lost and confused...
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Ever since young, the woman that i call "mum" has always loathed me. She always told me that I'm stupid, ugly, and nobody will like or want me in future. Maybe that was what caused me to be so eager to please others, to crave for love, crave for praises, and the fear of angering people by saying or doing wrong things, thus making me a quiet loner who doesn't interact with people.
As i grew up, like any other girls, i start to notice the opposite sex, but I've never dared to talk to them. Throughout secondary school life, the number of times i talk to my guy classmates a year can be counted with just five fingers. But when i started playing with mirc after the O' Levels, i found that i can interact with people better in cybernet, i don't feel as akward as when i talk to people face to face. So that was where i got to know my first two bfs. But i guess the two relationships was only because i was craving to be loved. Both only lasted 3 months in total, because my feeling towards them was only as normal friends.
A year after that, I got to know my third bf Aa, also from cybernet. We got along rather well as friends, and when he asked me to be his gf, i agreed, partially because i enjoy being with him, but i guess it was again due to the craving for love and affection, because i liked another guy Bb at that time, and have liked Bb even before i knew Aa. Aa treated me very well, but i never really appreciated. After being together for a year and a half, i initiated a breakup, because i had started staying over at Bb's place every weekend because his place was nearer to my place of worship, and i felt it wasn't fair to Aa that i stay over at Bb's place.
Not long after, i became a couple with Bb, and i moved in his place and stayed with him. I would always do his laundry, housework, and cook for him, making sure that when he comes home from class everyday, the meal will be ready for him to eat. I even help him to type his project reports all the time. All these were additional work on top of my own projects and school workload. Bb never appreciated the things i did, because he thinks that it is only right that i should be doing all the work for him. He also swear and hit me whenever he's in one of his moods, which is quite often. Yet i never once complained, i just quietly continuing doing everything for him, and i actually enjoyed doing all those for him when i always hated doing housework. Maybe because i loved him, or perhaps it's just my eagerness to please? I didn't want him to be sad or angry, so i just gave in to him everytime he demands for anything. He initiated a break after two and a half years together, saying that he's still young, he wants to have the freedom to chase other girls and not be tied down. At that time, i felt like my world has came crashing down, i felt lost, not knowing what to do, not having any goals. My brother helped me to pick up and continue on with life, encouraging me, telling me that it's good that the bad relationship had ended. I had learned and grown a lot from the two and a half years. My brother said i had become less wilful and spoilt, more loving and caring to people around me.
Few months later, through friends I got to know another guy Cc. At first never really talk to him, but as we chatted more and the group of friends met up more, i found that i enjoyed chatting with him, there wasn't the akwardness that i had whenever i talked to others. I started to get to know him better, and we started meeting up sometimes without our friends. As time past, i found i enjoyed his company very much. With him around, i no longer feel the empty feeling that i still feel sometimes when i'm with my other friends. I started to like him. I cared if he was happy or sad, and i didn't like to see him upset. I found myself eager to make him smile when i see him sad. The more we met, the closer we got, to the point that we would be intimate and behave like couples, but we remained as only friends. I know that it is wrong of me to do that, but it takes away the loneliness and emptiness i feel, making me feel so comforted...
Why am i doing this??? Is it because i just crave for affection, wanting to prove to myself that my mum is wrong that nobody wants me??? Do i really like the person, or am i just eager to please, wanting to be liked??? Am i very stupid to be doing all these??? I'm very confused with myself...it's very taxing on my brain and i'm mentally very tired...
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get away from everyone... love yourself..
if someone raises a hand to you, walk away and never go back...
like i said... you are human... learn to love yourself.. because, you are human... and therefore valuable and priceless...
widen your social circle and, be just friends... physical intimacy can wait.. for those who love you...
and with time, you'll figure out who are the ones who care for you right back
good luck...
remember... you are valuable and priceless... and never forget that...
maybe one day you'll find someone who will treat you that way too
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If you are craving for attention and not be successful with bf, maybe can channel your energy to other area like volunteering work or community services.
There you would received not only attention but also appreciation. Who know, you may even be reward with true love. No point wasting your time and energy at the wrong place. -
violence doesnt equal to love.
its their lost.
u r a gd ger. u deserve better guys. -
Build up ur own confidence and get to know more people.
When you love yourself with confident, things will turn well.
