how to remove self pity
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how do i purge myself of self pity? I feel small, weak, completely hopeless and pathetic as a human being, compared to what i could have been.
My parents are getting pissed coz i keep bragging about it to them. Especially my mum. I keep telling her how short i feel and how she could have married a nice hokkien gentleman so i may look more local. I diss my dad for not marrying an anglo saxon so i might be taller and have wider shoulders. Maybe be being small and weak is coz i lack exercise, but who;s fault was that? I was never encouraged to do exercise? Exercise is something u need friends and mates to spot you with/over, why the fuck didn;t i have many long duration friends? Coz of moving around all the time from bloody country to country! Thus i got fat in jakarta, slimmed down now, and am burdened with stretch marks, reminder of the past..Even then. Whenever i freakin well am in 1 country, especially here, cant seem to connect well with ppl here, its like no one cares. jesus christ.
Sometimes i feel like ending it, so i could confront god and diss him for so called "creating" me the way that i am. But i lack the courage to do it, further showing how pathetic i am. There's no way for me to look and be the way i want to, no cybernetic enhancements or drugs like in the comics. That just freakin sucks. But i cant put it out my mind, my inferiority, its driving me nuts because it is driving everyone else nuts; although i only diss my parents over it.. -
??? just because you are not super strong?? most people are not strong what.
I going to study nanotechnology next time, later I make cybernetic enhancements for you
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Go n get a couple of books that you can read on how to get out of self-pity.
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It's hard to imagine that you're the same guy who wrote about so many stuff on the issue of confidence and jerks. Where's that confident men_@_arms I used to see?Originally posted by men_@_arms:how do i purge myself of self pity? I feel small, weak, completely hopeless and pathetic as a human being, compared to what i could have been.
My parents are getting pissed coz i keep bragging about it to them. Especially my mum. I keep telling her how short i feel and how she could have married a nice hokkien gentleman so i may look more local. I diss my dad for not marrying an anglo saxon so i might be taller and have wider shoulders. Maybe be being small and weak is coz i lack exercise, but who;s fault was that? I was never encouraged to do exercise? Exercise is something u need friends and mates to spot you with/over, why the fuck didn;t i have many long duration friends? Coz of moving around all the time from bloody country to country! Thus i got fat in jakarta, slimmed down now, and am burdened with stretch marks, reminder of the past..Even then. Whenever i freakin well am in 1 country, especially here, cant seem to connect well with ppl here, its like no one cares. jesus christ.
Sometimes i feel like ending it, so i could confront god and diss him for so called "creating" me the way that i am. But i lack the courage to do it, further showing how pathetic i am. There's no way for me to look and be the way i want to, no cybernetic enhancements or drugs like in the comics. That just freakin sucks. But i cant put it out my mind, my inferiority, its driving me nuts because it is driving everyone else nuts; although i only diss my parents over it..
There's no point complaining about such things, because they're beyond your control. You complain of being short. You complain of being small. But have you wondered about how fortunate you are? You should thank God that you are born without deformities, and that you do not have to beg on the streets for a living.
Learn to be contented for who you are.
I really suggest you get some books on how to gain confidence. It sounds to me like you're lacking alot of confidence. Remember, the only person that can help you is YOURSELF. -
True Veloren. Sometimes we forget that everyone has more than one side to them.
How do you think the term 'two-faced' was formed?
But returning to the topic.
I used to pity myself a lot. Why am i single? Why don't i have lots of friends? Why am i not handsome? Why am i not rich? (Though the ones that strikes me the hardest are the first two questions).
I thought about it a lot, and i end up coming out with low self esteem. I mean, to me, i'm a great guy, i treat everyone well, but why don't i receive many presents when its my birthday? (Which i later realised was because i don't buy much bday presents for others either)
I pitied myself until I found out there was really no point. I could pity myself for all I want, and no one will care. After all, this is my life. And I am the ultimate controller of my life (not forgetting God). If I donÂ’t do anything about it and just gripe and gripe, 5-10 years from now, IÂ’ll still be the same old me.
I also found out that with age, and some certain events (I had two friends committing suicide in just 2 years), my thoughts mellowed and I became much more confident.
I read in one post that people make the greatest changes at 16,18,21. I am inclined to agree. I have changed a lot at these stages, and continue to do so.
Just remember, if you start pitying yourself, there is no hope, for you cannot move at that stage. You need to get out.
I realise also that the greatest thing stopping you is motivation. Heck, itÂ’s the greatest things stopping EVERYONE from succeeding, I kid you not.
