problems with relationships
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keep this short. i've been in this relationship for 2 years and throughout my feelings for her have never changed. of course we do have our ups and downs, but this year for 3 times i initiated breakup with her. the reasons for all 3 is the same, that she's been giving me hot and cold treatment (of which she denies) and i felt that i'm giving her too much problems considering how she said she neglect her friends for me and have to sacrifice so much for me, i really dun wanna see her like that anymore. but each other i can't bear to break with her, however damage's done; now she treats me with much coldness and awkwardness. she said it's not worth spending so much effort on me, and that i dun understand her at all. she said that if i have the heart to give her up i'm not worth her doing so much for me. i hope she understands that sometimes giving her up is a blessing than being cruel to her, yet perhaps i really love her too much to really let her go. and now i'm suffering from the consequences of my own actions. she always said that i'm the lousiest bf around and any of her guy friends can understand her better than me. wad should i do? I'm really at a loss now.
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Been there, done that. U got 2 sit down n evaluate ur feelings for her. Do u forsee a future with her? R u happier with/without her? Take a step back n look at things calmly n rationally.
I know it's hard since love is totally irrational n senseless sometimes. But crying wolf 2 many times r jus prolonging the agony n deterioting the relationship. Once u sort out ur own feelings with regard to how important is she 2 ur life, then u can tried to go about n salvage this relationship.
It might not b u at all but her wanting out of this relationship for watever reasons. Even if the end is inevitable, at least have the courage to end it. U tried ur best n mayb some times, things jus don't work out but if u do love her, let her go with grace. At least one person will b happy n her happiness is more important if u do cherish her. -
What can you do ?Originally posted by devilf91:but this year for 3 times i initiated breakup with her. the reasons for all 3 is the same, that she's been giving me hot and cold treatment (of which she denies) and i felt that i'm giving her too much problems considering how she said she neglect her friends for me and have to sacrifice so much for me, i really dun wanna see her like that anymore.
Giving hot and cold treatment is actually a way to generate attraction. You should be more attracted to her, but since you're not, it means she's doing it the wrong way.
When a girl says she neglects her friends for you, and have to sacrifice so much to be with you, it means she likes you alot! And her actions have just proven it! She just wants you to know that "Hey, i've done so much for you, treat me better k?"
but each other i can't bear to break with her, however damage's done; now she treats me with much coldness and awkwardness. she said it's not worth spending so much effort on me, and that i dun understand her at all. she said that if i have the heart to give her up i'm not worth her doing so much for me.
Yea, you didn't understand the two concepts i listed above. You misinterpreted her actions.
i hope she understands that sometimes giving her up is a blessing than being cruel to her, yet perhaps i really love her too much to really let her go. and now i'm suffering from the consequences of my own actions. she always said that i'm the lousiest bf around and any of her guy friends can understand her better than me.
If you spend 10,000 bucks on a computer, you would expect it to last for more than 3 years right? That's the least you can expect.
But no, she invested so much time and effort on you, to have you break up with her.
Yes she's sore, very sore about it, that's why she keeps saying what she does.
wad should i do? I'm really at a loss now.
I see a few options here.
1) Patch up with her. - But do you think she will do that? Chances are its very very unlikely, unless you prove to her that you UNDERSTAND what she has been doing all the time, and will appreciate what she will do in the future.
2) Forget her. - This will be hard, but remember that time is the greatest healer, even though it leaves behind a scar...
Nothing else you can do i think. Just try to take it easy
Yet, sometimes the simplest advice is hardest to follow.
