Opinions from guys (or girls) point of view?
-
Hi all, a new-comer here. Just hope to hear some opinions from guys (or girls) point of view with regards to the situation.
Before i go into anything, i'll just state my belief first.
I'm sure alot out there heard of this before: In life, there'll always be three people in your life. The one you love the most. The one that love you the most. And the one that you eventually end up with. Most of the time, they wont be the same person. And if he/she is, congrats :)
Ok, do pardon the length. Here goes.
I came to know of this guy, let's name him, W, last year. To me, he's just a normal friend then. We message occassionally. Sometimes daily, depends if there's anything to chat about or not. (By the way, he's in ns now)
He'd kind of accompanied me through some highs & lows in life, since i'll pretty much message him when i'm bored. So it kind of becomes a 'habit' to message him. This 'habit' pretty much lasted for a year.
He's shy in person, but pretty lame when messaging. We'd never gone out together before. Not one-on-one (due to his religious belief that guy & girl shouldnt hang out one-on-one, & i respect that), neither in a group. I did see him once in a blue moon when there's service. But nothing else from there.
As a friend, i'm guilty but to say, i've flare up at him alot of times with some trivial things. I'll ignore his messages & even treating him invisible in person. Then when i shimmer down a few days later, i'll just message him as per normal like nothing ever happens.
But all the while, he'd never, NEVER ever get angry with me before. This really amaze me. Seriously, even at times i find myself really unreasonable & i cannot stand myself. I really wonder how he manage to bear with me. He told me that he'd been a pretty short-tempered person. But he'd learn not to get angry easily.
I dont know. I think that pretty much started things? I mean, which friends dont quarrel? Who wont hurl hurtful remarks at each other when angry? He never did. And slowly, lately, i realised i started to develop feeling for him, STRANGELY ENOUGH. Since he doesnt really fall into the catgory of the type of guy i'll fall for. It's just very mild feeling, but i noticed it.
I still remembered i once told him, i wanted a 'house-husband'. Someone who would do the housework. And he replied that he's fine with doing housework. And though he dont know how to cook, he's willing to learn. He seems like the 'perfect' guy for me. I have to say, as i've earlier stated, i believe he'll fall into the third category. The one that i'll hope to end up with eventually, since, like i say, the feeling is very mild. And i know he wont be the one i'm going to love most. But i think up till date, he's the one that suit me the most.
As i'm really afraid to fall deeper & get rejection (yes, i agreed i'm selfish), i decided to 'test water'. So just when i realise i've feeling for him, a day or two later, i decided to confess. But just in case, i 'tested water' the whole day. So i asked him if he'll accept a girl if she confessed. He replied that it'll depends on who she is, & i was like 'but if you dont like dont even need to depends what? just reject', which he agreed upon. After which he just stopped replying, saying that he doesnt feel really comfortable talking about bgr matters.
That's it. I've the 'do it now or never' mentality. So i just confessed, via sms. I didnt really goes to him with 'i-like-you' kind of thing. But i just do it my way which he understands anyway. He was stunned. And told me he'll give me an answer soon. Which he did next day afternoon. He rejected me saying that he dont intend to go into a r/s now or anytime soon. To avoid any awkward & continue to be friend, & to be truthful, i just told him that i'm not really serious & the feeling is really mild & i was just being really random & laugh it off.
Right now, we're back into the friend zone. However, there seems to be a barrier somewhere. Since then, i called him pretty often. Nothing better to do, you see. Just bored, as usual. I assume he's pretty bored too in ns? Assume. There was once when he, too, told me that he thought of me & wanted to call me, but didnt in the end. Anyway, i summarise the story & told a guy friend of mine. Who say that W is just a bastard trying to lead me on. Which i do agree with abit. How can anyone reject a girl already still say will think of her? But i think W is just not such a person? He doesnt seems like. Cause he seems like the pretty good listener & good friend to other friends too.
Anyway, since the confession, we still message as per normal. Most of the sms-es are initiated by me, as usual, but sometimes he'll just message me too. However, lately he hasnt been picking up my calls anymore. Though he'll still message me after that asking if i'd called him & so on. He just say he's not able to, the phone not beside him, he's busy, not convenient in ns, etc. I just absorb everything, with the thinking that he's just avoiding me & refusing to pick up those calls (i guess most will agree with me over here). And well, i just take it as it is.
