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  • ISTARI's Avatar
    270 posts since Feb '11
    • Hey, i have this friend of mine who is a guy. So basically he has a pretty gf lah. So, guys being guys naturally have guy friends right? But this friend of mine never speaks or have guy friends. He will basically have 1 friend which is his GF, i find this behavior weird, anti- social. Do u have friends like this? Why does a person become like this? 

      First, its nt like i care whether he talks to anyone lah, i just think its strange. Its not a human behavior. Is there something wrong up there?

  • mr music's Avatar
    255 posts since Mar '12
  • despondent's Avatar
    2,223 posts since Feb '06
    • its called zhong se qing you...i do noe someone who is almost like tat...but this one even better...forsake frends once he has found the one...

  • BabylonPunkette's Avatar
    41 posts since Apr '12
    • Have you tried to understand the "background" of his story?

      The root of behavior is traceable from his childhood and his past: like, was he ever being bullied or backstabbed by people - who called themselves "his friends" - at school or at work?

      Did some incident frighten him so badly he's now withdrawn to his own world or around with the one who can respect his space?

      I don't mean to be rude but the way you put him (down) as "weird" is thoughtless and not helpful.

      Sometimes it's hard to relate to others when they love to put you down constantly.

  • Saltiga's Avatar
    1,974 posts since Oct '06
    • stop stalking on someone who doesn't want to be your friend, so what if his has got problem "up there" or "down there" its got nothing to do with you at all.. respect others

  • InevItabIlIty's Avatar
    17 posts since Jun '12
  • 6u3king's Avatar
    317 posts since May '12
    • it is natural, basically he has friends, just that he does not wants to hang out with them, since you claim his G/F is a beauty,  then maybe he is afraid if he hangs out with his guy freinds, then his G/F wil be target of many Singapore Jay chou

      Yenn tau

  • ISTARI's Avatar
    270 posts since Feb '11
    • He's very show off one. Act so elite. Act as though he's the boss kind. I think its because he thinks that we r not on the same level.

  • Kohgw1985's Avatar
    19 posts since May '12
    • Well, some maybe more anti-social because they pretty quiet or they juz like that. Not everybody likes people one lah. I had suckers so same-same lah.

  • ISTARI's Avatar
    270 posts since Feb '11
    • This guy is like seriously thinks he is above others. With that kind of swag her carries around. Arrrghhh, i dont like unsociable people. Dont just quiet. It irritates me.

  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,349 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by ISTARI:

      Hey, i have this friend of mine who is a guy. So basically he has a pretty gf lah. So, guys being guys naturally have guy friends right? But this friend of mine never speaks or have guy friends. He will basically have 1 friend which is his GF, i find this behavior weird, anti- social. Do u have friends like this? Why does a person become like this? 

      First, its nt like i care whether he talks to anyone lah, i just think its strange. Its not a human behavior. Is there something wrong up there?

      Since he is not your cup of tea, then don't hang out with him, leave him alone.

      He is happy doing what he does, n harming no one.

      There is no need for you to show your pettiness by making the whole world hate him just because u don't like him.

      Edited by jojobeach 13 Jun `12, 2:43AM
  • speakoutfor's Avatar
    838 posts since Jan '12
    • Originally posted by ISTARI:

      This guy is like seriously thinks he is above others. With that kind of swag her carries around. Arrrghhh, i dont like unsociable people. Dont just quiet. It irritates me.


      Some guys change after they get their gf. Or their gf could be clingy as a result, no time for guy friends.

      Actually a lot of guys similar to him. Guys with gf of course.

      Since he is like that - maybe its time you spend less time time with him and find other friends or activities to go to. Can't change the way he thinks.

      Or you can choose to tell him off. Then go on to find your other friends.

