Friend's sex problems
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my ex and i used to play rape games la...
we lived together so we had the freedom to play our sex games whenever we were home...
i just pounce on her and she would 'resist'. no script... just stand up sex game
but if she really ddidnt feel like having sex she just have to say "no mood for sex!" -
Probably won't happen. At least not at this point.Originally posted by X-men:She can charge him with RAPE
Unlikely that she'll wanna do something like that now. -
MOD. Forumites please mark your descriptions. Afterall, this is AA. Don't have to go all that explicit. Thanks.
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i guess you cant help someone who doesnt think she has a problem..
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There are several possibilities here.
1) She doesn't know she has a problem
2) She has a bad childhood, or an incident which changed her perception of how guys should treat her.
3) She doesn't want help, because she thinks she doesn't deserve it.
4) She thinks she has given in too much for her to end it now.
What can we do?
Ask her to look back into her past, and to look into that certain incident, or her upbringing, that's causing her to stick to guys that doesn't seem to hold her in high regard.
Look at that particular incident, and then learn to accept it, and eventually, she needs to know how to love herself... for it seems she's being hard on herself by choosing jerk boyfriends, whether subconsciously or not.
As for point no.4, she has to ask herself, whether she wants to marry someone who does not hold her welfare in high esteem, someone to live the rest of her life with, without happiness.
Can she marry someone who doesn't give her happiness?
Perhaps there's more to this then we're seeing, but your friend is indeed choosing the wrong path, and as her friend, you can only advise her.
But ultimately, its her decision whether she wants to be helped or not. And pray God she eventually snaps out of it, and realise that she's a wonderful girl for all she really is... -
Originally posted by _Aaron_:There are several possibilities here.
1) She doesn't know she has a problem
2) She has a bad childhood, or an incident which changed her perception of how guys should treat her.
3) She doesn't want help, because she thinks she doesn't deserve it.
4) She thinks she has given in too much for her to end it now.
What can we do?
Ask her to look back into her past, and to look into that certain incident, or her upbringing, that's causing her to stick to guys that doesn't seem to hold her in high regard.
Look at that particular incident, and then learn to accept it, and eventually, she needs to know how to love herself... for it seems she's being hard on herself by choosing jerk boyfriends, whether subconsciously or not.
As for point no.4, she has to ask herself, whether she wants to marry someone who does not hold her welfare in high esteem, someone to live the rest of her life with, without happiness.
Can she marry someone who doesn't give her happiness?
possible....
Perhaps there's more to this then we're seeing, but your friend is indeed choosing the wrong path, and as her friend, you can only advise her.
But ultimately, its her decision whether she wants to be helped or not. And pray God she eventually snaps out of it, and realise that she's a wonderful girl for all she really is...
hopefully -
Having sex but not enjoying it is not what love is about.
Is she relenting out of guilt? Or to aviod dissapointing him?
I say that guy have her wrap round his fingers.
One should love our ownselves first, before offering love to others..
That's what i think. -
Hi Wallie,
I can understand ur dilemma. My suggestion is that u think it thoroughly and plan how to best bring up the issue with her, without compromising ur friendship, without making her feel offended.
I dont think u can keep quiet for long, because ur conscience will bother u. U want the best for ur friend, and u want to help her. Ur conscience will not allow u to disregard an injustice which has befallen ur friend. If u just keep quiet, u will feel troubled. U will feel uneasy. In a way, u will know u have done a disservice by keeping quiet to ur friend's problems, instead of trying to solve them for her. That is what true friends should do.
This is a difficult matter to tackle. I think the key here is to plan and devise ways to communicate ur concerns to ur friend. You have to convey them with ur utmost sincerity. Ur friend will know that u only mean her good. She will not think u r a busybody. She will get the gist of ur concerns and what ur intentions are. Instead of getting offended or angry, she will be touched and comforted by ur gesture.
I leave it to you how to do that. Since u know ur friend the best. Like, how to choose the best place, the best timing, how to initiate the conversation, etc. All depends on ur skills and how u use ur knowledge of ur good friend.
Even if u fail, u fail trying to do a good deed. If u sacrifice ur friendship, so be it. It is a risk u have to take to "save" ur friend. But it need not be. Again, it depends on ur skills.
Dont mention about the rape charges first, it may confuse her even more. Just mention ur concerns, then let her talk, listen, then develop the conversation further, slowly. Im sure u can do that, as u r her good friend.
Good luck. And.....thanks for being a concerned friend, u have a good heart. I hope u will succeed. Im sure u will. -
wah...the thread soo long, never actually seen through...everything..
But important is INITIATIVE!
1). Educate your friend, i mean the guy friend, let him know that his gf does not like it and in order to really "love" his gf, he should stop that as it is not respecting his gf.