So the last time i called him was on last Saturday. Which he pick up & didnt bother messaging me back after that. And on Sunday, i decided not to message him. But at night, he messaged to apologise that he's really sorry about not being able to pick up the calls lately, in which, i didnt reply back. We havent been in contact these few days. He didnt bother taking initiative to message me also, neither did i.
So right now, i'm just wondering, what's his stand?
Maybe is just i think too much. But he'd absolutely no interest in me. Fret not, i'm all ready to move on. And in fact i'm not staying at the same spot? At least i dont feel hurt or what.
Just that i'm wondering, what he's actually thinking?
Will you guys be able to give me your two penny thoughts from your point of view?
Thank you very much, and sorry for the lengthy...essay? Apology.
-
He is not interested. Already said earlier. Give it up.
-
Originally posted by rainee:
He is not interested. Already said earlier. Give it up.
wah u got read the entire post ah?!respek!
i read 1/3 den give up le.
hahaha
-
Originally posted by ChoCoChips:
wah u got read the entire post ah?!respek!
i read 1/3 den give up le.
hahaha
Yes, I read the whole thing.
But my answer can be summarised in the three sentences I have mentioned above
The irony of it, but doesn't mean I am not being serious though.
-
Originally posted by R-emo:
Hi all, a new-comer here. Just hope to hear some opinions from guys (or girls) point of view with regards to the situation.
Before i go into anything, i'll just state my belief first.
I'm sure alot out there heard of this before: In life, there'll always be three people in your life. The one you love the most. The one that love you the most. And the one that you eventually end up with. Most of the time, they wont be the same person. And if he/she is, congrats :)
Ok, do pardon the length. Here goes.
I came to know of this guy, let's name him, W, last year. To me, he's just a normal friend then. We message occassionally. Sometimes daily, depends if there's anything to chat about or not. (By the way, he's in ns now)
He'd kind of accompanied me through some highs & lows in life, since i'll pretty much message him when i'm bored. So it kind of becomes a 'habit' to message him. This 'habit' pretty much lasted for a year.
He's shy in person, but pretty lame when messaging. We'd never gone out together before. Not one-on-one (due to his religious belief that guy & girl shouldnt hang out one-on-one, & i respect that), neither in a group. I did see him once in a blue moon when there's service. But nothing else from there.
As a friend, i'm guilty but to say, i've flare up at him alot of times with some trivial things. I'll ignore his messages & even treating him invisible in person. Then when i shimmer down a few days later, i'll just message him as per normal like nothing ever happens.
But all the while, he'd never, NEVER ever get angry with me before. This really amaze me. Seriously, even at times i find myself really unreasonable & i cannot stand myself. I really wonder how he manage to bear with me. He told me that he'd been a pretty short-tempered person. But he'd learn not to get angry easily.
I dont know. I think that pretty much started things? I mean, which friends dont quarrel? Who wont hurl hurtful remarks at each other when angry? He never did. And slowly, lately, i realised i started to develop feeling for him, STRANGELY ENOUGH. Since he doesnt really fall into the catgory of the type of guy i'll fall for. It's just very mild feeling, but i noticed it.
I still remembered i once told him, i wanted a 'house-husband'. Someone who would do the housework. And he replied that he's fine with doing housework. And though he dont know how to cook, he's willing to learn. He seems like the 'perfect' guy for me. I have to say, as i've earlier stated, i believe he'll fall into the third category. The one that i'll hope to end up with eventually, since, like i say, the feeling is very mild. And i know he wont be the one i'm going to love most. But i think up till date, he's the one that suit me the most.
As i'm really afraid to fall deeper & get rejection (yes, i agreed i'm selfish), i decided to 'test water'. So just when i realise i've feeling for him, a day or two later, i decided to confess. But just in case, i 'tested water' the whole day. So i asked him if he'll accept a girl if she confessed. He replied that it'll depends on who she is, & i was like 'but if you dont like dont even need to depends what? just reject', which he agreed upon. After which he just stopped replying, saying that he doesnt feel really comfortable talking about bgr matters.
