How to understand a pessimistic girl??
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I have known this girl for more than half a year liao... and liked her since day 1. We are very close in school and ppl even thought we are an item.... but actually its not... I am 23 this and she is 21 and has a bf currently....
She got a very pessismistic outlook in life, always thinking negatively and she she says she is "tian sheng bei guan" (born to be pessimistic). I have always try to be there for her and cheer her up when she is sad... but most of the time failed.... maybe my skills are not good enough...
Well folks... any suggestion on how to understand her more? how to find out her thinking? anyway to change her outlook?? really at a loss now.....
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Encourage her when you see something good happens to her and grab that every chance there is. So will give her some light when she's in that dark tunnel. Constantly remind her that people ard her care for her and that you will definitely stand by her no matter what. And always spare her a listening ear so that you will know the root of her problem like what initiated her to be like what she is now. I guess it will take a lot of time, just be patient.
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This kind of personality would take time to change.Originally posted by blackburn:I have known this girl for more than half a year liao... and liked her since day 1. We are very close in school and ppl even thought we are an item.... but actually its not... I am 23 this and she is 21 and has a bf currently....
She got a very pessismistic outlook in life, always thinking negatively and she she says she is "tian sheng bei guan" (born to be pessimistic). I have always try to be there for her and cheer her up when she is sad... but most of the time failed.... maybe my skills are not good enough...
Well folks... any suggestion on how to understand her more? how to find out her thinking? anyway to change her outlook?? really at a loss now.....
There's one thing which is very important for you to know; you didn't fail, sometimes you try too hard and not see that there's a need to give encouragement in small amounts(nuggets)
Understanding passive thoughts:
You'll need to ask about her background or
Any occasions which lead her to believe that she is born this way or
what are the reasons caused that leads to those thoughts.
How to Find out:
ASK....
Change her outlook:
Most likely it'll take an encounter to change her entire outlook of life.
Or rather, the right person will lead her to see light at certain defined time.
The important thing is, you shouldn't take the responsiblity of her personality. Instead, live like you've always been and don't try too hard towards her. It's sometimes good to move on; leave things to deal with it's own and in due time she might come to you and share what you've always wanted to know.
my suggestion: you should find out what you want and realise if she's the one you want to be with.
Do you cheer her up because she's pessimistic or do you do that because you like her?
Cheers -
I want to help her so much becausse of both reasons. I liked her very much and i do not want her to be sad and look so negative wif her thoughts.... Her family background seems very good... She has told me a lot of her family's story, every single one in detail... her parents and brother... she is the youngest... dad and brother are army regulars, mum is a housewife wif part time job... been to her house ccouple of time.... nice and homely.. so i would rule out financial problems... as for family problem.. its the usual squabble between family member... nothing serious
she did told me that from young, she was looked down by relatives and in school also....her parents had pampered her from young.... she is easily influenced by people.... cant make up her own mind.... and her thoughts always seem to be so different from others... she once said she feel its good to be a pro in Geylang, cos its easy money... i was so taken aback by this... i told her if u become a pro, i will be ur client every night cos i cant bear to see her doing such things.... she is quite pretty i would say, a lot of guys went after her in sec and poly times.... she rejected most... the rest onli make use of her to show off or just need a gf w/o understanding her...
her current bf seem to love her a lot... always trying to give in to her... she told me that she does not have much feelings for him already, he cant give her wat she wants but is still together for some reason. However, if a better one come along., she will dump him... i dun see this r/s going to last long.... because i think he hasn't understand her and its a matter of time when he will give up onli... Love and r/s is itself a complicated thing... somemore with a complicated girl... sometime life doesn't seem so beautiful.... -
What makes you think you know better?Originally posted by blackburn:I want to help her so much becausse of both reasons. I liked her very much and i do not want her to be sad and look so negative wif her thoughts.... Her family background seems very good... She has told me a lot of her family's story, every single one in detail... her parents and brother... she is the youngest... dad and brother are army regulars, mum is a housewife wif part time job... been to her house ccouple of time.... nice and homely.. so i would rule out financial problems... as for family problem.. its the usual squabble between family member... nothing serious
she did told me that from young, she was looked down by relatives and in school also....her parents had pampered her from young.... she is easily influenced by people.... cant make up her own mind.... and her thoughts always seem to be so different from others... she once said she feel its good to be a pro in Geylang, cos its easy money... i was so taken aback by this... i told her if u become a pro, i will be ur client every night cos i cant bear to see her doing such things.... she is quite pretty i would say, a lot of guys went after her in sec and poly times.... she rejected most... the rest onli make use of her to show off or just need a gf w/o understanding her...
