Category Three: The red pillNow, this last category represents people like J B Jeyaratnam, Chee Soon Juan, Francis Seow and all the other exiles from Singapore. I could include Dr Toh Chin Chye in it as well.
All of us are aware of the history of the first two and we clearly do not envy them. The supposed 'climate of fear' that exists in Singapore politics is a very scary force to change. Those who really want to change this climate, must be prepared to free himself from this fear and live with whatever consequences that might happen.
Keanu Reeves himself have to overcome many of his own doubts about him being 'The One', even dying before being resurrected, before he can unleash his full potential. Too bad real life is not like a movie, or is it? :-)
My own testimony on how I taken the red pill
I ask myself, "Which category do I belong to?" I would say I am somewhere in between the second and the third one. I am clearly not someone willing to pay the price like Chee Soon Juan and yet I am clearly not contented to take the blue pill and forget everything.
I remember the period when I first took the red pill and found out for myself about this climate of fear. It was my first year in NUS. I attended this closed door Philosophy seminar where the topic was on the role of Philosophy in Singapore.
I think Cherian George was also present in that seminar, somewhere in July 1994. The discussion turned into an issue about whether the government is open to the idea of Singaporeans thinking for themselves.
As a " newbie undergraduate " , I tried to make a point then that Singaporeans have no freedom of speech and the government does not want us to contribute to policy making.
I think it was Cherian George that later asked me,
"If you think freedom of speech is so important, why didn't you parade with banners in Singapore urging for a change?" I remember replying,
"Look what happen to Chee Soon Juan." At that point of time, there was a combination of chuckling and some silence, but I did not know why.
After the seminar, I met up with some of my friends who gave me a rather stern look and said something like,
"Why did you say things like that? Didn't you know that S Vasoo was among the audience?"To be frank, at that time, I did not know who S Vasoo was. Later I found out that he was the PAP MP who sued Dr Chee Soon Juan in court in 1992-93.
And guessed what?
I felt scared! I really did feel fearful. I went back home and started wondering,
"Oh no! What have I done?" I begin to wonder whether my grades would be condemned from now on, whether my future will be ruined and so on.
Looking back, I guess I was too fearful, for my situation now would not have been so if they really kept tabs on me. But the point is still that, for the first time in my life, I experienced for myself the climate of fear in Singapore.
Ironically, I originally wanted to be a journalist in the Straits Times. After swallowing that 'red pill', I begin to research more into the history of the press in Singapore.
It was then that I found out what happen to the Singapore Herald and the Far Eastern Economic Review. I guess I kissed that dream goodbye after that.
I also began researching into Singapore's history in 1987, not the official government version, but one told by Francis Seow in his book,
To catch a Tartar.
After finding out what really happened in the 1987 ISA arrests, I was shocked. I cannot believe that, during that time, I actually ran in front of the TV then whenever they started playing the patriotic songs,
Count on Me Singapore and We are Singapore, to sing those songs with a great sense of pride. I guess if any of my friends tried to tell me then what really happened in that year, I would have rejected everything they say completely.
Thus at this present moment, I can understand the reaction I get from my friends whenever I try to discuss about politics, after all, I was in their shoes before.
ConclusionI love The Matrix so much for giving me the inspiration to come up with this article. If you were to ask me whether I regretted having taken the red pill, I would say,
"No!" I always believe it is better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied.
But I understand that my fellow Singaporeans are only rational in remaining apathetic, because if you want to settle down and make Singapore your home, having these thoughts will be very harmful to your mind.
That is an important reason why I need to get out of Singapore, temporarily at least, for now

. I am not willing to pretend it does not affect me. And I know that, the longer I remain here in Singapore, the more I will have to expel all these thoughts out of my mind.
I would hate it if I one day have to put the cross on the lightning symbol of the PAP, during the elections if I get to vote, for 'fear' that my career would be affected if I did not do so; that is a real possibility if I were to settle down here.
I do not want my kid to come up one day and ask me,
"Daddy, why didn't you stop the PAP earlier from making Singapore to be a city of fear," because I will not know how to answer him.
I thank God that he has given me an opportunity to experience life in another culture. I want to find out for myself whether I am better off being a second class person in a racially discriminating society like in the US, or being a second class person in a politically discriminating society like Singapore (Of course, Singapore, in my opinion, also practice racism.
It is just that I belong to the majority race so I have to look closely to feel it, you can read my viewpoints towards racism in Singapore here) I may not be able to fly like Keanu Reeves did in the last scene of the movie, but I am certainly looking forward to a different environment here.
(Update 15/12/2004) I see that the feedback page has been disabled due to spam. Amazed how widely read this 2000 piece is among Singaporeans. For those of you who want to provide feedback to me through email, the address is
[email protected] (without the spacing of course hehe);
http://www.geocities.com/kelvintan73/articles/matrix.htm