That's it. I've the 'do it now or never' mentality. So i just confessed, via sms. I didnt really goes to him with 'i-like-you' kind of thing. But i just do it my way which he understands anyway. He was stunned. And told me he'll give me an answer soon. Which he did next day afternoon. He rejected me saying that he dont intend to go into a r/s now or anytime soon. To avoid any awkward & continue to be friend, & to be truthful, i just told him that i'm not really serious & the feeling is really mild & i was just being really random & laugh it off.
Right now, we're back into the friend zone. However, there seems to be a barrier somewhere. Since then, i called him pretty often. Nothing better to do, you see. Just bored, as usual. I assume he's pretty bored too in ns? Assume. There was once when he, too, told me that he thought of me & wanted to call me, but didnt in the end. Anyway, i summarise the story & told a guy friend of mine. Who say that W is just a bastard trying to lead me on. Which i do agree with abit. How can anyone reject a girl already still say will think of her? But i think W is just not such a person? He doesnt seems like. Cause he seems like the pretty good listener & good friend to other friends too.
Anyway, since the confession, we still message as per normal. Most of the sms-es are initiated by me, as usual, but sometimes he'll just message me too. However, lately he hasnt been picking up my calls anymore. Though he'll still message me after that asking if i'd called him & so on. He just say he's not able to, the phone not beside him, he's busy, not convenient in ns, etc. I just absorb everything, with the thinking that he's just avoiding me & refusing to pick up those calls (i guess most will agree with me over here). And well, i just take it as it is.
So the last time i called him was on last Saturday. Which he pick up & didnt bother messaging me back after that. And on Sunday, i decided not to message him. But at night, he messaged to apologise that he's really sorry about not being able to pick up the calls lately, in which, i didnt reply back. We havent been in contact these few days. He didnt bother taking initiative to message me also, neither did i.
So right now, i'm just wondering, what's his stand?
Maybe is just i think too much. But he'd absolutely no interest in me. Fret not, i'm all ready to move on. And in fact i'm not staying at the same spot? At least i dont feel hurt or what.
Just that i'm wondering, what he's actually thinking?
Will you guys be able to give me your two penny thoughts from your point of view?
Thank you very much, and sorry for the lengthy...essay? Apology.
He does like you based on what you have described....at least that's what I know.He's probably shy, confused, shocked, unable to accept your honesty thru your confession. Hence, he thinks it is wrong for him to take advantage of your confession to be together with you. Sometimes hor...guys got this kind of "keeping a distance from the person they loved" emo fantasy. They feel happy when they have succeeded in acting cool and expects girls to work harder for them. But in reality, they will cry later when they realised that they acted too cool and the girls all repulsive of them already.
It's up to you how much you want to be with him. If you really like him, then you need to be more straightforward and let him know outright.
You will know what to do if you really love him right? But do you really love him?
He's not a MAN if he isn't smart enough to come clean with his own feelings for you. Let him learn to express himself in the hard way then.
-
R-emo,
That guy has made it very clear to you.. that he is NOT ready for a relationship with you.
A friendship is all you'll get.... that's it.. pure and simple.
-
Another guy who is just into smsing. sigh....
Just wondering, if he cant go out wif gals one-on-one and even in groups, how is he ever going to be in a relationship?
-
Originally posted by R-emo:
And told me he'll give me an answer soon. Which he did next day afternoon. He rejected me saying that he dont intend to go into a r/s now or anytime soon.
Like means like. Dont like means dont like. It does not need to take until next day afternoon to give an answer. Usually, for guys, when he take long to give back an answer, means that he is considering and you have something that attracts him. We do not know the reason why he reject you. But it maybe probably he is in national service.
-
Originally posted by parn:
He does like you based on what you have described....at least that's what I know.He's probably shy, confused, shocked, unable to accept your honesty thru your confession. Hence, he thinks it is wrong for him to take advantage of your confession to be together with you. Sometimes hor...guys got this kind of "keeping a distance from the person they loved" emo fantasy. They feel happy when they have succeeded in acting cool and expects girls to work harder for them. But in reality, they will cry later when they realised that they acted too cool and the girls all repulsive of them already.
