There's more to juz physical touch in a BGR....No??
-
Hmm..i dun get it..y are those "magical touches" in relationships these daes dat important?! and im tokin bout BGR here..
if a guy feels dat he's lacking dat "touch" on his ger..it all meant that the ger dun love him..but this is not true..
toking is good..why cant a BGR juz consists of tokin..juz like in the good old daes..whereby the society is not dat open..
These daes..guys expect gers to be more "open" and it all meant that physical touches are important as well..hmm..if the ger is not into it..not ready fer those "magical touches"..she's considered to be boringggg..
why cant guys think in another way..that the ger is being sweet and has self respect instead..?? **Geez** enlighten me plsss... -
haha my cousin oso have these problem
-
haha..well..wat can i sae? i think everithing juz brings down to "Guys have an inborn lust in them" which gers can never understand y.....**grinz**
No touch..means No Fun..No Fun means dat ger is borrrrinnnnnggggggg.......
sigh..sigh..sigh..GUYS!! **Ponders** -
ehh...i dun really tink no touch = no fun
-
you want the scientific explanation or not?? anyway doubt you will reply this soon might as well give it to you.
Psychologically, all of us enjoy being touched.. and we have to be touched. When we are babies, we have to be touch, carried, cuddled, play with, if not we will be kind of anti-social and will not developed fully.
There was this experiment that they put a toy for a boy to play, and not to bother him anymore. then a girl is given all the hugz and touches, all the physical stuff. the boy is happy with the toy, but later shows result that the boy is kind of anti-social and not fully developed up to the stage that it should as a baby.
Then there was another case of 2 groups of babies from an orphange, one is a slightly smarter, and the others are a little bit slow.. So 2 psychologists put the groups of 13 babies in the care of some mentally retarded 'mothers', who didn't do a good job of taking care, but provided play, hugz and love. Left the other 13, who are considered smarted in the hands of the normal hands of the people in the orphanage, which has limited attention and stuff other than being fed, and clothed. 2 yrs later, they were tested of their IQ, and the supposed to be mentally retarded children gained 28 pts in IQ and those supposed to be smarter ones lost 30 pts. further research shows, the supposed to be mentally well children have only average of primary 6 education and only 2 got married. The other supposed to be retarded group had 5 in the uni, one even went for graduate school, and 11 of them got married. MOst importantly, these 13 people are more self-supportive and hold higher paying jobs than the other group.
Coming back to our discussion, many of us love to be touched, but we don't get it esp in the lonely isle of sg. Our parents don't hugs us much anymore, don't kiss us much anymore, even simple words like "I love you"s from parents also no longer exist. What we get is non-expressive ways of love, so we tend to look for outside people to get some physical attention. furthermore, boys being the supposed to be more independent kind loses the parental touches than girls, so may lead to more wanting to be touched by people, esp by girls.
Besides, experts say we need a healthy dose of 14 hugz each day on an average to be developed fully and psychologically satisfied even as an adult. Not saying you must find a gf/bf and hug. It's a sad thing that the sg doesn't have this practice, but even amongst guys and guys, it's considered a hug and is healthy, but passer-bys and the framework that we have in our minds had turn off that idea. the fault of society...
Talk too much liaoz. like written essays for my psych/soci exam.. hahaha~ sorryz if I have bored you.
------------------
()""() ************************
( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
(,) (,) =======================
(.)_(.) Beary Bear *Huggiez*...
~.~.~. For you, I care and love.
[This message has been edited by Bear (edited 04 March 2002).] -
Try looking for the type of guy who have the same mentality with you...? Additional piece of ADVICE.... You would have BETTER LUCK starting your BGR from FRIENDSHIPS....Originally posted by bBblues:Hmm..i dun get it..y are those "magical touches" in relationships these daes dat important?! and im tokin bout BGR here..
if a guy feels dat he's lacking dat "touch" on his ger..it all meant that the ger dun love him..but this is not true..
toking is good..why cant a BGR juz consists of tokin..juz like in the good old daes..whereby the society is not dat open..