Some suggestions to motivate yourself would be:
1) Exercise. Convince yourself that you want to be fit. Keep that picture of you being strong in your mind. Do it alone if you canÂ’t get a friend.
2) Pray. If youÂ’re religious enough to, it can really help.
3) Read some self-help books, and act on it.
4) Go see a counsellor, psychologist to help you. -
True.. there are always more than 1 side to everyone.
Actually, i discovered a lot of own probs thru readin the posts here... "Not a good conservationalist" "Having mood swings" " Having self pity" etc..
Recommendations:
Books--- Personally, 1 book that changed my teenage life was " 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens " by Sean Covey. I still read it now whenever i feel defeated...
Training--- If u are can't find suitable training partners but prefer some kind of help, can get a personnal trainer (but must afford $$)
I found thru the forums here, but he disappeared aft 4-5 sessions with me.
I'm now lookin for another PT. PLs recommend if u hav
Friends--- WEll, i kinda of disappointed in the entire human race but for those who are not, can confide ur probs in them.
I always feel better aft voicing my probs.
Btw my sch has a counsellor available... wonderin if i shld go see her? Her pic looks quite nice
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read books by Anthony Robbins. he is very inspiring and empowering.Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:" 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens " by Sean Covey. I still read it now whenever i feel defeated...
i think you need some direction or goal. go find something that you are good at and work on it. set a goal for yourself and keep busy.
stop harping on what you do not have. nobody is perfect; get into the program.
what you have is too late. what do you dont yet is waiting for you.
now go out and get your life going! -
either you accept it or do something about it. no point mulling over it
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As my drama instructor said to me during last years school play (i was lead), she said she found it strange that i was a queer mix of inferiority and brash confidence.Originally posted by verloren:It's hard to imagine that you're the same guy who wrote about so many stuff on the issue of confidence and jerks. Where's that confident men_@_arms I used to see?
There's no point complaining about such things, because they're beyond your control. You complain of being short. You complain of being small. But have you wondered about how fortunate you are? You should thank God that you are born without deformities, and that you do not have to beg on the streets for a living.
Learn to be contented for who you are.
I really suggest you get some books on how to gain confidence. It sounds to me like you're lacking alot of confidence. Remember, the only person that can help you is YOURSELF.
I guess i try to boost myself, i weight train and i attempt to act more guyish jerkish. But occasionally i breakdown and i feel so emotionally minute sometimes. I keep asking my parents what they think of me, i ask it so often they get pissed about it. But i dont do it with other people coz i am afraid of appearing weak.
Its human nature to want more. We all have unlimited desires, basic economic theory girl. And i want more. -
if u look down on urself, u wil nv stand up. Try to list down wat strength u hav, maybe not so bad afterall...
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look at yourself in the mirror everyday and chant "I am looking very good today".
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I just want to say that,
We are given a body to cruise thru life. Like it or not we have to accept this body.
In fact, we should be thankful that we did not get any worse, life will be harder with disablities.
As we age, our bodies will grow weak, and god knows what will be in store for us along the way.
While we are young & healthy, if we cannot accept our physical shortcomings now, it will be tough later on in life.
While your 'Jerk Idealogy' is a good read, negative feelings (self pity) forming into negative behaviour (jerk) is self destructive.
Cheers. -
*Attitude Is Everything...*
Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."
I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand,shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live.
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.
Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man. " I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply... I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."
Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything. -
What makes you who you are? - YOU.Originally posted by men_@_arms:how do i purge myself of self pity? I feel small, weak, completely hopeless and pathetic as a human being, compared to what i could have been.
My parents are getting pissed coz i keep bragging about it to them. Especially my mum. I keep telling her how short i feel and how she could have married a nice hokkien gentleman so i may look more local. I diss my dad for not marrying an anglo saxon so i might be taller and have wider shoulders. Maybe be being small and weak is coz i lack exercise, but who;s fault was that? I was never encouraged to do exercise? Exercise is something u need friends and mates to spot you with/over, why the fuck didn;t i have many long duration friends? Coz of moving around all the time from bloody country to country! Thus i got fat in jakarta, slimmed down now, and am burdened with stretch marks, reminder of the past..Even then. Whenever i freakin well am in 1 country, especially here, cant seem to connect well with ppl here, its like no one cares. jesus christ.
Sometimes i feel like ending it, so i could confront god and diss him for so called "creating" me the way that i am. But i lack the courage to do it, further showing how pathetic i am. There's no way for me to look and be the way i want to, no cybernetic enhancements or drugs like in the comics. That just freakin sucks. But i cant put it out my mind, my inferiority, its driving me nuts because it is driving everyone else nuts; although i only diss my parents over it..
