, i had been thinking about her again till now.
Because i have seen alot of breaking-up-couples, divorces in my life, two-timer or three-timer, and i am also have commitment phobia, i have been thinking what happen if we are really together, will we break up. What happened if we are married, will we divorces. I am quite confident that i have the gut to confess to her again, maybe not face to face, but through email. I am not because fear of rejection but my concern is more on those bad memories we may have if we are being together. I don't wish to destory the wonderful image of her - *if one day after we break up, i may hate her to core. -
I was thinking, althought i like her, however i really don't know her very well, on the appearance, she is wonderful to me, but is she a two timer, is she a 2 face personality, is she a person who toy people's feeling, is she a great spender,... etc, or maybe totally different from what i suppose to expect... i also don't really like girl that are more clever than, i don't know why.
Should i confess again or remains single to retain the wonderful memories of her? Is single better for me rather than getting into relationship?
Time to be a man again, confess to her and pick up the pieces from there.
Do let those little boys in here know the power of your confession.
Hopefully they will one day also have a chance to become a man like you.
It's how you think that decides your destiny. If you think that she's bad, then chances of her turning out to be bad is high.
But if you think positively, then the outcome will likely to be positive.
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Originally posted by parn:
Time to be a man again, confess to her and pick up the pieces from there.
Do let those little boys in here know the power of your confession.
Hopefully they will one day also have a chance to become a man like you.
It's how you think that decides your destiny. If you think that she's bad, then chances of her turning out to be bad is high.
But if you think positively, then the outcome will likely to be positive.
oh yah chunghong2004, remember to keep that $30 k diamond ring handy.
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very simple
never try, never know
never try, you'd forever be single
it's hard to believe you 2 contact each other by email yet you all know each other.... please get her number asap
nothin is forever, dont think too much, just enjoy the moment your life will be better
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I've told her....3 times before.
all 3 times ended up with me being hurt.
sigh
TS, do what you have to, don't have any regrets
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Originally posted by maurizio13:
oh yah chunghong2004, remember to keep that $30 k diamond ring handy.
Some forumer is just like school in summer.
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Originally posted by Chunghong2004:
I am 23 yrs soon 24.
I have this problem where if i like a girl, i will avoid her.
i knew this 23 yrs old chinese girl who is malaysian 5 years ago in poly (year2003). during 1st year 2nd semester in polytechnic, i confessed to her that i like her in MRT, she stunned for a while, don't know what to say, then she shaked her head left and right without saying anything. Until then, i don't dare to talk to her much. 3 years later (year 2006), when we were almost graduate from our course, i wrote a testimonial to all my friends, including, telling her that i still like her through a website i created for my classmates when each individual needs to login to view the testimonial.
Within days, she replied with a long email, more than 1000 words most likely, talking about how she fears of crowd, and her concerns and difficulties coming to singapore and study/work, talking about her friends and also stated sometime during polytechnic she does likes me too. I was rather touched because this is the first girl who tells she likes me. But again, due to my relationship phobia of liking someone but yet, don't dare to talk to her face to face or asking her out, i did nothing at all after that email. Soon after graduated from polytechnic, i went to NS. During this 2 years, all this while, we keep contact in email in a 3 monthly basis.
In year Aug 2008, one of my friend as well as her friend's wedding party (The same friend we know of), and she was the bridemaid. Don't know why, this time round, after 2 years without meeting face to face, i am able to approach her and said hi first, asking her how is she. A bit chit chat and jokes during the wedding cemonary. After my friend wedding, one of my good male friend, me and her have to make a 15 minutes walk in a slient, dark, one way street to the busstop. Again i had the chance to do some chitchat, as well as in the bus. Soon reached to a MRT station, i gave her a handshake for farewell and we went different direction.
Since then, i had been thinking about her again till now.
