Military Nuts Jokes thread!!!
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11 Strange Facts of World War II
1. The first German serviceman killed in the war was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for allies.
2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress)
3. At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th. Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named "Amerika". All three were soon changed for PR purposes.
4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions your chance of being killed was 71%.
5. Generally speaking there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance, Japanese ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.
6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every fifth round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.
7. When allied armies reached the Rhine the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act).
8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City but it wasn't worth the effort.
9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.
10. Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.
11. Following a massive naval bombardment 35,000 US and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska. 21 troops were killed in the firefight. It would have been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island. -
2 soldiers, Lee and Tan were promoted from Privates to Sergeants. One night they were out for a drink and Tan said, "Hey, Lee, there's the NCO club. Let's go in for a drink."
"But we are privates," protested Lee.
"We are sergeants now, said Tan pulling Lee inside. "Now Lee, I'm going to sit down and have me a drink."
"But we are prvates." said Lee.
"You blind?" said Tan pointing at his three newly earned strips. "We are sergeants now."
So they ordered their drinks and soon a hooker came up to Tan, "You're kind of cute," she said, "and I like to take you someplace and make you feel good, but you might like to know I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Tan pulled his friend to his side and whispered, "Lee, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign and i'll go."
Lee went look it up, came back and gave the okay sign. Of course 3 weeks later Tan ws laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
"Lee," he asked, "Why you gave me the okay sign for that?"
"Well Tan, in the dictionary, it said gonorrhea only affects the privates." Then he pointed to his stripes and siad, "But we're sergeants now!" -
nice oneOriginally posted by Gordonator:"Well Tan, in the dictionary, it said gonorrhea only affects the privates." Then he pointed to his stripes and siad, "But we're sergeants now!"
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On the first day of BMT, Ah Beng was issued a toothbrush. That afternoon, the camp dentist pulled out several of his teeth after an inspection.
On the second day of BMT, Ah Beng was issued a comb. That afternoon, the barber shaved off all of his hair.
On the third day of BMT, Ah Beng was issued a pair of underwear.
They are still looking for Ah Beng. -
AWOLedOriginally posted by dkhoo:On the first day of BMT, Ah Beng was issued a toothbrush. That afternoon, the camp dentist pulled out several of his teeth after an inspection.
On the second day of BMT, Ah Beng was issued a comb. That afternoon, the barber shaved off all of his hair.
On the third day of BMT, Ah Beng was issued a pair of underwear.
They are still looking for Ah Beng.
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the last one is the worst man......Originally posted by Raptor937:11 Strange Facts of World War II
1. The first German serviceman killed in the war was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for allies.
2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress)
3. At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th. Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named "Amerika". All three were soon changed for PR purposes.
4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions your chance of being killed was 71%.
5. Generally speaking there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance, Japanese ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.
6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every fifth round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.
7. When allied armies reached the Rhine the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act).
8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City but it wasn't worth the effort.
9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.
10. Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.
11. Following a massive naval bombardment 35,000 US and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska. 21 troops were killed in the firefight. It would have been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island. -
The young second lieutenant approached the crusty old first sergeant and asked him about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.
"Well, LT, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a first lieutenant represents value, but less malleable. When you make captain, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars.
"As a colonel, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As a general, you're obviously a star. That answer your question, LT?"
"Yeah, but what about major and lieutenant colonel?"
"Now, son, that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our pricks with leaves . . ."