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  • Angjaydyn's Avatar
    159 posts since Sep '09
    • My husband is a fillial person. Unlike me; I'm not close to my parents.
      My husband has been kind enough to suggest bringing my parents on trips overseas.
      We did once so far.

      But during the trip, I was trying real hard to be tolerating. Because frankly speaking, I have no patience with my parents. Basically I have no patience with elderly people.

      The tolerance was straining on me. If my husband were not present, my irritability would simpy unleash. Which actually would be better because if I contain my emotions for a long time I will breakdown.

      So these days I have tried to talk to my husband to say that it is not necessary to bring them overseas. I have provided them with allowance every month. They could plan their own trip. I have also explained to him that I am temperamental sometimes. I suggest to him that it will be better if it's just the both of us.

      He does not seem to understand my intentions and felt that he is trying to mend my relationship with my parents. I do agree his views are not wrong but it starts to be straining on our relationship because he wonders why I am so insisting.

      Any ways that I can convince him?

       

  • TehJarVu's Avatar
    117,529 posts since Dec '03
    • You are lovely not just because you are nice to him only.
      You will be very lovely if you are nice also to the people around you.
      And he may love you more because of that.
      He is a commendable person for doing all these things.
      But some trips may be nice with just thhe two of you going. I don't see why he would not agree since he seems a very nice and reasonable person.
      Some trips can bring in-laws and some trips with just the two of you. Or do more meals and outings together locally that are less trying on your patience; and bring them overseas only once in a while.

      You will not always have your parents you know.
      Don't regret one day when they are no longer around.

       

  • StarryLight11's Avatar
    11 posts since Aug '12
    • Do you and your parents live together after marriage?

      Old people are generally more, well you know, finding faults and all. That mostly because they are just bored for some attention. You didnt mention how was your relationship with your parents before marriage and all, so i cant really decide much.

      I do agree with TehJarVa that ya more meals, outings locally but maybe not overseas, or not too often. Well old people gets tired easily if they travel too far, hence the easy irritation. And maybe you are also tired and hence when the nagging comes you get temperamental.

      Try to get along well with your parents cos they are the closest people you hv (other than your husband) and they will not be around with you forever. And you are very lucky to have to fillal husband, who treated your parents kindly despite you getting irritated with them. I must say such good man are really rare nowadays. Dun worry i’m a guy haha.

      Lastly, some phone calls will help lit up their days too! Or a little chat of how their day was would make them happy. Old folks are generally do not need those large surprises or gifts to make them happy, simple little things like a chat/phone call, a homemade meal for them would make them smile Smile

  • speakoutfor's Avatar
    838 posts since Jan '12
    • Wah your husband is so good person. Usually husbands don't give a damn. If I have my way, I would make sure I don't have to meet my wife's parents, its half the hassle. Don't really like in-laws.

       

  • mancha's Avatar
    8,961 posts since Sep '04
    • Originally posted by Angjaydyn:

      My husband is a fillial person. Unlike me; I'm not close to my parents.
      My husband has been kind enough to suggest bringing my parents on trips overseas.
      We did once so far.

      But during the trip, I was trying real hard to be tolerating. Because frankly speaking, I have no patience with my parents. Basically I have no patience with elderly people.

      The tolerance was straining on me. If my husband were not present, my irritability would simpy unleash. Which actually would be better because if I contain my emotions for a long time I will breakdown.

      So these days I have tried to talk to my husband to say that it is not necessary to bring them overseas. I have provided them with allowance every month. They could plan their own trip. I have also explained to him that I am temperamental sometimes. I suggest to him that it will be better if it's just the both of us.

      He does not seem to understand my intentions and felt that he is trying to mend my relationship with my parents. I do agree his views are not wrong but it starts to be straining on our relationship because he wonders why I am so insisting.

      Any ways that I can convince him?

       

       

      He does not understand your problem, as the problem lies with you.

      If you think, carefuly about yourself, you will realise, that what you call temperamental, is actually you way of reacting to your parents. That is your habitual way of responding to them. It is the Parlovian conditioning, and your parents trigger off your emotions.