These daes..guys expect gers to be more "open" and it all meant that physical touches are important as well..hmm..if the ger is not into it..not ready fer those "magical touches"..she's considered to be boringggg..
why cant guys think in another way..that the ger is being sweet and has self respect instead..?? **Geez** enlighten me plsss...
Alternatively (though I would not recommend it as a healthy relationship), try having a bf online without really seeing him...? -
what is BGR
-
Yawn Yawn : i guess ur a guy ritez? aniwae.. didcha sae "i dun think No Touch = No Fun" ?? hmm..hard to hear this from a guy these daes siahz..even a geek or a bookwormie wans dat touch from a ger!! i have soo many ger-frends complaining bout those overboard touches fr their bfs..and when i juz peer over to haf a look at their bfs..i juz dun get it at times..they look too decent to do dat kinda thingies..haha..(u noe how gers gossip lahhhh...they tok bout anithing under the sun!! **grinz** =p )
Bear : Wow..u study psychology?! dats like soo cool.....suddenly everithing u saed make sense siahz..haha..serious....but den again..erm..touches are okiez..but overboard touches make gers squirm at times..well..im not tokin bout those gers who actually enjoy it...
Devil : haha..its not ez to find sumone who has the same mentality..and like wat ive told Yawn..decent guys does dat too!!!!
Claire : BGR means Boy Ger Relationship..=)
Erm..can ask u all smthng? how to edit msges arh? where is the icon fer dat..?? i wanna edit my msg the previous time..in the end i sent another exact post..wif sum changes only..heehee..silly me! =p -
haha then what's the difference between a close platonic friendship and a couple? of course physical touch is not the defining difference between friendship and love, but if someone were to tell me he doesn't hold his girlfriend's hand when they go out, i'm gonna laugh :/Originally posted by bBblues:toking is good..why cant a BGR juz consists of tokin..juz like in the good old daes..whereby the society is not dat open..
or is it ok to hold hands and hug and kiss? perhaps you'd like to explain what you mean by "magical touches". cupping a feel when nobody's watching, perhaps? -
Erm..i think i betta make myself clearer..or else everyone might atart thinkin dat im really really weird! making a fuss outta the slightest things..hahaha....=p
well..hugs n kisses..holding hands are okiez..dats wat normal couples will naturally do..wat im refering to is..hmm...u noe?! Lets see.....
well..wen a guy goes beyong dat! more into..hmm..petting..? yah..dats it! i noe these daes petting is like sooo common fer couples! it almost seems like a natural gesture dat all couples would naturally do..juz like holding hands..but well..sum gers are still uncomfortable wif it! and lets sae..the ger allows her guy to go into dat "minor extend fer these daes.." Guys are usually never satisfied and they will tend to "venture even further"!! which is still a total NO-NO fer sum gers!
Now..dats wat i meant by "magical touches"!! and No touch = No Fun..
Heehee..Sounds Clearer huh? =p -
haha ok... petting then say petting lah wah kao... :p anyway, physical contact has to be gradually introduced as a r/ship proceeds... it's just like you don't go around kissing your normal friends straight on the mouth... the most important thing is for things to happen naturally, and for BOTH sides to be comfortable with it... i tink if you're not ready for anything, be it petting or sex, then just SPEAK UP! if the guy still forces the issue, then you'll have reason to doubt his sincerety...
anyway dun be too hard on us guys lah... any form of physical contact is just another way for us to show love you know... afterall if he pets you, you're the one who's supposed to be feeling good what... if he doesn't care, he'll just grab you for a bang and go to sleep after he's satisfied, leaving you high and dry... -
i think hugs and kisses are alrite.. but if u dun like pettings or such actions, u should tell ur bf straight or push him away when doing such things to let him noe that u dislike his actions..
i dun think he will force u into it if he truly loves u n not for your 'body'.
however, i do agree that a little of intimacy does spice up the lifes of the couples at times.. of cos, not too intimate lah!