her current bf seem to love her a lot... always trying to give in to her... she told me that she does not have much feelings for him already, he cant give her wat she wants but is still together for some reason. However, if a better one come along., she will dump him... i dun see this r/s going to last long.... because i think he hasn't understand her and its a matter of time when he will give up onli... Love and r/s is itself a complicated thing... somemore with a complicated girl... sometime life doesn't seem so beautiful....
My personal advice. Don't overstep it or you might just BURN YOURSELF.
In what way is her outlook in life pessimistic? Care to elaborate on that -
sounds like a dickhead to me...he's probably hoping for the relationship to fail so he can scoop her in his arms like a crocodile...Originally posted by Devil1976:What makes you think you know better?
My personal advice. Don't overstep it or you might just BURN YOURSELF.
In what way is her outlook in life pessimistic? Care to elaborate on that 
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u sounds like someone i noe....Originally posted by blackburn:I have known this girl for more than half a year liao... and liked her since day 1. We are very close in school and ppl even thought we are an item.... but actually its not... I am 23 this and she is 21 and has a bf currently....
She got a very pessismistic outlook in life, always thinking negatively and she she says she is "tian sheng bei guan" (born to be pessimistic). I have always try to be there for her and cheer her up when she is sad... but most of the time failed.... maybe my skills are not good enough...
Well folks... any suggestion on how to understand her more? how to find out her thinking? anyway to change her outlook?? really at a loss now..... 
he told me he faced this kind of similar problem. -
It's not easy to change a person's pessimistic view in life. It really sorta take a long time.
Reasons that she might been pessimistic is due to the things she has been thru and has seen.
To change a person really needs a lot of time and effort...but most importantly always being there for that person. Being the other person really must have ALOT of PATIENCE, if not, it's very hard for u to deal with her.
However, do u know that being pessimistic is sorta good whereby if something good happens then we are happy!
**I am a pessimistic person but so far I have changed to be less pessimistic rather to be an extremist due to some changes in my life. So I understand the difficulties. -
Don't play with fire....
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Why the heck u wanna say that?? You are trying to tell her something issit?Originally posted by blackburn:I ..i told her if u become a pro, i will be ur client every night cos i cant bear to see her doing such
You have exposed yourself.
She's still attached and knowing your weakness for her...you know the rest, i do not want to elaborate. -
frankly speaking i do not know wat u mean... but wat i mean is i want to shield her from others... being her client doesnt mean i must do anything...
anyway for those who took the effort to give some advice.. thnx... i guess it really takes time and its not easy too.... -
Like i've posted.Originally posted by blackburn:frankly speaking i do not know wat u mean... but wat i mean is i want to shield her from others... being her client doesnt mean i must do anything...
anyway for those who took the effort to give some advice.. thnx... i guess it really takes time and its not easy too....
Remember to know when to Let GO. -
Having thoughts about being a 'pro', psychologically speaking, and not actually doing it means she is seeking affirmation, more attention subconsiously. But in a passive way.
She will take in any guy that showered love on her. Literally.
After the fireworks are over, she will dump her current bf for the next 'client' that comes along. Always searching.
And you have made known your intention.
