NS: the cause of a lot of breakups and heartaches
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ah.. i wonder if you realise this, but i'm a lady, dude. i'm only feeling bu4 zhi3 for the guys in NS. got a couple of guys friends who are facing that sort of thing and it saddens me to see them so depressed. but i also wonder why the government is contradicting itself. they want us to have more marriages and babies, but give reasons for more breakups. i know most of you here say it's up to the two people to work things out. but come on, how many of you guys have breakups when you were in NS?Originally posted by spencer99:typed this on another forum:
If she is not meant to be yours, just let her go....
Xiao1 Sha3 a bit..... There are other girls around. -
hey you gotta realise that NS really is a test of the relationship... a couple that are meant to be will go through ANYTHING.
yes you see all the depression of breakups because of NS. lets just say NS is one of the strongests tests to a r/s. i lost my gf becos of ns too.. and i'm glad i did because i know if i didn't we'll have bigger problems next time. -
Sorry didn't realize that you are a girl.Originally posted by starblue:ah.. i wonder if you realise this, but i'm a lady, dude. i'm only feeling bu4 zhi3 for the guys in NS. got a couple of guys friends who are facing that sort of thing and it saddens me to see them so depressed. but i also wonder why the government is contradicting itself. they want us to have more marriages and babies, but give reasons for more breakups. i know most of you here say it's up to the two people to work things out. but come on, how many of you guys have breakups when you were in NS?
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the hell?? grrr.....
i'm just voicing my concerns about NS breaking people up. its you guys i pity. afterall, i'm a freeman (i mean lady) and will do what i damn well please, out here in the secular world.
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girls often do not realise NS usually makes a guy a better man. NS is not the cause of breakups, but a convenient excuse to break up, be it used by guy or girl. it's just two years man! if a couple can't go through these two years without breaking up, what makes you think they can last a lifetime?
so by doing away with NS, more couples will get married and have babies?? you must be kidding! -
Imo, I think there's very little common sense in saying NS usually makes a guy a better man. Girls can tell whether NS makes a guy a better man or not and often, they can see NS doesn't.
girls often do not realise NS usually makes a guy a better man. NS is not the cause of breakups, but a convenient excuse to break up, be it used by guy or girl. it's just two years man! if a couple can't go through these two years without breaking up, what makes you think they can last a lifetime?
so by doing away with NS, more couples will get married and have babies?? you must be kidding!
If you understand girls, NS or anything that takes the guy away for too long, NS separation is the cause of breakups. Girls want to feel secure...and real close, not far away thinking what the hell the NS guy is really doing when he says he's got recalled, his buddies called or R&R in Bangkok.
So by doing away with NS, more couples will get married and have babies!!!!
I'm not kidding!!!!
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I disagree... take a moment at think when the guy enlist to NS he is 18. I presume the girl is also 18.
Even without NS, how many couples who are together at 18 actually got married... there will be some but few. most people are either unattached at 18 or have "a few" relationship before they finally settle down and get married....
At 18, they are young and most of the relationships are transient.... -
Alamak! Read properly lah:
Who says they are going to jump into marriage and baby making at 18?
So by doing away with NS, more couples WILL get married and have babies!!!!
Ever occur to you that with NS, the chances of couples splitting up is far more
greater than without NS?
By doing away with NS, what I'm sure will happen is the chances of them splitting up is far less and hence the chances of them getting married and hence have babies higher.
Right now, the problem is both guys and girls go build their education and careers. By the time, they want to marry, it's in their late 20s/30s. By the time, they want to make babies, it's in their mid 30s/40s and they change their minds.
Marriage much later in life. yes.
Have babies? no! -
If the r/s is meant to break, it is better to break during NS then break when the baby is out. If the r/s cannot withstand NS, it canot withstand anything.Originally posted by macjoe:Alamak! Read properly lah:
Who says they are going to jump into marriage and baby making at 18?
Ever occur to you that with NS, the chances of couples splitting up is far more
greater than without NS?
