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Feeling hopeless and I can't see any way out of my situation

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  • Princessisland2001's Avatar
    34 posts since Jun '11
    • I'm feeling so miserable in my house, my family is very overprotective of me and I feel like a caged bird over here, they often watch over everything that is going on in my life, and then they would try to give me tons of unsolicited advice about how to live my life. I'm so sick of it.

      My energy frequently gets drained around them, and I often find myself feeling depressed around them. I have tried staying outdoors all day just to avoid them, but I can't always stay outdoors either, there are times when I feel exhausted from work and I just want to rest indoors, but every time I am indoors, they start making me depressed.

      It seems like the only option I have right now is to buy my own house, but I still have wait till I am 35 years old before I am able to buy my own house, and it's still more than 10 years away. I don't know whether I'm able to wait that long. And all my friends are either attached or married so I don't have any single friends to apply a flat with me.

      And I'm an asexual too so I'll never be able to get married either unless I'm able to meet a fellow asexual which is very very rare.

      Moreover, I'm not even sure if I believe in the idea of marriage. I consider myself a free spirit and I don't think I'll ever make a good wife.

      Life is getting more and more bleak and hopeless for me. I'm unable to see any way out of my situation anymore.

      Any advice for me, anyone? I'm feeling so exhausted.

  • lce's Avatar
    2,464 posts since Jun '11
  • ILikeHippo's Avatar
    202 posts since Jan '14
    • From your past posts, seems that you have a bad relationship with your parents, if I were you I probably will listen to them coz at least your parents will be happy, if not, both parties will be unhappy.  Care to share what are the advices they impose on you?

  • Princessisland2001's Avatar
    34 posts since Jun '11
    • Originally posted by ILikeHippo:

      From your past posts, seems that you have a bad relationship with your parents, if I were you I probably will listen to them coz at least your parents will be happy, if not, both parties will be unhappy.  Care to share what are the advices they impose on you?

      Indeed I have a bad relationship with my family.  I often find myself dreading chinese new year for this reason. Reunion dinner is supposed to be happy, but I find myself dreading it because I dread being around my family.

      They will impose all sorts of advice on me, from career advice to relationship advice. They want me to join a matchmaking agency to look for guys when I'm actually an asexual and a relationship is the last thing on my mind at the moment, then they also want me to work in office jobs for the rest of my life too when I'm actually a creative/artistic person.

       

  • lce's Avatar
    2,464 posts since Jun '11
  • Queen of sgForums
    驚世駭俗醜不啦嘰 moderatress
    FireIce's Avatar
    264,663 posts since Dec '99
  • Cleopatsy85's Avatar
    19 posts since Mar '16
  • Princessisland2001's Avatar
    34 posts since Jun '11
    • Originally posted by Cleopatsy85:

      Hey Princess, have you tried seeking medical/professional help?

      Why do I need medical/professional help?

      This thread isn't about mental illness, this thread is about how I don't get along with my family.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysfunctional_family

       I have actually visited the doctor before but he didn't provide me with any advice for my situation, just prescribed me with anti-depressants.

      And by the way, if I have depression, it's caused by my emotionally abusive family.

      Those meds didn't help me at all, because the root of my depression is my toxic environment. And unless I am able to get out of this environment, I'll continue to feel depressed and suicidal.

      But the stupid law in singapore only allows me to buy a house when I reached 35 years old, and I am starting to feel hopeless.

       

      Edited by Princessisland2001 04 Apr `16, 2:34PM
  • Queen of sgForums
    驚世駭俗醜不啦嘰 moderatress
    FireIce's Avatar
    264,663 posts since Dec '99
    • rent a room or a unit, if u have the money

       

      oh yes, go ahead and try living on ur own. icon_lol.gif

      Edited by FireIce 04 Apr `16, 5:11PM
  • Cleopatsy85's Avatar
    19 posts since Mar '16
    • Originally posted by Princessisland2001:

      Why do I need medical/professional help?

      This thread isn't about mental illness, this thread is about how I don't get along with my family.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysfunctional_family

       I have actually visited the doctor before but he didn't provide me with any advice for my situation, just prescribed me with anti-depressants.

      And by the way, if I have depression, it's caused by my emotionally abusive family.

      Those meds didn't help me at all, because the root of my depression is my toxic environment. And unless I am able to get out of this environment, I'll continue to feel depressed and suicidal.

      But the stupid law in singapore only allows me to buy a house when I reached 35 years old, and I am starting to feel hopeless.

      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Not saying that you're suffering from mental illness, but you made a point in your words, toxic environment, which in turn may lead to mental illness. Many things lead to mental illness, akin to someone falling sick with a fever, which was caused by a cough/flu transmitted by someone/something else. It's a butterfly effect.

      And why I suggest seeing someone, a counsellor OR a psychologist, because they're doing what we're doing for you right now. You came to this forum to seek mediation, only difference is that we're not trained to identify and offer proper solutions on your condition(whatever it may be, it may be nothing, it may be something).

