Singapore girls - a challenge to love
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Singapore girls - a challenge to love
Star, Malaysia
February 13, 2005
Insight Down South By Seah Chiang Nee
EDUCATED and financially independent, the new Singaporean woman is running into a wall of male traditions that is leaving some holes in their relationship, including marriage.
The trend had been building up over a couple of decades. In few other countries have women made larger strides in education and careers than in Singapore.
During the past few decades they have caught up with, and even overtaken, men in fields they had once dominated.
In university, women still outnumber men 55-45 with many moving strongly into subjects like media, mathematics, law and engineering, among others.
Recently girls won seven of the top 11 awards for A-level Physics, which had long been a boysÂ’ domain.
Island-wide, women have moved into the highest ranks of the corporate world and commanded artillery units or police divisions, as well as trained jetfighter pilots. Ten women, aged 20-40, are planning to climb Mount Everest.
In short, the new female is able, confident and more than holding up half the heavens, but not getting equal success in their relationship with men.
This is running smack into a traditional male value of wanting to be seen wearing the pants, causing a growing “incompatibility”.
Better education has also led to the woman being perceived as too ambitious, self-centred and materialistic, not qualities that promote romance.
As a consequence, more men are choosing their brides from abroad, especially from China, Vietnam and most of all Malaysia, where historical links remain strong.
I attended five weddings in the last eight months that reflected the trend.
Four of the brides were from Malaysia and China and only one was local. I was told this was becoming a trend that government matchmakers have failed to correct.
One groom with a Johor bride said he had found Singaporean girls too materialistic and demanding. “One specifically set a condition: no living with my parents. She wasn’t happy dating on public buses.”
The womenÂ’s relentless pursuit of a career had come at the expense of learning to do simple household chores like cooking, ironing or looking after babies.
“If you want to marry a Singapore girl you must be prepared to eat at hawker centres for life,” one male cynic said.
A marriage agency owner told a radio interviewer how some of the girls had, on the first date, plied the men with questions like: What is your degree and earnings? Do you own a condo? “And they’re surprised when they didn’t get a second date,” she said.
Others find them picky, untrusting and calculative towards love and marriage.
Results of recently released research have found that one in five Singaporean wives is hiding her assets from her husband for fear that he will squander them or in case the marriage fails.
This 20% here compares with France (7.2%), USA (7.6%), Brazil (9%), Romania (12%) and Britain (16.8%).
But there are more hoarders in Japan (38%), Saudi Arabia (32%) and China (21%).
It doesnÂ’t inspire trust. Another sign is the increasing number of cases when a private detective is hired to check on the spouse.
Pre-marital contracts are also becoming more common among people who want to keep their assets out of their spouseÂ’s reach in any divorce. Almost six out of 10 women say in a survey that they are not submissive, while two-thirds believe they could live without men.
The changing female attitude is, of course, only half the cause.
The other is the man sticking to a traditional view that it is his right as head to leave the babies and household work to his working wife. One in two women here have a job.
The social impact is a growing number of single women, especially university graduates.
A growing minority is marrying Westerners.
This has prompted a newspaper reader to urge her well-educated peers to revisit some the traditional feminine traits.
Her letter followed reports that more Singaporeans, including young professional males, were turning abroad for brides.
She said she had worked in Vietnam and found the girls there feminine, their speech melodious.
“They work hard without complaining, carrying loads of cloth and vegetables in the market stalls and food places. Simple, gentle and hardworking, it's hard not to fall in love with them,” she added.
As for the Malaysian ladies, she finds them “neither loud nor argumentative, (but) pander to the boys' needs. Not as doormats, but as cheerful assistants, who see it as their obligation to help their men without expecting anything in return.
“Not that they are stupid - oh, no, the Malaysian girls I know are smart and hardworking, with careers of their own.
“But when it comes to matters of the heart, they play the docile, giggly girlfriend with as much aplomb as their Vietnamese counterparts. Again, it's easy to see where their attraction lies.”
In contrast, the Singapore girl is twice as likely as her Malaysian or Vietnamese counterpart to stride away in a huff or throw water in the male's face or hold a public screaming or crying fit.
“The Singapore girl debates and argues impassionedly. She wants to win at all costs and treats her love conquests like those fought in the office arena. She may be pretty, yes, smart, yes, but, oh, so demanding.”
The Singapore girl, in short, is a challenge to love, she added.
Although she may, at the end of the day, be a supportive and faithful spouse, the barbs hiding her soft interior are daunting to the suitor.
“She is materialistic, and loves being so. Shopping is a major hobby, and looking good is absolutely essential. The man is but another accessory, a helper, chauffeur, bag carrier.”
There are, however, some 200,000 men who have a poor education and a low salary. Their prospect of marrying a Singapore girl is slim.
