About to explode! Please Advice.
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I am having a problem, which I hope readers here can help me out.
I am a foreign student currently studying in one of the polytechnics here. Recently I got to know, and fell in love with this girl who stays near our rented apartment. She too is a foreigner.
We got closer together after all this time and I have even told her how I felt about her knowing very well that she is already attached. She would always tell me her problems she faced with her bf and even told me she had feelings for me. I was happy for a while until lately, she would always be out very late every night and I would always wait by her apartment. Her friends told me to just forget about her as she is attached. But if she really is attached, why would she always called me sweet names and behave as though we are together every time she comes back late at night. I have tried talking to her but I could never get even five minutes of her time privately.
I am very confused now and suddenly I just feel like exploding. I know I shouldnÂ’t have had developed any feelings for her when she is attached, but I just couldnÂ’t help it. I would have backed off if she didnÂ’t have tell me about her feelings for me. Right now all I can think of is that:
Is she bored with me already?
Is it because of the age difference? (SheÂ’s 28 IÂ’m 23)
Is she just using me to past her time?
SheÂ’ll only talk to me a lot when she had problems with her bf. As much as I donÂ’t like it, I wanted her to be happy, but at the same time, I am feeling very tortured. She claims to some of her friends that I am her boyfriend. So I seriously do not know what is my status with her.
There is only one thing which I know, is that her bf is very possessive and demanding, her ending up crying all the time. There are times when she wanted to tell me who he is, but I just cut her off saying that itÂ’s not important. I really do not know what to do, should I just back off or should I go ahead and win her heart. I just do not know whatÂ’s giving me this kinds of problems. I seriously hope that all fellow readers could help me out here. I am at a point where by I just wanna explode. -
just shag her & get some fun out of it...
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u just there at the correct timing for her.. nothing more..
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Yep.Originally posted by GreatBallsofFire:Is she just using me to past her time?
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If you feel that you really can't handle it. The best way is just to let it go...Originally posted by GreatBallsofFire:I am having a problem, which I hope readers here can help me out.
I am a foreign student currently studying in one of the polytechnics here. Recently I got to know, and fell in love with this girl who stays near our rented apartment. She too is a foreigner.
We got closer together after all this time and I have even told her how I felt about her knowing very well that she is already attached. She would always tell me her problems she faced with her bf and even told me she had feelings for me. I was happy for a while until lately, she would always be out very late every night and I would always wait by her apartment. Her friends told me to just forget about her as she is attached. But if she really is attached, why would she always called me sweet names and behave as though we are together every time she comes back late at night. I have tried talking to her but I could never get even five minutes of her time privately.
I am very confused now and suddenly I just feel like exploding. I know I shouldnÂ’t have had developed any feelings for her when she is attached, but I just couldnÂ’t help it. I would have backed off if she didnÂ’t have tell me about her feelings for me. Right now all I can think of is that:
Is she bored with me already?
Is it because of the age difference? (SheÂ’s 28 IÂ’m 23)
Is she just using me to past her time?
SheÂ’ll only talk to me a lot when she had problems with her bf. As much as I donÂ’t like it, I wanted her to be happy, but at the same time, I am feeling very tortured. She claims to some of her friends that I am her boyfriend. So I seriously do not know what is my status with her.
There is only one thing which I know, is that her bf is very possessive and demanding, her ending up crying all the time. There are times when she wanted to tell me who he is, but I just cut her off saying that itÂ’s not important. I really do not know what to do, should I just back off or should I go ahead and win her heart. I just do not know whatÂ’s giving me this kinds of problems. I seriously hope that all fellow readers could help me out here. I am at a point where by I just wanna explode.
This probably won't be such a simple case...
Or alternatively, you can TRY helping her out? She's probably having a REAL HARD TIME coping with what's happening between her bf and herself... -
Why dont u talk to her about ur concerns and ur status, and then decide what to do next after she has answered u and give u a clearer picture?
