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Is it just me or is the world turning darker and injusticed?

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  • TheShade's Avatar
    10 posts since Jan '15
    • I have been friends with these 2 people in school.

      Person A is okay, but Person B is kinda weird.

      Person B and I go out together and talk about stuff, but recently, for no reason, she does not want to talk to me. She becomes quiet when she and I are in the corner waiting for A and I somehow feel its kinda rude.

      She is an extremely outgoing person and is very crazy. She makes a lot of friends and I feel that maybe its because she thinks I'm not worthy to talk to? I mean the way she acts seems very much like it and I don't understand why it affects her so much just to strike up a simple conversation when we're alone.

      There was once when A went to the toilet and left two of us alone. B suddenly said, hang on, and walked to another very close friend over there who was hanging out with her group of friends. I totally understand, I feel that she is embarrassed to be seen with me and would rather hang out with her other friend who has like 5 other friends standing beside her. But I feel that I just want to strike up a simple convo,small talk like hows life and stuff and not like expect her to be talking to me like we're good friends, she doesn't even want to strike up that kind of convo, it just disturbs me to think of her treating me like that. Is she really that obssessed with everyone that she talks to has to be the most popular girl in school?

      And there was once when A and B and I were sitting down and talking about a certain topic and then when I wanted to reply to something B said and give my ideas, she didn't even want to look at me. She just raised her eyeballs to the ceiling and I feel as if it was on purpose. It was obvious and it wasn't accidental like "Oh, i saw something on top and I wanted to look at it". It was extremely rude and I was kinda taken aback at her attitude. She was never like this before.

      She was always smiling and talking and acting crazy. I have another friend who said that B actually is really nice. That friend was in the same class as her before and said she changed alot, last time she was really quiet and didn't want talk to anybody, so that friend didn't think much of her, but when she talked to B the other day she realized that B is a really nice and fun person to talk to and that she changed alot.

      But on the contrary, I don't think she is really that "nice" and "fun", and I'm just angry at the injustice in society. She's so mean to people like me and yet everyone sees her like some nice, outgoing girl. Btw, she is a very smart kid. Her PSLE could get her to anywhere she wanted to but she chose to come to a second tier sec sch. She didn't want to go to the top girls sch cos of the bullies from her pri sch who are going there too so she opted for another sch. I heard from her previous classmates that after coming to this sch she was very very quiet and didn't come to sch for most days of sec1, everyone guessed she needed to see a doctor or was sick or sth, then in sec 3 she suddenly changed 360 degrees, like became so crazy and outgoing. Its kinda fake to me, i don't know if im the only person who sees it that way, cos other people are like seeing shes a normal person.

      I mean, she revealed her true colours to me and treated me so badly. In turn she made so many friends and everyone thinks she uber nice and she scored very well for her O Levels. She got many many A1s. What is wrong with society? They say bullies would end up nowhere but somehow the bully is thriving and absorbing the resources of everyone around her. The way she treated me made me feel uneasy and I wonder if you guys think it is considered bullying. I think it is very subtle bullying, not physical cos guys usually bully physically but girls bully in a less obvious way, and that way is even more mean, making you feel worser and worser by the day. And is there any particular reason why she could have treated me like that? I didn't offend her or anything.

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    FireIce's Avatar
    264,263 posts since Dec '99
  • ditzy's Avatar
    68,867 posts since Dec '03
  • floraet's Avatar
    36 posts since Oct '12
    • lol why this topic is full of wuliao replies

                              @theshade im in no position to help cos im no good at these kinda things, but i do take ur words seriously and if u need someone to talk to u can PM me Smile
                              

      PS: 2012 is long over u sound as if doomsday is coming again haha

  • cheshire cat's Avatar
    1 post since Jan '15
    • Hi. 

      First off, the world is not "turning darker and injusticed". It always has been.

      Is it fair that you have a roof over your head and food to fill your stomach while children die of starvation and poverty in LDCs by the second? Is it fair that I actually wrote a long ass reply, but am now retyping everything again?

      Okay, first off, 

      maybe its because she thinks I'm not worthy to talk to?

      Here's a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

      Do you really know what she thinks? No. You're just assuming and no one but only her can truly know what she really thinks. You're the one who's deciding you're not worthy enough to talk to her. 

      Now, before I move on to how we can solve this "injustice and darkness" problem, I'm going to just give you some possible explanations regarding her behaviour towards you.

      You mentioned that she became a totally new person, crazy and outgoing compared to being quiet in the past, that she has been bullied before.

      Here's what I can conclude from the limited provided information.

      1) She sees the "past her" in you. And somehow, she "bullies" you as a sort of "revenge". To get a feel of what it's like to be the bully this time round instead of the one being bullied.

      2) As you aforementioned as well, maybe she really just does want to hang out with the popular kids, ie. she does not consider you one of those.

      3) She realised that she doesn't want to be the past her anymore. The vulnerable, quiet, timid girl who got bullied. So she changed, became outgoing and "crazy" to fit in. People change.

      Then again, no one here only her can really know the reasoning behind her actions, I'm just hoping the above provides you with some form of relief, ease of mind.