2). Educate your gal friend, let her know that if he ever do that again, stop the act, and no longer engage in it with the guy..tell the gal to tell the guy beforehand when they do or something.
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Apparently she's in confusion..... she can't seem to decide that whether what her bf is doing to her is considered as rape, or he is just exercising his right as a bf.
What I think.... that guy is a total jerk. End of story.
Sex has to be done with a completely willing partner. If one side is not willing, then it's considered as rape. Maybe she thinks that it's her obligation to give herself to the guy whether she likes it or not - which is not true at all.
I've heard of such a similar situation before - I once got to know this girl who said that her boyfriend once forced himself on her. She told me that she didn't like the situation - she was silently crying throughout - but she said that part of her actually liked it. She ended up being really loose afterwards, sleeping with guy after guy and doing cybersex in her free time.
Girls, no guy has the right to force himself on you - not even your husband.
If he does so, he's a total jerk who deserves no respect whatsoever... after all, he doesn't respect you at all and is using you for his own pleasure.
Dump him immediately - if he still forces himself on you, contact the police.
Then at least he won't be forcing himself on other girls for a long time. -
then its time to give them a dose of my "loving" with knives n corkscrews.Originally posted by Devil1976:Yes. In reality, a thing can happen...
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i think its best to make your friend realise whats right and wrong now..
Now shes not pregnant due to his "forced" entry..if shes pregnant with all these happenings, trust me it would complicate matters even more..
Time is greatly needed to get your friend slowly out of this..its painful to see your good friend getting into this kind of s*hit but what can you do besides constantly trying to console her?
Yes i agree with you that shes definitely heading for disaster. Maybe you could take her to see a counsellor or something. Mabbe she would understand which stand she has to take from there.
not say i despise the guy but i truly disagree what he did to your friend. There will be retribution for him. He will get what he deserve in due time..
above written are my own views..so please dun flame me..
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I don't understand why the f.u.c.k some people are so damn kei-poh.
That's your friend right? So, why don't let her decide what's right and what's wrong, and what she want and what she don't want by herself?
I guess you don't wish to have somebody sit beside your bed when you doing it with your love one and pointing out what you should and you shouldn't right? And ask you to do it in what position, and how you should react?
It's really irritating.
Why don't you just let people deal with their own personal matters?
And some more, this is really very personal.
Just don't understand some people, even want to 8 until deciding how they should and what they should for their s.e.x life.
If you are so free, why don't do some charities? -
Nay... Don't be so narrow in your thinking... Even though such a thing can happen, a handful of them can make really good partner thereafter....Originally posted by HENG@:then its time to give them a dose of my "loving" with knives n corkscrews. -
Relax dude.Originally posted by Canavaro:I don't understand why the f.u.c.k some people are so damn kei-poh.
That's your friend right? So, why don't let her decide what's right and what's wrong, and what she want and what she don't want by herself?
I guess you don't wish to have somebody sit beside your bed when you doing it with your love one and pointing out what you should and you shouldn't right? And ask you to do it in what position, and how you should react?
It's really irritating.
Why don't you just let people deal with their own personal matters?
And some more, this is really very personal.
Just don't understand some people, even want to 8 until deciding how they should and what they should for their s.e.x life.
If you are so free, why don't do some charities?
Her concern. Her friend might not know how to defend herself. -
ya but its more fun with sharp implements.Originally posted by Devil1976:Nay... Don't be so narrow in your thinking... Even though such a thing can happen, a handful of them can make really good partner thereafter.... -
Originally posted by HENG@:ya but its more fun with sharp implements.
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i've known her for quite some time(like almost 10 years) , and i don't think she's got any unhappy past..Originally posted by _Aaron_:There are several possibilities here.
1) She doesn't know she has a problem
2) She has a bad childhood, or an incident which changed her perception of how guys should treat her.
3) She doesn't want help, because she thinks she doesn't deserve it.
4) She thinks she has given in too much for her to end it now.
What can we do?
Ask her to look back into her past, and to look into that certain incident, or her upbringing, that's causing her to stick to guys that doesn't seem to hold her in high regard.
Look at that particular incident, and then learn to accept it, and eventually, she needs to know how to love herself... for it seems she's being hard on herself by choosing jerk boyfriends, whether subconsciously or not.
As for point no.4, she has to ask herself, whether she wants to marry someone who does not hold her welfare in high esteem, someone to live the rest of her life with, without happiness.
Can she marry someone who doesn't give her happiness?
Perhaps there's more to this then we're seeing, but your friend is indeed choosing the wrong path, and as her friend, you can only advise her.