By doing away with NS, what I'm sure will happen is the chances of them splitting up is far less and hence the chances of them getting married and hence have babies higher.
Right now, the problem is both guys and girls go build their education and careers. By the time, they want to marry, it's in their late 20s/30s. By the time, they want to make babies, it's in their mid 30s/40s and they change their minds.
Marriage much later in life. yes.
Have babies? no!
Chances to breakup is dependent on the individuals, dun blame NS for the breakups. I believe your superior will be understanding enough if your gf faces a problem outside and needs your pressence during your stay-ins. He will be more than glad to grant you leaves. Hence i dun see why NS can be so detrimental to a r/s if the r/s itself is strong. -
How many "strong" relationships are there at age 18?
Starting? yes. Strong? You sure or not. When a girl at 18
sobs and wants her guy to be there for her but he's in NS
and her colleague (classmate) lents his shoulder, not once but everytime over
2 years, which r/s becomes weaker and stronger? -
yeah, and guys who got gfs when they are about to go NS, you don't feel scared you might breakup with your gal at all meh???
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can means can...cannot means cannot.....
grow up and support ure guys rather than being all emotional abt their lack of presence..... -
FYI i am a woman and speaking from a woman's point of view! but of course, i don't speak for all women, esp not those who are so full of themselves that they think they alone are the creation of the universe and that men have to give in to their demands.Originally posted by macjoe:Imo, I think there's very little common sense in saying NS usually makes a guy a better man. Girls can tell whether NS makes a guy a better man or not and often, they can see NS doesn't.
If you understand girls, NS or anything that takes the guy away for too long, NS separation is the cause of breakups. Girls want to feel secure...and real close, not far away thinking what the hell the NS guy is really doing when he says he's got recalled, his buddies called or R&R in Bangkok.
So by doing away with NS, more couples will get married and have babies!!!!
I'm not kidding!!!!
girls want to feel secure. don't men need to? all the things girls said about 'sense of security', why? only we girls are deserving of it? if my guy tells me that he has fallen in love with a colleague cos she can gives him a 'sense of security', i'll drop him straight away. no questions asked, no regrets. so you girls out there better wake up your idea!! u want a sense of security, which reflects on your own insecurity, you bloody hell better deal with it and not find other excuses for break-ups!
And let me ask you, smart lass, WHICH is more important - YOUR sense of security or our COUNTRY's? without the guys slogging their butts off in NS, do you think you can sit in the office comfortably with your colleague lending you a shoulder to cry on?
the guys doing NS aren't having it good either. i know! of cos i know as i was an ex-regular. before you start even claiming that the guys don't understand girls, and demanding that sg do away with NS, START UNDERSTANDING YOUR GUYS!!! how sure are you that other girls with proper brains can't see guys are usually better after NS? just because girls who don't appreciate guys said so?
YOU GIRLS OUT THERE BETTER LEARN HOW TO APPRECIATE our NS GUYS!! give them the necessary support and concern because that will still be what you are going to do after marriage. no? in future if their jobs take them overseas, that'll give you another 'good reason' to divorce?
oh.. before i forget, i have a suggestion for such girls out there - you will always have the choice to be an SPG. Go and marry some angmohs or bangalee FT.. they don't have NS.. so of course, there won't be separation, thus no breaks up and stay happily married ever after!! have fun being an spg!! -
thats a very gd comment.......*clap clap*
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come on lah, even if a guy is in a combat unit and is required to stay in during weekdays. he can still book out during weekends to spend time 2 full days with his girlfriend. there's still public holidays, annual leave that he can use. what's more, they can still call eachother everynight after training to catch up on whatever they want to say.
so even with all this reasons in mind and the girl is still so self-centred, selfish and not understanding enough to realize that his boyself is doing something all male citizens has to go through and it is for the country, then i say this kind of girl might as well don't want.
pls wake up your idea! -
To those bimbotic girls out there..Please wake up.
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Except for the first 3 months of BMT, the NS man can book out almost every night unless he is on duty or on exercise. Now that NS has been reduced to 2 years, it shouldn't be the cause of breakups. The cause of breakups is because of the immaturity of the parties concerned, both being at a young and tender age of 18 or 19.
