love from afar...
-
I get to know this gal at a disco in Thailand, she's with a group of friends and
I approach her requesting can take pic with her as I find her very sweet and cute.
After that, I asked her out the next day for a meal and manage to find out that
she's a local uni student. She's quite fair for a thai and comes from a well to do
family. She has a very sweet voice, which melts me heart everytime I hear her talk.
We manage to go out on a few meetings and both of us express interest in each other.
So I tease whether she want's to come singapore with me, she said yes. We took quite
a few pictures together and whenever I miss her, I will look at her photos. However,
I have to come back to singapore and she has to continue her studies. Initially, we
manage to stay in contact via sms and email and I called her everynight (starting),
but she told me not to call her everyday as its expensive to call her, and tell me to
save money (incoming is free for thai mobile) and that she would always say she miss me.
After a few months, I couldn't contact her and felt very sad. So I thought to meself,
just forget it. To me surprise, a few months later, I got her sms as well as email too.
I called her up and found out what actually happen for the period of lost contact.
She also came this month with her school for a study trip and I manage to meet up with her.
Although its only a 3 day 2 night visit, it really brought me back to memory lane.
Throughout the 2 nights, I met upwith her and met her friends as well. It was really
and interesting experience as it's me first time with so many thais. I could only speak
very little thai but I guess its sufficient enough hehe. When she was her, we are like a couple
hold hands, sweet talk, take pics.. everythings is like a dream, only come true.
Anyway, after she got back, she sms me everyday and I call her up at least once a week (a few
minutes each time only)
I really can't bear to see her leave that day and she cried abit after checking in at the airport.
She is so much better that most of the sg gals I met in terms of character, and me friends told me
thai gers really take care of the guy, which is very true. I'm also thinking of visiting her again
in a few months time.
Now here's the problem, should I continue this type of relationship? A few questions often
raise up:
1) language barrier, her English is quite limited and sometimes need to help of her pda
dictionary
2) she stays in the northeast region of thailand, quite sometime to get there (200 plus km from
bangkok)
3) If we were together eventually, how will she adapt in singapore? Where can she work in singapore
Will she bear to leave her friends, family (she's the only child)
4) I asker her if she wants to be with me, she say yes but I'm not sure whether she can adapt here
(she once sms me that she wants me to know I belong in her life)
5) If I were to marry her, citizenship wise and getting a hse n all, quite tough financially.
-
Originally posted by G6PD:
I get to know this gal at a disco in Thailand, she's with a group of friends and
I approach her requesting can take pic with her as I find her very sweet and cute.
After that, I asked her out the next day for a meal and manage to find out that
she's a local uni student. She's quite fair for a thai and comes from a well to do
family. She has a very sweet voice, which melts me heart everytime I hear her talk.
We manage to go out on a few meetings and both of us express interest in each other.
So I tease whether she want's to come singapore with me, she said yes. We took quite
a few pictures together and whenever I miss her, I will look at her photos. However,
I have to come back to singapore and she has to continue her studies. Initially, we
manage to stay in contact via sms and email and I called her everynight (starting),
but she told me not to call her everyday as its expensive to call her, and tell me to
save money (incoming is free for thai mobile) and that she would always say she miss me.
After a few months, I couldn't contact her and felt very sad. So I thought to meself,
just forget it. To me surprise, a few months later, I got her sms as well as email too.
I called her up and found out what actually happen for the period of lost contact.
She also came this month with her school for a study trip and I manage to meet up with her.
Although its only a 3 day 2 night visit, it really brought me back to memory lane.
Throughout the 2 nights, I met upwith her and met her friends as well. It was really
and interesting experience as it's me first time with so many thais. I could only speak
very little thai but I guess its sufficient enough hehe. When she was her, we are like a couple
hold hands, sweet talk, take pics.. everythings is like a dream, only come true.
Anyway, after she got back, she sms me everyday and I call her up at least once a week (a few
minutes each time only)
I really can't bear to see her leave that day and she cried abit after checking in at the airport.
