Need some advice
-
Been with my current g/f for goin 6 yrs plus...but somehow the feeling is not so right anymore...maybe it's becos i'm working and she's studying (in KL). She's always checking on me. Taking my phone and lookin thru my contacts, my smses and asking me..."wah, these days you haf a lot to tok those gals hor?" I mean "huh" i can't haf any frens of the oppsite sex? Beside i don't question her abt her frens (guy or gals). Why shuld she questioned mine?
And there's always this double standard thingy...that wat she can do is alright but not for me.
eg. if there's a rumor of her and a guy(classmate) being rather close. I haf to be alright with it! But if the tables are turned ard. (As i ask her) She said, she will give me a tight SLAP, no question asked!!! WTH???
Maybe you guys(gals) here can give me some insight on why is this happening???
Feel like i'm always on a leash in this r/s....makes me very tired....
thanks in advance -
i can only offer you my humble opinions and in this case, i feel tat a good heart-to-heart talk with her might prove effective. discuss with her WHAT u are feeling rite now. let her noe the issues tat u are concern abt.Originally posted by ~Numb~:Been with my current g/f for goin 6 yrs plus...but somehow the feeling is not so right anymore...maybe it's becos i'm working and she's studying (in KL). She's always checking on me. Taking my phone and lookin thru my contacts, my smses and asking me..."wah, these days you haf a lot to tok those gals hor?" I mean "huh" i can't haf any frens of the oppsite sex? Beside i don't question her abt her frens (guy or gals). Why shuld she questioned mine?
And there's always this double standard thingy...that wat she can do is alright but not for me.
eg. if there's a rumor of her and a guy(classmate) being rather close. I haf to be alright with it! But if the tables are turned ard. (As i ask her) She said, she will give me a tight SLAP, no question asked!!! WTH???
Maybe you guys(gals) here can give me some insight on why is this happening???
Feel like i'm always on a leash in this r/s....makes me very tired....
thanks in advance
as a 3rd-person kinda view, i felt tat she doesn't really trust u(checking smses, contacts). ask her y she feel this way ya? maybe she got her reasons for doing the above-mentioned actions? maybe she's afraid to lose u? maybe she loves u too deeply(love is selfish)? well, u won't knoe y until u ask her... but of cos, dun ask her in a demanding way. ask her naturally and humbly. dun give her the impression tat u want/need to noe why... let her tell u instead...
i duno whether the above will help or not but nevertheless, i wish u all the best`
-
Hmm, i think there's a similar thread somewhere, but this is all i can find for now...
How to sustain a relationship
What you lack is trust. After all, you two don't see each other very much right?
Her actions shows that she's very posessive (And dare i say, violent?), and this is the ugly side of her that she'll show when you get married to her(Unless you can somehow curb that).
She doesn't trust you, that's why she does all the things like looking through your contacts, your HP, and questioning you about them.
And regarding the fact that 'what she can do, you cannot do' ... I think its time to stand up for yourself. Do not defer to her all the time. You're a Man! How could you let her slap you for no reason?
Love is love, but sometimes people can be too much.
She IS holding you on a leash. What you need to do is to talk to her. A serious talk. Tell her that you cannot stand her looking at your stuff anymore. Tell her what you told us. And if she just throws a tantrum... perhaps a brief separation would do the both of you good. -
Is not easy to maintain a long distance relationship.. Though is our neighbouring country.. but the time you spend together and see each other is less than the friends you had in your own country..Originally posted by ~Numb~:Been with my current g/f for goin 6 yrs plus...but somehow the feeling is not so right anymore...maybe it's becos i'm working and she's studying (in KL). She's always checking on me. Taking my phone and lookin thru my contacts, my smses and asking me..."wah, these days you haf a lot to tok those gals hor?" I mean "huh" i can't haf any frens of the oppsite sex? Beside i don't question her abt her frens (guy or gals). Why shuld she questioned mine?
And there's always this double standard thingy...that wat she can do is alright but not for me.
eg. if there's a rumor of her and a guy(classmate) being rather close. I haf to be alright with it! But if the tables are turned ard. (As i ask her) She said, she will give me a tight SLAP, no question asked!!! WTH???
Maybe you guys(gals) here can give me some insight on why is this happening???
Feel like i'm always on a leash in this r/s....makes me very tired....
thanks in advance
Well.. after 6 years.. and she still behaving like this.. She's over-protective and signs of possessiveness.. But anyway.. you should have a talk with her.. telling her all these.. you both have your own freedom.. own privacy.. own friends.. that's nothing to sms.. or talk to anyone of them.. Is also pretty common that friends will spread rumours about you and another girl.. Cos your gf is studying in KL not in SG.. Definitely such things will happen...LIke i say the time you both have together is limited.. Even when you can go out with her.. it should be happy and treasure the times together.. but somehow.. it doesn't..
Tell her how you feel.. and see what can you both compromise.. Communication is important.. but both are lacked of this.. Everything can be solved.. if jus that whether you wan it anot..
