family trouble/depressed
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This has been goin on for a long time already. I believe its tied in with my other relationship problems outside the home as well, and has prolly affected me profoundly. Rather than pay 50 bucks to a shrink to listen to my tale and get nothing in return, id rather just write it hear where i'll get nothing and save money.
My mum and i cannot get along. Same with my dad and her. She is good to us and always working and stuff. But I just do not connect with her.. i do not like her because she is rude/loud, she gets freaky unnecessarily and is a bit crazy too. The worst thing is.. there is no solution.
When i was 12, i suggested our family go for some sort of councelling, it was never done. I am 19 now and we still are the same. Although daddy goes out with mistresses, drinks and frequently parties to get away, he's hardly home. Me being a pathetic outcast from people (for reasons unknown up till now) and with lesser money, do not have such escapism luxury. Mother although works, she is most of the time at home..
Most of the things in the home belong to her, countless numbers of BOOKs she doesn't read, things she buys, apparently, our hard teak (evil looking mansion) type furniture was what she bought long ago (according to dad). Mnany of my friends say our home's feng shui is not good.. mother thinks our home looks high class and stuff.. i think its dark, murky, evil and not very homely. Plus her books and rubbish are everywhere. IT never seems to get cleaned even with a maid and mother rearranging it all the time.
I remember i would always be compelled to make her bloody cups of tea in my youth when i loathed doing the task.. or compelled to fetch and ferry things, do this,,, do that.. etc. I never enjoyed it because i never liked her. Close proximity with her = arguements, loud shrieking and no conflict resolution whatsoever. Now that i am older i try and avoid it and get out more, even if it means hanging out by my lonesome.
Omg she just walked in and wants me to get out.. she just told me to go jump off a building rather than try and write this.. as a doctor told me to do.. in absence of friends..
Yeah but friends.. no one in sg (at least) wants a depressive freak like me for a friend... you all want NICE homely NORMAL type of friends to go out with. That makes it all the more hopeless when i feel down and blue. Father tells me to go along to his parties, but i always feel down because it further heightens the sense of incompleteness in our family. Even if you try talking to people, they shun u coz they think uve got "issues" and it saddens them too, in todays world, rather than wanting sad friends, we all want happy friends... friendship has become a kind of commodity.. god dammit.
It has become so, i do not mind or care about swearing or how i speak to people, as is probably evident by my posting.
I recall when my dear aunt wanted me to go with her to Beijing, i wanted to go,, until mother wanted to tag along too. I have enough arguements with mother already, usually she takes me out in the car, to go to a doctor or to buy something or whatever, and always we argue.. over the home or something trivial..
Like earlier just today.. i just said i want to relax today, i may be going out with father at 5.. she said "YOU"VE GOT X and Y coming over for dinner tonight!" in her freaky voice (I did not invite them.. they are HER friends).. so i shut up and nodded. THe place is in a mess, she said something about her wanting me to help out sort it out.. i hate that, coz it usually means interacting with her,, and by now i fear that coz it leads to arguements. And arguements may end up in violence, police, murder and perhaps my suicide when i want to escape it all. So i said to her "I fear that mother.. because i do not want to get into arguements" she freaked out and keeps raising her voice.. this is while she is driving btw. I got so nervous, when we stopped i just got out of the car and got a taxi home.
I remember when i was younger, i wouldn;t have the guts to get out of the car when she gets all freaky. Once when i was 8, she had an accident coz we were argueing. My god, i just remembered that.
She keeps telling me i am such a bastard and a horrible person when we argue, which is almost like all the time. I doubt my self worth and want to die most of the time.
While in the car before i got off. THere was some mention of her leaving us. I thought that would be a good idea, because with ABSENCE we may gain deeper appreciation of each other, as i had suggested often when i was 15 (but ofcourse it never got done... just like it wont now). Perhaps i should mention to dad that we should move out.
Either way. I am enlisting on jan 22nd. PErhaps the army will do me some good. Being away from home for 2 years, staying on the base, getting paid. I would be far away from home, dad and i plan to move out somewhere. Although it is painful to see him with many other women (which i will see once we move to a new place), it is less painful than being with mother and her freakiness sometimes. I am looking forward to ns in that sense.. if i do not shoot my future antagonistic commander in a moment of despair.. which i feel constantly nowadays.