She is so much better that most of the sg gals I met in terms of character, and me friends told me
thai gers really take care of the guy, which is very true. I'm also thinking of visiting her again
in a few months time.
Now here's the problem, should I continue this type of relationship? A few questions often
raise up:
1) language barrier, her English is quite limited and sometimes need to help of her pda
dictionary
Definitely gonna be a problem...
2) she stays in the northeast region of thailand, quite sometime to get there (200 plus km from
bangkok)
Hmm...
3) If we were together eventually, how will she adapt in singapore? Where can she work in singapore
Will she bear to leave her friends, family (she's the only child)
Adaptation can be or not be a serious problem. Depending on what level of 'adaptation' are you talking about... Is she gonna be working here...? Moving about..? I know of guys who married foreign wife that stay at home most of the time... And when they don't really have much relative or siblings, communication and adaptation is less severe of a problem...
4) I asker her if she wants to be with me, she say yes but I'm not sure whether she can adapt here
(she once sms me that she wants me to know I belong in her life)
Some Thais can be simpler in thinking especially when they're still young... From the way you've described, it's quite likely that she's not from a city area... Further more to enhance the fact that her thinking might be relatively simpler now....
She's still a student yup...?
5) If I were to marry her, citizenship wise and getting a hse n all, quite tough financially.
Yup... Marriage's never really an easy thing in Singapore... But of course, it would also depends on how easy ya want it to be...? -
i think u shld hear her views by telling her the problems you have mentioned...as all the problems are about you and her. in the end, a relationship is about both of you. Moreover, can love be only conveyed through language?
-
cross nations marriage nv a easy thing... but there are a lot of succcessful examples, so dun giv up. Maybe u can consult those who have foreign wife, esp those who go agency for foreign brides. Ur situation may be diff, but can increase ur knowlege on areas like gettin citizenship, adapting in SG etc
good luck! -
Originally posted by G6PD:Now here's the problem, should I continue this type of relationship? A few questions often
raise up:
1) language barrier, her English is quite limited and sometimes need to help of her pda
dictionary
Love is a type of communication everyone can understand..
2) she stays in the northeast region of thailand, quite sometime to get there (200 plus km from
bangkok)
Are you thinking of marrying her? And moving to her place..? If not, what's the problem here..?
3) If we were together eventually, how will she adapt in singapore? Where can she work in singapore
Will she bear to leave her friends, family (she's the only child)
From what little i know of inter-country marriages, the foreign wife in Singapore usually has it bad. Because of the language barrier, she may feel frustration when arriving to a big new place. If you intend to bring her over, you'll need to spend a lot of time with her. Can you afford it..?
It'll be hard for her to find work in Singapore as well with her limited language, but once you brush up her english, maybe she can be translator, tour guide, or something like that..
4) I asker her if she wants to be with me, she say yes but I'm not sure whether she can adapt here
(she once sms me that she wants me to know I belong in her life)
How old are the both of you? Are you sure you want to marry her at this stage..? How sure are your feelings for her? Her feelings for you? -
to Devil1976:
Yes, adaptation is a problem and I don wanna let her be sad over here as her friends and family are so far apart (shes e only child, so caring thoughts for her parents would be very strong)
She does not come from a big city (eg bangkok) so, to me, she is simpler in thinking, but shes 23 and I'm 24, and probably she's still a student. She dosen't really like guys from her country and she has quite a strong culture inside her.
I hope that maybe she could come over here for some short visits, say 4 to 5 days of stay here... that would really be good.
to A Beautiful Mind: yea, cross country marriage is never easy, but I also heard of success ones. Like I though bout it, if she can't adapt eventually, then it'll be a problem, stuffs like wanting to go back hometown etc
to _Aaron_: Hmm, whether of moving to her side to stay or asking her to stay can be a problem, if I were to go over there, job for me? Lodging not a problem cause shes the only child and her house is so much bigger than the pigeon hole me staying. Infact, we did have a causual chat like, if I were to stay there how.. I don't have job etc... she told me she can work
just a simple conversation only, nothing much to it. As for feelings, its pretty hard to judge at his stage as we are so far apart, and the time spent together add up is less than a month. When I was there, we met up a few times in the evening, only weekend more time spent.