      You have been getting at them since, don't know when, must be all along, until you don't know how else to react to them.

      You better get a good stock of yourself, and seek help in helping yourself to be less "temperamental".

      Your temperamental nature is a learned behaviour from your selfishness. That is what you husband fail to recognise.

  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,349 posts since Apr '07
    • You hate it because you are not having fun.

      He loves it because he enjoys seeing other people having fun. 

      Thats why he cannot understand why u hate bringing your parents out on trips.

      He lives vicariously through other people happiness, u live a self-Ish existence.

      An incompatibility on a very serious level. Unfortunately, a giving person tend to attract selfish people. Giving person give, selfish person takes. A lasting marriage is one that give and receives back and forth.. 

      Unless u have good reason to dislike your parents, example... Abuse, neglect, etc.... but u only dislike them because they are old people.......

      A self professed temperamental... U are only riding on your husband''s kindness...one day he will also get sick of your "temperamental " personality. Then what ?

      I suggest u seek a middle ground, instead of insisting having your own way. You are no longer a single woman anymore.........u also need to consider your husbands happiness, not solely yours.

      True , your parents need not travel with you, they probably preferred to travel with their own group of friends/relatives... Next time, just give them the money so they may plan a nice getaway.. To where they want and do what they want without feeling like a big burden to young people....many seniors are afraid of such liability.

      FYI, planning a trip with allowance money is not a treat.  

      Now, are u and your husband planning on having children ? 

      With your kind of self-ish mentality, u are not suitable to be a good mother. 

      You husband will make a good father... But u will be a mother your children will eventually grow to hate.

      If you are not thinking of being one, please be honest and tell your husband, so he may decide if he wants to continue the marriage with you or find someone else.

      Kindly do not waste your husband time and resources if his ultimate desire is to have a loving family with children.

       

       

       

      Edited by jojobeach 09 Aug `12, 1:47AM
  • evolutiondiva's Avatar
    120 posts since Feb '08
    • What comes around goes around. Last time i used to shout at my mother. Until my grandma told me this, ” You shout at you mother, next time your kid will shout at you too. ”
      Whatever you have done to your parents your kid will do it back to you. It’s a cycle. And besides, its your parents ! They brought you up and what did they do to deserve this kind of treatment from you ?

      Sometimes, its not about the money you gave them , its whether even after you had married leading a hectic life will you still remember them and spend time together ? Last time there’s this Jay zhou song about grandma, says like this ” Ta yao de shi pei ban er bu shi 6 bai kuai, bi ni gei de hai jian dan”
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnA7W2hCU6k You might not know how much time you have left with your parents. From young till now they had given you unconditional love. You should reciprocate !

  • Fcukpap's Avatar
    7,295 posts since Dec '09
    • Times are bad.

      Times are bad for men, good men.

      Amen

    • You need to accept growing old yourself. You may well be gone than be a burden - but that thinking is unrealistic and selfish because you cannot come to terms yourself. You live in a world of only a young self - influenced by the media in praise of everlasting beauty and youth. All youth codes will eventually turn old. If the children and society cast away the old which themselves are next...that will be very sad...

      gerontophobia is alienating us from the old, and it terribly exists...thats why it paves the need for parents maintenance act...in law, we owe each other a duty of care...but we cannot offer the same for our parents but through legal means...that is really v.sad...

  • Facebook102's Avatar
    17 posts since Aug '12
    • Originally posted by mancha:

       

      He does not understand your problem, as the problem lies with you.

      If you think, carefuly about yourself, you will realise, that what you call temperamental, is actually you way of reacting to your parents. That is your habitual way of responding to them. It is the Parlovian conditioning, and your parents trigger off your emotions.

      You have been getting at them since, don't know when, must be all along, until you don't know how else to react to them.

      You better get a good stock of yourself, and seek help in helping yourself to be less "temperamental".

      Your temperamental nature is a learned behaviour from your selfishness. That is what you husband fail to recognise.