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Aren't most women the way you describe it - "full of themselves that they think they alone are the creation of the universe and that men have to give in to their demands"?
FYI i am a woman and speaking from a woman's point of view! but of course, i don't speak for all women, esp not those who are so full of themselves that they think they alone are the creation of the universe and that men have to give in to their demands.
So does your view count for all women? Obviously you "don't speak for all women", only those like you which realistically are few.
Ay, hallo. I'm a guy. The language you talk is typical of someone kanna brainwashed for being in the army for too long.
And let me ask you, smart lass, WHICH is more important - YOUR sense of security or our COUNTRY's? without the guys slogging their butts off in NS, do you think you can sit in the office comfortably with your colleague lending you a shoulder to cry on?
Just call me smart guy - you can call yourself "smart lass". Of course the country's sense of security is more important than personal sense of security but in reality do the majority of girls at age 18 sense that way? Do girls at 18 while sitting comfortably in office or sipping coffee at Starbucks have a real sense of what the guys go through in NS even when the guys tell them?
Come on - most girls don't have a clue to even sayang the guy. "Oh is it", a few nods and next. Most girls don't give a shit about what the guys go through in NS. Most girls give a damn about how cute the guy is especially an
expat. "NS? What is it ah?"
Ah....it's only when you see and go through it can you UNDERSTAND and APPRECIATE the guys. Tell me, how many girls are like you, an ex-regular?
the guys doing NS aren't having it good either. i know! of cos i know as i was an ex-regular. before you start even claiming that the guys don't understand girls, and demanding that sg do away with NS, START UNDERSTANDING YOUR GUYS!!! how sure are you that other girls with proper brains can't see guys are usually better after NS? just because girls who don't appreciate guys said so?
Pathetically few. How many girls are not like you? Plenty. Let's be real about the majority than minority's view.
How can they learn to appreciate NS guys when they don't see and experience it? Merely telling them mostly fall on deaf ears.
YOU GIRLS OUT THERE BETTER LEARN HOW TO APPRECIATE our NS GUYS!! give them the necessary support and concern because that will still be what you are going to do after marriage. no? in future if their jobs take them overseas, that'll give you another 'good reason' to divorce?
It never runs deep. How can they appreciate something that doesn't run deep in them? When modern girls (esp@1 have needs and they are not getting it, it's good-bye most of the time.
After so much talk, let's not forget the topic - is NS the cause of lotsa breakups and heartaches? Imo, yes! And I'm not kidding. It's definitely a problem and frankly, no one in the "office" recognises it. They're still enrooted in the "we need NS" mindset.
Should (the current form of) NS be done away? What should be done to NS?...are topics for another day. -
I don't know if you guys are going to see this as relevant but 18 and 19 is a pretty tender age, agreed. Army can be alittle alienating to girls coz guys come out with like a whole new language. Some girls enjoy sharing the experience with the guys, esp if they are from the same college and share the same group of guy/gal schoolmates who meet up during the weekends. This helps hold quite a number of relationships together. But some fall along the wayside.
The other testing period of time is when the girls have completed, say, their U and start their working life while the guy's in the U. Working life is a whole new ball game. The girls earn their own money, meet older, more worldly guys who are possibly able to show them a whole different side of life. More tests for couples as they experience different things at different times in their lives.
Even if the r/s passes these two critical stages, there will be couples who part after as long as 10 to 15 years together bec they've drifted apart even without being aware of it. So at the end of the day, I guess you can just conclude that any r/s has to be worked at and it just can't simply be put down to NS being the cause of alot of breakups and heartaches. It can be one of the many causes but not THE cause. -
Checkmate! I think you hit the nail right on the head!Originally posted by czechmate:I don't know if you guys are going to see this as relevant but 18 and 19 is a pretty tender age, agreed. Army can be alittle alienating to girls coz guys come out with like a whole new language. Some girls enjoy sharing the experience with the guys, esp if they are from the same college and share the same group of guy/gal schoolmates who meet up during the weekends. This helps hold quite a number of relationships together. But some fall along the wayside.