But one thing for sure, they do make good wifes
-
No offense,
Were you attracted to her looks and child-like simplicity? As compared to the complicated women here?
Is this just a crush? A crash of cultures, qualities that you find in her very rare in our own societies?
Besides the 'logistic' issues, have you consider if she can connect with u on an intellectual level in the long run? U do have to consider as you are talking about marriage, in the long term.
I travelled to Thailand frequently for business trips. I do sympathise with u as I do met those U girls. Some of them worked in pubs too to earn their school fees. Some of them are quite naive, in a cute way. -
Magnus, why must u say "No offense" ?
If he is indeed attracted by the simplicity of the Thai girl, it's not something to be embarassed about or offended about. I think it is a very healthy attraction, rather than, say, looks, or other superficial things. I think character-type of atttraction is deeper and should be the one people go after for.
Anyways, G6PD, at this point, more time is needed before u think about marriage, moving to another country etc. That one is later. Now u and her must develop the relationship more, first. Why think about marriage and moving when the relationship is not solid yet? Now, just work on the relationship, then later when both are u are very sure about the relationship, and financially more stable too, then the marriage plans and moving plans can be thought.
It is not easy to keep a long-distance relationship. U must find ways to overcome this so that both of u can still get to know each other better and better and make the relationship stronger, even though it is long-distance.
OK good luck -
I have said no offense or rather no offence because it's not my intention to belittle the relationship, if that's the impression given.
We have to be aware that there are 'dreamers' in every country & Pinkerton Syndrome abound. -
First of all, u must get a good job so u can support a wife & family cos if she is to come over, she will definately depend on u as she cannot work here.
Also she needs to learn Eng. so she won't have a problem communicating & adapting to life here.
I suggest u get to know her better cos it is only a very short time. It may be infactuation. Visit her family & find out more.
Most foreign girls are out to nab a SG guy cos they want to get out of the country. -
How often and how long have you been together?Originally posted by G6PD:to Devil1976:
Yes, adaptation is a problem and I don wanna let her be sad over here as her friends and family are so far apart (shes e only child, so caring thoughts for her parents would be very strong)
She does not come from a big city (eg bangkok) so, to me, she is simpler in thinking, but shes 23 and I'm 24, and probably she's still a student. She dosen't really like guys from her country and she has quite a strong culture inside her.
I hope that maybe she could come over here for some short visits, say 4 to 5 days of stay here... that would really be good.
to A Beautiful Mind: yea, cross country marriage is never easy, but I also heard of success ones. Like I though bout it, if she can't adapt eventually, then it'll be a problem, stuffs like wanting to go back hometown etc
to _Aaron_: Hmm, whether of moving to her side to stay or asking her to stay can be a problem, if I were to go over there, job for me? Lodging not a problem cause shes the only child and her house is so much bigger than the pigeon hole me staying. Infact, we did have a causual chat like, if I were to stay there how.. I don't have job etc... she told me she can work
just a simple conversation only, nothing much to it. As for feelings, its pretty hard to judge at his stage as we are so far apart, and the time spent together add up is less than a month. When I was there, we met up a few times in the evening, only weekend more time spent.
But one thing for sure, they do make good wifes
If you're REALLY CONFIDENT for EACH OTHER and DETERMINED to make it LAST... It can BE DONE. As proposed. Going to her country or getting her over. Either way, there'll be no 'perfect solution'. It's always a matter of give & take...
But a man and possibly the bread winner of the family, it's always better to bring her over UNLESS you're pretty sure that you'll have a GOOD way of earning a living there for all of you... For either of you to cross-live in a country, separation from friends and family members to an extent is usually inevitable...
