Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
1. Lawyer and Engineer
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean when they got
to talking. The lawyer mentioned, "I'm here because my house burned
down and everything got destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid
"That's quite a coincidence," remarked the engineer. "I'm here
because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood. My
insurance company, too, paid for everything."
There was a brief pause, and then the puzzled lawyer asked, "How do
you start a flood?"
2. Fair and Square
Taking his seat in chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.
"I have been presented by both of you with a bribe," the judge began.
Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.
"You, Attorney Leoni, gave me $15,000. And you, Attorney
Campos, gave me $10,000."
The judge reached in his pocket a pulled out a check, which he
handed to Leoni.
"Now, then, I'm returning $5,000, and we are going to decide this
case solely on its merits."
3. I'm Innocent!
"How is it that you can't get a lawyer to defend you?" the judge
asked the prisoner.
"Well, yer honor, it's like this. As soon as those lawyers
found out I didn't steal the money, they wouldn't have anything to do
4. Lawyer on Vacation
A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking
through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large
crowd gathered by the side of the road. Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there
was some sort of auto collision. He was eager to get to the injured
parties but couldn't get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through!
Let me through! I am the son of the victim."
The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
Amazingly Stupid Lawyer Quotes : http://www.funtasticus.com/2008/10/14/amazingly-stupid-lawyer-quotes