      +100 

      Totally agree. Someday when you get old, your kids treat you the same. You will definitely feel like shit. Don't do that, and karma will bite you back.

      I have been living away from my parents, far away and for a long time.

      I used to be like you, getting irritated fast when my parents start critizing my lifestyle.

      I now understand that all of the irritation was from my immaturity. Without my parents, I'm really nothing. 

      Good thing is I have decided to move back. 

      Oh btw, I'll make sure my wife loves my family. It is crazy to think again that I will get a wife like you. I can't imagine that I'm already very tired at work, and I have to deal this everytime when I'm home.  

  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,349 posts since Apr '07
    • U guys are preaching good morals to the wrong audience.

      Such a woman will not care if her own child treats her as she treats her parent.

      She will pop her child out for the sake of keeping a marriage. 

      Feed her child animal and synthetic milk, so her boobs not have to sag.

      Clothe her child in rags while she wears Gucci.

      Abandon her child to the maid, while she goes for high tea or champagne lunches.

      Throws money at her children so they go away. 

      Do u think she will care if her children treats her bad ? No. She wouldn't.

       

  • Facebook102's Avatar
    17 posts since Aug '12
    • Originally posted by jojobeach:

      U guys are preaching good morals to the wrong audience.

      Such a woman will not care if her own child treats her as she treats her parent.

      She will pop her child out for the sake of keeping a marriage. 

      Feed her child animal and synthetic milk, so her boobs not have to sag.

      Clothe her child in rags while she wears Gucci.

      Abandon her child to the maid, while she goes for high tea or champagne lunches.

      Throws money at her children so they go away. 

      Do u think she will care if her children treats her bad ? No. She wouldn't.

       

      +1 

      Yeah, she wouldn't =/ I feel sorry for her husband. It's truly rare to have a good husband like hers. Where can you get a person who enjoys seeing other people having fun?

      Where can you get someone who always prioritize someone else before his/her?

      Say there is only one lifesaver boat for 3 persons. I can guarantee you that your husband will give it to you and your parents. 

      You really need to go to Church lol. 

  • Aneslayer's Avatar
    1,511 posts since May '11
  • Mid9Sun's Avatar
    986 posts since Jun '06
    • Truly treasure your love ones, especially your parents. Once they are gone, you will regret that you have not done enough for them and with them.

      PS: While I type this, I can feel how much I miss my mom now that I am living in another country.

  • [imdestinyz]'s Avatar
    1,361 posts since Jan '11
    • TS i think you've made a very good first step to ask least try to seek help and not sit on it. Many advices have been given. Do take time to digest them.

  • angel7030's Avatar
    30,628 posts since Jul '07
    • Originally posted by speakoutfor:

      Wah your husband is so good person. Usually husbands don't give a damn. If I have my way, I would make sure I don't have to meet my wife's parents, its half the hassle. Don't really like in-laws.

       


      That's why people dun like you, including me icon_cry.gif

      By laws, you cannot dun give a damn

    • Going to tour with family good mah, what is the problem??? Standing next to old people makes you look ugly is it?

  • Angjaydyn's Avatar
    159 posts since Sep '09
    • dear all. thanks for your advises. i have gone through all and some pretty harsh ones. :(

      i have decided to make a compromise with my parents by dividing time with parents and our personal time. i believe all parties will be happy this way.

      i believe the best thing we can do is communication, saying out the difficulties that we are facing.

  • speakoutfor's Avatar
    838 posts since Jan '12
    • Originally posted by angel7030:


      That's why people dun like you, including me icon_cry.gif

      By laws, you cannot dun give a damn


      People like you, dumb dumb wan. You never understand because you are not married or you always want your future boyfriend (doubt you have because you are so irritating) to spoil you only.

      Nobody likes their in-laws, that is the law of marriage.

      Only Angel who work in the Joo Chiat pub swat swat flies with no customer, going to bankrupt bar, no customer place would not understand this. Learn how to run your run-down bar first before you chastise other people about in-laws.

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