Petty hatred & jealousy kills friendship?
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I have a good buddy, lets name her J. J is slightly plump, hates exercise, hardly anyone calls her pretty. But recently, she went for a makeover and somehow she looks slightly slimmer and much prettier. Male friends have told me she looks better. As a friend, I should feel happy for her but somehow I feel so damn jealous and even bear petty hatred towards her.
Friends have always compared the both of us and usually I tend to get the compliments. I'm slim, and when I asked a male friend how J looks as compared. He answered "Almost as slim as you already". Somehow I get this urge to shed even more - I exercise and go to the gym regularly. I feel angry even to lose out.
I hate myself for this and I've tried taking 10 deep breaths and think on the bright side and try to convince myself that she is my friend and I should be glad for her. But the devil me keeps coming back! And now whatever she has, I'll get/become better. I know this kind of competition is totally wrong! But I can't stop getting jealous.
Will someone please tell me what can I do? I treasure this friendship and I don't want to lose it just because of my jealousy. -
Comparing that way... Understand that no matter how good look, there'll always be better looking people than you.... Besides... Comparing something so 'superficial' to your friendship with her? In fact, I thought you should be happy for her as a friend and stop comparing yourself to her... Just BE YOURSELF...?
Everybody is UNIQUE in their own way? Why compare?
I've also personally know sisters and friends who doll up together (or even for each other)... Share make up and dressing tips... Give comments and such... And usually such people turn up BEAUTIFULLY at parties and functions... And the 'beauty' is not just solely because how they help each other doll up... But the HAPPINESS they share with each other... What's beauty without happiness? Why don't make it a CONSTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIP and GRAB BOTH 'happiness' and 'beauty' than to be so superficial on only one? -
why care about what others say????
real friends would not have taken into heart ..........
just because of this you want to lose a good friend ... good friend are hard to find now a day. rubbish can be heard eveyday, just pretend you are deaf cant hear what they say -
You know. I've felt the same way once. Friends usually comment on me looking better, etc, until he changed a bit.
In a way, i'm telling myself that "I want to be noticed! Look at me! Why are you looking at him?" Sounds pretty bad, but its true. Its a case of low-self esteem(for me back then anyway).
I asked myself, "Hey, do i want a friend, or do i want to be noticed?". I realised i wanted both. And the only way to do it was to develop a high self-esteem, or to get the attention i need through other ways.
Perhaps i was too used to having attention when i was in my younger years, kept winning chess tournaments. Since my secondary school, poly doesn't treat Chess as a serious CCA, i've stopped winning, and perhaps i'm not too used to the lack of attention now.
Even now, i post in the hope that someone will quote me, and say "x2" or "I believe _Aaron_ is right". Its a strange thing isn't it?
Another aspect of looking at it could be girls just want to win each other. They compete and compete, just for the fun of it. You know you shouldn't be so worked up about it, but if its doing you good, then why not continue?
Just smile when friends compliment her, and tell yourself that you will be better, in a friendly way. Purge the demon(devil) inside you. This is just the ugly side of you that you will have to live with.
Or you could, adopt a heck-care attitude. Living with this can really make life easier i feel.
Pray. Pray for forgiveness, and feel the inner peace within.
Meditate, let your mind clear, and focus on a favourite phrase or line.
Other than taking deep breathes, you could also grab a drink, take a stroll, think of happy thoughts to get yourself out of the situation.
Whatever you choose, just don't go overboard... Don't try to slim yourself by eating only 1 meal a day, you get the idea. Guess i rambled too much again... -
Hire a professional killer and terminate her.
Your welcome. -
Come on.
Last time, it's your time. Now's her time. fair right?
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I guess theres more to looks. Yeah, you people are right. Friends shouldn't be so selfish. I guess I need a little time to straighten myself out. Thanks for the replies everyone!
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Originally posted by glossy_matte:I have a good buddy, lets name her J. J is slightly plump, hates exercise, hardly anyone calls her pretty. But recently, she went for a makeover and somehow she looks slightly slimmer and much prettier. Male friends have told me she looks better. As a friend, I should feel happy for her but somehow I feel so damn jealous and even bear petty hatred towards her.
Friends have always compared the both of us and usually I tend to get the compliments. I'm slim, and when I asked a male friend how J looks as compared. He answered "Almost as slim as you already". Somehow I get this urge to shed even more - I exercise and go to the gym regularly. I feel angry even to lose out.
I hate myself for this and I've tried taking 10 deep breaths and think on the bright side and try to convince myself that she is my friend and I should be glad for her. But the devil me keeps coming back! And now whatever she has, I'll get/become better. I know this kind of competition is totally wrong! But I can't stop getting jealous.
Will someone please tell me what can I do? I treasure this friendship and I don't want to lose it just because of my jealousy.
It's good if her presence challenge you to improve yourself, however your preception on WHY should you improve is rather unhealthy. Not for the friendship; more regarding your personality and psychological/emotional growth.
Cheers -
It means that you are a typical female living in a dog eat dog world. Its pretty normal for even the Best of Friends to feel jealous or hate each other sometimes. ITS QUITE NORMAL.
But... this is where years of understanding comes out to play, friends are hard to get nowadays, Best buddies are rare if you only consider those who are willing to sacrifice and share stuff with each other.
I think the feeling you felt now is just temporary, its hard for you to accept that those attention that you had was suddenly divert to your best buddie.
Advice for You--- Accept that your friend is beautiful But so are you...
The truth is every person is like a diamond, you just have to discover it!
Gd Luck and hope you get over it soon....