Remember to protect yourself while looking for a better guy who care about you. -
Originally posted by loneconfuser:Ever since young, the woman that i call "mum" has always loathed me. She always told me that I'm stupid, ugly, and nobody will like or want me in future. Maybe that was what caused me to be so eager to please others, to crave for love, crave for praises, and the fear of angering people by saying or doing wrong things, thus making me a quiet loner who doesn't interact with people.
As i grew up, like any other girls, i start to notice the opposite sex, but I've never dared to talk to them. Throughout secondary school life, the number of times i talk to my guy classmates a year can be counted with just five fingers. But when i started playing with mirc after the O' Levels, i found that i can interact with people better in cybernet, i don't feel as akward as when i talk to people face to face. So that was where i got to know my first two bfs. But i guess the two relationships was only because i was craving to be loved. Both only lasted 3 months in total, because my feeling towards them was only as normal friends.
A year after that, I got to know my third bf Aa, also from cybernet. We got along rather well as friends, and when he asked me to be his gf, i agreed, partially because i enjoy being with him, but i guess it was again due to the craving for love and affection, because i liked another guy Bb at that time, and have liked Bb even before i knew Aa. Aa treated me very well, but i never really appreciated. After being together for a year and a half, i initiated a breakup, because i had started staying over at Bb's place every weekend because his place was nearer to my place of worship, and i felt it wasn't fair to Aa that i stay over at Bb's place.
Not long after, i became a couple with Bb, and i moved in his place and stayed with him. I would always do his laundry, housework, and cook for him, making sure that when he comes home from class everyday, the meal will be ready for him to eat. I even help him to type his project reports all the time. All these were additional work on top of my own projects and school workload. Bb never appreciated the things i did, because he thinks that it is only right that i should be doing all the work for him. He also swear and hit me whenever he's in one of his moods, which is quite often. Yet i never once complained, i just quietly continuing doing everything for him, and i actually enjoyed doing all those for him when i always hated doing housework. Maybe because i loved him, or perhaps it's just my eagerness to please? I didn't want him to be sad or angry, so i just gave in to him everytime he demands for anything. He initiated a break after two and a half years together, saying that he's still young, he wants to have the freedom to chase other girls and not be tied down. At that time, i felt like my world has came crashing down, i felt lost, not knowing what to do, not having any goals. My brother helped me to pick up and continue on with life, encouraging me, telling me that it's good that the bad relationship had ended. I had learned and grown a lot from the two and a half years. My brother said i had become less wilful and spoilt, more loving and caring to people around me.
Few months later, through friends I got to know another guy Cc. At first never really talk to him, but as we chatted more and the group of friends met up more, i found that i enjoyed chatting with him, there wasn't the akwardness that i had whenever i talked to others. I started to get to know him better, and we started meeting up sometimes without our friends. As time past, i found i enjoyed his company very much. With him around, i no longer feel the empty feeling that i still feel sometimes when i'm with my other friends. I started to like him. I cared if he was happy or sad, and i didn't like to see him upset. I found myself eager to make him smile when i see him sad. The more we met, the closer we got, to the point that we would be intimate and behave like couples, but we remained as only friends. I know that it is wrong of me to do that, but it takes away the loneliness and emptiness i feel, making me feel so comforted...
Why am i doing this??? Is it because i just crave for affection, wanting to prove to myself that my mum is wrong that nobody wants me??? Do i really like the person, or am i just eager to please, wanting to be liked??? Am i very stupid to be doing all these??? I'm very confused with myself...it's very taxing on my brain and i'm mentally very tired... 
No doubt, your mum had huge negative influence acting onto your love life. Your mind is shaping and twisting according to what your mum thought of you, however, we all knew it is but a mere cruel comment. Do NOT allow anyone to influence you and put yourself down, for only we have the key to make yourself feel better or worse. A positive mind frame is essential if you want to attract better quality man.
The violence you attracted, from your ex-bf, comes from the suppressed emotions you went through during your early childhood. C|oUdiSm states: We attract qualities of ones we exuded. And this indeed is a vicious cycle. Your soul is empty because your psychological state is taught to be unloving and this aspect will never be fulfill until you gain the self-love and pride for your own life. We all love being loved and cared by another, but the absence of personal love creates this invisible rift that hinders the advancement of proper love and relationship into your life. Somehow, even a relationship never truely completes you - this is what that is amiss.