Nah i couldn;t do that.. i couldn't even kill myself, yet alone kill another. But then again.. an m-16 takes a lot less courage to operate than throwing urself over a 12 storey building.
THinking about it. -
sheesh.. please don't kill yourself...
you're gonna enlist soon.. maybe it's like what you say? hang around in the base when everyone's gone home for the weekend? perhaps some time away from the madness is what you need?
from what you have written, everything seems to stem from your mom.. the way you have described it, if she ended up in a padded cell, it would not be out of place?
but seriously.. when did it start? which one came first? your dad's philandering or your mom's lunacy? or does it matter at all?
heck, maybe moving away from your mom with your dad is a good idea... and maybe in the future, when you are working and stuff, moving out and living by yourself, away from the both of them, would be the way to go?
whatever it is, i wish you well.. -
I SERIOUSLY SUGGEST you talk to your commander or officer about your situation and immediately ask for counselling when you go in...Originally posted by men_@_arms:This has been goin on for a long time already. I believe its tied in with my other relationship problems outside the home as well, and has prolly affected me profoundly. Rather than pay 50 bucks to a shrink to listen to my tale and get nothing in return, id rather just write it hear where i'll get nothing and save money.
My mum and i cannot get along. Same with my dad and her. She is good to us and always working and stuff. But I just do not connect with her.. i do not like her because she is rude/loud, she gets freaky unnecessarily and is a bit crazy too. The worst thing is.. there is no solution.
When i was 12, i suggested our family go for some sort of councelling, it was never done. I am 19 now and we still are the same. Although daddy goes out with mistresses, drinks and frequently parties to get away, he's hardly home. Me being a pathetic outcast from people (for reasons unknown up till now) and with lesser money, do not have such escapism luxury. Mother although works, she is most of the time at home..
Most of the things in the home belong to her, countless numbers of BOOKs she doesn't read, things she buys, apparently, our hard teak (evil looking mansion) type furniture was what she bought long ago (according to dad). Mnany of my friends say our home's feng shui is not good.. mother thinks our home looks high class and stuff.. i think its dark, murky, evil and not very homely. Plus her books and rubbish are everywhere. IT never seems to get cleaned even with a maid and mother rearranging it all the time.
I remember i would always be compelled to make her bloody cups of tea in my youth when i loathed doing the task.. or compelled to fetch and ferry things, do this,,, do that.. etc. I never enjoyed it because i never liked her. Close proximity with her = arguements, loud shrieking and no conflict resolution whatsoever. Now that i am older i try and avoid it and get out more, even if it means hanging out by my lonesome.
Omg she just walked in and wants me to get out.. she just told me to go jump off a building rather than try and write this.. as a doctor told me to do.. in absence of friends..
Yeah but friends.. no one in sg (at least) wants a depressive freak like me for a friend... you all want NICE homely NORMAL type of friends to go out with. That makes it all the more hopeless when i feel down and blue. Father tells me to go along to his parties, but i always feel down because it further heightens the sense of incompleteness in our family. Even if you try talking to people, they shun u coz they think uve got "issues" and it saddens them too, in todays world, rather than wanting sad friends, we all want happy friends... friendship has become a kind of commodity.. god dammit.
It has become so, i do not mind or care about swearing or how i speak to people, as is probably evident by my posting.
I recall when my dear aunt wanted me to go with her to Beijing, i wanted to go,, until mother wanted to tag along too. I have enough arguements with mother already, usually she takes me out in the car, to go to a doctor or to buy something or whatever, and always we argue.. over the home or something trivial..
Like earlier just today.. i just said i want to relax today, i may be going out with father at 5.. she said "YOU"VE GOT X and Y coming over for dinner tonight!" in her freaky voice (I did not invite them.. they are HER friends).. so i shut up and nodded. THe place is in a mess, she said something about her wanting me to help out sort it out.. i hate that, coz it usually means interacting with her,, and by now i fear that coz it leads to arguements. And arguements may end up in violence, police, murder and perhaps my suicide when i want to escape it all. So i said to her "I fear that mother.. because i do not want to get into arguements" she freaked out and keeps raising her voice.. this is while she is driving btw. I got so nervous, when we stopped i just got out of the car and got a taxi home.