Will you be her last 'client'? -
i am not sure abt that though.... but i guess i will let nature take its own course. In the meanwhile, i still got my life to live rite? but still i hope to be always there for her and give her any support she needs
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As I say.... moths love a flame even though they know they get death from it. My advice to you is to flee as fast as possible... this pessimistic thingy is just a front to get attention. Furthermore, she is in a age where most girls won't commit and are actively seeking out fresh pasture.... so fren...take good care
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Originally posted by blackburn:I have known this girl for more than half a year liao... and liked her since day 1. We are very close in school and ppl even thought we are an item.... but actually its not... I am 23 this and she is 21 and has a bf currently....
She got a very pessismistic outlook in life, always thinking negatively and she she says she is "tian sheng bei guan" (born to be pessimistic). I have always try to be there for her and cheer her up when she is sad... but most of the time failed.... maybe my skills are not good enough...
Well folks... any suggestion on how to understand her more? how to find out her thinking? anyway to change her outlook?? really at a loss now..... 
Sometimes when we want to extend our hands to help those whom we thought so strongly we could never leave them alone - does our motives stem from the reaction of liking OR is it purely because of a simple friendship?
Surely this question will leave you in deep thoughts for a real good moment.
You cannot expect others to open their hearts to you, if yours remain close. This is a simple theory if you want to get into her mindsets. However, you are warned, in having to meddle with people having strong stigma of depression and despair (Under 48 Laws of power - you are advised to avoid). The reason is simple: if you cannot influence them to be optimistic, they will influence you instead, unless your fixed nature is strong.
Cheering her up is a simple task, like a helpful gesture. If you want her help her, you have to know the core of her mind and the events that contribute to the perpentual pessimism. Please note that this is no overnight thingy - in my experience, usually it takes intense brain-washing and psychological reinforcing to change. You will definitely need some form of stealth, skill and luck if you wish to succeed.
Cheers -
be pessimistic!Originally posted by blackburn:I have known this girl for more than half a year liao... and liked her since day 1. We are very close in school and ppl even thought we are an item.... but actually its not... I am 23 this and she is 21 and has a bf currently....
She got a very pessismistic outlook in life, always thinking negatively and she she says she is "tian sheng bei guan" (born to be pessimistic). I have always try to be there for her and cheer her up when she is sad... but most of the time failed.... maybe my skills are not good enough...
Well folks... any suggestion on how to understand her more? how to find out her thinking? anyway to change her outlook?? really at a loss now..... 
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i suppose i can ask my best mate for u. she takes psychology and she gets to face depressing 'ol me everyday. gawd knows how she keeps her sanity hanging out with me but i guess u dun take psychology for nothing.Originally posted by blackburn:i am not sure abt that though.... but i guess i will let nature take its own course. In the meanwhile, i still got my life to live rite? but still i hope to be always there for her and give her any support she needs -
she is quite pretty i would say, a lot of guys went after her in sec and poly times.... she rejected most... the rest onli make use of her to show off or just need a gf w/o understanding her...
is it her pride that she has many suitors and she only want the perfect guy?
her current bf seem to love her a lot... always trying to give in to her... she told me that she does not have much feelings for him already, he cant give her wat she wants but is still together for some reason. However, if a better one come along., she will dump him... i dun see this r/s going to last long.... because i think he hasn't understand her and its a matter of time when he will give up onli... Love and r/s is itself a complicated thing... somemore with a complicated girl... sometime life doesn't seem so beautiful.... -
If being around a pessismist isn't turning you into one, you can share how you're doing it. But apparently, your turning into one yourself. So my advice is to go and find a way of not turning into one. Once you find it, you can share it with her.Originally posted by blackburn:I have known this girl for more than half a year liao... and liked her since day 1. We are very close in school and ppl even thought we are an item.... but actually its not... I am 23 this and she is 21 and has a bf currently....
She got a very pessismistic outlook in life, always thinking negatively and she she says she is "tian sheng bei guan" (born to be pessimistic). I have always try to be there for her and cheer her up when she is sad... but most of the time failed.... maybe my skills are not good enough...
Well folks... any suggestion on how to understand her more? how to find out her thinking? anyway to change her outlook?? really at a loss now..... -
bah. turn into one la. life is so much more fun when u're depressed.