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Dude, I'll say the hard things in life. She's using you. The more you let her use you, the faster she'll be over you.
That's the way it goes.
Therefore, use her or enjoy the process of geting screwed...
Women are only different in degrees, not substance. They want the same things and ask for the same things.
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Hi, read your post. Honestly speaking, I think you need to calm down and take a short break from everything. Go to some place quiet or perhaps take some time to be alone for while, like maybe.. going overseas for a tour?Originally posted by GreatBallsofFire:I am having a problem, which I hope readers here can help me out.
I am a foreign student currently studying in one of the polytechnics here. Recently I got to know, and fell in love with this girl who stays near our rented apartment. She too is a foreigner.
We got closer together after all this time and I have even told her how I felt about her knowing very well that she is already attached. She would always tell me her problems she faced with her bf and even told me she had feelings for me. I was happy for a while until lately, she would always be out very late every night and I would always wait by her apartment. Her friends told me to just forget about her as she is attached. But if she really is attached, why would she always called me sweet names and behave as though we are together every time she comes back late at night. I have tried talking to her but I could never get even five minutes of her time privately.
I am very confused now and suddenly I just feel like exploding. I know I shouldnÂ’t have had developed any feelings for her when she is attached, but I just couldnÂ’t help it. I would have backed off if she didnÂ’t have tell me about her feelings for me. Right now all I can think of is that:
Is she bored with me already?
Is it because of the age difference? (SheÂ’s 28 IÂ’m 23)
Is she just using me to past her time?
SheÂ’ll only talk to me a lot when she had problems with her bf. As much as I donÂ’t like it, I wanted her to be happy, but at the same time, I am feeling very tortured. She claims to some of her friends that I am her boyfriend. So I seriously do not know what is my status with her.
There is only one thing which I know, is that her bf is very possessive and demanding, her ending up crying all the time. There are times when she wanted to tell me who he is, but I just cut her off saying that itÂ’s not important. I really do not know what to do, should I just back off or should I go ahead and win her heart. I just do not know whatÂ’s giving me this kinds of problems. I seriously hope that all fellow readers could help me out here. I am at a point where by I just wanna explode.
You need to sort out your feelings and emotions, Because from the way you write your post, you sounded confused and emotional. Watch out! You may be starting to let yourself fall into the Sweetie-guy zone. What do I mean by that?
First and foremost, when she shares her problems with you, I hope you didn't do any other things except lending her your listening ear. When I say NOT doing ANYTHING else, I MEAN IT! If she ever cried, I hope you didn't hug her so tightly unless she throws herself at you. Even so, it's best not to hug so tightly. Another thing, if she cries, I hope you do nothing else but just hand her a piece of tissue.
What am I trying to imply here? I'm trying to remind you that it's a trap you shouldn't create for yourself if you are attracted to her. What kind of trap? Well, if you do more than you think you should, then she will be just treating you as a friend.
Remember, she told you she has feelings for you. That is NOT a confirmation. I repeat. IT IS NOT A CONFIRMATION!!! It is a test of how you are going to react upon hearing these words. How are you going react? Very simple. RELAX. Just relax. Don't take those sweet words to heavily or you might end up hurting yourself.
Now, back to the jeez.. (the interesting part)
You said -... she would always be out very late every night and I would always wait by her apartment.
Ok. Just wanna ask you a question. Why do you want to be her escort? Why do you want to wait for her all the time late at night? You can sit at home and do your stuff, instead of always being there for her.
Mistake no.1 - You are beginning to show some affection indirectly to her and tell you something, she knew it. Women are excellent in picking up body languages and signals. The problem is... why did you tell her your true feelings in the first place?
You said -why would she always called me sweet names and behave as though we are together every time she comes back late at night. I have tried talking to her but I could never get even five minutes of her time privately
Now this is VERY strange already. Calling you sweet names.. and doing sweet stuffs? Well, guess you are pretty happy at that point in time right? She knew it also. Again, she never give time for you to speak to her privately. Do you smell a rat here? Apparently, she's treating you like a friend!