Phew. Thought my post disappeared for good when there was an error. If i get a little irritated for almost doing the same thing again in which i only spent 10 minutes on, how much more for her? -
For everything that happens, there is a reason behind it. She must have her own reasons for giving you the hot and cold treatment, and complaining that you don't understand her. Have you ever wondered if the problem doesn't lie with her, but with you?Originally posted by devilf91:keep this short. i've been in this relationship for 2 years and throughout my feelings for her have never changed. of course we do have our ups and downs, but this year for 3 times i initiated breakup with her. the reasons for all 3 is the same, that she's been giving me hot and cold treatment (of which she denies) and i felt that i'm giving her too much problems considering how she said she neglect her friends for me and have to sacrifice so much for me, i really dun wanna see her like that anymore. but each other i can't bear to break with her, however damage's done; now she treats me with much coldness and awkwardness. she said it's not worth spending so much effort on me, and that i dun understand her at all. she said that if i have the heart to give her up i'm not worth her doing so much for me. i hope she understands that sometimes giving her up is a blessing than being cruel to her, yet perhaps i really love her too much to really let her go. and now i'm suffering from the consequences of my own actions. she always said that i'm the lousiest bf around and any of her guy friends can understand her better than me. wad should i do? I'm really at a loss now.
The problem now lies in the fact that both of you do not understand each other, because you don't communicate. Hence, I suggest that both of you should sit down and have a good heart-to-heart talk.
Talk to her about your thoughts and feelings, and get her to tell you about her thoughts and feelings as well. Ask her about what she really wants from you, and discuss about what both of you can do about it. Explain to her why you think she's giving you the hot and cold treatment, and tell her about your feelings. This way, both of you will understand how the other party thinks and will be able to better compromise one another.
However, if there is still no solution after a heart-to-heart talk, then I might suggest a temporary break up to let things cool down for awhile. -
thanks pple. perhaps it's really my fault and i really dun understand her. the more i put in effort the more i screw things up. failure or not, i failed her this time. i appreciate her, but really not enough. i'm so stupid. the first time i decide to break with her i really should let her go, she wun be happy with me, but because i can't bear to, i end up hurting her even more. we spend too much time together to give each other free space and too little time communicating our thoughts. we're still together and even though i wanted to make up for everything, i know things can never be the same, and i can see it from her eyes.
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Very lousy combination...Originally posted by devilf91:thanks pple. perhaps it's really my fault and i really dun understand her. the more i put in effort the more i screw things up. failure or not, i failed her this time. i appreciate her, but really not enough. i'm so stupid. the first time i decide to break with her i really should let her go, she wun be happy with me, but because i can't bear to, i end up hurting her even more. we spend too much time together to give each other free space and too little time communicating our thoughts. we're still together and even though i wanted to make up for everything, i know things can never be the same, and i can see it from her eyes.
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lolz yeah true... problem is whenever i express myself if my thoughts disagree with her she will kick up a fuss... maybe it's the way i put it across i dunno... whenever i say my piece she will get pretty upset... like suddenly like very moody and pissed... also she everyday mood swing like that i really dunno wad is in her mind... and she dun tell expecting me to know everything...
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How old are the both of ya?Originally posted by devilf91:lolz yeah true... problem is whenever i express myself if my thoughts disagree with her she will kick up a fuss... maybe it's the way i put it across i dunno... whenever i say my piece she will get pretty upset... like suddenly like very moody and pissed... also she everyday mood swing like that i really dunno wad is in her mind... and she dun tell expecting me to know everything...
You should be very right.. The way you deliver a message across (especially to your partner) is quite very important... Don't think that you're already so close and such, hence overlook things.. I mean some couples can work on that level of communication at appropriate times, but not all couples can do that or rather, not every partner would be able to accept that...
WORK on your COMMUNICATION with her... 'Guessing games' are quite a 'no no' though some might like to think of it as a privilege to the female... Personally, I feel that 'privilege' or not, as long as it jeopardise the relationship, I don't see what so 'privilege' about it... Sometimes 'guessing games' can add some 'spice' to the relationship, but when it come to important issues or things you're really concerned and bother with.. It's always WISE to BRING YOUR MESSAGE ACROSS... If one would like to just deliver a message 'hanging down there', should very well be prepared for the consequences... -
U treat r/s too lightly.