It's up to you how much you want to be with him. If you really like him, then you need to be more straightforward and let him know outright.
You will know what to do if you really love him right? But do you really love him?
He's not a MAN if he isn't smart enough to come clean with his own feelings for you. Let him learn to express himself in the hard way then.
I find myself agreeing with Parn on this aspect.I can only tell you that the part he mentioned about not convenient to sms/call you in camp is true to a certain extent especially during exercise time where they might have to go outfield.
Then again,most NSF guys that I have seen who are crazy about their GFs will die die find some way to keep in constant contact with their better halves.
-
Originally posted by parn:
Sometimes hor...guys got this kind of "keeping a distance from the person they loved" emo fantasy.
this is called ai mei, you won't understand de lah. are you a man/ -
Originally posted by R-emo:
So i asked him if he'll accept a girl if she confessed. He replied that it'll depends on who she is, & i was like 'but if you dont like dont even need to depends what? just reject', which he agreed upon. After which he just stopped replying, saying that he doesnt feel really comfortable talking about bgr matters.
a girl said the exact same thing to me, u think she like me anot? or girls just like to ask this type of qns to any guys they know? -
Whatever it is, it is plain clear that he is not ready. Your best hedge is to move on. If it is meant to be, it will be. You've done what you could. You might have a higher probability liking someone else who's available later on. Who knows.
-
i think he most probably likes you. just that he isn't in a state of mind ready for having you as gf. ask him what is his issue. may be because he want to study uni, work etc before going steady with anyone.
since you alr made the first step to confess to him, may as well go a little further to check out his reason for rejecting you.
-
Originally posted by R-emo:
He's shy in person, but pretty lame when messaging. We'd never gone out together before. Not one-on-one (due to his religious belief that guy & girl shouldnt hang out one-on-one, & i respect that), neither in a group. I did see him once in a blue moon when there's service. But nothing else from there.
No offence to any religion but really, are we living in the age of dinosaurs or something? If guy and girl don't ever hang out 1 on 1, then how is anybody going to ever date or get married and develop feelings for each other? If he says he doesn't want premarital sex or something like that then its ok lah.Personally I think the guy is just trying to diss you off by saying such things and bringing religion into play is just one of the approaches he is using to accomplish his goal. Perhaps you should move on and keep your options open.
Anyway, on a sidenote. That bugger don't know how lucky he is sia. I want to go out 1 on 1 with girl also no chance yet sia.
-
just give you and the guy more time and see how.
-
Originally posted by bizzkit0102:
No offence to any religion but really, are we living in the age of dinosaurs or something? If guy and girl don't ever hang out 1 on 1, then how is anybody going to ever date or get married and develop feelings for each other? If he says he doesn't want premarital sex or something like that then its ok lah.Personally I think the guy is just trying to diss you off by saying such things and bringing religion into play is just one of the approaches he is using to accomplish his goal. Perhaps you should move on and keep your options open.
Anyway, on a sidenote. That bugger don't know how lucky he is sia. I want to go out 1 on 1 with girl also no chance yet sia.
Yea, I also find that part amusing lolz. So far I have friends from all sort of religion but haven't heard them talking about their religion barring them from hanging out one to one with the opposite gender. Or does he mean hang out one to one as in at home? First few dates dun need to stay at home ma, there are so many malls in Spore, can pick one and go there to walk around.
I think TS should read the book, "I am just not that into you". If a guy is serious about going out with you, no excuses will hold him back.
-
he oredi say liao ma he in NS. he jus went in or went in quite long ago liao? u realli think ns so gd ar let u carry the hp ard. somemore in bmt u r nt even allow to carry ur hp wif u lor. u can only use the hp during break and during book out.
NS timetable beri pack 1 whr got time to pick up ur call n immediately sms u. somemore he nv even carry his hp wif u hw to ans. even if he carry the hp wif him i dun think he able to ans ur call as the situtation over there dun allow him to.
NS is tire enuff oredi u shld b give in to him instead of him givin him to u. inside so mani shyt ting to do liao, rest time still muz pamper u, give in to u. whr got such thing 1
-
Originally posted by ChoCoChips:
wah u got read the entire post ah?!respek!
i read 1/3 den give up le.
hahaha
Apology. I just happily type & only realise it's a really lengthy essay when i'm done typing.But i thought it'll be at least better to type out everything than to summarise everything & nobody understands?