Just that.. Yes... It's MAINLY about ADAPTATION. Starting on a NEW LIFE. And on what level of 'adaptation' you're talking about...
ALL THE BEST. -
Okie, let Lingos give ya a reality check.
My friend has gone through this thing before... and don't be p|ssed with me for being cynical. I'm usually cynical when he comes to any relationship.
One loser (not that handsome sad job guy) goes to Thailand with his sister. Ends up meeting someone who was pretty okie. She was a student in tourism, worked in the backpacker motel/hotel that he was staying in. No sex, just conversation. He came back calling her his girlfriend. All of us, especially me was rolling my eyes.... I did tell you he was a loser. After all, how could you call her your girlfriend when 1) you've only seen her for 3 days, spoke to her like 4 sentences or something. Okie okie, relationships should not be measured by time. But... he's just a sad individual. The thing was, he was treated like top dog in Thailand so he loved it so much, within a month of corresponding to Ann in Thailand, sending pics, emails, phone calls blah blah.. he decides to go to Thailand AGAIN for another month.
This time, he goes up there to see her.. she picked him up at the airport with a girlfriend. You can guess what happened. She "breaks up with him" without a couple of days.. with a month left to kill. What happens? He goes on some drunken rampagne (why else would you go to Thailand??) with some 2 drink minimum ho' in the local dive. This girl had just been "dumped" by her Swedish Ja me like backpacker "boyfriend".. i use the word boyfriend loosely again.. as this is clearly a holiday fling. Anyway this ho' started showing him more than just Thailand if you catch my drift.....
So he comes back saying OMG i have a new "girlfriend".... so after a month of phone calls and lots of money TTed over to her... he decides to go back and see her again. Meanwhile, i'm rolling my eyes going.. you have no idea what you're getting into. But hey go for your life. Guess what.. he has some stupid ceremony that they are "together" or whatever it is.. supposedly he says that it wasn't a marriage. I'm like.. okie whatever girlfriend. He comes back after a month in Thailand... she keeps ringing him for some more dosh. He refused, she hung up the phone and said eff off. Meanwhile, her and her posse have gone onto find some other backpacker boyfriends.
Well.. there you go.. i'm sorry about being nasty.. that is what i can say about this holiday affairs. BUt hey.. for some people it does work out. It's very hard and ya gotta be prepared for cynical friends like me rolling my eyes. Be brave if it is what you really want and believe in. I for one is still constantly fighting with my mum about this different culture boyfriend thing. But ... i'm standing my ground! -
Dear G6PD,Originally posted by G6PD:I get to know this gal at a disco in Thailand, she's with a group of friends and
I approach her requesting can take pic with her as I find her very sweet and cute.
After that, I asked her out the next day for a meal and manage to find out that
she's a local uni student. She's quite fair for a thai and comes from a well to do
family. She has a very sweet voice, which melts me heart everytime I hear her talk.
We manage to go out on a few meetings and both of us express interest in each other.
So I tease whether she want's to come singapore with me, she said yes. We took quite
a few pictures together and whenever I miss her, I will look at her photos. However,
I have to come back to singapore and she has to continue her studies. Initially, we
manage to stay in contact via sms and email and I called her everynight (starting),
but she told me not to call her everyday as its expensive to call her, and tell me to
save money (incoming is free for thai mobile) and that she would always say she miss me.
After a few months, I couldn't contact her and felt very sad. So I thought to meself,
just forget it. To me surprise, a few months later, I got her sms as well as email too.
I called her up and found out what actually happen for the period of lost contact.
She also came this month with her school for a study trip and I manage to meet up with her.
Although its only a 3 day 2 night visit, it really brought me back to memory lane.
Throughout the 2 nights, I met upwith her and met her friends as well. It was really
and interesting experience as it's me first time with so many thais. I could only speak
very little thai but I guess its sufficient enough hehe. When she was her, we are like a couple
hold hands, sweet talk, take pics.. everythings is like a dream, only come true.