Mistake no.2 - As you are getting more and more "nice" towards her, look at the mess you create for yourself! Time to wake up. The worse part is that she is using you as a comforter and a friend. Treating you like a boy-friend but all along you are never one. You get the picture now?
Okay. If you get the big picture already, I suggest you go take a break now and do your stuffs alone. Keep yourself away from contacting anybody. You need some time alone to sort out your over-flowing emotions.
Need any help, you can PM me. I'll do my best to help.
yours sincerely,
S.H.I.N. -
arghhh... i got a very similar problem.. am i really just assuming the role of a comforter and helping her pass time... argh -
yeah, like everyone has said..
heres the deal: you're her emotional pillow.
leave her - she can still be your friend, but you have to move on, and find someone for yourself.
its also that she is tired of you - eomtional pillow keeps getting stuck to me! - and so shes trying to put some distance between you two. dont forget! shes attached!
move along! theres nothing to see here! move along... -
Guys,
Thanks very much for your advice.
Well, I have thought about things like a million times.
I can`t really make up my point.
Right now, you could say that my mind is divided into two halves:
letting and not letting go.
I am much calmer today and yesterday evening, but the moment I see
her again, I am all messed up once more. I can`t get her off my head no matter how I try, it`s kinda deep inside me.
I can very much say that I didn`t do anything else when she tells me her problems. Just that I wanted to be happy all the time. -
Originally posted by GreatBallsofFire:I am having a problem, which I hope readers here can help me out.
I am a foreign student currently studying in one of the polytechnics here. Recently I got to know, and fell in love with this girl who stays near our rented apartment. She too is a foreigner.
We got closer together after all this time and I have even told her how I felt about her knowing very well that she is already attached. She would always tell me her problems she faced with her bf and even told me she had feelings for me. I was happy for a while until lately, she would always be out very late every night and I would always wait by her apartment. Her friends told me to just forget about her as she is attached. But if she really is attached, why would she always called me sweet names and behave as though we are together every time she comes back late at night. I have tried talking to her but I could never get even five minutes of her time privately.
I am very confused now and suddenly I just feel like exploding. I know I shouldnÂ’t have had developed any feelings for her when she is attached, but I just couldnÂ’t help it. I would have backed off if she didnÂ’t have tell me about her feelings for me. Right now all I can think of is that:
Is she bored with me already?
Is it because of the age difference? (SheÂ’s 28 IÂ’m 23)
Is she just using me to past her time?
SheÂ’ll only talk to me a lot when she had problems with her bf. As much as I donÂ’t like it, I wanted her to be happy, but at the same time, I am feeling very tortured. She claims to some of her friends that I am her boyfriend. So I seriously do not know what is my status with her.
There is only one thing which I know, is that her bf is very possessive and demanding, her ending up crying all the time. There are times when she wanted to tell me who he is, but I just cut her off saying that itÂ’s not important. I really do not know what to do, should I just back off or should I go ahead and win her heart. I just do not know whatÂ’s giving me this kinds of problems. I seriously hope that all fellow readers could help me out here. I am at a point where by I just wanna explode.
Please note that both of you are foreigners, which means there is a limit and reach in terms of emotional support you/her can receive from friends. Likely you are someone who COULD be there, but not the someone where you could replace as a boyfriend. Someone who stands closer than a causal friend, but nothing close to a relationship.
She is giving false signal and you picked them up. (All the acts of AOS)
And by telling you to cease picking those sublime messages would be telling the cows not to eat grass.
Your situations is such that:
I) You two stay together, in same rented apartment.
II) You had feelings for her and seemed that she is reciprocating back.
III) She never reject nor accept you.
Such powerful binding spell, both psychologically and emotionally, could prove difficult to dispel. My suggestion is to avoid playing this game though, cause likely, you will be burn through endless waiting or madness mind games. You could try for a relationship, but I promise you painful misery within the first 6 months (at least).
