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What should i do if i am not ready for a sex driven bf?

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  • Xruby99's Avatar
    10 posts since Sep '17
    • I am 18 this year and i am currently in a relationship with this guy for soon to be a year. He is extremely sex driven, while i am the otherwise. I got together with him without knowing that this relationship will get into so much quarrels on sex related matters. I have read several articles on how can i solve this issue because i am personally not ready for sex. However the articles are not really helpful in this situation i am facing now.        


      I did communicate with him, telling him im not ready, and also try to compromise with him such as foreplay, and we promised to talk about this after my alevels. But from time to time, he will continue to pester me about it, saying that he has waited very long and it has created alot of stress for me. I am really lost of what to do.We quarrel on this many many times. when i said i am not ready, he would ask me for a time period and i really have no idea when i will be ready.


      He is not a bad person, he has taken really good care of me and being very supportive during this alevel period. Really really nice, but he is really driven in sex, while i am here being really stressed out. sometimes i do wonder if i am ready for this kind of relationship, because the relationship i thought i am getting in is more of like cuddling, talking with each other and many more happy activities. Sometimes i also feel its selfish for me to keep hanging on to him when i cant give him what he wants...and because of this we almost break up recently but afterwards we decided to talk after alevels, but still he will still ask me from time to time.

      I am extremely sad and stressed out. i really love him, and i am also really sad to see him upset... but i just cant come to a decision to have sex now.


      could yall please offer me some advices? ><

  • darknight69's Avatar
    17 posts since Sep '17
    • Normally once he gets it he will change so is you not ready then don't do it . He might change for the worse or good but you have to really think for your self and your future.

      guys with high Sex drive can led to Abuse. 

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    FireIce's Avatar
    265,935 posts since Dec '99
  • BuddhaBless108's Avatar
    18 posts since Sep '17
    • Guys mostly think this manner. If you do not give him sex, he will likely stray to another lady and cheat on you instead. As long as you find him the correct one for you and if you think that he is reliable, what harm will it do to give sex? In my humble opinion. But, remember to make him wear a cap and not give you a baby unless he is mentally prepared to marry you. Just saying.

  • darknight69's Avatar
    17 posts since Sep '17
    • Hi sorry but won't he still stray away after he gets it and by the way Xruby99 it's all in your hands just be careful.

  • BuddhaBless108's Avatar
    18 posts since Sep '17
    • Yes, you are correct, darknight69. It's all a gamble. Give him sex and 50% he will still stray away. Don't give him sex and 100% he will definitely stray away. All depends on the character of the guy.

  • Yokkie's Avatar
    15 posts since Sep '17
    • Just see how long he can tahan bah... I think should be quite hard for him though. But,  I'd he really loves u,  he will respect whatever your decision

  • toot2016's Avatar
    8 posts since Sep '17
    • we were like this at the beginning. we talked and agreed to do it but only upto a certain level which gradually increases as we continue to be together. the main point here is that the guy should really respect the partner’s decision. and ladies should not give in to pressure. maybe use this as a motivation for him to study / work harder as a reward..

  • XxYaNxX's Avatar
    2,748 posts since Jan '08
    • First thing first, I'd focus on your studies before thinking about anything else. Studying is stressful enough as it is without the added pressure. 

      It seems like you're not ready to take the next step and have sex with him, which ultimately may be the reason why he leaves you. Perhaps you don't see him in a sexual way?  Perhaps you just enjoy his company and emotional support?  Emotional support and company doesn't equal a healthy relationship.  Clearly, you're attached to him so you don't want to let him go. Once your studies are over I suggest you both have a good talk about what you're wanting from a relationship. You can't expect him to wait forever and it's unfair of him to pressurise you into having sex as well. If you're unable to meet in the middle then maybe it's a sign to end the relationship as the problem will return. 


      Good luck!

  • Kimochimassage2016's Avatar
    4 posts since Oct '17
    • Give him a pair of scissors on his next upcoming birthday as present, then prayed hard that he will get the hint..   :p


      Edited by FireIce 25 Oct `17, 12:56AM
  • Hinko's Avatar
    8 posts since Oct '17
  • Eelvw's Avatar
    33 posts since Sep '16
    • Xruby99, you are now 18 and you met him at the age if 17.

      You are right to concentrate on you study to prepare for further study in university. Once you have got into university you may be affordable to enjoy life much more than in high school.  That may include sex life if you are of the hot type of girl, ie with relatively high urge in sex.


      By then you should choose a boyfriend with compatible in psychological and physical outlook in sex for lifelong partner.


      At this stage you should be able to judge whether the said boyfriend is compatible with your own psychological and physical need or not.  He is a man with intensive sex desire.  If you are not you should not choose a lifelong partner like him.  Otherwise you might not be able to meet his demand and satisfy him after you get married and there will be a lot of problems in your marriage life. If you are also borne with high sexual desire though you try to restrain yourself while still young and still in study he will be a good match for you in time to come.


      He is a bit more or less like what I was.  I flirted around with many girls while I was young.  Finally I found a wife who also loved sex so much as I did.  In order to enjoy the best out of our sex life we gradually become open-minded and began to lead the swinging lifestyle.  Up to the present we still enjoy our sex life as what we did while we are young.


      Please consider carefully what you should do with him at this stage.

  • Mild taste's Avatar
    6 posts since Dec '17
    • better not ... there are men who cant find satisfaction after sex with their partner, he will leave them

  • Sgbeautycastle's Avatar
    15 posts since Aug '16
  • Timtakeshi's Avatar
    8 posts since Feb '18
  • Lovebroker's Avatar
    1 post since Feb '18
    • I think the guy has been very patient, one year with no action is a long time for a young man.


  • Jamie2018's Avatar
    4 posts since Apr '18
    • I hv a different thinking. If u dun want, dun give in. If he leaves then all he wants is sex. And hence good riddance. If he stays, u guys hv a long way ahead. Plenty of time for sex

  • Second ID's Avatar
    8 posts since Apr '18
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