Cheers.. -
How long have the checkings been going on...? Have something happened to cause her actions?Originally posted by ~Numb~:Been with my current g/f for goin 6 yrs plus...but somehow the feeling is not so right anymore...maybe it's becos i'm working and she's studying (in KL). She's always checking on me. Taking my phone and lookin thru my contacts, my smses and asking me..."wah, these days you haf a lot to tok those gals hor?" I mean "huh" i can't haf any frens of the oppsite sex? Beside i don't question her abt her frens (guy or gals). Why shuld she questioned mine?
And there's always this double standard thingy...that wat she can do is alright but not for me.
eg. if there's a rumor of her and a guy(classmate) being rather close. I haf to be alright with it! But if the tables are turned ard. (As i ask her) She said, she will give me a tight SLAP, no question asked!!! WTH???
Maybe you guys(gals) here can give me some insight on why is this happening???
Feel like i'm always on a leash in this r/s....makes me very tired....
thanks in advance
How old are the both of you...? -
how long haf the checking been? long long ago start liao lor....been tryin to explain to her, i need my space too...can't expect me to be only facing her for the rest of my life rite? we are not even married...even if i haf the intentions now, i'm afraid i might regret it....i'm 24 and she's 22....i noe she loves me a lot, but that doesn't mean i can haf a life on my own....am i rite?
We do see each other 2 a mth on the average....so it's not tat bad...been like this for several years liao....
but i can't imagine if she completes her studies and stays here to work...den how?
i might as well throw my hp away....having a pager also no use, think she will prolly look at the numbers and ask me, "who's this har?" , "who's that har?" When i don't feel like telling...she will start tinkin of all sort of thoughts...sian, when it happens....
Sometimes i ask myself, why am i in this relationship for?
Am i gaining anything from this r/s???
i always feel in a r/s, you are trying to learn from each other good points, so that both parties can compliment each other...but with her....i feel i can't learn anything from her....i always haf to pick up her stuff after her....get her to hang her stuffs up etc etc.....(btw when she comes to SG, she stays at my place) Sick and tired of all these craps....Whenever i tok to her abt all this habits of her....she said " i noe you will do for me one mah!" WTH!! wat does she takes me for? MAria???
i'm so tired....
p/s for the slapping part...it's just an example.... -
lol mine also facing same ting..whenever she did sth tat is wrong..she can do..but if i do same thing..i m dead..i mean its unfair..haha..relax brother...actuali for my case is i always mind her with lots of guys..i mean since u got me u have to sacrific a bit...if u got me still must go out with so many guys wats the use of us together?i don object her to guy friends but certain ting got limits one..haha..
***cheer up****
-
Wat i'm tryin to say is...GIVE ME SOME SPACE!!!!!
You can go out with all your guy or gals frens....it's fine with me...ya an adult...i'm sure you can be responsible for your own actions...
And since i can trust you with what you are doin why can't you be doin the same?
C'mon....i don't believe in a "ever after" ending...ppl changes....now she's studying...haven't seen the world yet....But i'm sure things will change when she's starts to work in the society and with money in her pockets...Bottomline is PPL changes!!!!
Rather den ending up with a broken heart later....i rather haf more frens to fall back onto when that "thing" actually happens....Or am i wrong to be thinking that way?
I know..."hey cheer up" blah blah....
Just need a break i tink.... -
Originally posted by ~Numb~:Rather den ending up with a broken heart later....i rather haf more frens to fall back onto when that "thing" actually happens....Or am i wrong to be thinking that way?
Nope. You're Very right. I've seen and heard cases of people who have posessive b/gfs and when they break up, they end up not having any friends at ALL.
Trust me, you don't want this to happen. Really.
Just need a break i tink....
Righto. Tell her to give you some space. Talk it out with her. If nothing conclusive comes out, then give yourself a month or so of separation, and see how life goes. Some thinking needs to be done on both parts, and it also injects into her the possibility of her not having what she has taken for granted, you.
I see you are locked in a cell of 'love'. But to me, this isn't love at all.
Hope you break out soon~ -
In other words... You're getting sick of the relationship....Originally posted by ~Numb~:how long haf the checking been? long long ago start liao lor....been tryin to explain to her, i need my space too...can't expect me to be only facing her for the rest of my life rite? we are not even married...even if i haf the intentions now, i'm afraid i might regret it....i'm 24 and she's 22....i noe she loves me a lot, but that doesn't mean i can haf a life on my own....am i rite?
We do see each other 2 a mth on the average....so it's not tat bad...been like this for several years liao....
but i can't imagine if she completes her studies and stays here to work...den how?
i might as well throw my hp away....having a pager also no use, think she will prolly look at the numbers and ask me, "who's this har?" , "who's that har?" When i don't feel like telling...she will start tinkin of all sort of thoughts...sian, when it happens....
Sometimes i ask myself, why am i in this relationship for?