As I mention in the above paragraph, this is a powerful binding spell - question is: would you have the strength to sever yourself from this afflicted bonds?
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Man, I love your direct approach! Please note that both of you are foreigners, which means there is a limit and reach in terms of emotional support you/her can receive from friends. Likely you are someone who COULD be there, but not the someone where you could replace as a boyfriend. Someone who stands closer than a causal friend, [b]but nothing close to a relationship.
She is giving false signal and you picked them up. (All the acts of AOS)
And by telling you to cease picking those sublime messages would be telling the cows not to eat grass.
Your situations is such that:
I) You two stay together, in same rented apartment.
II) You had feelings for her and seemed that she is reciprocating back.
III) She never reject nor accept you.
Such powerful binding spell, both psychologically and emotionally, could prove difficult to dispel. My suggestion is to avoid playing this game though, cause likely, you will be burn through endless waiting or madness mind games. You could try for a relationship, but I promise you painful misery within the first 6 months (at least).
As I mention in the above paragraph, this is a powerful binding spell - question is: would you have the strength to sever myself from this afflicted bonds?
Cheers [/b]
That is why I told him to get a long vacation himself to sort out his damn feelings.
Great minds think alike, but please... try having a little diluteness in your directness.. wadever... haha...
S.H.I.N. -
Originally posted by keuriseudo:Man, I love your direct approach!
That is why I told him to get a long vacation himself to sort out his damn feelings.
Great minds think alike, but please... try having a little diluteness in your directness.. wadever... haha...
S.H.I.N. 
Cheers -
Well its easy to mistaken this kind of actions towards one self.Originally posted by GreatBallsofFire:I am having a problem, which I hope readers here can help me out.
I am a foreign student currently studying in one of the polytechnics here. Recently I got to know, and fell in love with this girl who stays near our rented apartment. She too is a foreigner.
We got closer together after all this time and I have even told her how I felt about her knowing very well that she is already attached. She would always tell me her problems she faced with her bf and even told me she had feelings for me. I was happy for a while until lately, she would always be out very late every night and I would always wait by her apartment. Her friends told me to just forget about her as she is attached. But if she really is attached, why would she always called me sweet names and behave as though we are together every time she comes back late at night. I have tried talking to her but I could never get even five minutes of her time privately.
I am very confused now and suddenly I just feel like exploding. I know I shouldnÂ’t have had developed any feelings for her when she is attached, but I just couldnÂ’t help it. I would have backed off if she didnÂ’t have tell me about her feelings for me. Right now all I can think of is that:
Is she bored with me already?
Is it because of the age difference? (SheÂ’s 28 IÂ’m 23)
Is she just using me to past her time?
SheÂ’ll only talk to me a lot when she had problems with her bf. As much as I donÂ’t like it, I wanted her to be happy, but at the same time, I am feeling very tortured. She claims to some of her friends that I am her boyfriend. So I seriously do not know what is my status with her.
There is only one thing which I know, is that her bf is very possessive and demanding, her ending up crying all the time. There are times when she wanted to tell me who he is, but I just cut her off saying that itÂ’s not important. I really do not know what to do, should I just back off or should I go ahead and win her heart. I just do not know whatÂ’s giving me this kinds of problems. I seriously hope that all fellow readers could help me out here. I am at a point where by I just wanna explode.
The positive points for a relation you have laid out perfectly.
Yet you missed the negetive points which you have yet to put a finger on :
1. She's Older
2. She has attachment in relationship.
3. You can't even get 5 mins of private time with her
She just needs a soul to listen to her problems and someone she can depend on as a good friend. Naturally you will develop feelings for her, with all the "sweet" names caling and her confide in you.
The points about i made, isn't discouraging you to give her heart up.
True that she is attached, But she's not married. If she really loves her boyfriend, you would have no chance. So its really a decision for you.
She's still in the void of pain and confusion. She needs someone to lead her out of the Void. Would it be you or her bf ?
Gd luck.
Regards
Sekundes AkA XEK