All the doctors said I couldn't walk anymore... but my mum said otherwise. I believed my mum... - world fastest (woman) runner. (Can't remember what's her name)
P.S: Before we could extend our love to others, we must first know how to do that to ourselves.
Cheers -
Hmm, how old are you loneconfuser?
From what i see, your childhood has affected you tremendously. Your mom has introduced to you, thoughts in you that makes you think you're stupid, unworthy, ugly, etc. And you grew up, believing in that, whether subconsciously, or not.
And it has affected your personality and love life, making you a loner.
From what i see about your relationship with Bb, it really shows how much your mom's words have made an impact on you, and how you're taking it. Most woman will not tolerate their bf hitting them, or even do so much for them, when they suspect their bf don't love them so much(i could be wrong here.), but you continued.
I'm glad he broke up with you, though the length of 2 1/2 years seem to be a bit long. Had he decided to 'play on' with you, or *horrors*, even marry you, your life would be in a state of constant agony.
Your desire to crave attention and affection has brought you to a few unwelcome situations, and you should be wary, because you're easy prey for those predators out there.
Learn to love yourself. Know that you're someone who's worthy. Worthy of being loved, worthy to love. Know that you're unique, and you will eventually find someone who'll fall in love with you, get married, and live happily ever after.
But do not seek that in every person you see. Let time and nature take its course. Alternatively, you could volunteer your services at an orphanage, or at an old folk's home. They will receprocate the kindness and love that you show them, and this will in turn make you feel better.
Do not be confused any longer, know that its self-love that you lack, and expose the inner devils that hide within you, in the form of your mother's words.
Be well..~ -
hmmm... I'll just get straight to the point.Originally posted by loneconfuser:Ever since young, the woman that i call "mum" has always loathed me. She always told me that I'm stupid, ugly, and nobody will like or want me in future. Maybe that was what caused me to be so eager to please others, to crave for love, crave for praises, and the fear of angering people by saying or doing wrong things, thus making me a quiet loner who doesn't interact with people.
As i grew up, like any other girls, i start to notice the opposite sex, but I've never dared to talk to them. Throughout secondary school life, the number of times i talk to my guy classmates a year can be counted with just five fingers. But when i started playing with mirc after the O' Levels, i found that i can interact with people better in cybernet, i don't feel as akward as when i talk to people face to face. So that was where i got to know my first two bfs. But i guess the two relationships was only because i was craving to be loved. Both only lasted 3 months in total, because my feeling towards them was only as normal friends.
A year after that, I got to know my third bf Aa, also from cybernet. We got along rather well as friends, and when he asked me to be his gf, i agreed, partially because i enjoy being with him, but i guess it was again due to the craving for love and affection, because i liked another guy Bb at that time, and have liked Bb even before i knew Aa. Aa treated me very well, but i never really appreciated. After being together for a year and a half, i initiated a breakup, because i had started staying over at Bb's place every weekend because his place was nearer to my place of worship, and i felt it wasn't fair to Aa that i stay over at Bb's place.
Not long after, i became a couple with Bb, and i moved in his place and stayed with him. I would always do his laundry, housework, and cook for him, making sure that when he comes home from class everyday, the meal will be ready for him to eat. I even help him to type his project reports all the time. All these were additional work on top of my own projects and school workload. Bb never appreciated the things i did, because he thinks that it is only right that i should be doing all the work for him. He also swear and hit me whenever he's in one of his moods, which is quite often. Yet i never once complained, i just quietly continuing doing everything for him, and i actually enjoyed doing all those for him when i always hated doing housework. Maybe because i loved him, or perhaps it's just my eagerness to please? I didn't want him to be sad or angry, so i just gave in to him everytime he demands for anything. He initiated a break after two and a half years together, saying that he's still young, he wants to have the freedom to chase other girls and not be tied down. At that time, i felt like my world has came crashing down, i felt lost, not knowing what to do, not having any goals. My brother helped me to pick up and continue on with life, encouraging me, telling me that it's good that the bad relationship had ended. I had learned and grown a lot from the two and a half years. My brother said i had become less wilful and spoilt, more loving and caring to people around me.