  • BabylonPunkette's Avatar
    41 posts since Apr '12
    • Why would you flippantly claim him as "a friend" and stay as one since he's all what you said about him? *haiz*

      I remember there was a classmate from years ago who behaved just the same. When she needed companionship, she came to us - a total group of 4 girls. When the guy of her dream from another class walked by, she went swooning for him. Abandoning her group - us - is a better way to describe it. While with him, she would literally treat the rest of the group as strangers even though we were standing at close distance to one another. Strangely enough, none of us confronted her. We felt hurt indeed but we knew what's important to her - then - meant a lot to her pride. So we kept the whole ongoings near our peripheral sight but distanced ourselves far enough not to get emotionally attached to her doings.

      But..

      Despite that haughtiness in her, she's still the girl we first met: outspoken, quick-tempered and aloof. She's an arrogant person alright, but we loved her just the same because at that time, our camaraderie was formed over insecurities, the stigma of being treated as "outcasts" both in our class (for not being pretty enough) and outside the class (we were not in the Express stream) - to which I called it "The Common Life Problems". But in spite of all this, we pooled the individual strengths that drawn us together: she - resourceful -, one girl - pragmatic, brave and hardworking, other girl - studious and sharp; another girl - streetwise; and me - dreamy and creative.

      As time went by, our friendship started to fray by its end. It's time to take a bow and bow out graciously you have to. It's inevitable that people change. We developed different expectations, different needs, with different people involved with our life. 

      And I am always grateful for the experience: growing up together, learning things together. Friendship teaches us valuable life lesson. Even though these memories belong to the past close to two decades ago, in these cocoons of past images, the people still live. They still breathe. They still shine.

      Edited by BabylonPunkette 13 Jun `12, 11:28AM
  • angel7030's Avatar
    30,628 posts since Jul '07
    • Originally posted by ISTARI:

      Hey, i have this friend of mine who is a guy. So basically he has a pretty gf lah. So, guys being guys naturally have guy friends right? But this friend of mine never speaks or have guy friends. He will basically have 1 friend which is his GF, i find this behavior weird, anti- social. Do u have friends like this? Why does a person become like this? 

      First, its nt like i care whether he talks to anyone lah, i just think its strange. Its not a human behavior. Is there something wrong up there?


      Hey, you do not need to keep repeating that he is a guy, we know he is a gay

  • ISTARI's Avatar
    270 posts since Feb '11
    • Whatever la, i just cant stand people who are quiet. Cos i simply cannot read them. Like what the're thinking and everything. The reason why im so irritated, is because i've never seeen him talk. Its like i try talking but, i'll just be slammed down with 1 word speech like "yes or no". Fine, just gonnna leave them alone. They dont deserve my breath. Waste my electricity! People wanna make u sociable, you do wan. What is this? 

  • BabylonPunkette's Avatar
    41 posts since Apr '12
    •  

      Different personalities tend to clash. If you are thinking he's worth for another consideration, load up your patience trait, take time out to observe his activities and listen intently to what he says (that is, if he's willing to talk...) . Observe his body language more when he's around the people whom you think couldn't pry a single word out of him. Is there a sudden drop in the 'room temperature' when someone directs a question or statement at him and it takes awhile for him to reply?

      If, an example, he likes to collect toys as hobby, maybe start off by asking the sort of toys he likes to collect, how he likes them - brand new, hand-me-downs or bargains from flea markets, how he's going to house them in his own apartment, etc.. And then - as a trade-off if he talks, you offer to keep a lookout for his favorite toy models and such.

      It's easy to walk away from all this and the choice is yours and since you said you are leaving him alone, I respect that. *haiz*

      The world is big. Big indeed.

       

       

  • ISTARI's Avatar
    270 posts since Feb '11
    • I really dont know. Im the type of guy that cant stand silence. So im usually the one who start the conversation. I dont like awkward silence. Anyway, i just get annoyed the fact that later, if you work and u have this kind of people? How to cooperate? If im the boss, i want a team player. Not a loner! Arrrggghh!! Maybe in need patience. 