I remember when i was younger, i wouldn;t have the guts to get out of the car when she gets all freaky. Once when i was 8, she had an accident coz we were argueing. My god, i just remembered that.
She keeps telling me i am such a bastard and a horrible person when we argue, which is almost like all the time. I doubt my self worth and want to die most of the time.
While in the car before i got off. THere was some mention of her leaving us. I thought that would be a good idea, because with ABSENCE we may gain deeper appreciation of each other, as i had suggested often when i was 15 (but ofcourse it never got done... just like it wont now). Perhaps i should mention to dad that we should move out.
Either way. I am enlisting on jan 22nd. PErhaps the army will do me some good. Being away from home for 2 years, staying on the base, getting paid. I would be far away from home, dad and i plan to move out somewhere. Although it is painful to see him with many other women (which i will see once we move to a new place), it is less painful than being with mother and her freakiness sometimes. I am looking forward to ns in that sense.. if i do not shoot my future antagonistic commander in a moment of despair.. which i feel constantly nowadays.
Nah i couldn;t do that.. i couldn't even kill myself, yet alone kill another. But then again.. an m-16 takes a lot less courage to operate than throwing urself over a 12 storey building.
THinking about it.
Meanwhile, DO join us for outings if you can...?
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Hey pal, i am not so gd at offering advices (like Yunhaier) but here's some help 4 ur army stuff:
Remember to let ur PC knows abt any prob u have during the interviews. it is for ur own gd so they will look out for ya... any signs of emotional distress, sucidal etc
Under stress & all sort of physical uncomforts, ppl will have all sort of reactions. So for ppl who have some inherent probs ( medical, emotional), they are esp more vulnerable..
Anyway most of the PC/counsellors in SAF now are quite kind... more like civilian style alreadi
feel obligated to offer ya as much help as possible cause u are one of the few frens i made here..
my mum told me before " the most precious thk u can giv a person is ur time & attention"
I guess thats e prob with ppl now, or is it jus modern SG?? i have this subtle, hidden fear too--- that i won't reveal my probs to most ppl cause they tend to avoid/shun u
Its TRUE--- i was disappointed so many times that i cld hardly trust ppl nowadays. Its like aft sharing with frens ur emotional weakness, they tend to view u diff
For example: i always feel bothered that no one calls me. So i tried to relate it to J whom i got along well recently. But nothin changes... J still nv ever contacts me & in fact gives me this awkward look in sch lately.
On the contrary, i made some "connected" frens frm diff race--- an Indian guy in the army, another indian guy in my sch now.
Guess i understd what u mean abt the typical local sg youngsters (mainly chi )--- they only go for the largely happy & normal ppl as frens. -
Since she doesn't want to clean up her mess around the house, maybe you should do it for her. A little at a time so she won't notice and when she asks about it, just ignore her.
Also, it's not that people only want to befriend happy people. That's just a first impression that stick with people. I'm sure that if you appear more friendly, not necessarily happier, more people will start talking to you. Then you can start opening to them.
And if you do kill yourself with an M16, I look up to you because I, for one, would not have the courage to pull the trigger on myself. Don't do it though. -
Man.....i always tot tt u r 1 happy-go-lucky dude. hai..i suggest u to be more open and try to interact more wif pple...be it frens, classmates, colleagues etc. Try to tok to them abt common interests etc..this might helpOriginally posted by men_@_arms:This has been goin on for a long time already. I believe its tied in with my other relationship problems outside the home as well, and has prolly affected me profoundly. Rather than pay 50 bucks to a shrink to listen to my tale and get nothing in return, id rather just write it hear where i'll get nothing and save money.
My mum and i cannot get along. Same with my dad and her. She is good to us and always working and stuff. But I just do not connect with her.. i do not like her because she is rude/loud, she gets freaky unnecessarily and is a bit crazy too. The worst thing is.. there is no solution.
When i was 12, i suggested our family go for some sort of councelling, it was never done. I am 19 now and we still are the same. Although daddy goes out with mistresses, drinks and frequently parties to get away, he's hardly home. Me being a pathetic outcast from people (for reasons unknown up till now) and with lesser money, do not have such escapism luxury. Mother although works, she is most of the time at home..