One emotional man said online: “I’m fed up with life. Can’t even find a date let alone a wife.” For him and the rest, salvation lies in Vietnam or China.
Seah Chiang Nee is a veteran journalist and editor of the information website littlespeck.com -
are sg girls getting better
or the sg guys getting lousier? -
Agree? Disagree?
the spoilt, bratty, materialistic women mentioned do sound very familiar to me... -
i think it has nothing to do with better or lousier...Originally posted by FireIce:are sg girls getting better
or the sg guys getting lousier?
the point is that "SOME" women have progressed materially at the expense of their emotional / social life.
is it at all sensible to judge quality of life by how many pradas, guccis and louis vuittons you own?
i don't need a submissive, soft spoken vietnamese to pander to my every whim... i believe that there is someone who is my intellectual soulmate, but i would be so dashed if my soulmate who shares my views intellectually only chooses to judge me by what car i drive, what house i own and how much money i make...
at this rate, even if i could afford a singaporean women, i would never trust her enough to be with her long term.
of course, Fireice is oh so nice and not like that lah... right?
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im the the spoilt, bratty, materialistic woman u mentioned.
36yrs old and left on the shelf.
humpf! -
Lets just say singapore girls have change faster than the singapore men can adapt. The bad thing is, they don't have to. They have an alternative solution of finding wives from other region.
IMO... I think guys who r late 30's, ugly and having a low paying job have a great difficulty in finding an attractive singapore wife. They have little difficulty in finding a beautiful kalimantan or vietnam wife though -
i fully agree w saying sg gals have progressed at much much faster pace than sg guys...in most areas, they're as good as the guys or even much much better..it can only be gd for the country n economy as we will prosper faster..of cos we can win all, gotta lose here n gain there lor...
regarding those guys going for viet gals, they belong to the lower income gp, hard to find a local gal....we should give them our blessing as they can start their families finally!!..
but the worry trend would be professional going for them also..hmm -
The girls are getting smarter cos more are getting into U than the guys.
They have also overtaken them in fields like engrg, sciences, business etc.
Those guys with poly/ lower sec. edn. better upgrade. -
i hear singapor men looking for vietnam wives.. any girls care for vietnam man like meee??
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I think most SG guys are looking for SG girls who don't judge them by what car they drive, house they own etc.Originally posted by CX:i don't need a submissive, soft spoken vietnamese to pander to my every whim... i believe that there is someone who is my intellectual soulmate, but i would be so dashed if my soulmate who shares my views intellectually only chooses to judge me by what car i drive, what house i own and how much money i make...
The problem is that most kids, both guys and girls are brought up by parents who give them everything. Well for guys, they are brought up with the mind-set that they are to provide for the family and though a girl is given the same level of education, I believe parents still instill in her that the guy provides.
Of course, not all SG girls are spoilt brats who want everything but gives nothing but as usual, the black sheep stands out amongst the flock.
Anyway from what is seen, the majority of guys who go after Vietnamese wives tend to belong to the blue collar group. I don't see it as a worrying trend. Both guys and girls have their right to choose what they want, only thing is that the complains comes in when they don't get what they want, which I think is pretty pointless because it sounds like sour grapes on both ends -
agree on tat...since they cant feed a local gal, go for Viet gals den..its cheaper n at the end of the day, they have happy families...Originally posted by elindra:Anyway from what is seen, the majority of guys who go after Vietnamese wives tend to belong to the blue collar group. I don't see it as a worrying trend.
but i think the worrying trend (if u wanna call it) are those eudcated oversea gals from our region, coming here to take our jobs n also our professional guys..hmm -
If you are worried the good guys gets taken, why not be more proactive and make the first move?Originally posted by Inzaghi:agree on tat...since they cant feed a local gal, go for Viet gals den..its cheaper n at the end of the day, they have happy families...
but i think the worrying trend (if u wanna call it) are those eudcated oversea gals from our region, coming here to take our jobs n also our professional guys..hmm
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well its up to the sg gals to do tat...Originally posted by Qitai:If you are worried the good guys gets taken, why not be more proactive and make the first move? -
I am not very sure but is there a trend where more singaporean women r getting to be single instead of married ?
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IMO... I think guys who r late 30's, ugly and having a low paying job have a great difficulty in finding an attractive singapore wife. They have little difficulty in finding a beautiful kalimantan or vietnam wife though[/b]
Are u refering to me???
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U ugly meh?Originally posted by p1ll0w:Are u refering to me??? -
I tot you look like Chinese Brat Pitt ???Originally posted by p1ll0w:Are u refering to me??? -
Wahh, this article talked about many things that happened in Singapore.
