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Should I move out of my house?

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  • Princessisland2001's Avatar
    27 posts since Jun '11
    • I don't have a good relationship with my family. Whenever I am with them, my confidence level keeps dropping lower and lower every day. I am bambarded with negative comments from them every day. I keep getting discouragements and criticisms from them. From my appearance, to my personality. They will always find something to criticise me. I am feeling so depressed. And by the way, I am 19 years old this year. I don't have enough money to move out of this house but I hate my family so much. What should I do? And my parents are growing old too. I am not sure if me moving out of this house is a right choice, because my parents are getting old and it just doesn't feel right to abandon them. And I doubt my brothers would take care of them. I think they are the sort who would just put my parents in old folks home.    :-/

       

      Anyway, my dilemma now is, should I move out of this house, or should I continue to stay in this toxic environment? If I move out of this house, what would happen to my parents? And if I continue to stay in this house, how do I tolerate all these toxic people in my environment? How do I prevent myself from sinking into depression around toxic people?

  • Call4ljw's Avatar
    1,236 posts since May '08
    • People must have faith in themselves. Ignore what others say.

       

      If you're affected by what people say, then you have no faith in yourself. if you have no faith in yourself, then no one will. just be yourself.

      Edited by Call4ljw 07 Jul `11, 10:11PM
  • MooKu's Avatar
    37,067 posts since Dec '02
    • I suppose even the strongest faith will waver when one comes under attack everyday...

      Turn your agony into motivation to work harder/smarter and earn more money to get yourself out of the situation!!!!!

  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,286 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by Princessisland2001:

      I don't have a good relationship with my family. Whenever I am with them, my confidence level keeps dropping lower and lower every day. I am bambarded with negative comments from them every day. I keep getting discouragements and criticisms from them. From my appearance, to my personality. They will always find something to criticise me. I am feeling so depressed. And by the way, I am 19 years old this year. I don't have enough money to move out of this house but I hate my family so much. What should I do? And my parents are growing old too. I am not sure if me moving out of this house is a right choice, because my parents are getting old and it just doesn't feel right to abandon them. And I doubt my brothers would take care of them. I think they are the sort who would just put my parents in old folks home.    :-/

       

      Anyway, my dilemma now is, should I move out of this house, or should I continue to stay in this toxic environment? If I move out of this house, what would happen to my parents? And if I continue to stay in this house, how do I tolerate all these toxic people in my environment? How do I prevent myself from sinking into depression around toxic people?

      Your family is using Negative Reinforcement tactic on you.

      It is part of Operant Conditioning.

      Unfortunately, in Asian culture.. parents teach/manipulate their children more frequently with negative reinforcements/punishments and not enough of positive reinforcements.

      While your parent's has their heart in the right places, they are unable to positively express themselves to you. It's highly likely that they grew up with the same treatment from your grandparents.

      My suggestion is.. don't take their harsh criticism too personally and try to look beneath the message of good they try to convey.

      The world is harsh n shallow out there.. if u cannot be beyond just average, you will likely be disadvantaged.

      I can tell you still care about your family..talk to your parents about their behavior and encourage them to be more positive when dealing with you. Let them know that you respond better to positive reinforcements and encouragements instead of negative ones.

       

  • icare's Avatar
    126 posts since Jun '11
    • Have you already completed your education?

      Complete your education and when you start earning big bucks than move out

  • Veggie Bao's Avatar
    1,714 posts since Aug '09
    • Maybe you can try talking to them about it....

      Find an opportunity and have a chat with them....

      Say that these criticism has been discouraging and you hope for more encouragement.....

      Try it......

       

  • xiaogougou's Avatar
    257 posts since Apr '11
    • I completely understand how you feel and like you, I feel totally sick and grossed out of my family at times. But moving out is a big decision and once you take this step, you may live to regret it cos you may not be able to move back le.

       

      Now, the problem is if you decide to move out, where will you stay? Where will you go? You are 19, i presume you are still studying. What will happen to your current studies? Are your parents paying for your schooling?

       

      And, how are you going to support yourself? Quit school and work? Is it worth quitting school just to stay away from yr family? Depend on bf? Dont be naive loh, guys around your age either is go NS and at your age now you most likely cant find a guy that is dependable to take care of you one.

       

      Dont be silly and do things to jeopardise yourself just in a fit of anger. If you want attention from your family, maybe you can try running from home for a few days and stay at a friend's house to make them appreciate you.

       

      Want to move out also wait til you have the means to, then 大摇大摆 walk out and throw the shoes back at their faces.

       

       

       

       

  • Fcukpap's Avatar
    7,290 posts since Dec '09
    • moving out provided if you have the capability to be independent than due to some emotional or family problems. 

  • JerryJan's Avatar
    884 posts since Aug '09
    • last time I also feel depressed at home

      my solution is to accept marriage proposal & get out of that house

      anywhere is definitely better den staying there kena torture mentally  

       

  • xiaogougou's Avatar
    257 posts since Apr '11
    • People oni 19 nehh ... accept simi marriage proposal lah ?

       

      Your this proposal is Not Applicable lahh ~~~

  • [imdestinyz]'s Avatar
    1,361 posts since Jan '11
    • TS u are probably taking their comments and criticisms too personally already. Although parents do love their kids, many of them does not know how to show it properly and as wad jojobeach has said, it just so happens to be part of asian culture that negative comments are used more than positive encouragement. The thing is, however negative the comments can be, it ultimately depends on how you take it and how you see it. Try not to be too personally affected by it.