The other testing period of time is when the girls have completed, say, their U and start their working life while the guy's in the U. Working life is a whole new ball game. The girls earn their own money, meet older, more worldly guys who are possibly able to show them a whole different side of life. More tests for couples as they experience different things at different times in their lives.
Even if the r/s passes these two critical stages, there will be couples who part after as long as 10 to 15 years together bec they've drifted apart even without being aware of it. So at the end of the day, I guess you can just conclude that any r/s has to be worked at and it just can't simply be put down to NS being the cause of alot of breakups and heartaches. It can be one of the many causes but not THE cause. -
first my apologies for mistaking u as a girl. ha ha i didn't notice u r 'macJOE'. and don't bash me man! i'm friendly fire if you haven't notice.. i'm speaking up for ns guys ok!!
okz now,
most women i know aren't bimbos (want me to intro? keke), so yes, i am speaking for the non-bimbos. if you or your friends are the type who go after girls with looks but no decent brains, then yes, NS is ONE of the causes of break-ups.
but do you agree with me that most good looking girls won't hang around waiting for guys? why would they when they can have any other guy?
if you agree with me, then, be it NS or overseas trip, bimbos just won't stay around waiting for you (unless you are RICH by default!).
of cos, there are always faithful bimbos, albeit in the minority. if you find someone like that, you are damn lucky!!
what makes you think i'm being brainwashed? i signed on cos i have NO choice. I hate it that's why i left after 6 years (hand in hand with a guy who can't stand bimbos! lucky me! lol!).
but no matter how much i hate it, i see the benefits of NS. i have seen batches of batches of NS guys who enlisted and ORD. MOST, if not all, changed for the better. they became more responsible and more committed. Guys with gfs learn how to treasure them when they booked out as Absence makes the heart grows fonder. (note: for bimbos, it's Out of sight, out of mind!)
they also learn stuff that could not be learnt out there, like integrity and flexibility. and most importantly, NS guys attained the skills of 'covering his backside' when they ORD. now.. tell me those skills aren't useful once you start working!
I agree with you. most 18 year-old girls have NO idea what NS is all about except for the few like me and those who have elder brothers. why? like you said, they don't understand, that's why they don't appreciate!
now.. if your gf thinks NS is just like another NPCC or NCC field camps.. where guys sit around a bonfire and sing at night or march a few steps with rifles and have good food to eat, good beds to sleep in... blah blah.. then MAKE HER UNDERSTAND so that she can APPRECIATE YOU!
many girls aren't interested in NS because when they ask their newly-botak bfs... "oh so how is NS?"... those bloody guys will brush it off by saying ...'arghh.. NS is so stupid.. damn bo liao.. a waste of time... etc etc'.. so don't put all the blame on the girls when guys 'devalued' their own 'machoness as a soldier'. oh yeah.. and don't forget those guys who make love with their beds and TV after they book out.
So, show your gf your cuts and scratches! (you want her to sayang you right??) , exaggerate your machoness a bit! (tell her you did 100 pushups when you actually did only 10..they won't know!), tell her how siong the exercises and night training are! (even if it's not), tell her the food sucks! (this is true anyway!), describe in gross details the sadistic nature of your instructors! wake her up on sunday morning for mcdonald's breakfast (after 5bx + 2.4!).
you get tekan in camps, your gf doesn't sayang you, then tekan your gf man! make the 5bx so siong that she won't have enough energy left for the rest of the week... ok lah.. i'm digressing..
but my point ==> SHARE with them! Make them feel that they are a part of your NS.
