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Thoughts of a Singaporean mother living in UK

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  • sacredspirits's Avatar
    586 posts since Feb '05
    • Visiting family and friends in Singapore during this CNY period. Reading news about the government’s white paper on population growth for 2030. Reading on the difficulties of getting Singaporeans to have more babies. Just some thoughts on my mind:
      I am not a ‘talent’ that went overseas nor do I consider myself a ‘quitter’... I just happened to meet someone in UK while working short term in UK…. got married and started a family in UK… for my own nostalgic thoughts, my family, my friends, I often had thoughts of returning to Singapore for good with my hubby and kids… but… hmm… being in Singapore now makes me really think thrice….
      1) the work culture… how am I going to adapt working long hours and returning home late, not spending a lot of time with my kids liaoz? I really hate to think about it. At the moment, I am able to leave work on time at 5pm in UK, get home at 6pm, cook and have family meals with my family. I think most likely, I will not have this luxury in Singapore… and I will hate it….
      2) the competiveness of parents on their children… goodness… my 4 year-old niece in ‘tuition’ and many other children of my friends in ‘enrichment classes’... i just want my 3 year-old and 1 year-old to have a happy childhood!! I can understand the parents’ anxiety about their children lagging behind when they get to P1, but I really want MY children to have a happy childhood like I do! .....I would not like to have this ‘stress’ on me…hmm….
      3) child care…. with my own parents getting old, there’s no way they can help… i know i can get maids, put the children in nursery/infant care etc…. but if I want to have more than 2 children, the financial burden will be too much…. if I look after them myself, then my husband will have to work harder (longer hours??!!) and there will again be sacrifice on his part on family life…. hmm…
      These are all in my mind when I am here now in Singapore observing the whole issue… i love children and would love to have more than 2 children… but to bring them up in UK or here? hmm….

  • Summer hill's Avatar
    6,634 posts since Dec '11
  • SJS6638's Avatar
    4,935 posts since Nov '11
    • If I am you, I will not even consider Singapore.    If it is the Singapore of yesteryears,, yes to it.    Now what we have in Singapore is a spoilt brat , irresponsible, and arrogant PM who cares only for money making and fulfilling his own desires at the expense of the people.

      UK, at least they provide welfare for the people.      

  • kengkia's Avatar
    6,432 posts since Aug '04
    • i am all for TS raising her kids in UK. there's an issue of NS and what nots. For optimal child development, best to stay put in UK.

  • sacredspirits's Avatar
    586 posts since Feb '05
    • hmm…. the thing is, I do miss my family and friends in singapore….. pros and cons of living in UK as well…. welfare comes at a price – middle income person like me needs to contribute about 30% taxes… and I always feel like a foreigner here….

  • SJS6638's Avatar
    4,935 posts since Nov '11
    • Originally posted by sacredspirits:

      hmm…. the thing is, I do miss my family and friends in singapore….. pros and cons of living in UK as well…. welfare comes at a price – middle income person like me needs to contribute about 30% taxes… and I always feel like a foreigner here….

      well, in singapore, we do feel like foreigners in our own country.   Foreigners make up 40 percent of the population in Singapore.    Many jobs are given to foreigners, that is why in recent years many singaporeans have difficulty finding jobs.

      Companies rather employ foreigners from some kind of unrecognized universities than local singaporeans.     Low skilled and professional jobs are given to many foreigners.

  • kengkia's Avatar
    6,432 posts since Aug '04
    • Originally posted by sacredspirits:

      hmm…. the thing is, I do miss my family and friends in singapore….. pros and cons of living in UK as well…. welfare comes at a price – middle income person like me needs to contribute about 30% taxes… and I always feel like a foreigner here….

      if the pappies have their way for the white paper, it will be lagi worse. singaporeans becoming minority in their own country is worse than what u r having in UK.

    • whatever u decide to do ultimately, please leave some leeway for yourself and your kids in the UK, should things got worse here in sinkieland. people like us want to get out also cannot, so please treasure the global mobility u have. Dun ever ditch away your and your kid's UK passport.

  • SJS6638's Avatar
    4,935 posts since Nov '11
    • I concur with kengkia.

      Many of us want to get out of Singapore but we do not have the means.    You have the privilege of living overseas, treasure it though I know times are pretty bad there in UK.     Somehow, I believe the economy there will turn around.

      Good luck to you.         

  • Huatah88's Avatar
    12 posts since Feb '13
    • Things will be better in the UK, and the rest are right. You have an opportunity that many many people don't have. You should grab it with both hands! Having lived overseas for awhile, i can tell you life is so much better.

  • zulkifli mahmood's Avatar
    4,525 posts since Feb '05
    • I know what you are going through while living overseas…as you said, you don’t feel like fit in overthere and you miss your family in Singapore, but I think your spouse and children do feel at home there. So, if you think about your children…I think you just be there and you will feel better once the economy there picks up again.