      And as for mr jerry jan - she's only 19, you want her to get married so early?

  • Hwaimeng's Avatar
    1,059 posts since Apr '08
    • Originally posted by Princessisland2001:

      I am 19 years old this year. I don't have enough money to move out of this house


      you already know the answer yrself.

  • Dr Language's Avatar
    132 posts since Apr '11
    • All teenagers suffer the same predicament as you do. But as your parents age and when you start working, they will start to respect your space. And if you do get married later on, you will be moving out with your spouse.

       

      This is all just a phase. When you look back you will laugh it off.

       

      Seriously you're only 19, just tolerate your parents, its not like you are in prison or stuck in some concentration camp. At least you got home cook food, roof over your head and clothings.  

  • JerryJan's Avatar
    884 posts since Aug '09
    • Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:

      TS u are probably taking their comments and criticisms too personally already. Although parents do love their kids, many of them does not know how to show it properly and as wad jojobeach has said, it just so happens to be part of asian culture that negative comments are used more than positive encouragement. The thing is, however negative the comments can be, it ultimately depends on how you take it and how you see it. Try not to be too personally affected by it.

      And as for mr jerry jan - she's only 19, you want her to get married so early?

      me is auntie Jan  icon_redface.gif

      I got fren got married at age 16 even icon_eek.gif

      Edited by JerryJan 08 Jul `11, 10:15AM
  • Loor's Avatar
    931 posts since Jun '11
    • Other than some of the other good tips here....maybe try and do more things out of the house more? Hobbies, study or whatever. So you don't have to tahan the bombardment at home all the time.

  • Hwaimeng's Avatar
    1,059 posts since Apr '08
    • Originally posted by JerryJan:

      me is auntie Jan  icon_redface.gif

      I got fren got married at age 16 even icon_eek.gif


      yes you can marry at age 16 but without the married cert.

      Govment dont allow age 16 and below, if im not wrong its 18 and above

      my friends 21(male) married 16(female)  due to short gun, hold the cem but without legal wed paper.-

      in the law their are not married.

  • angel7030's Avatar
    30,628 posts since Jul '07
    • Originally posted by JerryJan:

      me is auntie Jan  icon_redface.gif

      I got fren got married at age 16 even icon_eek.gif


      icon_evil.gif huh? people still dunno my auntie ar?? respect ok

    • Hmmm..TS sound like a gay to me.

  • Lokey's Avatar
    1,806 posts since Jan '09
    • Originally posted by Princessisland2001:

      I don't have a good relationship with my family. Whenever I am with them, my confidence level keeps dropping lower and lower every day. I am bambarded with negative comments from them every day. I keep getting discouragements and criticisms from them. From my appearance, to my personality. They will always find something to criticise me. I am feeling so depressed. And by the way, I am 19 years old this year. I don't have enough money to move out of this house but I hate my family so much. What should I do? And my parents are growing old too. I am not sure if me moving out of this house is a right choice, because my parents are getting old and it just doesn't feel right to abandon them. And I doubt my brothers would take care of them. I think they are the sort who would just put my parents in old folks home.    :-/

       

      Anyway, my dilemma now is, should I move out of this house, or should I continue to stay in this toxic environment? If I move out of this house, what would happen to my parents? And if I continue to stay in this house, how do I tolerate all these toxic people in my environment? How do I prevent myself from sinking into depression around toxic people?

      Why dont you try to understand their negative comments and correct yourself?

      I am sure they wouldnt tell you to keep your hair long enough to cover your face. Or quite school and stop studying. Or come back in the morning instead of being 12am...

       

  • Aneslayer's Avatar
    1,511 posts since May '11
    • I see a one way comm... Happens to traditional families. There are times I run away from my mum at hearing or sight of her. I'm married and she's living UNDER me mind you. I presume you are a man. Are you man enough to take the abuse and still live the life you chose? Make it or have a breakdown.

  • angel7030's Avatar
    30,628 posts since Jul '07
    • At 19, for guy, most are still be puberty, it is normal that when I was 15yo, i got this same hatre to family, cannot stand my father and grandma, everytime they talk only, it is like nagging, either into the room or out i go and shut myself off them, sometime, I booked budget hotels to stay in, and my family reported me missing, but at 15yo, i cannot get a room, but those staff in the hotels know me, they let me stay and informed my family.

      So, I think for TS, it is a mere teenage character, it is stage that shown many routes and most are confuse on which one to take, and most wanted so much to be adult, be free and make his or her own decision without any interfering, it time where hot and strong personality evolve, I hv gone thru, even if you see in my posting years ago, it was so negative, most forumers hated me, now, I am better, grow up, everywhere also become big big,...at the right place. I believe TS will get over it, and in a few years time, may think back and laugh over what was thought now, it happens to almost all of us here, so much so that most uncles and aunties so wished to go back to teenager time again, so, for TS, please treasure it, teen age is only from 13 to 19 with the teen behind, after that, all hell break loose...

  • Jiani's Avatar
    1,767 posts since Jul '09
  • angel7030's Avatar
    30,628 posts since Jul '07
  • kengkia's Avatar
    6,432 posts since Aug '04
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