You are what you make of yourself and highly responsible to what would be of you...
Life is not easy... That's why it's given for FREE... Sufferings or enjoyments... You decide for yourself...? -
life sux
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Yes... Probably mainly because you're among one of the IMPORTANT ITEMS in it... THINK ABOUT IT....Originally posted by the.raven:life sux
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what?Originally posted by Devil1976:Yes... Probably mainly because you're among one of the IMPORTANT ITEMS in it... THINK ABOUT IT.... 
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Brother, I know you are trying to act more 'manly' because you don't want to expose your weak side to anyone. You are afraid that people will take advantage of you once they discover you have a weak side in you. You go to the extreme to try to be manly and jerkish. So much that you eventually lost yourself. The reason why you have to seek other people's opinions about you is because you don't even know who you really are.Originally posted by men_@_arms:As my drama instructor said to me during last years school play (i was lead), she said she found it strange that i was a queer mix of inferiority and brash confidence.
I guess i try to boost myself, i weight train and i attempt to act more guyish jerkish. But occasionally i breakdown and i feel so emotionally minute sometimes. I keep asking my parents what they think of me, i ask it so often they get pissed about it. But i dont do it with other people coz i am afraid of appearing weak.
Its human nature to want more. We all have unlimited desires, basic economic theory girl. And i want more.
It is not wrong to 'try to be someone', but you are overdoing it. The first thing you have to do is to admit that you have a weakness. Admitting is done by talking about your weakness to some close friends and family members. I know it's hard, but you MUST try to do it.
After you've done that, think about how you can overcome that weakness. For example, if your weakness is shyness, you can try to talk to more people around you. Alternatively, you can also get a part time job as a sales promoter to improve your conversation skills. If there's a will, there's a way. Nothing is impossible!
By facing up to your weaknesses, you will overcome the fears of your weaknesses as well. And eventually, you will be come to realise who you really are inside of you. Life will be much easier for you then.
Good luck! -
Originally posted by verloren:
not really, acting manly = more attraction and try to be more confident. But that's besides the point. Sometimes i just feel damn inadequate. I dont think i am overdoing anythung, anything i do is just me, although different "me"s trying out different stuff. Not really trying to be anyone, i just want to reach a full potential that i believe i could achieve or i could have if i had been born different. I have no one to talk to seriously, no one useful anyway. (other than the racist reasons i get from friends for why i am in this situation). and that fact also pisses me off coz i wonder WHY i have noone useful to talk to. Whatever i try it doesn't matter.
Brother, I know you are trying to act more 'manly' because you don't want to expose your weak side to anyone. You are afraid that people will take advantage of you once they discover you have a weak side in you. You go to the extreme to try to be manly and jerkish. So much that you eventually lost yourself. The reason why you have to seek other people's opinions about you is because you don't even know who you really are.
It is not wrong to 'try to be someone', but you are overdoing it. The first thing you have to do is to admit that you have a weakness. Admitting is done by talking about your weakness to some close friends and family members. I know it's hard, but you MUST try to do it.
After you've done that, think about how you can overcome that weakness. For example, if your weakness is shyness, you can try to talk to more people around you. Alternatively, you can also get a part time job as a sales promoter to improve your conversation skills. [b]If there's a will, there's a way. Nothing is impossible!
By facing up to your weaknesses, you will overcome the fears of your weaknesses as well. And eventually, you will be come to realise who you really are inside of you. Life will be much easier for you then.
Good luck![/b]
i don't know my weakness. I am just discontent with the way things are;
1. people not talking back to me or engaging in conversation when i try with them. Its just most people here just dont so called click.
2. i wish i were more local
3. taller
4. brawnier
5. or whatever so that i don't have problem number 1. Its just painful and stressful to me.
6. problem number 1 seems to be only with local people in school, (with the exception of sgforums or local adults or kids from other schools), but never with white or foreign people. And that makes me feel lesser of a person coz i cant click with people here, and the only times i get to see my foreign friends are like 8% of the time. Rest of time is with these wankors at school.
well year is ending, wont get to be back there ever again..
my doctor says the reason i seek self approval from people is coz i have an inferiority complex and i am a perfectionist or some such thing..
But worst of all.
7. I feel there's something wrong with my head.. i am crazy or something. -
most important thing is wen u see pretty gal ur d ick can work and go to "attention" can liao. that is primary...the rest secondary...and if u shhouldOriginally posted by men_@_arms:how do i purge myself of self pity? I feel small, weak, completely hopeless and pathetic as a human being, compared to what i could have been.