Few months later, through friends I got to know another guy Cc. At first never really talk to him, but as we chatted more and the group of friends met up more, i found that i enjoyed chatting with him, there wasn't the akwardness that i had whenever i talked to others. I started to get to know him better, and we started meeting up sometimes without our friends. As time past, i found i enjoyed his company very much. With him around, i no longer feel the empty feeling that i still feel sometimes when i'm with my other friends. I started to like him. I cared if he was happy or sad, and i didn't like to see him upset. I found myself eager to make him smile when i see him sad. The more we met, the closer we got, to the point that we would be intimate and behave like couples, but we remained as only friends. I know that it is wrong of me to do that, but it takes away the loneliness and emptiness i feel, making me feel so comforted...
Why am i doing this??? Is it because i just crave for affection, wanting to prove to myself that my mum is wrong that nobody wants me??? Do i really like the person, or am i just eager to please, wanting to be liked??? Am i very stupid to be doing all these??? I'm very confused with myself...it's very taxing on my brain and i'm mentally very tired...
Your looking for love and once you find a tint of it, you jump into the relationship.
If you really like the guy and the guy really likes you, you can have a steady relationship, but of course both must cherish one another. Know what you must do. Most people can't think properly when they are in a situaton of love conflicts.
So take a day off and ask yourself some question about him and you. Patient is also a element of love. The main thing you have to find out about the guy is whether he loves you or still loves you or not.
Don't be stressed out take a day with your Friends off and have a relaxing day. I'm sure some of ur frens will be glad to help. Or talk to someone.
Regards
Sekundes - = / A k A \ = - X E K -
Can you start a relationship with Cc?Originally posted by loneconfuser:Few months later, through friends I got to know another guy Cc. At first never really talk to him, but as we chatted more and the group of friends met up more, i found that i enjoyed chatting with him, there wasn't the akwardness that i had whenever i talked to others. I started to get to know him better, and we started meeting up sometimes without our friends. As time past, i found i enjoyed his company very much. With him around, i no longer feel the empty feeling that i still feel sometimes when i'm with my other friends. I started to like him. I cared if he was happy or sad, and i didn't like to see him upset. I found myself eager to make him smile when i see him sad. The more we met, the closer we got, to the point that we would be intimate and behave like couples, but we remained as only friends. I know that it is wrong of me to do that, but it takes away the loneliness and emptiness i feel, making me feel so comforted...
Why am i doing this??? Is it because i just crave for affection, wanting to prove to myself that my mum is wrong that nobody wants me??? Do i really like the person, or am i just eager to please, wanting to be liked??? Am i very stupid to be doing all these??? I'm very confused with myself...it's very taxing on my brain and i'm mentally very tired... 
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thanks.Originally posted by the Bear:get away from everyone... love yourself..
if someone raises a hand to you, walk away and never go back...
like i said... you are human... learn to love yourself.. because, you are human... and therefore valuable and priceless...
widen your social circle and, be just friends... physical intimacy can wait.. for those who love you...
and with time, you'll figure out who are the ones who care for you right back
good luck...
remember... you are valuable and priceless... and never forget that...
maybe one day you'll find someone who will treat you that way too i'm still trying hard to learn to have confidence. -
actually, quite the opposite, i crave for affection, but i hate attention, and i've always tried to stay as un-noticed as i can.Originally posted by dreamthinkdo_ers:If you are craving for attention and not be successful with bf, maybe can channel your energy to other area like volunteering work or community services.
There you would received not only attention but also appreciation. Who know, you may even be reward with true love. No point wasting your time and energy at the wrong place.
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i don't think so, both are not ready for a relationshipOriginally posted by Devil1976:Can you start a relationship with Cc? -
thanks everyone for your replies.
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hey gal i know how u feel. the longing for affection n intimacy... it can drive one crazy.
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btw, how old are u?
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i'm in my mid-twentiesOriginally posted by HENG@:btw, how old are u? -
i see. well... hope u have luck in sorting your problems out. i can't seem to sort mine out.Originally posted by loneconfuser:i'm in my mid-twenties -
thanks. hope you can solve yours in time to come too.Originally posted by HENG@:i see. well... hope u have luck in sorting your problems out. i can't seem to sort mine out. -
i hope so but i doubt so.Originally posted by loneconfuser:thanks. hope you can solve yours in time to come too. -
YEAH... Then both of you should be just ENJOYING LIFE for now..??Originally posted by loneconfuser:i don't think so, both are not ready for a relationship 