-
Boy-Girl Relationship....Originally posted by claire:what is BGR -
Originally posted by bBblues:
i have soo many ger-frends complaining bout those overboard touches fr their bfs..and when i juz peer over to haf a look at their bfs..i juz dun get it at times..they look too decent to do dat kinda thingies..haha..(u noe how gers gossip lahhhh...they tok bout anithing under the sun!! **grinz** =p )
Just like MANY of the forumites have ADVISED... If you don't feel comfortable with something which your bf is doing just doing, just STOP him. RESPECT is IMPORTANT in a relationship. IF that bf thinks that what he wants is SO IMPORTANT as to neglect your feeling TOTALLY, you go ANALYSE it yourself... Either a NEGOTIATION is REACHED, or it's a BREAK...
Devil : haha..its not ez to find sumone who has the same mentality..and like wat ive told Yawn..decent guys does dat too!!!!
Like you'd said, decent guys do that TOO... But not ALL guys...? Give it a thought? Though it's a HIGH CHANCE and tendency that guys would do that, but that doesn't neccesarily implies to ALL guys. Till your mentality has changed, try searching harder?
Erm..can ask u all smthng? how to edit msges arh? where is the icon fer dat..?? i wanna edit my msg the previous time..in the end i sent another exact post..wif sum changes only..heehee..silly me! =p
The EDIT icon for that particular post would be the one with the PENCIL just on top of the POST you wanna edit and have POSTED... After going to your text again, just do the necessary amendments with deletions, additions or overwriting... Just POST again as per normal when you're done? -
Devil : Hey..thnx..now i noe how to edit n quote from others..heehee...=)
Malbordus : Haha..erm..okiez..next time i'll make myself clearer..but..but..the word "petting"...im afraid of it lahhhhhh....
haha..dats why its kinda hard fer me to sae it out juz like dat! **grinz** ehh..now dat ive tried saying out..it seems kinda ez..petting..petting..petting!! haha..Oops..=p
Well..i ALWAYS haf the mentality dat if i go 2 his place..he wld wan more den juz kissing!! n its alwayyyyysss in my mind dat goes.."oh no..will he go further next?! will heeee.....?!" yah..dats wat alwaysssss went jiggling in my head..!! i think im sick! haha..am i..?? am i wrong 2 think soo much?!
Tell u all frankly..ive not pet b4..nopez..never b4! dats why the FIRST time seems really scary fer me..its like "PETTING" seems like such a BIG word to me..kinda pressurizing siahz..i dunnoe if im being all stoopid n idiotic 4 thinking dat way..but..but..im really scare wadddd...petting seems soo common n normal these daes! i dunnoe if im able to follow the norm..wat if im unable to do it?! Will he be like..." **Gosh** she's soo stoopid!"
I noe everione juz carry this sentence by the mouth dat goes.."if he forces u..it juz brings down to..he is juz after ur body" im capable of saying dat 2 frends too..im sure even my bf will saes dat.."Dun worry..im nt after ur body..soo i dun mind if ur nt ready" well..such thingies r ez to sae..but which guy wouldnt wan their ger to do "sumtin" wif them?! im sure there's this terrible feeling of disappointment in them..if given choices..they'll rather dump me ritez..??
I noe guys within themselves haf guys tok ritez..?? which guy likes to mingle ard wif kinky topics like this without havin any opinion at all..cos they haf nuthin to sae..fer their gf did NOTHIN!! soon they'll start feeling odd..n starts havin doubts bout the r/s..
(Ehh..actually this part is wat i assume..heehee..i still need u guys to verify this 4 me if wat i saed is true...Hmm..seeee....!! ive always been pessimistic..everithing i juz assume n assume..and all these negative tots juz come flooding my mind..but..but..i cant help it oso mahhhhhh......**Sigh** )
[This message has been edited by bBblues (edited 05 March 2002).] -
Hmm.. overboard touches is it?? From what I know then is that you're likely to be a teenager... Don't get me wrong by saying that you will grow out of it when you become an adult.. No no.. I'm not saying that...
What I'm driving at is teenagers are in the process of maturing, and they are developing in their emtions, their physical self, faster than what their mind can control. This is true.. and so in a sudden impulse or the want to explore more about the physical body is very strong. This is especially in guys coz of the larger qty of testostrone, sexual hormones, in guys that causes this to happen, and also during puberty, the hormone glands and are more active. But basically the main thing is that the mind cannot catch up with the sudden growth of the body as quickly, and so this problem occurs.