Am i gaining anything from this r/s???
i always feel in a r/s, you are trying to learn from each other good points, so that both parties can compliment each other...but with her....i feel i can't learn anything from her....i always haf to pick up her stuff after her....get her to hang her stuffs up etc etc.....(btw when she comes to SG, she stays at my place) Sick and tired of all these craps....Whenever i tok to her abt all this habits of her....she said " i noe you will do for me one mah!" WTH!! wat does she takes me for? MAria???
i'm so tired....
p/s for the slapping part...it's just an example....
Yeah... You are right... One way or another, the relationship probably won't last too long into the future... -
I'm not sick of the r/s...just i had enough of the baggage that comes along with it...
The things i need to pick up after her....pls i'm stayin with my parents...how can she just leave her things ard like it's her own place?
When i went over to her house to stay...it had been a bad habit i haf tried to tell her to change...or at least when she's at my place...she should at least behave properly...not treat it like it's a hotel or something...
Don't you ppl agree with me? It's a impression thingy for the parents too.
I don't misbehave when i'm at her place...i keep all my things 2gether, i don't leave stuff lying ard....why can't she do the say?
I prefer my room to be neat...not clothes lying on the bed....messy study-table.
You guys noe wat i mean rite?
Don't noe how to ask for the "rest"..... -
i think perhaps being together for so long, she has already taken u for granted. Well, i mean, ppl do take things for granted without realising them, until they lose them..
have a talk with her, and make sure u'r serious when u talk to her. just pour out all u want to let her know becos' if u dun, these problems will never be solved. if she is serious in this r/s, i'm sure she will think about all those problems that u've highlighted to her.. let her know that even small matters do affect you (like leaving things all over the place etc.).. -
Well... You SHOULD BE? Or at least she might be...?Originally posted by ~Numb~:I'm not sick of the r/s...just i had enough of the baggage that comes along with it...
The things i need to pick up after her....pls i'm stayin with my parents...how can she just leave her things ard like it's her own place?
When i went over to her house to stay...it had been a bad habit i haf tried to tell her to change...or at least when she's at my place...she should at least behave properly...not treat it like it's a hotel or something...
Don't you ppl agree with me? It's a impression thingy for the parents too.
I don't misbehave when i'm at her place...i keep all my things 2gether, i don't leave stuff lying ard....why can't she do the say?
I prefer my room to be neat...not clothes lying on the bed....messy study-table.
You guys noe wat i mean rite?
Don't noe how to ask for the "rest".....
Like I've said, you're probably quite right about she's gonna change part... She's CHANGING NOW and would probably STILL CHANGE FURTHER... You'll just getting BITS of it....
Is this her 1st relationship?
You started off at 18 and she was only 16 back then... Schooling... EXPECT her to CHANGE ALOT under INFLUENCE of FRIENDS and COMPANY....
-
*blink blink* O.o
-
If as you (Devil) said...i shuld get myself prepared? LOL...start sourcing for a new g/f? hahahah
Nope it's not her first r/s....her ex-love now in taiwan...but i guess she's over him liao...
As for me...i would consider her as my first offical g/f.....
I guess i was rite to be think ahead, in a way, that i should expect her to change in some ways when she starts to work after her studies.
Hai....any ladies can give me some comments?
seems like it's the guys who haf been giving me ans/advice...
any ladies can give some advice too??
Thanks -
Have a talk with her.
Tell her your unhappiness abt her sloppy behaviour & her possessiveness.
Tell her u will not pick up after her. She should respect other people's property & not mess up.
Also not to check yr hp. She has to be fair. If she wants to go out friends from opp. sex, then the same shd applies to u.
Tell her she should know u better & learn to trust u.
If she is unable to, & u are not happy in this r/s, then ask for a break.
No use hanging on if u are not happy. U need to make yr stand clear. -
go tell her tat if she can hv guy frens u can oso hv gal frens n she oso need to trust u...
-
Long distance relationship ain't easy. I don't think you're both ready for it.
-
I would agree with Choco on the DISTANCE... Both your AGE.. Frequency of meeting... That's why I said chances are SLIM...Originally posted by ~Numb~:If as you (Devil) said...i shuld get myself prepared? LOL...start sourcing for a new g/f? hahahah
Nope it's not her first r/s....her ex-love now in taiwan...but i guess she's over him liao...
As for me...i would consider her as my first offical g/f.....
I guess i was rite to be think ahead, in a way, that i should expect her to change in some ways when she starts to work after her studies.
Hai....any ladies can give me some comments?
seems like it's the guys who haf been giving me ans/advice...
any ladies can give some advice too??
Thanks
Getting yourself PREPARED doesn't necessarily means that you'll have to source for another gf and break up with her...
It MEANS UNDERSTANDING that she's gonna CHANGE quite ALOT. As I understand that she's your 1st official gf, accepting such changes won't be easy at all on your part. Especially for this 'natural extremes'...
Talk more often with her and communicate... Negotiate for the sake of your relationship... How is she viewing all this? And just to remind you, KL is not a rural area in Malaysia... Under that kinda exposure, two of you would have LOTS of 'MAINTENANCE' to do....