  • BabylonPunkette's Avatar
    41 posts since Apr '12
    • At least you care. I am sure he would see your genuine intention to make friends with him in due time. But like you said, he's having "a set of pattern" which it seems only the gf understands. If you can find the time to talk to the gf (not a good advice if he's possessive and you guys are not chums yet), sounds all the better, makes the 'investigative works' easier. If not, let nature takes its course. Make sure he doesn't find out you are observing him in social gatherings, or he will think badly of you. You don't want that to happen if you guys are working together in the same company.

      Always observe how he reacts to other people. If there's an air of coolness at such gatherings when he's around and he's not talking much, maybe you want to re-consider the choice of putting a distance between you and him until he gets the idea that he's the one driving everyone up the wall with his aloofness.

      Edited by BabylonPunkette 13 Jun `12, 8:01PM
  • ShadowKnight's Avatar
    134 posts since Dec '08
    • Maybe he's just an introvert and you're an extrovert....he maybe prefers to be by himself or with his gf and may not really like to socialise as much as you do.

  • ISTARI's Avatar
    270 posts since Feb '11
    • @babylon, i think what u say is true. Yes, a part of me wants people to speak up. However, i was unsucessful. So thats what bothers me. I think i will continue to observe. I feel like a behavioral detective! Haha. 

      @shadowknight- yeah, probably im kinda extrovert. So my expectation from an individual is just to be as par as me. I guess not everyone has that trait. Yet, sometimes i feel that i have to make these people talk more often. Im just tryna find how. More often the not, you dont like a person because you never got to know them well enough. 

  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,349 posts since Apr '07
    • Oh, so u want him to change , so as to suit u ah. Dream on lah.

      Who u think u are ? The center of universe ?

      I think the problem really is u don't have many friends, that's why your expectation is so unrealistic.

      He don't want to talk to you, then just bugger off lah.. 

       

  • speakoutfor's Avatar
    838 posts since Jan '12
    • Originally posted by ISTARI:

      Whatever la, i just cant stand people who are quiet. Cos i simply cannot read them. Like what the're thinking and everything. The reason why im so irritated, is because i've never seeen him talk. Its like i try talking but, i'll just be slammed down with 1 word speech like "yes or no". Fine, just gonnna leave them alone. They dont deserve my breath. Waste my electricity! People wanna make u sociable, you do wan. What is this? 

      You said it. So why you give a damn about him? Unless you really care for him tat is why you are so bothered?

      If you cannot stand him, you will surely encounter somebody like him. This world got many strange people - bet people will also see you as one. While you are complaining about your friend, somebody could be complaining about you too.

      So you cannot change the world.

  • troublemaker2005's Avatar
    8,443 posts since Dec '05
    • Originally posted by ISTARI:

      Hey, i have this friend of mine who is a guy. So basically he has a pretty gf lah. So, guys being guys naturally have guy friends right? But this friend of mine never speaks or have guy friends. He will basically have 1 friend which is his GF, i find this behavior weird, anti- social. Do u have friends like this? Why does a person become like this? 

      First, its nt like i care whether he talks to anyone lah, i just think its strange. Its not a human behavior. Is there something wrong up there?


      like that anti social? your definition. no wonder youpost a thread much inapprorpaite for this forum. so like that you in agony arh?

       

      anti-socil are those who vandalises, damage properties, anti-policies - call anti-socil.

      to sm up you and people you know are not quite the class of people he wants to associate with that's all. i alwasys admire such people, cos they have the guts to say no, not been afraid to offend or go against anyone just to make them feel welcumed and happy and accepted.

  • ISTARI's Avatar
    270 posts since Feb '11
    • LOL! Most of my friends are happy go lucky, happy chappy type.

      I just dont like the fact that once they step in to a place, the mood immediately changes.

      So, yes, great plan, just IGNORE. Yes, i cant make people change. 

      Why do I care so much??? 4 years of class together, not even a sentence spoken,

      you obviously want the person to speak up more often right????

       

  • JelloPoop's Avatar
    281 posts since Apr '12
    • I think you should change your question to "why it is hard for you to accept people for who they are".

      He might not have the gift of talking but he could have the gift of listening.

       

       

      Edited by JelloPoop 17 Jun `12, 6:20AM
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