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Is it ethical to separate a couple cos you like one of them?

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  • Lightningbolt's Avatar
    14 posts since Nov '99

    • I am a student currently studying in Australia. Recently I had this unpleasant thing happened to me. A girlfriend I had for 4 years left me for another guy. She is still in Singapore but was supposed to join me over here when this thing happened. That bastard who is her ex-classmate used the pretext of suffering from the loss of his GF to gain my Girlfriend sympathy and get close to her, knowing that she is already attached. I can't really talk to her that often due to cost in telephone bills and also I am separated by the long distance to be able to do anything of effect. I just want an opinion of you all whether what the guy did was moral wooing someone else GF?? What happened to male principles?? People gf cannot touched??

  • Hetero5exual's Avatar
    253 posts since Nov '99
  • EcK's Avatar
    485 posts since Oct '99
    • Sorry to hear about that lightningbolt. Firstly, I am VERY much against going after attached girls. Its not fair to the gal's bf and frankly speaking, I think guys who do so are SOBs. Unless there are valid reasons for me to act as such(the bf treats her badly or both parties agree that if they find a more suitable partner its ok) otherwise its a definite no-no.

      All's fair and square before she's attached, but once she is then it would be like, "Hands off!" But seriously, since your gf has already left you, there's no point in going back after her. If 4 years of a relationship is not enough for her to stay commited to you while you are away, then I say forget it.

      Its hard but its my POV.... there will be others with better advice Smile

      Why? Why me?

      [This message has been edited by EcK (edited 09 November 1999).]

  • firewire's Avatar
    763 posts since Oct '99
    • Sorry about the loss Bolt,...but sad to say that most long distance relationships don't last...especially when ur still young...

      Let's face it, when ur young, u want someone there for u..if they're not, u have to move on...or even if u don't want to, it will probably just happen...unless ur one of those lucky bastards who got a GF or BF who willing to wait...But I think that it's rare. I tend to think that as u get older, ur more willing to wait for that special someone who is abroad.

      I just found out that my GF's guy friend who went to study in Aussie...After a few months, he paid for her to go visit him, but hse ended up visiting everything and everyone else but him...not only that, she broke up with him...

      It's a really sad thing now a days. It also has to do with the fact that there are literally billions of fish in the sea...and being lonely can make people change quite drastically.

      AS for the question of ethics...I personally wouldn't want to steal anyones GF away, but lets just say that it is very tempting to try because the guy isn't there. He's no threat and can't defend the relationship...and usually the girl is probably lonely so getting close wouldn't be a problem. I really can't say what's right or wrong here, but it happens very often and that's something that we ccan't change.

      I used to hate guys who did this because I had a few GF that I loved stolen from right under my nose....but as I got older and a bit wiser, I began to realise that it isn't fair to make someone wait for u. if they are willing to wait, then that's superb!!!

      We can and have the right to ask, but we must also understand that they are the ones being left behind...and that feeling is worse and more lonely than the person who is doing the leaving. Tho we may feel sad that we left the GF BF behind, it's much worse for the poor person left behind....just look at it this way...the person doing the breaking up is on a much better footing than the person left behind....True? Yes...unfortunately.

      So can we really blame anyone for taking our GF BF away? We may get angry, but if we love them and care about them, then maybe we should consider understanding why they would get taken by another person...and in a way, we should be happy for them that someone is willing to take care of them.....

      yes, an overly idealistic view of it, but u would have to be very generous and un-greedy to be able to do this...But love is greddy and we as humans find it hard to let go of people we care about...but then again, life moves on....and sometimes, we get left behind because we aren't around to do anything about it....

      Maybe it's wrong for other guys to take advantage of this situation, but at this point in my life...I wouldn't hold it against them or my GF for leaving....

      Just my view...but I'm sad for ur loss anyway...and I'm sure it must be extremely painful and especially lonely there a thousand miles away... where u have no hope of control over what happens from where u r...

      Take care man.

  • Swiftwing's Avatar
    36 posts since Oct '99
    • bolt.
      it is definately not ethical to seperate a couple if u like one of dem......
      but den again everyone does it.....
      all fair in love i guess....
      but it aint ethical...but who cares?

      Your Rights Will Be Read At Your Funeral - Max Payne

  • Money &Power's Avatar
    106 posts since Oct '99
    • Bolt, it's real shit to read that your ex-gf got stolen. The guy no doubt is a real bastard. I definitely would never steal another person's girl. It's really scummy for one to act like that!

      But then again, it may not be entirely his fault. Your ex-gf is responsble for it too! It takes two hands to clap, rite?

      Hey, see this as a learning experience. Also, it's better to know that you ex-gf is such an easy person to be taken away now than later. Hope you are not offended by the prior sentence.

      Good luck in your next hunting! Life goes on, buddy!