My parents are getting pissed coz i keep bragging about it to them. Especially my mum. I keep telling her how short i feel and how she could have married a nice hokkien gentleman so i may look more local. I diss my dad for not marrying an anglo saxon so i might be taller and have wider shoulders. Maybe be being small and weak is coz i lack exercise, but who;s fault was that? I was never encouraged to do exercise? Exercise is something u need friends and mates to spot you with/over, why the fuck didn;t i have many long duration friends? Coz of moving around all the time from bloody country to country! Thus i got fat in jakarta, slimmed down now, and am burdened with stretch marks, reminder of the past..Even then. Whenever i freakin well am in 1 country, especially here, cant seem to connect well with ppl here, its like no one cares. jesus christ.
Sometimes i feel like ending it, so i could confront god and diss him for so called "creating" me the way that i am. But i lack the courage to do it, further showing how pathetic i am. There's no way for me to look and be the way i want to, no cybernetic enhancements or drugs like in the comics. That just freakin sucks. But i cant put it out my mind, my inferiority, its driving me nuts because it is driving everyone else nuts; although i only diss my parents over it..
get to into a relationship wif a gal...she should appreciate u the way u r -
You know dude, a part of the problem could be you're acting jerky to guys as well.Originally posted by men_@_arms:not really, acting manly = more attraction and try to be more confident. But that's besides the point. Sometimes i just feel damn inadequate. I dont think i am overdoing anythung, anything i do is just me, although different "me"s trying out different stuff. Not really trying to be anyone, i just want to reach a full potential that i believe i could achieve or i could have if i had been born different. I have no one to talk to seriously, no one useful anyway. (other than the racist reasons i get from friends for why i am in this situation). and that fact also pisses me off coz i wonder WHY i have noone useful to talk to. Whatever i try it doesn't matter.
i don't know my weakness. I am just discontent with the way things are;
1. people not talking back to me or engaging in conversation when i try with them. Its just most people here just dont so called click.
2. i wish i were more local
3. taller
4. brawnier
5. or whatever so that i don't have problem number 1. Its just painful and stressful to me.
6. problem number 1 seems to be only with local people in school, (with the exception of sgforums or local adults or kids from other schools), but never with white or foreign people. And that makes me feel lesser of a person coz i cant click with people here, and the only times i get to see my foreign friends are like 8% of the time. Rest of time is with these wankors at school.
well year is ending, wont get to be back there ever again..
my doctor says the reason i seek self approval from people is coz i have an inferiority complex and i am a perfectionist or some such thing..
But worst of all.
7. I feel there's something wrong with my head.. i am crazy or something.
I know acting jerky to girls grant you attraction and all. But acting jerky to guys have the complete opposite effect.
We get sick and tired of you eventually, and erm, we get detracted from you. I believe that's the cause of it.
So if you stop acting jerky to guys, and start acting NORMAL instead of trying out your fullest potential all the time(which gets really tiring. I've been through this before.), i think you may be able to get at least someone who can talk to you.
Being local .. it may help a bit, but look at all the pple who's local and DON"T have friends. Its all a matter of approach. Being taller or brawnier is not going to help you have more friends at all.
In short, this bully-jerk facade has got to go, especially when you're talking with guys. There's no need to put up the mask when you're not using it. Sometimes it can backfire and scare away people, instead of attracting them. -
Sorry about my wrong interpretations there! I personally feel that the cause of problem 1 is that the kids at your school are discriminating you, since you've mentioned that you have no problems communicating with other people.Originally posted by men_@_arms:not really, acting manly = more attraction and try to be more confident. But that's besides the point. Sometimes i just feel damn inadequate. I dont think i am overdoing anythung, anything i do is just me, although different "me"s trying out different stuff. Not really trying to be anyone, i just want to reach a full potential that i believe i could achieve or i could have if i had been born different. I have no one to talk to seriously, no one useful anyway. (other than the racist reasons i get from friends for why i am in this situation). and that fact also pisses me off coz i wonder WHY i have noone useful to talk to. Whatever i try it doesn't matter.
i don't know my weakness. I am just discontent with the way things are;
1. people not talking back to me or engaging in conversation when i try with them. Its just most people here just dont so called click.
2. i wish i were more local
3. taller
4. brawnier
5. or whatever so that i don't have problem number 1. Its just painful and stressful to me.