Most of the things in the home belong to her, countless numbers of BOOKs she doesn't read, things she buys, apparently, our hard teak (evil looking mansion) type furniture was what she bought long ago (according to dad). Mnany of my friends say our home's feng shui is not good.. mother thinks our home looks high class and stuff.. i think its dark, murky, evil and not very homely. Plus her books and rubbish are everywhere. IT never seems to get cleaned even with a maid and mother rearranging it all the time.
I remember i would always be compelled to make her bloody cups of tea in my youth when i loathed doing the task.. or compelled to fetch and ferry things, do this,,, do that.. etc. I never enjoyed it because i never liked her. Close proximity with her = arguements, loud shrieking and no conflict resolution whatsoever. Now that i am older i try and avoid it and get out more, even if it means hanging out by my lonesome.
Omg she just walked in and wants me to get out.. she just told me to go jump off a building rather than try and write this.. as a doctor told me to do.. in absence of friends..
Yeah but friends.. no one in sg (at least) wants a depressive freak like me for a friend... you all want NICE homely NORMAL type of friends to go out with. That makes it all the more hopeless when i feel down and blue. Father tells me to go along to his parties, but i always feel down because it further heightens the sense of incompleteness in our family. Even if you try talking to people, they shun u coz they think uve got "issues" and it saddens them too, in todays world, rather than wanting sad friends, we all want happy friends... friendship has become a kind of commodity.. god dammit.
It has become so, i do not mind or care about swearing or how i speak to people, as is probably evident by my posting.
I recall when my dear aunt wanted me to go with her to Beijing, i wanted to go,, until mother wanted to tag along too. I have enough arguements with mother already, usually she takes me out in the car, to go to a doctor or to buy something or whatever, and always we argue.. over the home or something trivial..
Like earlier just today.. i just said i want to relax today, i may be going out with father at 5.. she said "YOU"VE GOT X and Y coming over for dinner tonight!" in her freaky voice (I did not invite them.. they are HER friends).. so i shut up and nodded. THe place is in a mess, she said something about her wanting me to help out sort it out.. i hate that, coz it usually means interacting with her,, and by now i fear that coz it leads to arguements. And arguements may end up in violence, police, murder and perhaps my suicide when i want to escape it all. So i said to her "I fear that mother.. because i do not want to get into arguements" she freaked out and keeps raising her voice.. this is while she is driving btw. I got so nervous, when we stopped i just got out of the car and got a taxi home.
I remember when i was younger, i wouldn;t have the guts to get out of the car when she gets all freaky. Once when i was 8, she had an accident coz we were argueing. My god, i just remembered that.
She keeps telling me i am such a bastard and a horrible person when we argue, which is almost like all the time. I doubt my self worth and want to die most of the time.
While in the car before i got off. THere was some mention of her leaving us. I thought that would be a good idea, because with ABSENCE we may gain deeper appreciation of each other, as i had suggested often when i was 15 (but ofcourse it never got done... just like it wont now). Perhaps i should mention to dad that we should move out.
Either way. I am enlisting on jan 22nd. PErhaps the army will do me some good. Being away from home for 2 years, staying on the base, getting paid. I would be far away from home, dad and i plan to move out somewhere. Although it is painful to see him with many other women (which i will see once we move to a new place), it is less painful than being with mother and her freakiness sometimes. I am looking forward to ns in that sense.. if i do not shoot my future antagonistic commander in a moment of despair.. which i feel constantly nowadays.
Nah i couldn;t do that.. i couldn't even kill myself, yet alone kill another. But then again.. an m-16 takes a lot less courage to operate than throwing urself over a 12 storey building.
THinking about it.
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dood.
While i must admit that my problems seem much less severe than you, all i do is to endure. There doesn't seem to be anything much i can do. I can advise my dad, who frequently blows his top on any single thing that he doesn't understand/not do, which causes the whole family to feel his tension, and bah. This post is not about me.
From what you've typed, it seems that all your problems stem up from your mother/childhood, in which you have those feelings of worthlessness, uselessness, inferiority come in.
It seems your mother is the cause of it all! Forgive me if i say this is a good thing. Remember, identifying the problem is the first step of solving it? So now that you know that all your present problems come from your childhood, perhaps you can slowly release the evils within you.
