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  • toni_fairy's Avatar
    5 posts since Jul '12
    • i have a group of 4 girlfriends whom we have known each other for almost 20 years. recently i found out they have made plans to travel without me. well, without asking me even. There is another girl who is also not going but that is because she earns much less than us and we all know that. I have always love to travel and now am very upset and mad they go ahead to make plans without even telling me. What would you do if you are in my shoes??

  • troublemaker2005's Avatar
    8,443 posts since Dec '05
  • Jocelyntxh's Avatar
    253 posts since Jul '12
    • Maybe pretend to ask them if they have any plans during that period?

      Because they might hae forgotten to ask you~

      But if they still lie maybe you gotta change people you hang out with =\

  • mancha's Avatar
    8,961 posts since Sep '04
    • You are all grown up.

      So stop behaving like girls. And harbour resentment.

      Just ask directly. Put on your best acting skill. Ask nonchalantly.

      "I heard you two are travelling, why didn't you tell me?" 

      They should have a reason. They will tell you honestly, or tell lie

      Whatever, don't join them, if they then invite you. Say its alright, you got no time whatever.

      Skip this trip, and remain open for the next, or accept that you have grown apart.

       

  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,349 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by toni_fairy:

      i have a group of 4 girlfriends whom we have known each other for almost 20 years. recently i found out they have made plans to travel without me. well, without asking me even. There is another girl who is also not going but that is because she earns much less than us and we all know that. I have always love to travel and now am very upset and mad they go ahead to make plans without even telling me. What would you do if you are in my shoes??

      Just because u know them for 20 years does not mean you are a great travel companion.

      I have friends I know since kindergarten, but i don't necessary want to travel with them.

      There's a few criteria, when deciding to to ask.

      Financially, are they on par.

      Travel habits, are they compatible. Tour group only,Aloof, Chiong locations, rather stay hotel, adventurous, take it easy type ? 

      Comfort level, are they ok with cheap budget hostels or do they need 4 -5 star hotels..

      All these must be taken in considerations before they get invited.

      I travelled with  one of my buddy , but hated it as she was such a princess and ruined my trip,  all she wants to do is go shopping, eat McDonald's, go to spa and stick around the hotel... 

      Perhaps they don't invite you because your travel style is not compatible. Not that they don't love u anymore.  

       

       

      Edited by jojobeach 27 Jul `12, 3:11AM
  • speakoutfor's Avatar
    838 posts since Jan '12
  • Darkness_hacker99's Avatar
    38,115 posts since Jun '05
    • I will plan my own holidays without them icon_lol.gificon_eek.gificon_lol.gif

      Edited by Darkness_hacker99 27 Jul `12, 11:21AM
  • toni_fairy's Avatar
    5 posts since Jul '12
    • Originally posted by jojobeach:

      Just because u know them for 20 years does not mean you are a great travel companion.

      I have friends I know since kindergarten, but i don't necessary want to travel with them.

      There's a few criteria, when deciding to to ask.

      Financially, are they on par.

      Travel habits, are they compatible. Tour group only,Aloof, Chiong locations, rather stay hotel, adventurous, take it easy type ? 

      Comfort level, are they ok with cheap budget hostels or do they need 4 -5 star hotels..

      All these must be taken in considerations before they get invited.

      I travelled with  one of my buddy , but hated it as she was such a princess and ruined my trip,  all she wants to do is go shopping, eat McDonald's, go to spa and stick around the hotel... 

      Perhaps they don't invite you because your travel style is not compatible. Not that they don't love u anymore.  

       

       


      the thing that really hurts is that i think if i am the one who earn less & the other girl earn as much as the rest of us, if the shoes are reversed, i think they will actually ask the girl along. the 5 of us have travel together on short trips like JB, Melacca or KL before. And I dun think i did anything in particular or offensive that will cause them not to want to travel with me.

  • Darkness_hacker99's Avatar
    38,115 posts since Jun '05
    • since you know they are planning to travel, you have ask about their agenda? smile.png 

      It's alright yo! perhaps they're buying birthday presents for you? Or have you unknowingly distant yourself away from the clique? like wrk? cancel meeting with them?

  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,349 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by toni_fairy:


      the thing that really hurts is that i think if i am the one who earn less & the other girl earn as much as the rest of us, if the shoes are reversed, i think they will actually ask the girl along. the 5 of us have travel together on short trips like JB, Melacca or KL before. And I dun think i did anything in particular or offensive that will cause them not to want to travel with me.

      So u are just upset they left u out.

      If they ask you to go along , will you be able to go ?

       

  • toni_fairy's Avatar
    5 posts since Jul '12
    • i know they are going when one of them post on facebook Sad

                              to be honest if they ask me to go, i will prob see what is the destination first before deciding. The thing is, i don't have many groups of friends to go travel with.  I do have another group of ex-poly gal frens but those are mainly for dinner and drinking the night with.  I dun feel particularly close or itimacy with them and i think they also feel the same.
                              
