This was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas web site by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does not (have a sense of humour), and made the web department take it down immediately.
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"Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires."
1. [_] Mr. [_] Lt. [_] Citizen
[_] Mrs. [_] Gen. [_] Der Fuhrer
[_] Ms. [_] Comrade [_] Il Duce
[_] Miss [_] Classified [_] Saddam Hussein
Other First Name:
Initial:
Last Name:
Password: (max 8 char)
Code Name:
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude:
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19.. / .. /..
4. Serial Number:................ (Found on panel behind drivers seat)
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Free gift with another purchase
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Sales woman let you sleep with her
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Central / South America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Particle Beam Weapon
[_] Kitchen Appliance
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Thermonuclear Device
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Check all that apply):
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Luncheon Vouchers
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student / Trainee Militant
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Airline Hijacking
[_] Flyfishing
[_] Propaganda
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Rape & Pillage
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future-as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for resending to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes! Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