Sometimes, I really donÂ’t know why parents act the way they do, but shall we dispense with the blame, and move on? No one is perfect, and hence, because of an flawed parent, we have a flawed child. You said youÂ’ll be enlisted in a few more weeks. From what I know, in the army youÂ’ll generally make more friends. Perhaps that will help this situation, at least for a while.
But i would say that $50 would be better spent on a counsellor/psychologist, than our free advice here.
Though if you're looking for friends to go out with, hey, give us your address... one of us may be living close to you, and wouldn't mind coming out for coffee at night, or just for a chat~ -
What is your definition of a NORMAL and HOMELY friend? The type with money or what? But you must be quite well off since your family can afford a car. Perhaps its time to do away with the communication barrier between you and your mum. Have you ever tried talking to her as if she IS your mum? Instead of thinking about arguments and negative stuffs, why not just relax and enjoy the conversation?
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i hope u wun do that. do hang around. the fact that things WILL get better in your life should be worth it. take it from me. i've been in your position too.
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thanks guys. I seem to feel better after a leave of absence AWAY from my mother, and i feel better when i talk to people or just hang out with people, as i have been doing these past days.
I actually had a few people over for a party thing. I actually learned that although the home decor may be EVILish and stuff, it depends on who is inside the room and what kind of vibes they emit. It was a friendly atmosphere and a great change last night.
On that occasion mentioned in my above posts. I did go out with father at 5 and did meet many interesting adult people, both local and expat (mostly white though). And at the time, these other people actually talk to you and look at you, offer u smokes or drinks. You feel accepted so much so that you actually forget your problems and move on. You get lost in the conversation about new business ventures and how you or others may be of help, i lose myself also when i entertain others by talking about my latest parody productions. I exchange contacts with people who are eager to hear from you and eager for you to give them a ring. Even though we all know its probably for business primarily, we are all relaxed and positive because the vibes and the atmosphere is benign and friendly.
Today im home alone relaxing. I helped our part time made clear up the books and stuff. Also painted my walls for the green screen production stuff. I feel alright.
But i somehow dread when the next arguement with mum will be. Especially when we go abroad together. So i actually talk diplomatically and robotically to her, i try not to speak to her unecessarily.
But i still am confused about what my personal emotional psychological problems are and why they happen. I am still a bit pissed that no one my age calls me back and asks about going out as they said they would last week. I am puzzled why people don't want to be with me as friends and stuff. I am further puzzled why i can hardly seem to reach anyone on my contacts list on my hp, other than my crew members and the usual white friends.
I am afraid no one can give me the bloody answer why. I can just keep blaming them for being narrow or provincial in wanting to shun people like myself, or for preferring to remain within their own comfort zone without letting anyone in. I could just continue blaming them for being the lesser personalities. I could blame them for not wanting to acknowledge my subtle requests for friendship. I don't know how i could blame myself because i have tried to make calls, i have spoken, but no one takes the next move. I could blame god for unfairly blessing others with strong social circles that leave no room for anyone new.
But right now. I blame myself, my weakness for vomitting all my problems and deepest anxieties out on this forums, thereby effectively condemning myself as a person in all your limited outlooks; Strongly IMPRINTING into your minds that m@a is nothing but a weak pathetic little maggot whom i never want to befriend. (well... some of you at least)
But then again.. you are nobody to me and i am nobody to you. We are all just lost people who band together for hoped santuary and support in this forum. So i don't think it makes a difference. -
hmm.. go consult a consuellors.. there's nothing wrong to see one..
don't feel afraid. u really need to get out of this hell. =) -
I think you need to go for the bbq. Then we can all extend our helping hands towards you.
Hey, maybe we can have a AA support group~ -
All of us are weak at some points of our lives... We're no superman you know...? Even superman can be weak sometimes...
I remember what I've heard from some people... "Acceptance is only achieved when you learn to achieve the others"... I'm not saying that you've never try to accept the others... It's just that no matter what had happened to you... The more you believe that they're not accepting you and you resent them... The more you'll not be accepted... Or take it this way? It just happens that the group of people you mingle around with now just don't accept you.. But that CERTAINLY DON'T mean that the REST of the WORLD won't...?
If you don't try to find out, chances are you won't get to find out... And even if you've 'FAILED', GIVING UP only makes the situation an acceptable one in your own misery thoughts...
A Devil is born a devil, but ain't a COMPLETE DEVIL without going through sh|ts... Think about it.... ?