      I mean, she revealed her true colours to me and treated me so badly. In turn she made so many friends and everyone thinks she uber nice and she scored very well for her O Levels. She got many many A1s. What is wrong with society? They say bullies would end up nowhere but somehow the bully is thriving and absorbing the resources of everyone around her. 

      This brings me back to my first point. The world has always been unfair. Why are some born with a silver spoon while some are born and abandoned or sold off? Why are some devouring the finest foods while others can barely fill their stomachs?

      Since you said getting O level results, I'll assume you'll be proceeding on to two/three years more of education, the next phase of your life. And guess what? You'll be meeting much more of people like Person B, you'll be experiencing much more injustice and unfairness that lies ahead for you for many years to come.

      So as this apparent "injustice" and "darkness" is going to be constant, what can you do?

      There's one thing that doesn't have to be constant, and that's your mindset.

      Stop thinking if you're worthy to be with someone. Stop caring about their opinions. They aren't living for you so why should you be living for them?

      Smile. Keep your head up. There are always going to be people like Person B you're bound to meet, better people you meet, people who can get away with such acts and still thrive in life. You can't stop that. But you can however change how you see things. Think about all the other positives in your life. 

      Surround yourself with positivity. Stop trying to gain the approval of people like B. When you change your mindset, trust me, you'll breathe easier, you'll be living each day to the fullest. Now that you're embarking on your next major phase in life, meet new people. Hang out with the right crowd. Stop seeking the approval of people who do not matter. Stop absorbing all the negativity.

      You sound like a smart and kind hearted person. You will meet plenty of other people who are like you, or people you'd like to actually be around. 

      Wishing you all the best in every step of the way. Good luck.

      "a lion does not lose sleep over the opinions of sheep"

      Edited by cheshire cat 28 Jan `15, 6:28PM
  • NeverSayGoodBye's Avatar
    8,191 posts since May '05
    • Your friend B is neither weird nor rude, she had changed. Season change, people change, one fine day you'll change too. From a shy, dull caterpillar, B has transformed into a butterfly. Colourful, vibrant and sociable. In her eyes she see you only as a moth, beetle or a ladybird, how often you notice a butterfly hanging around with the above mentioned? Unless you change yourself into a butterfly and get invited into B's flowery garden. Look for other butterflies, there're many, who are just as beautiful and don't mind sticking around with the buggy buddy or even the grasshopper and the bees.

      And heyyy......who say the world is getting darker? There are so much sunshine around....

  • SJS6638's Avatar
    5,614 posts since Nov '11
    • I don' t know you well to say to you that it is just you.    Try your best to sort out differences.   If nothing works just move on to make new friends or be friends with other nice existing friends.

      Sometimes or many times friends can be such a pain.    Be wise to choose your friends.  Do "spring cleaning" to throw away those toxic ones.

       

  • I'msohappy's Avatar
    10 posts since Jan '15
    • Why not YOU try to strike up a conversation with her?
      As you know, popular people always tend to start conversations, so who knows maybe the reason behind her liking popular people is because they started the conversation with her and made her feel welcome.

      Maybe its also the way you are when you are with her? As you said, you already found her 'weird', so maybe she sensed you dont already like her that much, and so felt uncomfortable with you? Maybe she doesnt wanna push it too hard in case you might feel uncomfortable when she wants to talk to you, seemingly being "over-friendly".

      Also, why not make more friends? 

      Popular people means many people like them. But whether or not they like those people who like them, it depends. I really think you are thinking too much. I have this feeling she is like that (the way she is to you), to many others as well, just that they couldnt be bothered with it.

      I know it feels suckish to know she keeps trying to "avoid" you, but then maybe cause after interacting with you she felt "afraid" that you wouldnt like her, and also you said she went to her other closest friends. You only met her recently, how do you expect her to be your "closest" friend?

      Also, she has been bullied before. Sticking around popular people and being one is a safest and surest way to prevent bullying. Everyone has their worries. If you dont understand everyone, its hard to not think that you are simply assuming what they really are instead of really trying hard to understand them, and then forgiving them for their faults.

      And nope, the world has always been the same, be it from the beggining of time til the end of it. It depends on how you see it. Right now all your feelings cause you to see the world negatively, but rise above them and you'll be free and happy. All the best~

      Edited by I'msohappy 31 Jan `15, 11:58PM
  • chooyaochuen's Avatar
    135 posts since Nov '14
  • Ee Hoe Hean Club's Avatar
    282 posts since Aug '13
  • Berries0115's Avatar
    6 posts since Feb '15
    • Be like me .... i value SINCERITY. it is the most attitude i value about myself or anybody else.  by sincerity i mean kind words and action that comes spontaneosly and naturally.  

      If someone is not sincere means he/she does not like you. SO FORGET THEM!

       

  • SJS6638's Avatar
    5,614 posts since Nov '11
    • Will you people stop blaming threadstarter..........

      Life is up and down.   Some have more happy moment than others.   Some have more down moment than others.    I'm so happy,  nobody can be happy all the time.    No need push so much blame on ts.  You are not perfect either.

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