6. problem number 1 seems to be only with local people in school, (with the exception of sgforums or local adults or kids from other schools), but never with white or foreign people. And that makes me feel lesser of a person coz i cant click with people here, and the only times i get to see my foreign friends are like 8% of the time. Rest of time is with these wankors at school.
well year is ending, wont get to be back there ever again..
my doctor says the reason i seek self approval from people is coz i have an inferiority complex and i am a perfectionist or some such thing..
But worst of all.
7. I feel there's something wrong with my head.. i am crazy or something.
That only shows that the problem doesn't lie in you, it's with THEM! Why should you put all the blame on yourself when the fault doesn't lie in you?
I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Remember, for the things that you can't control in life, don't be bothered about them. Your life will be less stressful that way! I'm a living example of that statement
In the past, I was very unhappy with myself as well because I wasn't handsome, nor was I tall. I became very self-conscious, and kept telling myself that I was the ugliest guy on Earth. But eventually, I came to realise that it was something I couldn't change, and that I was only making myself more and more depressed each day. I had to accept myself as the person I see in the mirror everyday, but there was something I could definitely do to reduce that depression.
I took steps to get a new hairstyle, got contact lens, got new clothes, learnt how to have a good conversation and how to bullshit with people. At least, when I look at myself in the mirror, I wouldn't feel so bad about myself.
Strangely, I grew to like myself more and more each day, and now, I love to look at myself in the mirror. I realised that I had less worries, and I wasn't as self-conscious as I was before.
Hope that helped! And trust me, you are not crazy. -
Work hard to get rich and then next time step all over other people who gave you cold shoulder or problems in the past
Originally posted by men_@_arms:how do i purge myself of self pity? I feel small, weak, completely hopeless and pathetic as a human being, compared to what i could have been.
My parents are getting pissed coz i keep bragging about it to them. Especially my mum. I keep telling her how short i feel and how she could have married a nice hokkien gentleman so i may look more local. I diss my dad for not marrying an anglo saxon so i might be taller and have wider shoulders. Maybe be being small and weak is coz i lack exercise, but who;s fault was that? I was never encouraged to do exercise? Exercise is something u need friends and mates to spot you with/over, why the fuck didn;t i have many long duration friends? Coz of moving around all the time from bloody country to country! Thus i got fat in jakarta, slimmed down now, and am burdened with stretch marks, reminder of the past..Even then. Whenever i freakin well am in 1 country, especially here, cant seem to connect well with ppl here, its like no one cares. jesus christ.
Sometimes i feel like ending it, so i could confront god and diss him for so called "creating" me the way that i am. But i lack the courage to do it, further showing how pathetic i am. There's no way for me to look and be the way i want to, no cybernetic enhancements or drugs like in the comics. That just freakin sucks. But i cant put it out my mind, my inferiority, its driving me nuts because it is driving everyone else nuts; although i only diss my parents over it.. -
that's what i would say 2 years ago, or my evil dad would say.Originally posted by Xenthar:Work hard to get rich and then next time step all over other people who gave you cold shoulder or problems in the past
Thank you for ur advice. To aaron. How am i ever jerky to guys? I am naturally aggressive but not openly aggressive to guys, least not like my gangsta friends who keep asking if other ppl wanna fight with them. I actually get along well more with guys. As for my class, its coz they are always in the girls' cliques or their own cliques already forged within the 1st 3 months or cca cliques.
To verloreen. I appreciate ur advice. Its pretty much the same as what i have heard frequently. But sometimes i find it hard to accept, coz it just sounds so easy to accept that it cant be it, i think it must be me. My white friends keep telling me racist stuff like how people here are savage and i shouldnt wanna mix with them anyway, but it sounds so narrow and simple. Im not saying ur reasoning is like them, although it sounds simple. But then again.. local or white, whatever local friends i do have (WHO ACTUally tak to me cooly) they are cool with me, are from OUTSIDE school. So maybe its not me. Just confused.
Perhaps thats why i focus on my beloved crew; 3 guys, 1chinese, 1white, 1eurasian, all local, all not from my school. We all do parodies and get alone fine. Same with me and their other friends. And my friends from outside of school, and their friends of friends, like when we go to chalets and stuff, i mix pretty well and kp in contact with some of them. So i guess looking at it from that viewpoint maybe its not me entirely. ahhh well.. -
Sounds pretty cool to me.
You have a group of close friends.
I have a couple of close friends, and many acquaintences.
it makes no difference, because all i talk to, mix with are my few close friends, and some from school.
Guess its really a matter of perspective..