                              I got 2 more frens from my part-time degree course and 1 of them has her own travel buddies/frens.  Another one is ok, i did travelled with her to places like NZ, HK etc but she recently change new job after unsuccessfully trying to be property agent. Plus she is getting married soon and just got her new flat.  So I know while she donesn't mind travel with me, i koe she really needs to watch her finances and so i dun think i will ask her to travel anymore, at least not for time being.  And throughout my whole working life, for some reason i have only manage to meet 1 or 2 girlfriends of similar ages whom we can go out for dinner, drinks and movies etc.  But i find that after sometime like i left the company or one or the other change jobs or got married, the meetups got less and less frequent. And it does not help that i tend to work in those companies where there are always foreigners or other type of demographics of people (eg much older women with teenage children).  I think bottom of the line is I am looking for some gal frens to hang out, and have fun.  Other pple seem to find and clique with people easily. In fact, my this group of frens they also have each of their own group of frens and buddies formed by ex-colleagues or school mates etc.  I dun know why it is so hard for me Sad
                              
      Edited by toni_fairy 27 Jul `12, 2:59PM
    • i know they are going when one of them post on facebook Sad

      to be honest if they ask me to go, i will prob see what is the destination first before deciding. The thing is, i don’t have many groups of friends to go travel with. I do have another group of ex-poly gal frens but those are mainly for dinner and drinking the night with. I dun feel particularly close or itimacy with them and i think they also feel the same way too.
      I got 2 more frens from my part-time degree course and 1 of them has her own travel buddies/frens. Another one is ok, i did travelled with her to places like NZ, HK etc but she recently change new job after unsuccessfully trying to be property agent. Plus she is getting married soon and just got her new flat. So I know while she donesn’t mind travel with me, i koe she really needs to watch her finances and so i dun think i will ask her to travel anymore, at least not for time being. And throughout my whole working life, for some reason i have only manage to meet 1 or 2 girlfriends of similar ages whom we can go out for dinner, drinks and movies etc. But i find that after sometime like i left the company or one or the other change jobs or got married, the meetups got less and less frequent. And it does not help that i tend to work in those companies where there are always foreigners or other type of demographics of people (eg much older women with teenage children). I also try to look for some gal frens to hang out, and have fun. Other pple seem to find and clique with people easily. In fact, my this group of frens they also have each of their own group of frens and buddies formed by ex-colleagues or school mates etc. I dun know why it is so hard for me Sad

      and the fact I know them for 20 years and they just went ahead to make plans without even checking in with me

  • Darkness_hacker99's Avatar
    38,115 posts since Jun '05
    • Thanks for answering my questions, and you have just answered your own question! teeth.png The friendship getting apart already icon_razz.gif

      You can:

      1) continue to think this way

      2) make time for them, and catch up with them more often

      Cheers!

  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,349 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by toni_fairy:

      i know they are going when one of them post on facebook Sad

      to be honest if they ask me to go, i will prob see what is the destination first before deciding. The thing is, i don’t have many groups of friends to go travel with. I do have another group of ex-poly gal frens but those are mainly for dinner and drinking the night with. I dun feel particularly close or itimacy with them and i think they also feel the same way too.
      I got 2 more frens from my part-time degree course and 1 of them has her own travel buddies/frens. Another one is ok, i did travelled with her to places like NZ, HK etc but she recently change new job after unsuccessfully trying to be property agent. Plus she is getting married soon and just got her new flat. So I know while she donesn’t mind travel with me, i koe she really needs to watch her finances and so i dun think i will ask her to travel anymore, at least not for time being. And throughout my whole working life, for some reason i have only manage to meet 1 or 2 girlfriends of similar ages whom we can go out for dinner, drinks and movies etc. But i find that after sometime like i left the company or one or the other change jobs or got married, the meetups got less and less frequent. And it does not help that i tend to work in those companies where there are always foreigners or other type of demographics of people (eg much older women with teenage children). I also try to look for some gal frens to hang out, and have fun. Other pple seem to find and clique with people easily. In fact, my this group of frens they also have each of their own group of frens and buddies formed by ex-colleagues or school mates etc. I dun know why it is so hard for me Sad

      and the fact I know them for 20 years and they just went ahead to make plans without even checking in with me

      So you had your travel buddy, but she is no longer available. And when you traveled with your travel buddy did you ask any of your 20 years long friend to come along ?

      Now that you no longer have a travel buddy, you become upset your other friends didn't ask you along. Yes?

      It seem you are not very close with these 20 year long friendships. 

      You should be able speak up/out about anything on their mind to a close friend. Like a simple " where are you girls going ? " 

      But you don't seem comfortable to do so. Instead u pout and get mad they didn't ask you.

      They are more like 20 years acquaintances.

      It's time to rebuild, restrengthen, re establish friendships with people you care about.

      Perhaps a little less pettiness will help in your rekindling of old friends.

       

       

       

  • toni_fairy's Avatar
    5 posts since Jul '12
    • Originally posted by jojobeach:

      So you had your travel buddy, but she is no longer available. And when you traveled with your travel buddy did you ask any of your 20 years long friend to come along ?

      Now that you no longer have a travel buddy, you become upset your other friends didn't ask you along. Yes?

      It seem you are not very close with these 20 year long friendships. 

      You should be able speak up/out about anything on their mind to a close friend. Like a simple " where are you girls going ? " 

      But you don't seem comfortable to do so. Instead u pout and get mad they didn't ask you.

      They are more like 20 years acquaintances.

      It's time to rebuild, restrengthen, re establish friendships with people you care about.

      Perhaps a little less pettiness will help in your rekindling of old friends.

       

       

       

      its not the same, they dun know my travel buddy and vice versa. I wouldn't mind so much if they travel with their own individual groups. And i will still be upset even if my travel buddy is available. But u bring up an interesting point. Does the scenerio of what i write come across as mere pettiness on my part?
  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,349 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by toni_fairy:

       

      Pettiness or diva-ish, either or cannot be good for your social life.

      When expectations n reality don't meet, u feel disappointed. 

      Perhaps u were expecting more from the 20 years of friendship than what it means to your other friends.

      Expectations can lead to dissapointments. So best not to expect. But only expect the unexpected.

      Perhaps u need to ask yourself what is a friendship to you.

      Are friends only there to meet your needs? To use or be used ?

      I suggest u let the Negativity go, focus on having fun lah. 

      You don't get to be young for long, Life is short. Don't waste time pouting in the corner.

       

       

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