Freedom? Or Mommy's boy?
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here some details abt me, 18 year old guy, just finish A levels, waiting for ns.
my mom expects me to be home at 10pm, if more thn that my phone will be ringing non stop. when i go out with frends, she will probe me for hell lot of times who am i going out with. recently, i was tellin her that after my prom nite i have post prom activites over at a pub or smth, she said i cant go.
i mean i dun get the rationale behind all this shit. if i am a 14 or 16 yr old kid well, that kind of treatment i still can try to accept. but i mean here i m a 18 year old guy, n there ur tryin to probe into my social life, i noe she cares abt me, but i believe this is just getting to restrictive. Im the only child btw, but come on, i nid to have frens isnt it? and its not that i go out every nite to party,just once in a ablue moon, even some of my female frens have that kind of freedom. i dun understand my parents, or maybe to be exact, my mom. she just wans to control everything. even the way i spent money, she will probe on what i spent on, check my wallet when im asleep( pretend), check my bag. etc. this i just way too much. i cant stand it animore.
guys i nid ur help, ani suggestion to get me out of this shit?
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parents tend to be very protective of only child, coz thats their ONLY child
talk to her nicely, tell her u are 18, u know wat u are doing.
tell her u need ur own free space.
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this is really too much
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Originally posted by bryanw:
this is really too much
pls be serious. someone just address his agony
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Originally posted by gunner77:
pls be serious. someone just address his agony
i am serious -
Originally posted by bryanw:
i am serious
u are not -
ok TS, i suggest you speak to your mum to find out her fears and reassure her that you are a big didi and no more xiao di di. show her maturity in your thinking, speech and action and slowly she will understand that her son is no more a xiao di di but a big di di and set you free. if necessary, speak to your dad too.
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your future wife will have a lot to deal from the way mommy is behaving.....your mommy will be fighting control over you, i guess you will have to live with her....poor thing, sandwich between two women..... show some independence, off the damn phone but don't return home too late....get the old man to help lay down the law lah.....display some spite, that will spook her off a little....
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just talk to your mum nicely. i guess it would be hard to start the conversation about your freedom,but just look for opportunities.
your mum probably didnt realised that you have grown up. most mothers will treat their children as young boys or girls.try showing your mature side, let her know you can take care of yourself ,and others as well.
she's your mother, know that she love and care for you. love her and respect her too, having a close relationship also helps.
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hi bro i was in the same situation as you few yrs back. i used to have to lie i had revision class even to play soccer. show your mom some independence like working and paying your bills like handphone and stuff. i am now free in anyway you would want to be and my mom and i are much closer. of cos i know my limits too and i won't raise no matter what. best is prove through actions and your mom will grow out of it. trust me it will work, and all the best for your A levels.
cheers
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i noe how you feel. still undergoing that....and i am actually still trying to resolve it. i used to be all submissive and all but recently i blew up, cos i really cldnt take it anymore, esp where it concerned my gf. i thot of leaving home and everything, like taking bank loans to pay for my education. but i cant leave my sibling and dad at home like that. its not their fault for my suffering and i cant bear to leave them behind either.
but i was reading some psycological bk to explain why they behave like tt. i guess ur mom is a housewife? like mine. they dont have much things to do, they tend to think too much and they jus want to find fault with a lot of ppl. no one ever tells them they are wrong, esp when the other family members are very easygoing. so i guess someone wld have to take tt first step. which wld be me. i mean, u cant grow up, and let ur mother decide who you want to marry and what house and car brand u shld buy and so on. the extent of filial piety shouldnt include these.
but i dont really want to quarrel w her anymore either. i am looking for a peaceful way to settle this. so like you....i'm looking for a way. will let u noe if i do. cheers bro.
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Best is talk to ur mum.
Explain to her.
Show her tht u can be responsible.
Tell her, u will be back by, lets say by 12, and better be back by then.
Gain her trust.
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hey,
Dun worry about it. Everyone been through this phase of life. It just the matter of time and intensity your mom is probing into your life. You are 18 but to your mom, you are only a kid. We are always a kid in our mom's eye even the day we have our own family.
Whatever you do, DO NOT shout back and retord to negative feedback. Coz it will make you more childish and definitely an argument. Like what ppl had said, talk to your mom. If you are the only child or the oldest child, maybe it will need some time. Maybe you can speak to your dad or your aunt to speak to your mother.Anyway, you are going to army soon. How long more can your mother probe into you. Let say till 22, 24, or even after you finish uni. After that will she still do this? I dun think so. You will actually miss their probing i guess. And trust me, army will make you think of your home and your mom more. Haha!
Something i learnt in the army and i think it helps. Try to get out of this shit, dun compare your life with other ppl! haha
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just 1 qn.
where does ur money comes from?
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When i was like 14, i aldy go play billard till 3am at paradiz on weekends
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Originally posted by dukedracula:
your future wife will have a lot to deal from the way mommy is behaving…..your mommy will be fighting control over you, i guess you will have to live with her….poor thing, sandwich between two women…..
show some independence, off the damn phone but don’t return home too late….get the old man to help lay down the law lah…..display some spite, that will spook her off a little….
fully agree, TS will be in a worse situation when that happens.