But ultimately, its her decision whether she wants to be helped or not. And pray God she eventually snaps out of it, and realise that she's a wonderful girl for all she really is...
the thing is i don't know if he gives her happiness is because i don't know him, in fact i've only met him once.
thanks everyone for your support and advice, it's been very useful. i do feel a need to do something. i felt such a strong need to help her i even asked my boyfriend last night if he were ok if he has a relationship with two girls instead, which he got kinda upset with.
do you guys think it's better to call her and talk about it, or write an email? i don't quite know how to broach the topic, it being kinda a taboo, and that me and my gril friends don't usually talk about sex-related stuff. -
why not your sister or someone close to you have this happen to her before you open your mouth oh so big?Originally posted by Canavaro:I don't understand why the f.u.c.k some people are so damn kei-poh.
That's your friend right? So, why don't let her decide what's right and what's wrong, and what she want and what she don't want by herself?
I guess you don't wish to have somebody sit beside your bed when you doing it with your love one and pointing out what you should and you shouldn't right? And ask you to do it in what position, and how you should react?
It's really irritating.
Why don't you just let people deal with their own personal matters?
And some more, this is really very personal.
Just don't understand some people, even want to 8 until deciding how they should and what they should for their s.e.x life.
If you are so free, why don't do some charities? -
yes i am very troubled over this. it even made me doubt my own relationship. even though this kind of thing didn't happen to me (even if i did, i think i'd lash out with one tight slap.. maybe two kicks). i even lose sleep over this matter.Originally posted by Li Ka Shing:Hi Wallie,
I can understand ur dilemma. My suggestion is that u think it thoroughly and plan how to best bring up the issue with her, without compromising ur friendship, without making her feel offended.
I dont think u can keep quiet for long, because ur conscience will bother u. U want the best for ur friend, and u want to help her. Ur conscience will not allow u to disregard an injustice which has befallen ur friend. If u just keep quiet, u will feel troubled. U will feel uneasy. In a way, u will know u have done a disservice by keeping quiet to ur friend's problems, instead of trying to solve them for her. That is what true friends should do.
This is a difficult matter to tackle. I think the key here is to plan and devise ways to communicate ur concerns to ur friend. You have to convey them with ur utmost sincerity. Ur friend will know that u only mean her good. She will not think u r a busybody. She will get the gist of ur concerns and what ur intentions are. Instead of getting offended or angry, she will be touched and comforted by ur gesture.
I leave it to you how to do that. Since u know ur friend the best. Like, how to choose the best place, the best timing, how to initiate the conversation, etc. All depends on ur skills and how u use ur knowledge of ur good friend.
Even if u fail, u fail trying to do a good deed. If u sacrifice ur friendship, so be it. It is a risk u have to take to "save" ur friend. But it need not be. Again, it depends on ur skills.
Dont mention about the rape charges first, it may confuse her even more. Just mention ur concerns, then let her talk, listen, then develop the conversation further, slowly. Im sure u can do that, as u r her good friend.
Good luck. And.....thanks for being a concerned friend, u have a good heart. I hope u will succeed. Im sure u will. -
i think you shd jus snuff it.Originally posted by Canavaro:I don't understand why the f.u.c.k some people are so damn kei-poh.
That's your friend right? So, why don't let her decide what's right and what's wrong, and what she want and what she don't want by herself?
I guess you don't wish to have somebody sit beside your bed when you doing it with your love one and pointing out what you should and you shouldn't right? And ask you to do it in what position, and how you should react?
It's really irritating.
Why don't you just let people deal with their own personal matters?
And some more, this is really very personal.
Just don't understand some people, even want to 8 until deciding how they should and what they should for their s.e.x life.
If you are so free, why don't do some charities? -
Originally posted by wallie:
You can know a person for a lifetime. But do not forget, everyone perceives things differently.
i've known her for quite some time(like almost 10 years) , and i don't think she's got any unhappy past..
the thing is i don't know if he gives her happiness is because i don't know him, in fact i've only met him once.
thanks everyone for your support and advice, it's been very useful. i do feel a need to do something. i felt such a strong need to help her i even asked my boyfriend last night if he were ok if he has a relationship with two girls instead, which he got kinda upset with.
[b]do you guys think it's better to call her and talk about it, or write an email? i don't quite know how to broach the topic, it being kinda a taboo, and that me and my gril friends don't usually talk about sex-related stuff. [/b]
What may be nothing to you, could mean the world for her.
The only way out, is to perhaps ask her to a beach where its not so crowded? And have a heart to heart talk with her? That's what i'll do.
Sometimes we just have to keep on trying to reach out, hoping that they'll eventually reach for us one day. Because i believe..
That's what friends are for. -
can i give him some special lovin' with sharp implements?Originally posted by foxwalk:i think you shd jus snuff it. -
go ahead by all means..Originally posted by HENG@:can i give him some special lovin' with sharp implements?