Because i have seen alot of breaking-up-couples, divorces in my life, two-timer or three-timer, and i am also have commitment phobia, i have been thinking what happen if we are really together, will we break up. What happened if we are married, will we divorces. I am quite confident that i have the gut to confess to her again, maybe not face to face, but through email. I am not because fear of rejection but my concern is more on those bad memories we may have if we are being together. I don't wish to destory the wonderful image of her - *if one day after we break up, i may hate her to core. -
I was thinking, althought i like her, however i really don't know her very well, on the appearance, she is wonderful to me, but is she a two timer, is she a 2 face personality, is she a person who toy people's feeling, is she a great spender,... etc, or maybe totally different from what i suppose to expect... i also don't really like girl that are more clever than, i don't know why.
Should i confess again or remains single to retain the wonderful memories of her? Is single better for me rather than getting into relationship?
tats alot to fear.... wat u should do? for starters maybe can ask if she got bf anot 1st??? go date her out often to know her well enuff then after tat go f ur fears away n do the "sian zan hou zou"... u wun know wats ahead so jz do it... -
Fight! fight! Go fight for her!
Don't ask if she got a bf or not, you just need to show her your "true love" over all her bf's "true love". Let her decide who's the real one lor....
Go fight for her in the name of your infinite "true love" ok?
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true love = $30k diamond ring.
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Remember to give her the 30K diamond ring.
No money, no honey.
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Some forumer is just like school in summer.
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Go for it... If you never try you will never know and it may turn out to be a regret....
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Only stop telling her you like her when you are slapped with a TRO.
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LOL....
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Why think all the way until marriage when you aren't even sure she will accept you yet?
You are thinking too much and giving yourself too many excuses to not confess.
If you think she is worth it, go for it before someone else beats you to her. Else, just live with regrets for the rest of your life.
It is your choice.
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Your insecurities have become a curse.
It is not phobia, it is an issue of facing up the challange. And your self esteem have problem taking it up.
Afraid to lose? You have nothing to begin at all, what have you got to lose? Until you've learnt not to be too self protective - otherwise, all you are thinking will still be in your head and never materialise into actions.
Cheers
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okay man, from wat l read. Both of u r giving reasons not to be together. Follow ur heart, dont think "wat if". Both of u stay in touch for 2 yrs after poly is something worth commemorating.
�求天长地久， �求曾�拥有 (bu qiu tian chang ti jiu, zhi qiu chen jin yong you). Nothing last forever de lah. Like wat puchai said, just go give it try lor. At most a broken heart nia.
If not, start to know her again as friend lor, then advance further. Better then later onwards u keep asking urself whether u let go e right one.
If all work out, l wan the 30k ring as counseling fees.... just kidding :D
Gd luck
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Originally posted by Chunghong2004:
I am 23 yrs soon 24.
I have this problem where if i like a girl, i will avoid her.
i knew this 23 yrs old chinese girl who is malaysian 5 years ago in poly (year2003). during 1st year 2nd semester in polytechnic, i confessed to her that i like her in MRT, she stunned for a while, don't know what to say, then she shaked her head left and right without saying anything. Until then, i don't dare to talk to her much. 3 years later (year 2006), when we were almost graduate from our course, i wrote a testimonial to all my friends, including, telling her that i still like her through a website i created for my classmates when each individual needs to login to view the testimonial.
Within days, she replied with a long email, more than 1000 words most likely, talking about how she fears of crowd, and her concerns and difficulties coming to singapore and study/work, talking about her friends and also stated sometime during polytechnic she does likes me too. I was rather touched because this is the first girl who tells she likes me. But again, due to my relationship phobia of liking someone but yet, don't dare to talk to her face to face or asking her out, i did nothing at all after that email. Soon after graduated from polytechnic, i went to NS. During this 2 years, all this while, we keep contact in email in a 3 monthly basis.
In year Aug 2008, one of my friend as well as her friend's wedding party (The same friend we know of), and she was the bridemaid. Don't know why, this time round, after 2 years without meeting face to face, i am able to approach her and said hi first, asking her how is she. A bit chit chat and jokes during the wedding cemonary. After my friend wedding, one of my good male friend, me and her have to make a 15 minutes walk in a slient, dark, one way street to the busstop. Again i had the chance to do some chitchat, as well as in the bus. Soon reached to a MRT station, i gave her a handshake for farewell and we went different direction.
