Originally posted by loneconfuser:Ever since young, the woman that i call "mum" has always loathed me. She always told me that I'm stupid, ugly, and nobody will like or want me in future. Maybe that was what caused me to be so eager to please others, to crave for love, crave for praises, and the fear of angering people by saying or doing wrong things, thus making me a quiet loner who doesn't interact with people.
As i grew up, like any other girls, i start to notice the opposite sex, but I've never dared to talk to them. Throughout secondary school life, the number of times i talk to my guy classmates a year can be counted with just five fingers. But when i started playing with mirc after the O' Levels, i found that i can interact with people better in cybernet, i don't feel as akward as when i talk to people face to face. So that was where i got to know my first two bfs. But i guess the two relationships was only because i was craving to be loved. Both only lasted 3 months in total, because my feeling towards them was only as normal friends.
A year after that, I got to know my third bf Aa, also from cybernet. We got along rather well as friends, and when he asked me to be his gf, i agreed, partially because i enjoy being with him, but i guess it was again due to the craving for love and affection, because i liked another guy Bb at that time, and have liked Bb even before i knew Aa. Aa treated me very well, but i never really appreciated. After being together for a year and a half, i initiated a breakup, because i had started staying over at Bb's place every weekend because his place was nearer to my place of worship, and i felt it wasn't fair to Aa that i stay over at Bb's place.
Not long after, i became a couple with Bb, and i moved in his place and stayed with him. I would always do his laundry, housework, and cook for him, making sure that when he comes home from class everyday, the meal will be ready for him to eat. I even help him to type his project reports all the time. All these were additional work on top of my own projects and school workload. Bb never appreciated the things i did, because he thinks that it is only right that i should be doing all the work for him. He also swear and hit me whenever he's in one of his moods, which is quite often. Yet i never once complained, i just quietly continuing doing everything for him, and i actually enjoyed doing all those for him when i always hated doing housework. Maybe because i loved him, or perhaps it's just my eagerness to please? I didn't want him to be sad or angry, so i just gave in to him everytime he demands for anything. He initiated a break after two and a half years together, saying that he's still young, he wants to have the freedom to chase other girls and not be tied down. At that time, i felt like my world has came crashing down, i felt lost, not knowing what to do, not having any goals. My brother helped me to pick up and continue on with life, encouraging me, telling me that it's good that the bad relationship had ended. I had learned and grown a lot from the two and a half years. My brother said i had become less wilful and spoilt, more loving and caring to people around me.
Few months later, through friends I got to know another guy Cc. At first never really talk to him, but as we chatted more and the group of friends met up more, i found that i enjoyed chatting with him, there wasn't the akwardness that i had whenever i talked to others. I started to get to know him better, and we started meeting up sometimes without our friends. As time past, i found i enjoyed his company very much. With him around, i no longer feel the empty feeling that i still feel sometimes when i'm with my other friends. I started to like him. I cared if he was happy or sad, and i didn't like to see him upset. I found myself eager to make him smile when i see him sad. The more we met, the closer we got, to the point that we would be intimate and behave like couples, but we remained as only friends. I know that it is wrong of me to do that, but it takes away the loneliness and emptiness i feel, making me feel so comforted...
Why am i doing this??? Is it because i just crave for affection, wanting to prove to myself that my mum is wrong that nobody wants me??? Do i really like the person, or am i just eager to please, wanting to be liked??? Am i very stupid to be doing all these??? I'm very confused with myself...it's very taxing on my brain and i'm mentally very tired...![]()
hmmm... I'll just get straight to the point.Originally posted by loneconfuser:Ever since young, the woman that i call "mum" has always loathed me. She always told me that I'm stupid, ugly, and nobody will like or want me in future. Maybe that was what caused me to be so eager to please others, to crave for love, crave for praises, and the fear of angering people by saying or doing wrong things, thus making me a quiet loner who doesn't interact with people.
As i grew up, like any other girls, i start to notice the opposite sex, but I've never dared to talk to them. Throughout secondary school life, the number of times i talk to my guy classmates a year can be counted with just five fingers. But when i started playing with mirc after the O' Levels, i found that i can interact with people better in cybernet, i don't feel as akward as when i talk to people face to face. So that was where i got to know my first two bfs. But i guess the two relationships was only because i was craving to be loved. Both only lasted 3 months in total, because my feeling towards them was only as normal friends.
A year after that, I got to know my third bf Aa, also from cybernet. We got along rather well as friends, and when he asked me to be his gf, i agreed, partially because i enjoy being with him, but i guess it was again due to the craving for love and affection, because i liked another guy Bb at that time, and have liked Bb even before i knew Aa. Aa treated me very well, but i never really appreciated. After being together for a year and a half, i initiated a breakup, because i had started staying over at Bb's place every weekend because his place was nearer to my place of worship, and i felt it wasn't fair to Aa that i stay over at Bb's place.