      Go talk to someone who is trained, if you find that its wasting your time, you have nothing to lose.... if you do nothing and just rant it over on this forum, there could be a possibility that we may not be able to help you, even worse, if you take our advise in the wrong perspective, we don't want to be held accountable for driving you to do something foolish..... and not necessarily that you have to consume medications. A psychiatrist's point of view may differ from a psychologist's point of view.
      Hope you'll be better!
      PS: But if you still feel that you want our advise, go ahead, we'll try our best :)

       

  • Needhelp2016's Avatar
    52 posts since Mar '16
    • If you are financially able, you can rent a place and stay alone. Find a solution to the problem if not even if you seek medical help t will be useless since the source of the problem is at your family members.

      You live your life, no one else not even your family members father or mother ca dictate how you should live.  Unless you are some addict or is doing detrimental stuff to yourself.

      Edited by Needhelp2016 04 Apr `16, 5:38PM
  • lce's Avatar
    2,464 posts since Jun '11
  • Needhelp2016's Avatar
    52 posts since Mar '16
    • Some people have a wonderful family, supportive, parents and seniors are role models and take good care of the family, at the same time instilling the correct attitude and moral values.

      Others may have bad and broken families, negative and not supportive.

      Standing at different banks of the river the point of view differs. 

  • ANGSTYNANCY's Avatar
    8 posts since Oct '10
    • advice, you are not alone. and there are others with same or worst problems. maybe its because you live with them all your lives that you are feeling overwhelmed and sick of it. 

      just be patient. 

      one day will come for you to live "happilly". find focus on something more important lah, like your career or a hobby/pasttime. 

      they should know also that you are not a kid anymore. maybe if you are mature enough, dont fight back or reply with immature response to something you are unhappy with, maybe thats why they still treat you like a little child. 

      everyone is searching to that self satisfaction and happiness for things to go our own way, but not everything can be controlled. so while you are still living in the situation, try find means to deal with the root of problems or heal that anger.

      its easier said than done, but if you dont try, or if one party never change, nothing good will ever happen too.

       

  • Just a Singaporean teen's Avatar
    12 posts since Jun '16
    • You could always just use the tried and true method of sitting down and talking with your family members that your desired career path does not match their expectations of you and that you appreciate the advice (even if you actually don't) but would prefer to strike out on your own.

      Unless of course they're the really old-fashioned kind of family which wants to dictate your entire life. In which case, draw attention to the fact that it's your own life and that you're a legal adult so you can, in fact, do what you choose to in life.

  • MiscEtcEtc's Avatar
    9 posts since Jun '16
    • being over protected child in singapore is not uncommon, me myself is the youngest and only son, my family are very "traditional" if you get what i mean, but that has never stop me from being who i am, that cage you mentioned is set by yourself who you think you MUST live by your parent's control, the fact is there is always way with bending things around, BUT IT DOESNT MEAN YOU SHOULD JUST GO AND DO STUPID STUFF, no matter what your parents know what's right and what's wrong to a certain extend (they are not always right) but still they lived longer than you

       

      Basically what im trying to say is that, don't create unnesscesary stress for yourself, don't over think on stuff, be flexible, if you think your parents are over-controlling you try to use phrases like "im telling you not asking you" but of cause with a right tone

      this is as much as i can say as you do not say in what way they are over-controlling you, all you state is that you're depressed and its not really helping

  • Princessisland2001's Avatar
    34 posts since Jun '11
    • Originally posted by FireIce:

      rent a room or a unit, if u have the money

       

      oh yes, go ahead and try living on ur own. icon_lol.gif

      @Needhelp2016 

      I've been thinking of renting a room too, but I only have an O'level cert so my monthly salary isn't a lot. I have tried going for my diploma 3 times but my depression and anxiety is so bad I end up dropping out all 3 times.

      Do you know of any places where I can rent a super cheap room?

      Edited by Princessisland2001 05 Sep `16, 12:17AM
  • TomatoKFC's Avatar
    11 posts since Sep '16
    • It takes 2 hands to clap. Instead of thinking what your parents can do for you. Why don't you try to be the one giving in the relationship? I agree with what someone posted. Grow up girl. It is not always about you. They have given you enough. 

  • coffeebreak's Avatar
    165 posts since Jan '11
    • oh wow, i still remembered my account after all this time...

      @princessisland2001, u need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start doing the things that you wanna do.  pursue your own happiness! good luck  

  • Princessisland2001's Avatar
    34 posts since Jun '11
    • Originally posted by TomatoKFC:

      It takes 2 hands to clap. Instead of thinking what your parents can do for you. Why don't you try to be the one giving in the relationship? I agree with what someone posted. Grow up girl. It is not always about you. They have given you enough. 

      And what makes you think I haven't given them back in the relationship?