Anyway, after she got back, she sms me everyday and I call her up at least once a week (a few
minutes each time only)
I really can't bear to see her leave that day and she cried abit after checking in at the airport.
She is so much better that most of the sg gals I met in terms of character, and me friends told me
thai gers really take care of the guy, which is very true. I'm also thinking of visiting her again
in a few months time.
Now here's the problem, should I continue this type of relationship? A few questions often
raise up:
1) language barrier, her English is quite limited and sometimes need to help of her pda
dictionary
2) she stays in the northeast region of thailand, quite sometime to get there (200 plus km from
bangkok)
3) If we were together eventually, how will she adapt in singapore? Where can she work in singapore
Will she bear to leave her friends, family (she's the only child)
4) I asker her if she wants to be with me, she say yes but I'm not sure whether she can adapt here
(she once sms me that she wants me to know I belong in her life)
5) If I were to marry her, citizenship wise and getting a hse n all, quite tough financially.
You know this girl in a disco.. Went out a few times.. chatted.. How well do you know her.. All you know is that she comes from a good family.. A uni student.. what else you know about her?? Like you says.. communication is one big barrier.. Are you sure and confident to have and maintain a long distance relationship?? Not even talking about marriage..
Do remember that you won't get to see each other often... Though thailand is not far.. but how often can you go over and see.. You got to work.. She got to study.. A newly couple would want to have the company of the other always.. Are you btoh able to withstand it?? There are many problems in having a long distance relationship.. If you think you can overcome all the obstacles.. then give it a shot.. But i can tell you.. normally it wont last that long.. if you wan a stable and lasting one..
However.. if you really wan to have this r/s.. you have to talk to her about the problems that both will be facing.. make clear.. And see what's her views on it..
Cheers.. -
As what the others have said, what you need to do at this stage is not to consider marriage, but to deepen your relationship with her.Originally posted by G6PD:to Devil1976:
Yes, adaptation is a problem and I don wanna let her be sad over here as her friends and family are so far apart (shes e only child, so caring thoughts for her parents would be very strong)
She does not come from a big city (eg bangkok) so, to me, she is simpler in thinking, but shes 23 and I'm 24, and probably she's still a student. She dosen't really like guys from her country and she has quite a strong culture inside her.
I hope that maybe she could come over here for some short visits, say 4 to 5 days of stay here... that would really be good.
to A Beautiful Mind: yea, cross country marriage is never easy, but I also heard of success ones. Like I though bout it, if she can't adapt eventually, then it'll be a problem, stuffs like wanting to go back hometown etc
to _Aaron_: Hmm, whether of moving to her side to stay or asking her to stay can be a problem, if I were to go over there, job for me? Lodging not a problem cause shes the only child and her house is so much bigger than the pigeon hole me staying. Infact, we did have a causual chat like, if I were to stay there how.. I don't have job etc... she told me she can work
just a simple conversation only, nothing much to it. As for feelings, its pretty hard to judge at his stage as we are so far apart, and the time spent together add up is less than a month. When I was there, we met up a few times in the evening, only weekend more time spent.
But one thing for sure, they do make good wifes
From what you just said, it does sound like you both need to know each other more before continuing, and thinking about the 5 questions you set earlier.
It may just be a big crush on both sides. That you two are embracing the thought of meeting someone from another country appealing and interesting.
Deepen your relationship with her before thinking about anything else.. -
For your last sentence, I agree to it, as I guess it not only applys to Thai, others too (Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia) etc... I also agree to the idea of like, both of us staying at each other's country for awhile, say, a week.. sort of like get a feel on the lifestyle and all. Thanx for your reply, its really not an easy feat.Originally posted by gerrykoh:First of all, u must get a good job so u can support a wife & family cos if she is to come over, she will definately depend on u as she cannot work here.
Also she needs to learn Eng. so she won't have a problem communicating & adapting to life here.
I suggest u get to know her better cos it is only a very short time. It may be infactuation. Visit her family & find out more.