Not long after, i became a couple with Bb, and i moved in his place and stayed with him. I would always do his laundry, housework, and cook for him, making sure that when he comes home from class everyday, the meal will be ready for him to eat. I even help him to type his project reports all the time. All these were additional work on top of my own projects and school workload. Bb never appreciated the things i did, because he thinks that it is only right that i should be doing all the work for him. He also swear and hit me whenever he's in one of his moods, which is quite often. Yet i never once complained, i just quietly continuing doing everything for him, and i actually enjoyed doing all those for him when i always hated doing housework. Maybe because i loved him, or perhaps it's just my eagerness to please? I didn't want him to be sad or angry, so i just gave in to him everytime he demands for anything. He initiated a break after two and a half years together, saying that he's still young, he wants to have the freedom to chase other girls and not be tied down. At that time, i felt like my world has came crashing down, i felt lost, not knowing what to do, not having any goals. My brother helped me to pick up and continue on with life, encouraging me, telling me that it's good that the bad relationship had ended. I had learned and grown a lot from the two and a half years. My brother said i had become less wilful and spoilt, more loving and caring to people around me.
Few months later, through friends I got to know another guy Cc. At first never really talk to him, but as we chatted more and the group of friends met up more, i found that i enjoyed chatting with him, there wasn't the akwardness that i had whenever i talked to others. I started to get to know him better, and we started meeting up sometimes without our friends. As time past, i found i enjoyed his company very much. With him around, i no longer feel the empty feeling that i still feel sometimes when i'm with my other friends. I started to like him. I cared if he was happy or sad, and i didn't like to see him upset. I found myself eager to make him smile when i see him sad. The more we met, the closer we got, to the point that we would be intimate and behave like couples, but we remained as only friends. I know that it is wrong of me to do that, but it takes away the loneliness and emptiness i feel, making me feel so comforted...
Why am i doing this??? Is it because i just crave for affection, wanting to prove to myself that my mum is wrong that nobody wants me??? Do i really like the person, or am i just eager to please, wanting to be liked??? Am i very stupid to be doing all these??? I'm very confused with myself...it's very taxing on my brain and i'm mentally very tired...![]()
Can you start a relationship with Cc?Originally posted by loneconfuser:Few months later, through friends I got to know another guy Cc. At first never really talk to him, but as we chatted more and the group of friends met up more, i found that i enjoyed chatting with him, there wasn't the akwardness that i had whenever i talked to others. I started to get to know him better, and we started meeting up sometimes without our friends. As time past, i found i enjoyed his company very much. With him around, i no longer feel the empty feeling that i still feel sometimes when i'm with my other friends. I started to like him. I cared if he was happy or sad, and i didn't like to see him upset. I found myself eager to make him smile when i see him sad. The more we met, the closer we got, to the point that we would be intimate and behave like couples, but we remained as only friends. I know that it is wrong of me to do that, but it takes away the loneliness and emptiness i feel, making me feel so comforted...
Why am i doing this??? Is it because i just crave for affection, wanting to prove to myself that my mum is wrong that nobody wants me??? Do i really like the person, or am i just eager to please, wanting to be liked??? Am i very stupid to be doing all these??? I'm very confused with myself...it's very taxing on my brain and i'm mentally very tired...![]()
thanks.Originally posted by the Bear:get away from everyone... love yourself..
if someone raises a hand to you, walk away and never go back...
like i said... you are human... learn to love yourself.. because, you are human... and therefore valuable and priceless...
widen your social circle and, be just friends... physical intimacy can wait.. for those who love you...
and with time, you'll figure out who are the ones who care for you right back
good luck...
remember... you are valuable and priceless... and never forget that...
maybe one day you'll find someone who will treat you that way too
actually, quite the opposite, i crave for affection, but i hate attention, and i've always tried to stay as un-noticed as i can.Originally posted by dreamthinkdo_ers:If you are craving for attention and not be successful with bf, maybe can channel your energy to other area like volunteering work or community services.
There you would received not only attention but also appreciation. Who know, you may even be reward with true love. No point wasting your time and energy at the wrong place.
i don't think so, both are not ready for a relationshipOriginally posted by Devil1976:Can you start a relationship with Cc?![]()
i'm in my mid-twentiesOriginally posted by HENG@:btw, how old are u?
i see. well... hope u have luck in sorting your problems out. i can't seem to sort mine out.Originally posted by loneconfuser:i'm in my mid-twenties
thanks. hope you can solve yours in time to come too.Originally posted by HENG@:i see. well... hope u have luck in sorting your problems out. i can't seem to sort mine out.
i hope so but i doubt so.Originally posted by loneconfuser:thanks. hope you can solve yours in time to come too.![]()
YEAH... Then both of you should be just ENJOYING LIFE for now..??Originally posted by loneconfuser:i don't think so, both are not ready for a relationship![]()