  • Solaar's Avatar
    36 posts since Nov '99
    • Nope, gotta go against it, but then I've been on the receiving end far too often.

      Can't think of any occasions I've done it myself though...

      lying thru his teeth

  • Ya Ya Papaya's Avatar
    4 posts since Nov '99
    • Question is, even if you were the guy who “stole” someone’s gf, would you feel secure? Its just like recruiting a traitor into your camp, what makes you think that she wouldn’t do it again?

  • ataraxia's Avatar
    280 posts since Aug '07
    • sigh. it's girls like this tt give all of us a bad name. i can emphatise w your ex in tt maybe she was really being "manipulated" by tt freakin @#*&&@ but....... IMHO, i dont see the pt behind gf/bf stealing. any guy/ger who does tt is plain CHEAP. ahem. yes, i'm being a *little* OOT here. but, the way i thk is, if he/she can leave their SO for you, what's stopping them frm leaving you for greener pastures? so we shall all be nice and generous and pity the poor SOB who went to so much trouble to get tt opportunistic .... erm... person. yes. Smile

  • Fellowes's Avatar
    10 posts since Nov '99
    • Hi...i think its real sad that such a thing has happended.Happened to mi once too.but tts another story.About the ethical ques.i think there is no such things as ethics in love.But i personally would stay clear of attached girls.But some ppl have no rules.Anyway ur so far away frm ur gf and dun keep constant contact,its no wonder tt she wld be lonely.Can't really blame her.Anyway,u wld have realised tt she doesn't really love u tt much.So it might be a blessing in disguise.
      Think positive

  • The 7th Son's Avatar
    29 posts since Nov '99
    • I agree with Fellowes --- there’s no ethics in love, no logic, no nothing.

      If you love her, set her free. If she comes back to you, she’s yours forever.

      Meanwhile, try setting yourself free.

      'yah, it's just a phase --- those terrible guilt and struggles in life before finally coming to terms with yourself and admit that you are GAY'

  • alvinlwh's Avatar
    9 posts since Nov '99
    • Your story is very same as mine. Just that in my case I am in Singapore, doing NS, and my ex-GF is in UK studying. Then there is the cock s**ker that is in the same school as her. The rest you know lah....

      Don't you just want to wack these Mother-F**ker up? Can't they find other girls? Are attached girls more attrective? F**king hell, I will kill them if I can!


      P.S. Sorry for the $%[email protected]#* langague but it just makes me very angry

  • i am twat's Avatar
    543 posts since Nov '99
    • i know i always post shit, but this one is real.

      hoi alvin, i'm goin ns soon also and my girlfren might be flying to uk to study too. hear ur story i also a bit scare scare liao.... hmmm......

  • firewire's Avatar
    763 posts since Oct '99
    • U can't blame the guy totally. It's usuualy the girls fault also...but is love really so blind? I mean, would she be tempted to that extent if she was really faithful in the first place...and u really can't expect that she will stay in her rooom the whole time she's there...girls are girls...wherever tehy go, people will try for them....It's the nature of man....and how do we know that the girls aren't telling them that they are single?

      The gf that got snatch from me actually go and tell the guy that she's single...so go and figure that out....at first I blamed him and was going to find some way to tell him off, but later found out that he never knew...hmm, don't trust them totally if u don't want ur heart broken.

  • Lightningbolt's Avatar
    14 posts since Nov '99
    • Thanks everyone for showing so much care for me with regards to what happened. I accepted it as fate and is feeling much better now. Good to know that no matter what happened in this world, there will always be people/strangers there to give you support. Thanks everyone!!! Guess now I have more time for my studies and work on my career. By the way, I am 24yrs this year.

  • winger_tag's Avatar
    24 posts since Nov '99
    • Lightning, mate...I had the same problem when I was in Melbourne for 4 yrs. The only solution to the problem is to hit the problem hard in the head. U got to show tat SOB wat u r made off(I don propose violence as it does not solve any problems..it creats them), use some imagination to win the girl back (if u still wan her back), or show her tat she made the wrong choice of going with him. Make her regret.


  • worm's Avatar
    466 posts since Oct '99

    • Dat dumB guy.how could he do dat....and dat girl too..haiz....I agree winger tag...yeah~!~!u're wad i call a REAL GUY...hehe

  • Me's Avatar
    36 posts since Oct '99
    • Sorry to hear about that, bolt.

      I honestly think it's the guy's perogative to NOT mess with somebody else's gf. It's a principle which I still uphold.

      Let's face it, it's real easy to waltz into a relationship and charm the girl off her feet. It's becos she's been in the relationship for some time, you come in and you're like a breath of fresh air .... too easy....

      Guys on this site, be a man and keep to that principle, no matter what the rest of the world does!

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