------------------
()""() ************************
( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
(,) (,) =======================
(.)_(.) Beary Bear *Huggiez*...
~.~.~. For you, I care and love. -
Haha..erm..okiez..next time i'll make myself clearer..but..but..the word "petting"...im afraid of it lahhhhhh....
haha..dats why its kinda hard fer me to sae it out juz like dat! **grinz** ehh..now dat ive tried saying out..it seems kinda ez..petting..petting..petting!! haha..Oops..=p
hey hey dun tell your bf i started you on it :p
Well..i ALWAYS haf the mentality dat if i go 2 his place..he wld wan more den juz kissing!! n its alwayyyyysss in my mind dat goes.."oh no..will he go further next?! will heeee.....?!" yah..dats wat alwaysssss went jiggling in my head..!! i think im sick! haha..am i..?? am i wrong 2 think soo much?!
you're definitely wrong to think so much! you're adding unnecessary pressure to yourself as well as to him, when he hasn't even done anything yet! doesn't it feel terrible to be on the edge of your seat everytime he reaches over to hug you? it's all in your thinking, so it's up to you to quell it. have you tried to voice your concerns to your bf? if you tell him you dun wan to pet b4 he's got it into his mind, it should hurt less
Tell u all frankly..ive not pet b4..nopez..never b4!
so what's new... i haven pet b4 either...
dats why the FIRST time seems really scary fer me..its like "PETTING" seems like such a BIG word to me..kinda pressurizing siahz..i dunnoe if im being all stoopid n idiotic 4 thinking dat way..but..but..im really scare wadddd...petting seems soo common n normal these daes! i dunnoe if im able to follow the norm..wat if im unable to do it?! Will he be like..." **Gosh** she's soo stoopid!"
noooo why would he mind if you dunno anything? it juz proves that you've never done it with any other ppl b4, and that's good rite?
I noe everione juz carry this sentence by the mouth dat goes.."if he forces u..it juz brings down to..he is juz after ur body" im capable of saying dat 2 frends too..im sure even my bf will saes dat.."Dun worry..im nt after ur body..soo i dun mind if ur nt ready" well..such thingies r ez to sae..but which guy wouldnt wan their ger to do "sumtin" wif them?! im sure there's this terrible feeling of disappointment in them..if given choices..they'll rather dump me ritez..??
what?? no way! there may be lots of guys who would dump you if you dun let them get all touchy, but take a step back and see it properly, and you'll realise that these are the type of guys that you DON'T WANT. if they leave you bcos of this, be thankful that you found out that they're such jerks early.
I noe guys within themselves haf guys tok ritez..?? which guy likes to mingle ard wif kinky topics like this without havin any opinion at all..cos they haf nuthin to sae..fer their gf did NOTHIN!! soon they'll start feeling odd..n starts havin doubts bout the r/s.. (Ehh..actually this part is wat i assume..heehee..i still need u guys to verify this 4 me if wat i saed is true...Hmm..seeee....!!
again, there are guys who go around telling how loud their gfs shout in bed, but then these are the guys you want to keep away from. where's the respect here??? for my group of guy friends, when we talk kinky stuff, we NEVER bring our current gfs into the conversation. maybe ex gfs, or other friends' gfs, but never our current one. the things that happen in private are meant for the couple only... can you imagine what would happen if your bf's friend say in front of your friends "hey heard you dun like to pet leh. why huh?" won't you be embarrassed? so i say if your guy is sensitive to your feelings, he wont be giving a running commentary of your bedroom habits to his friends.
ive always been pessimistic..everithing i juz assume n assume..and all these negative tots juz come flooding my mind..but..but..i cant help it oso mahhhhhh......**Sigh** )
THAT'S why... you shouldn't assume or think so much... in fact i have the same problem as you, but from personal experience, this is very unhealthy... the beauty of a relationship is that you are living your life with a totally unique human being, with his own thoughts and feelings... dun u tink this spontaneous reaction (where u dunno wat he will do next bcos you can't read his mind) is so much better than you one person trying to plan out a tv drama-like journey? when you understand that somethings are beyond control, and no matter how much time you worry and sweat over it, you still can't affect it's outcome, then you'll know to relax and just enjoy what life has to offer now -
Heehee..**grinz** well..im nt a teenager..or m i still 1? Nah..Dun think so..im hitting the No.2 in the first digit of my age this yr..=pOriginally posted by Bear:From what I know then is that you're likely to be a teenager...