      If you really so desperate to return home to Singapore or just to be close to your family in Singapore….then you be on your own without your spouse and kids…you want that to happen?

  • sacredspirits's Avatar
    586 posts since Feb '05
    • thanks for all the views…. i am actually still holding to the Singapore passport though my children have dual citizenships at the moment (they will need to renounce one when they get to 21).... in a way, i know i sound selfish in wanting to return to singapore for my own wish of being with my family n friends…. i think the ideal situation may b to win the lottery and b able to own a place in singapore to ‘test’ for 6 months to a year…. maybe then i will know where i ‘belong’... hmm…..

  • Moderator
    jetta's Avatar
    11,930 posts since Jan '06
    • Originally posted by sacredspirits:

      thanks for all the views…. i am actually still holding to the Singapore passport though my children have dual citizenships at the moment (they will need to renounce one when they get to 21).... in a way, i know i sound selfish in wanting to return to singapore for my own wish of being with my family n friends…. i think the ideal situation may b to win the lottery and b able to own a place in singapore to ‘test’ for 6 months to a year…. maybe then i will know where i ‘belong’... hmm…..

      Do you have sons or daughters?

       

  • sacredspirits's Avatar
    586 posts since Feb '05
  • PJ_Quek's Avatar
    3,369 posts since Sep '04
    • Originally posted by SJS6638:

      If I am you, I will not even consider Singapore.    If it is the Singapore of yesteryears,, yes to it.    Now what we have in Singapore is a spoilt brat , irresponsible, and arrogant PM who cares only for money making and fulfilling his own desires at the expense of the people.

      UK, at least they provide welfare for the people.      

      Free welfare comes with a price. 

  • Summer hill's Avatar
    6,634 posts since Dec '11
    • Originally posted by PJ_Quek:

      Free welfare comes with a price. 

      Price? Yes, the tax may be high but I have a worry-free mind, I need not bother to think how I will save for my retirement, accident, illness...etc

      Better than SG, CPF locked there for very long time. 

  • PJ_Quek's Avatar
    3,369 posts since Sep '04
    • Originally posted by Summer hill:

      Price? Yes, the tax may be high but I have a worry-free mind, I need not bother to think how I will save for my retirement, accident, illness...etc

      Better than SG, CPF locked there for very long time. 

      too bad, you said you are stuck in sg lor.

  • SJS6638's Avatar
    4,935 posts since Nov '11
    • Originally posted by PJ_Quek:

      Free welfare comes with a price. 

      That is of course.     At least, they have a govt who care to take care of the old.

      In singapore almost everything comes with a price , too.   They are not cheap.     Cost of living keeps going up and up.    We have to support and feed our expensive useless govt.

  • PJ_Quek's Avatar
    3,369 posts since Sep '04
    • Originally posted by SJS6638:

      That is of course.     At least, they have a govt who care to take care of the old.

      In singapore almost everything comes with a price , too.   They are not cheap.     Cost of living keeps going up and up.    We have to support and feed our expensive useless govt.

      You go there and live lor.

      Suggest a country that cost of living keeps going down or maintain the same. 

      Edited by PJ_Quek 30 May `13, 12:00PM
  • Summer hill's Avatar
    6,634 posts since Dec '11
  • Boomslang4829's Avatar
    91 posts since Mar '09
    • I've been living in the US for the last 16 years, and 2 years ago had toyed with the thought of moving back to SG. I even went to the effort of going for interviews when I was on vacation in SG.

      I get to visit SG every year since I'm in the region for business, and SG always appears very vibrant and dynamic, with so many new things going on. Compared to where I live in the US, where all the stores and restaurants close by 9pm, SG is so much more "happening".

      However, after discussing this with friends and family, I soon realized that the SG work-life balance is very negatively skewed. Forget about leaving work at 6pm if you're in middle management or above. The population density is crazy, and things are getting so much more expensive.

      Therefore, I've decided to stay in the US until I retire, when I will probably migrate back to SG based on the convenience of living in a housing estate with shops and amenities close by.

      The SG that I yearn for in the mid 90's is no longer there, so I've told myself to get over it and move on.

      But back to your point, please consider carefully about how much of a lifestyle change you and your family will need to endure if you do move from the UK to SG. You didn't mention which part of the UK you live in, but I assume it's a stark difference from SG in terms of weather, culture, food, etc.

      In the end, if you do plan to make a move, it could be temporary to get your feet wet and see if you really do want to stay long term.

       

  • PJ_Quek's Avatar
    3,369 posts since Sep '04
  • Rosiesarah's Avatar
    2 posts since Jul '13
    • Hi sacredsprits - whereabouts in UK are you?  I moved to the UK in 2008 with 2 daughters - both dual.  Also I was back just the past chinese new year and thought exactly the same thing as you!

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