Most foreign girls are out to nab a SG guy cos they want to get out of the country. -
I agree, it must be a moment of attraction from each other, as she told me, she don't like puchai thai...Originally posted by _Aaron_:It may just be a big crush on both sides. That you two are embracing the thought of meeting someone from another country appealing and interesting.
Deepen your relationship with her before thinking about anything else..
Different culture oftens appeals to each other and more over, I guess its e first time she met an sg guy.
I met her in feb, went out for 2weekends plus a few days on weekdays, and then I come back sg, Dec she came over for 3days 2 nights only... but the feeling from her is positive n strong, and it really brought me down memory lane. -
I heard of stories too, well, i guess every issue has its positive n negative side of story, it just depends on who n where got it.. thanxOriginally posted by Lingos:Okie, let Lingos give ya a reality check.
My friend has gone through this thing before... and don't be p|ssed with me for being cynical. I'm usually cynical when he comes to any relationship. -
hm... pls pardon me.
but you sure she's not a transvestite? =X -
Its their simplicity in life and character towards how a guy shld be treated attracts me... as compared to sg gers... sg gers a long long way to go man... and abit on harsher side, they shld learn from their S.E.A counterparts and watch less of Sex n e City thingy man, its giving them loads of ideas.. of "nan nui pin den"Originally posted by Magnus:No offense,
Were you attracted to her looks and child-like simplicity? As compared to the complicated women here?
Is this just a crush? A crash of cultures, qualities that you find in her very rare in our own societies?
Besides the 'logistic' issues, have you consider if she can connect with u on an intellectual level in the long run? U do have to consider as you are talking about marriage, in the long term.
I travelled to Thailand frequently for business trips. I do sympathise with u as I do met those U girls. Some of them worked in pubs too to earn their school fees. Some of them are quite naive, in a cute way.
I can't deny e fact too, that shes quite pretty for a thai... -
Ello..G6P9..can u check ur PM?
Sent a pm to u... -
Well, haha, alot of me friends said e same thing, of cox not man, can tell oneOriginally posted by droopyeyes:hm... pls pardon me.
but you sure she's not a transvestite? =X -
I would imagine those caucasians will feel the same way about our SPGs when they compared them to the women folk where they came from.Originally posted by G6PD:Its their simplicity in life and character towards how a guy shld be treated attracts me... as compared to sg gers... sg gers a long long way to go man... and abit on harsher side, they shld learn from their S.E.A counterparts and watch less of Sex n e City thingy man, its giving them loads of ideas.. of "nan nui pin den"
I can't deny e fact too, that shes quite pretty for a thai...
I have talked to my Thai male conterparts occasionally, these Thai guys are either local or overseas U graduates (they are married BTW). And they lament about the girls there too. Deja Vu?
They are lured to the big cities by the bright lights, searching for a sense of adventure and money, a chance to upgrade themselves.
That's all I would like to say.
Take care. -
same sentiments with Magnus.
oh well.. there's a lot of nice sg ladies around. just like thai. but i guess you're simply to blind to notice them. -
And what's your decision, after reading what we have said..? Or have you made one yet.? Remember to post here and tell us..~Originally posted by G6PD:I agree, it must be a moment of attraction from each other, as she told me, she don't like puchai thai...
Different culture oftens appeals to each other and more over, I guess its e first time she met an sg guy.
I met her in feb, went out for 2weekends plus a few days on weekdays, and then I come back sg, Dec she came over for 3days 2 nights only... but the feeling from her is positive n strong, and it really brought me down memory lane.
I think, Generally our culture promotes sexual equality. So its harder to find girls who think traditionally in Singapore. They're there, but God knows how many of them have lost that thought due to jerks who have abuse them.Originally posted by droopyeyes:same sentiments with Magnus.
oh well.. there's a lot of nice sg ladies around. just like thai. but i guess you're simply to blind to notice them.
Its easier in Thailand i guess, where there are a lot more girls who think this way.
Anyway, its his choice, so lets not drag this in the wrong direction okay droopy.? -
*droop droop*