But u can sae im really immature 4 my age..haha..nah..i dun mind..used 2 dat comment from pple around me oreadiz..cos even my face potray dat!!
(ive a Darn baby face..which is always stopped by the bouncer @clubs juz 2 check my IC..haha..pathetic!! u wld sae?)
While other gers are pinning on meeting Older guys..im always trying 2 avoid Older guys..cos i always tot..Older guys expect more than a teenager guy..**ponder**...i guess?!
And **sigh**..usually the guys dat im attracting r Older guys..haha..i tink i betta haf a rite concept soon..or i can ferget bout finding the rite partner..and im oreadiz a young adult!! **geez** dat word "adult" sure sounds intimidating 2 me siahz..heehee.. -
something to add on: i haf heard of sad cases where nice guys in relationship with nice girls. for 2 years the guy asks the girl to start petting, but the girl is always not ready, and so the nice guy doesn't force her. after sometime they broke up for some reason, although nice guy still loves nice girl. then nice girl meets bad boy. bad boy manages to convince nice girl to have sex within one week.
CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW THE NICE GUY FEELS???
although i noe ppl are going to say you love her not bcos of the body and blah blah... but look here! the nice girl loves the nice guy and bad boy equally as much! then juz bcos of some extra pushing by the bad guy, she goes to bed with him... which is why some guys juz wonder if that 'little bit' of pushing is all it takes, and so no harm trying... cos it really hurts a lot to have the above scenario happen to you... -
wah after read this really realise sibei wu yang hoh....so bad guys rulz??Originally posted by Malbordus:something to add on: i haf heard of sad cases where nice guys in relationship with nice girls. for 2 years the guy asks the girl to start petting, but the girl is always not ready, and so the nice guy doesn't force her. after sometime they broke up for some reason, although nice guy still loves nice girl. then nice girl meets bad boy. bad boy manages to convince nice girl to have sex within one week.
CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW THE NICE GUY FEELS???
although i noe ppl are going to say you love her not bcos of the body and blah blah... but look here! the nice girl loves the nice guy and bad boy equally as much! then juz bcos of some extra pushing by the bad guy, she goes to bed with him... which is why some guys juz wonder if that 'little bit' of pushing is all it takes, and so no harm trying... cos it really hurts a lot to have the above scenario happen to you...
hahahha anyway all the best for everyone in the forums. -
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Malbordus:
hey hey dun tell your bf i started you on it :p
Haha..Hmm..let me consider bout it k? Maybe u sae im pretty? Haha..Nah..Juz Kidding..=p -
Ehh..?? bad guyz rulez? Nah..Maybe bad guys r good at playing this kinda games..twirl gers around their fingers..soo they r JERKS!Originally posted by Givache:wah after read this really realise sibei wu yang hoh....so bad guys rulz??
hahahha anyway all the best for everyone in the forums. -
cant agree with u more .. hee hee ....Originally posted by YawnYawn:ehh...i dun really tink no touch = no fun -
Actually yah loh...Originally posted by bBblues:Ehh..?? bad guyz rulez? Nah..Maybe bad guys r good at playing this kinda games..twirl gers around their fingers..soo they r JERKS!
hmm...but till now i also duno i good guy or bad guy...
-
Haha..okie..Originally posted by Givache:Actually yah loh...
hmm...but till now i also duno i good guy or bad guy...
Anyway, why r ya soo confused?
How Bad can u get..??
n.....How good could u be..??
Ohh!! Bad as in..u like being a jerk? n gets all "touchy" wif gers n stuffs?