      Mind you, I give them my hard-earned salary every month. During their birthdays and during fathers day/mothers day, I'll also buy gifts for them, but they never say "thank you" to me, instead, they criticise me for buying those gifts. Sometimes, I'll draw cards for them too, I spent weeks drawing those cards, and when I give them those cards on their birthday they tell me that my drawing looked very ugly. Then when they are sick, I asked them if they are ok and I take care of them. But when I am sick, they never take care of me but instead they get angry at me and yell at me.

      And just 2 months ago, my dad banged loudly on the table, yelled into my face that I'm a nuisance, told me that he isn't afraid to whack me, and he also told me to get out of the house. All because I forget to switch off the tv. On the other hand, my brother does the same thing all the time but he never gets scolded by my dad.

      Since my dad wants me to leave this house so much, I decided to grant him his wish by moving out of this house.

       

       

      Edited by Princessisland2001 04 Sep `16, 11:53PM
  • Hhaawke's Avatar
    10 posts since Sep '16
    • Hey ger, if you want to live own life,  and you are working, jus move out lor.Most impt thing in life as adult is being to make own living, no matter wat it is.I mean serious... having a preference is secondary lar... take it from someone who knows. If you want fulfillment, go do ur own sideline lor. If you think you are artistic, then start ur own freelance art business. Of course keep ur mouth shut if it goes against law lor... no need drama, no need whine abt it, just do or dun do, that's all there is to life.

      really lar, when you get older you will be so thankful just to have stable job.

      Edited by Hhaawke 07 Sep `16, 12:06PM
    • Originally posted by Princessisland2001:

      And what makes you think I haven't given them back in the relationship?

      Mind you, I give them my hard-earned salary every month. During their birthdays and during fathers day/mothers day, I'll also buy gifts for them, but they never say "thank you" to me, instead, they criticise me for buying those gifts. Sometimes, I'll draw cards for them too, I spent weeks drawing those cards, and when I give them those cards on their birthday they tell me that my drawing looked very ugly. Then when they are sick, I asked them if they are ok and I take care of them. But when I am sick, they never take care of me but instead they get angry at me and yell at me.

      And just 2 months ago, my dad banged loudly on the table, yelled into my face that I'm a nuisance, told me that he isn't afraid to whack me, and he also told me to get out of the house. All because I forget to switch off the tv. On the other hand, my brother does the same thing all the time but he never gets scolded by my dad.

      Since my dad wants me to leave this house so much, I decided to grant him his wish by moving out of this house.

      Do it lor, if unhappy, move. no need to think too hard

       

       

  • Dead Poets's Avatar
    1 post since Oct '16
  • Needhelp2016's Avatar
    52 posts since Mar '16
    • Originally posted by Princessisland2001:

      And what makes you think I haven't given them back in the relationship?

      Mind you, I give them my hard-earned salary every month. During their birthdays and during fathers day/mothers day, I'll also buy gifts for them, but they never say "thank you" to me, instead, they criticise me for buying those gifts. Sometimes, I'll draw cards for them too, I spent weeks drawing those cards, and when I give them those cards on their birthday they tell me that my drawing looked very ugly. Then when they are sick, I asked them if they are ok and I take care of them. But when I am sick, they never take care of me but instead they get angry at me and yell at me.

      And just 2 months ago, my dad banged loudly on the table, yelled into my face that I'm a nuisance, told me that he isn't afraid to whack me, and he also told me to get out of the house. All because I forget to switch off the tv. On the other hand, my brother does the same thing all the time but he never gets scolded by my dad.

      Since my dad wants me to leave this house so much, I decided to grant him his wish by moving out of this house.

       

       

      I think you should be taking your case to the Ministry of social and family development. Please do so and seek their advice or help.

       

      https://app.msf.gov.sg/dfcs/familyservice/default.aspx

      Edited by Needhelp2016 02 Oct `16, 3:10PM
  • JSh's Avatar
    11 posts since Oct '16
    • Hi Guys,

      I need some help.

      I visited a girl , who i found on craiglist, at  a hotel. On reaching the hotel, we just sat aound chatting for a while. Then, things got a little intimate, but we never had sex. It was just light cuddling and kissing. Nothing more. I had made it clear to her before meeting itself that i was not looking for sex ( sent her an explicit message). I left within 30 min. However, i did pay her some amount just for the time and company. 

      As i was leaving the hotel, the staff stopped me and asked me if i knew the girl. I said she was a friend who i met online. They asked me my name and contact number, as they were suspecting some illegal activity going on in that room (they saw a lot of guys entering that room on cctv) and that they might call me if they need help/info. 

      Since i never had sex , or never intended to (i have proofs of this interms of sms), did i do something illegal by visiting her? Did i break any law? I have been freaking out ever since this episode happened and have been sleepless at nights.

       

      is there a cause of concern? 

      Appreciate any help/advice 

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