Imagine breaking up 3 times in 1 yr!
No wonder she doesn't trust u.
U need to show her u really care & treasure the r/s & willing to work at it.
Don't ever bring up breaking up everytime there is a problem.
Remember communication is impt. -
Originally posted by devilf91:keep this short. i've been in this relationship for 2 years and throughout my feelings for her have never changed. of course we do have our ups and downs, but this year for 3 times i initiated breakup with her. the reasons for all 3 is the same, that she's been giving me hot and cold treatment (of which she denies) and i felt that i'm giving her too much problems considering how she said she neglect her friends for me and have to sacrifice so much for me, i really dun wanna see her like that anymore. but each other i can't bear to break with her, however damage's done; now she treats me with much coldness and awkwardness. she said it's not worth spending so much effort on me, and that i dun understand her at all. she said that if i have the heart to give her up i'm not worth her doing so much for me. i hope she understands that sometimes giving her up is a blessing than being cruel to her, yet perhaps i really love her too much to really let her go. and now i'm suffering from the consequences of my own actions. she always said that i'm the lousiest bf around and any of her guy friends can understand her better than me. wad should i do? I'm really at a loss now. Love her too much to let her go?
Or self-possession has gripped your love?
Compare and contrast
Giving and recieving
If there isn't a mutual balance between the direct above two points, this discrepancy will create problems like yours. Sure, we all calculative in our own ways and if we bring this attitude into our relationship, the more we set to calculate our effort in giving and sacrificial - the more short-changed we will feel.
P.S: Louiest bf around? So why isn't she with them and YOU became her bf instead?
Cheers -
lousiest bf? any guy betta than u?
i tink u can go Fuck her and juz dump her ass into the drain eh??
she's such a Fucking Bitch WHICH requires NONE of ur attention brother...
let her go and give up on her.. come on... if u can post a thread in here and pour out ur woes, i'm sure tt u're not a bad person at least...
she's the one not worthy of you bro.. next time u see her.. juz shoot in her face and tell her tt the world doesnt end without her... it could be better off instead.. -
*claps* =) that was a very well done advice.Originally posted by mercutioz:Been there, done that. U got 2 sit down n evaluate ur feelings for her. Do u forsee a future with her? R u happier with/without her? Take a step back n look at things calmly n rationally.
I know it's hard since love is totally irrational n senseless sometimes. But crying wolf 2 many times r jus prolonging the agony n deterioting the relationship. Once u sort out ur own feelings with regard to how important is she 2 ur life, then u can tried to go about n salvage this relationship.
It might not b u at all but her wanting out of this relationship for watever reasons. Even if the end is inevitable, at least have the courage to end it. U tried ur best n mayb some times, things jus don't work out but if u do love her, let her go with grace. At least one person will b happy n her happiness is more important if u do cherish her. -
People tdy sure duno wat is called paragraphing.Originally posted by devilf91:keep this short. i've been in this relationship for 2 years and throughout my feelings for her have never changed. of course we do have our ups and downs, but this year for 3 times i initiated breakup with her. the reasons for all 3 is the same, that she's been giving me hot and cold treatment (of which she denies) and i felt that i'm giving her too much problems considering how she said she neglect her friends for me and have to sacrifice so much for me, i really dun wanna see her like that anymore. but each other i can't bear to break with her, however damage's done; now she treats me with much coldness and awkwardness. she said it's not worth spending so much effort on me, and that i dun understand her at all. she said that if i have the heart to give her up i'm not worth her doing so much for me. i hope she understands that sometimes giving her up is a blessing than being cruel to her, yet perhaps i really love her too much to really let her go. and now i'm suffering from the consequences of my own actions. she always said that i'm the lousiest bf around and any of her guy friends can understand her better than me. wad should i do? I'm really at a loss now.
They just go on and on and on and on and above is an exaple. everything is lumped into a big paragraph. How do u expect people to read it?