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wow..same like my BF..
even if he's in mid 20s now..he is still being controlled by his mum..
his mum will even call him everytime when he is out & query him about his whereabts, what is he doing? what time will he be back home?
there was even 1 time whereby both of us went to catch a late night movie..and, by the time he reached home..it was around 2am+ (latest also 3am)..and, guess what?
HIS MUM LOCKED THE DOOR!!
when i heard abt that..my reaction was like wth?! u would rather lock your own side out of the outside just because he didnt return home by the timing that u set for him? u would rather let him spent the night outside?
apparently,the mum also restrict my BF's sister movement =.=''' so now is like, her kids have a limited social circle all thanks to her..
seriously..setting curfew when u are in your mid 20s?..lol?
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another of my gal pal also..last time when we were in Sec Sch..we always have CCA practise on Sat mah..she can hardly hang out with us after CCA because her mum will be there to fetch her..
even during holiday chalets ah..her mum refuse to let her hang out with us..there's 1 time whereby we host a chalet @ East Coast..she wanted to go badly that she had a huge quarrel with her mum..BUT..her mum didnt relent also..the most she did was just to rent another chalet near ours..and, let her come over during the day time..she even have to be back @ her own chalet @ night!!!
there was another time whereby we planned for shopping trip in town..her mum fetched her here..and!! followed us all the way for our shopping trip!! argh!! until 1 of the gals buay tahan & shoot her off by saying stuff like "we don't need a nanny"..this friend of mine felt paiseh & went to talk to her mum..BUT..is kinda redundant lah..cuz the mum went to walk behind us (maintain a super short dist) =.='''
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Originally posted by miNty`:
another of my gal pal also..last time when we were in Sec Sch..we always have CCA practise on Sat mah..she can hardly hang out with us after CCA because her mum will be there to fetch her..
even during holiday chalets ah..her mum refuse to let her hang out with us..there's 1 time whereby we host a chalet @ East Coast..she wanted to go badly that she had a huge quarrel with her mum..BUT..her mum didnt relent also..the most she did was just to rent another chalet near ours..and, let her come over during the day time..she even have to be back @ her own chalet @ night!!!
there was another time whereby we planned for shopping trip in town..her mum fetched her here..and!! followed us all the way for our shopping trip!! argh!! until 1 of the gals buay tahan & shoot her off by saying stuff like "we don't need a nanny"..this friend of mine felt paiseh & went to talk to her mum..BUT..is kinda redundant lah..cuz the mum went to walk behind us (maintain a super short dist) =.='''
u talking abt secondary school age... n u see all the havoc girls taking naked photos to be in fashion... scare u guys bring her daughter to shopping centre staircase for a quickie n some sleeping around actions at night at the chalet... -
Originally posted by miNty`:
wow..same like my BF..
even if he's in mid 20s now..he is still being controlled by his mum..
his mum will even call him everytime when he is out & query him about his whereabts, what is he doing? what time will he be back home?
there was even 1 time whereby both of us went to catch a late night movie..and, by the time he reached home..it was around 2am+ (latest also 3am)..and, guess what?
HIS MUM LOCKED THE DOOR!!
when i heard abt that..my reaction was like wth?! u would rather lock your own side out of the outside just because he didnt return home by the timing that u set for him? u would rather let him spent the night outside?
apparently,the mum also restrict my BF's sister movement =.=''' so now is like, her kids have a limited social circle all thanks to her..
seriously..setting curfew when u are in your mid 20s?..lol?
if the son knows the limit n is a guai guai boy since young, then the mum is not giving adulthood freedom to him.
BUT IF he is a rebelious boy since young, quarrelling with his mum, then that's a different matter -
You don't seem to have her trust. What have you done or not done before that she needs tight control over you? What are you doing now to gain her confidence? Why not just talk to her.
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Tell her nicely, you can still get a girl pregnant even if you come home before 10pm.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
u talking abt secondary school age... n u see all the havoc girls taking naked photos to be in fashion... scare u guys bring her daughter to shopping centre staircase for a quickie n some sleeping around actions at night at the chalet...
my Sec sch days was how many years ago..@ that time..there's no such atrocious stuff around..but her mum is really too stringent...till she don't even allow her daughter to answer calls from friends..unless is really about sch work..and, what's worst is that she will actually evasdropped on the conversation =.='''
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Originally posted by Rednano:
if the son knows the limit n is a guai guai boy since young, then the mum is not giving adulthood freedom to him.
BUT IF he is a rebelious boy since young, quarrelling with his mum, then that's a different matter
Never smoke, club..Definitely will tend to be rebellious abit..Who doesn't? Haha..I don't believe in the existence of "holy angelic" kids..More like your phrase --> "mum is not giving adulthood freedom to him."
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tell her there will be a day when I am deployed to some jungle in Borneo you can't expect to call be every few minutes... sekali you call me and you give away my position, you virtually killed me...