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Got chinese brat pitt one meh????Originally posted by mistyblue:I tot you look like Chinese Brat Pitt ???
Anyway there's a good article which summerises almost everything abt
boy girl problem in sg -
In my opinion:Originally posted by stupidissmart:I am not very sure but is there a trend where more singaporean women r getting to be single instead of married ?
Marriage is a farce and an alternative name for servitude and slavery. Divorce is too easy. Being unfaithful is the in thing. Temptations are now abound and husbands do squander away money.
To me and its my personal opinion so don't get all upset you all... :
Freedom is too costly to give up. Money does not betray. Pets do not stray. Adoption will work out eventually, if not I still have TV and then there's the old folks home. Is there anything that I need from marriage? Fulfilment? Bah! Companion? Bah! Faithfulness? Bah! You more often get lies, deceit, disappointments, tempers, unfaithfulness, being treated as a slave sooner than a loyal companion to be loved. In my opinion, Men don't really love. They lust.
Look at it this way, some moron Singaporean1971 treated me as an object and challeneged dcx to "chase" me just to prove his point. Are singapore/asian men any better when these are the comments are made of the women by a mid 30s yr old guy? Didn't he know better than to respect another person? Obviously I don't count as a human since I am not a guy.
All I see is again female bashing. The form changed but the substance is still the same. While the men are writing up a storm complaining even on papers about the Singapore women this, singapore women that and blah blah blah. Had any singapore women go write in some paper that the men are lousy, cannot catch up, lack social skills, unable to take care of the family, expect the wife to be his mother and maid and iron his underwear and blah.
The papers and such media always like to finger point and cause so much ruckus over nothing and people like to see through their selective viewing and paint things in the manner that they want the world to see. Its just to sell papers and air time. But we lap it all up and eagerly look for more "reinforcing " info that backs up the skewed views that "Local women are lousy b!tches".
So if these men want a foreign wife, its their choice. I do not think all women need a man in her life to achieve something. This is arcade thinking to even think of that and I feel many women are way passed that. More often, about mid 30s, a guy will want to settle down but by then the women just want their lifestyle of freedom and learnt that men are not worth the time. Personally I find more happiness with my TV set than serving the men in my life like a maid.
Anyways, men are paradoxical animals, they want a wife who can help fork out for their expenses, an independent women who knows what she wants, and a women who can stand up on her own. Now, men complain women spending their own hard earn money, women are rude and too self-centered and blah.
Look at it this way, those qualities the men wanted are ironically what men are and since they wanted in us girls. So we learnt from the masters... the men. Only now, the men turn around and claim, we are less than femine but also complain women don't do NS... Soon my dear boys... when women go into NS, I think lots of women will propably really be out of your league. Then they either get a foreign wife or screw his mate's arse since local women are such a challenge and the men are just , perhaps, not good enough.
And with tinted glass, the grass always has the illusion of seemingly being greener. However, the men don't realise is that, its all the same. But some men can live in lies.
However, this is just my opinion. I do see the good about men and such but for argument sake, I am bringing out the negative. Anyways, in truth, I don't think local women are that great. I think the women here gotta think that if they are guys, would they ever want the kind of girl she is... Perhaps I just find that the some X and most Y generation and the MTV age people unsocial and ill bred. -
Chinese version ah... Brat Pitt is not that Handsome ah. Most guys look better than him...Originally posted by p1ll0w:Got chinese brat pitt one meh????
Anyway there's a good article which summerises almost everything abt
boy girl problem in sg -
I have a question: Why do such news keep coming out?
It seems that the press likes to show cast such news to the public.. anything that has a scent of sexual inequality, male vs female, foreign brides/husbands will be guaranteed a page in the news.....
IMO, do not blindly believe everything you read.. and like said earlier, the black sheep do stand out from the crowd, a few "rotten" apples "spoil" the whole basket -
yah loh yah loh
if everyday u read such articles or hear about such things, u will think tt it's a big thing.....some things get clouded, some things get amplified.....
but actually, it's oni a portion of our population
the little problem got too much attention tt it became a national issue -
Peepol here r losers!!! the gurs pleety but cant touch. the guys r bastards! got gurs don wan, go look for vietnam gurls. stoopid a.s.s.hole!!!
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I think it is more a change in values than anything else. Singaporeans have put too much emphasis on material achievements that we forget about other values like family relationship.
We tend to measure good life with high pay, condo, car, dine and wine, and regular holidays rather than a harmonious family doing things together. We somehow forget that joy can be derived from doing very simple things like cooking a meal together, taking a walk or simply watch the children play.
Those guys who think that they are unable to date local girls cos their pay is low really need a big dose of self-confidence. If they are full of aplomb they will be attractive to girls! Moreover, didn't a survey show that the happiest country isn't the richest country?