NS can be managed. like the others said, it's now reduced to just 2 yrs, and you can book out often, you can use your hp to fonesex..erm.. chat.. with your gf.. not very different from any relationship out there. it is bullshit if a couple has to SEE each other everyday and to be together everyday in order to 'grow' the relationship.
if the girl expects you there EVERY TIME she needs you.. i think you are better off in NS with your buddies than be stuck to a SuPerGlue (another form of SPG) for life!!
oh yeah.. all guys who have went through NS will have ICT.. so it won't be long for her to dump 'the colleague who lent her a shoulder'.. unless that colleague is a bangalee FT or chow ang moh!
sidenote: You just got jilted by your gf because of NS izzit? -
wah. "pei fu". friendly fire still fire. don't dispute most you said.
sidenote: long time ago, girl i was interested only was interested/worried about U studies. With my NS and her studies, our minds, priorities and lives slowly drifted separate ways. NS puts in a big gap and slowly saps romance out of the r/s.
sometimes, i wonder how r/s would be if roles were switched - girls do NS and guys don't. how do you think the girls would feel hah? -
honestly ah.. i m going to b offending some women here... i think nowadays girls are not as strong-minded as the women in the past generation, despite being more out-spoken and feminist.Originally posted by macjoe:sometimes, i wonder how r/s would be if roles were switched - girls do NS and guys don't. how do you think the girls would feel hah? 
in my view, MOST gers are more 'daring' and talk too much to hide their 'emptiness' or whatever it is inside them. so the proverb, Don't judge a book by its Cover is especially true for women.
i feel it is a good idea for gers to be in NS lor cos everyone who could, should contribute to protecting our homeland (read: not govt). But then again, if gers are enlisted, the quality of our SAF will dropped drastically.. ha ha! not forgetting women are naturally petty creatures, more probs will surface if forced to live, eat, shit, sleep together for extended period of time.
perhaps if NS starts enlisting gers, our population will be boosted.. cos girls will be busy getting themselves pregnant so that they can be excused from NS! ha ha.. *somebody up there please consider my suggestion hor!*
if girls have to do NS, then guys should also lah.. how would you like it if in future there is an invasion or something, you wife in FBO told you "YOU TAKE THE KIDS OUT NOW!! I WILL COVER YOU!!" .. knn... funny right?
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Later on during ICT, the wife become OC but the husband still rifleman and OC runner!Originally posted by commonsense:honestly ah.. i m going to b offending some women here... i think nowadays girls are not as strong-minded as the women in the past generation, despite being more out-spoken and feminist. in my view, MOST gers are more 'daring' and talk too much to hide their 'emptiness' or whatever it is inside them. so the proverb, Don't judge a book by its Cover is especially true for women.
i feel it is a good idea for gers to be in NS lor cos everyone who could, should contribute to protecting our homeland (read: not govt). But then again, if gers are enlisted, the quality of our SAF will dropped drastically.. ha ha! not forgetting women are naturally petty creatures, more probs will surface if forced to live, eat, shit, sleep together for extended period of time.
perhaps if NS starts enlisting gers, our population will be boosted.. cos girls will be busy getting themselves pregnant so that they can be excused from NS! ha ha.. *somebody up there please consider my suggestion hor!*
if girls have to do NS, then guys should also lah.. how would you like it if in future there is an invasion or something, you wife in FBO told you "YOU TAKE THE KIDS OUT NOW!! I WILL COVER YOU!!" .. knn... funny right? -
oh yeah.. how could i miss your msg..Originally posted by starblue:the hell?? grrr.....
i'm just voicing my concerns about NS breaking people up. its you guys i pity. afterall, i'm a freeman (i mean lady) and will do what i damn well please, out here in the secular world.
yes, you can do whatever you damn well please, out in the secular world, but it's time you wake up your fuucking idea!! this 'secular world' you are enjoying in would not be here in the first place if there is NO NS to deter possible invaders.
or maybe you will like it better if there is no NS so that you can happily serve the invaders as a Comfort Woman in time of war?? yes, SPGs would love it!
come to think of it, yes , i agree with you, i pity the guys too not because they have to break-up with their gfs but for all the tekanings they got in the NS, they get girls like YOU! they deserve much much better.
my suggestion to you and other like-minded gers like yourself, when you step into the economic world, be grateful to the guys who have sacrificed their 2 years worth of life to make it possible.