Since then, i had been thinking about her again till now.
Because i have seen alot of breaking-up-couples, divorces in my life, two-timer or three-timer, and i am also have commitment phobia, i have been thinking what happen if we are really together, will we break up. What happened if we are married, will we divorces. I am quite confident that i have the gut to confess to her again, maybe not face to face, but through email. I am not because fear of rejection but my concern is more on those bad memories we may have if we are being together. I don't wish to destory the wonderful image of her - *if one day after we break up, i may hate her to core. -
I was thinking, althought i like her, however i really don't know her very well, on the appearance, she is wonderful to me, but is she a two timer, is she a 2 face personality, is she a person who toy people's feeling, is she a great spender,... etc, or maybe totally different from what i suppose to expect... i also don't really like girl that are more clever than, i don't know why.
Should i confess again or remains single to retain the wonderful memories of her? Is single better for me rather than getting into relationship?
There is something fundamentally erroneous with your mindset and you are kinda living life in this rather narrow and hollow viewpoint that brings you nowhere.Allow me to provide my two cents:
This is the difference between people who think about Love and people who are in Love.
The former are but scripted fantasy conjured towards achieving a flawless yet nil achievement results in their scoreboard. What happens is that you can probably speak in splendid details about your every brush encounter with this lady, yet you have no actual proof as a means to follow up to validate your affection and turn this piece of dream into reality.
You choose to reframe your mind to applause your lack of failure than to see it as a lack of success (or even growth for the matter of fact). After all, a 0-0 is still better than potentially a 0-1.
I will quote from Karl Marx: 'The philosophers have merely interpreted the world in various ways; the point, however, is to change it.'
Your topic title is misrepresented: you are NOT a person with commitment phobia - you are just extremely fearful of failing
For those who talk about marriage even before you start proper dating; seriously, fringin` learn to crawl before you attempt to fly. Albeit this sounds damn old school but really, the dearth of true love is partially because people calculate way too much for their own good to even begin achieving anything significant in love and for their relationship.
And you know what's the worst? Your decision is largely claimed from pure observation of others and this is not even personal experience - concluding like a veteran, with zero battle experience.
You are not a sociologist - you don't have to play a participant-observer role.
Learn to be a lead - for your own life... your own show - or you quit acting altogether. The latter is if you prefer to live in your comfort zone and be an audience instead.
Your choice.
Cheers
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hi TS,
u r dam funny one leh, confess to a girl no need to be so direct one, instead of telling her u like her, u can tell her she is gorgeous lah, friendly lah, have nice charecter lah and so on.Tell her so direct will scare her off.
why commit when both of u are not ready yet. i advise u to start off as friend first, ask her out for lunch, dinner or moive lor then the relationship will not be so stressful mah, dont alway think of commiting lah cb. u not stress i also stress. relationship is to enjoy and be happy one.
go find out where got nice food to eat then ask her out for a makan date lor. when u go out with her u can ask her what game/hoppy she like to play, what food she like to eat then go play game and eat togather lor and see how to relatiopnship goes lor.
u can even find out more about her family, her friends and her future plan, what she like and dislike. in other word get to know more about her and u can also let her know more about yourself.
from there let the relationship develop lor, it take times. and when both reach a stage where are comfortable enff, u can start to hold hand, hug, kiss and even have sex lah cb. after that then u can talk about commitment lah, like that also dont know. so toopid.
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seems like i am having atychiphobia.
30K ring = love. how about $3 can drink's ring = ?
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Originally posted by Chunghong2004:
seems like i am having atychiphobia.
30K ring = love. how about $3 can drink's ring = ?
Wrong.. u have errectnophobia.
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Why is life so complicated?
Why?
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Hmm... does that mean if u are afraid of getting knocked down by a car, u are not going to cross the road forever?
Just give it a try, no harm. It won't kill u. If u are afraid of this and that, how are u going to accomplish big things in life?
Are u sure u wanna be a monk in ur entire life by keeping away from potential relationships?