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Relationship Issue #4 - Giver/Taker and Sharer by Callan

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  • M©+square's Avatar
    22,843 posts since Nov '02
    • This Article has got to be one of the Best in relationship issues.
      People, if you're too proud to even address certain issues or problems you have. At least read it.

      Kudos to brother Callan Wink

      The third kind of people in a relationship after Givers and Takers
      One of the biggest traps I've seen people who are unsuccessful in relationships fall into is they believe there are only two kinds of people: Givers and Takers. As a result, they usually end up being used.

      In the Giver/Taker mindset, Givers always end up with Takers and Takers always end up with Givers. The reason is simple: A Giver can't take because then, by definition, he or she is no longer a Giver. And a Taker can't give because then, by definition, he or she is no longer a Taker.

      Takers are selfish, Givers are unselfish. It's a great arrangement... for the Taker. Buy very abusive for the Giver.

      Eventually, after years of abuse and pain, the Giver leaves, while the Taker blames everything on the Giver. The Giver then spends an indefinite period asking him or herself some version of: "What did I do wrong? How could I have made it work? If only I'd done 'X' (been more patient, more understanding, more supportive, etc.) it would have worked out."

      I know, because I used to be a Giver. I went from one Taker to the next, getting abused over and over.

      Then one day I had the good fortune of meeting a woman who was very successful with men.

      I asked her how she commanded a man's respect, and kept it, hoping I could learn something that would help me out of my emotionally abused rut to use with the next woman I got involved with.

      She said, "Callan, it's really simple. Every one in abusive relationships thinks there's only two groups of people: Givers and Takers. But there's a third group. And once you know, understand and 'get' the third group on a gut level, it all starts to fall into place and your relationships start to work out. The third group is Sharers. Sharers know in their mind, their heart and their soul they deserve to receive as well as give. Sharers know, over the long run, the relationship will balance out to be 50/50 give and take. Sharers have a healthy self respect and they expect their partner to treat them with respect, the same respect they give their partner. When they don't, a Sharer leaves."

      "Were you ever in an abusive relationship?" I asked.

      "Sure. I was with a MCP who blamed me for every problem he had. Then one day someone explained the concept of Givers, Takers and Sharers to me. It hit me hard, but I finally 'got it.' I went to my MCP Boyfriend of five years and told him I was leaving. He said, 'I'm trying. You just don't understand.' I said, 'You're wrong. I DO understand. And that's why I'm leaving. I deserve better than you.' And I left."

      I hope you don't fall into the trap of being a Giver or a Taker. Think about the concept of being a Sharer, become one, and start enjoying relationships the way your deserve to.

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