-
Originally posted by rainee:
Yes, I read the whole thing.
But my answer can be summarised in the three sentences I have mentioned above
The irony of it, but doesn't mean I am not being serious though.
Thanks for the reply. And yup, i dont intend to hold on. Just curious about what guys think. Afterall, it'll allow me to understand the opposite gender abit more, which i think, will help if i encounter something like this again next time? Hope not though, haha. -
Originally posted by parn:
He does like you based on what you have described....at least that's what I know.He's probably shy, confused, shocked, unable to accept your honesty thru your confession. Hence, he thinks it is wrong for him to take advantage of your confession to be together with you. Sometimes hor...guys got this kind of "keeping a distance from the person they loved" emo fantasy. They feel happy when they have succeeded in acting cool and expects girls to work harder for them. But in reality, they will cry later when they realised that they acted too cool and the girls all repulsive of them already.
It's up to you how much you want to be with him. If you really like him, then you need to be more straightforward and let him know outright.
You will know what to do if you really love him right? But do you really love him?
He's not a MAN if he isn't smart enough to come clean with his own feelings for you. Let him learn to express himself in the hard way then.
Haha, i felt really console reading your reply. Thank you :) Guess like everyone elses, it's easier to accept feedback that we 'wished' to get. And thanks, i'll fight for my own happiness if i really love him. But i guess, the feeling is still not THAT strong right now. So well, maybe now is still not the time yet. I'll just let nature take it course for the time-being :)
Thank you for your reply.
-
Originally posted by jojobeach:
R-emo,
That guy has made it very clear to you.. that he is NOT ready for a relationship with you.
A friendship is all you'll get.... that's it.. pure and simple.
I guess at times, 'Simplicity is the beauty'.
But just wondering, do you think it'll be possible in the future? Hmm~or maybe he's just NOT ready for a r/s with me ONLY?
*R-emo went off pondering*
Not that i cant accept a pure friendship. In fact i think it's pretty good too. Someone to confide in & talk crap with when upset/bored.
I always have this mentality - 'Having a boyfriend/girlfriend = losing a good friend'. Afterall, sometimes there're 'secrets' that you can share with a normal friend, but not bf/gf. Maybe just not to spoil the image of yourself to your other half.
Thanks for replying :)
-
Originally posted by cherrycola:
Another guy who is just into smsing. sigh....
Just wondering, if he cant go out wif gals one-on-one and even in groups, how is he ever going to be in a relationship?
I guess he just think it's not nice to go out one-on-one. He does go out in groups. But we dont have much mutual friends. So have never gone out together before. -
Long story, no patience to read lah.
-
Originally posted by Go:
Like means like. Dont like means dont like. It does not need to take until next day afternoon to give an answer. Usually, for guys, when he take long to give back an answer, means that he is considering and you have something that attracts him. We do not know the reason why he reject you. But it maybe probably he is in national service.
Trust me, i'm amazed when i read your reply. Cause i thought of EXACTLY the same things as you.
I did mention in the post that i 'tested water' & asked him if he'll accept if a girl confess. And i did tell him that there's no depending. if dont like, it'll be just reject. So i got abit of 'What are you thinking of?' when he told me he'll give me an answer soon. I mean, why does he even need to consider, right?
I somehow expected his answer though.
But just like you, i thought his reason might be because he's in NS so didnt want to like, 'drag me down', or something like that cause he wont have time to get into a r/s?
-
Originally posted by baikachuchu:
I find myself agreeing with Parn on this aspect.I can only tell you that the part he mentioned about not convenient to sms/call you in camp is true to a certain extent especially during exercise time where they might have to go outfield.
Then again,most NSF guys that I have seen who are crazy about their GFs will die die find some way to keep in constant contact with their better halves.
Haha, well, for one, i'm not his gf. So i think it's perfectly fine that he's 'busy-and-cant-reply' as he has no obligation to. Even if really is gf, it's understandable as no one is ever-free all the time :)But thanks, it's good to at least have abit of update about how ns is like. Eg.outfield