Unfaithful Dad
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Just saw my mum cried quietly in her room. My dad has left for Hat Yai again, will be back 10 days later.
I have a great mum but a very selfish, arrogance and ill tempered dad. Hate to see the way my dad treats my mum. It is obvious that my dad is seeing a thai lady in Hat Yai. There are several receipt of his remittance of money to the Thai lady on his desk, he openly stuff boxes of condom in his luggage before he left for Hat Yai... he was like telling my mum "So what ? what can u do ?"
To me, my mum is the best mother and wife in this world. She took good care of us and my dad, leave the best food for us and my dad, she look after us and my dad when we were sick. But when she is sick, she will suffer alone and continue do her household chore with no complaint at all. She treats my dad like a king. Listen to all his command and dare not provoke him. To my dad, whatever he does or say must be right and insist that my mum to follow even if its obviously wrong. Whenever my mum tried to argue, she will get a bad scolding and humilated etc.
I hate my dad. Since young, I have seen him scolding my mum stupid loudly even in front of relatives/friends or even stranger. He is very demanding and unreasonable. He expect my mum to do every single thing for him and if she make any slightest mistake, she will get a very bad scolding from him. Even the cutting of his toe nail too short can get a real bad scolding ! Everytime my mum will quietly suffer and sometime secretly cried in the kitchen etc. At times i even saw her putting down her pride and appologies for what that is obviously not her fault. This really hurts and make me hate my dad more...
Months ago, my dad when for operation, my mum took great care of him, visit him everyday, cook tonic, porriage etc. Help him wash up, accompany him for checkup, carry with her my dad medicine and accompany him everywhere he goes so as to remind him to take his medicine. If she failed to remind my dad of his medicine, she will get a bad scolding.
My mum keep thinking that by treating my dad better, he will stop seeing the thai lady. But she is definitely wrong. Now that my dad has fully recovered. Immediately he left for Hat Yai today. My mum has done so much for him and was never appreciated. As a housewife throughout her life, she has little left for herself, she has minimal saving and no CPF. Her monthly allowance was barely just enough to prepare for three meal.
My dad has retired years ago, he had received a sum of pension but gave nothing to my mum. He has intention to spent all the money for the rest of his life, enjoying himself alone and leave nothing for my mum to prepare for her old age. He rather remit money to the thai lady than to give any to my mum. He has never realise who has been taken care of him when he is sick, who has been giving him such a comfortable life like a king for the past many years. Worst he has never realise how he made a woman who truely love him to suffer throughout her whole life.
How can I help my mum ? Does she has to suffer for her whole life...
Can somebody please advice...
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There's only one thing you can do to help your mom. Love.
Love her with all your heart and soul. If she needs anything, always be the first to respond to her needs. Don't bother about your dad if he continues to be like this. One day, he DEFINITELY will have retribution. One has to learn the hard way if they don't get the soft meassures.
Continue to love your mom no matter what the cause. As a son/daughter, you are precious to your parents, because at the end of the day, you are the ones who will in turn shower them (or one of them in your case) with love should anything go wrong.
Additionally, I'm not saying that you should hate your father. But do have a willing heart to forgive him once he repents and ammend his ways. All the best to you!
Best of hope!
S.H.I.N. -
This is a very devastating situation for your mother. I believe none can uinderstand the pain and grief she has gone through.
My heart just goes out to you and your family though I wonder how and what I can advise.
If need be, will you want to engage a professional counsellor who would have intervened in similar situations before? Refer to this link if you do consider -http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=75218
In the meantime, attempt to keep her company as much as you can. Just in any case of a broken relationship, the person involved will need companionship and close attention is advised so that she can still draw strength from those with her to face what happened and handle it.
In addition, please continue to write to us. You need as much emotional relief and support as well. Do you have close friends to confide in? A reliable outlet for support and relief will help you to gain ccourage and positive strength to help your mum.
Lastly, are you of any faith? Do give me a PM should you need more help.
Meanwhile, stay strong and believe that nothing is impossible to resolve with your love for your mum and family.
Hear from you soon. Hugs. -
I'm so sorry to hear about your problem.
Frankly, despite the fact that you want to help your mom, this issue is between the 2 of them. What u can do is to be there for your mom and learn to be strong enough to overcome all problems you encounter. Be someone of strong character that as long as you draw breath into your lungs, you need not let this problem bring you or your mom down. You all can still survive. Really.
I am facing similar issue with yours actually. I can't say I am taking it well totally, but everyday is a learning journey for me and my mum.
So, hang in there and NEVER say die ! -
i come from a pretty dysfunctional family too and can indentify with all that you've posted. you're not alone in this -- many singaporeans are forced to confront their tormented childhoods, and i've seen people emerging as stronger individuals each time round. on the other hand, i've also known people suffering from bad moodswings, depression, and a phobia for marriage stemming from such bad childhood experiences. being brought up in such a family may not be such a bad thing if you do know how to react to it.Originally posted by totalLost:Just saw my mum cried quietly in her room. My dad has left for Hat Yai again, will be back 10 days later.
I have a great mum but a very selfish, arrogance and ill tempered dad. Hate to see the way my dad treats my mum. It is obvious that my dad is seeing a thai lady in Hat Yai. There are several receipt of his remittance of money to the Thai lady on his desk, he openly stuff boxes of condom in his luggage before he left for Hat Yai... he was like telling my mum "So what ? what can u do ?"
To me, my mum is the best mother and wife in this world. She took good care of us and my dad, leave the best food for us and my dad, she look after us and my dad when we were sick. But when she is sick, she will suffer alone and continue do her household chore with no complaint at all. She treats my dad like a king. Listen to all his command and dare not provoke him. To my dad, whatever he does or say must be right and insist that my mum to follow even if its obviously wrong. Whenever my mum tried to argue, she will get a bad scolding and humilated etc.
I hate my dad. Since young, I have seen him scolding my mum stupid loudly even in front of relatives/friends or even stranger. He is very demanding and unreasonable. He expect my mum to do every single thing for him and if she make any slightest mistake, she will get a very bad scolding from him. Even the cutting of his toe nail too short can get a real bad scolding ! Everytime my mum will quietly suffer and sometime secretly cried in the kitchen etc. At times i even saw her putting down her pride and appologies for what that is obviously not her fault. This really hurts and make me hate my dad more...
Months ago, my dad when for operation, my mum took great care of him, visit him everyday, cook tonic, porriage etc. Help him wash up, accompany him for checkup, carry with her my dad medicine and accompany him everywhere he goes so as to remind him to take his medicine. If she failed to remind my dad of his medicine, she will get a bad scolding.
My mum keep thinking that by treating my dad better, he will stop seeing the thai lady. But she is definitely wrong. Now that my dad has fully recovered. Immediately he left for Hat Yai today. My mum has done so much for him and was never appreciated. As a housewife throughout her life, she has little left for herself, she has minimal saving and no CPF. Her monthly allowance was barely just enough to prepare for three meal.
My dad has retired years ago, he had received a sum of pension but gave nothing to my mum. He has intention to spent all the money for the rest of his life, enjoying himself alone and leave nothing for my mum to prepare for her old age. He rather remit money to the thai lady than to give any to my mum. He has never realise who has been taken care of him when he is sick, who has been giving him such a comfortable life like a king for the past many years. Worst he has never realise how he made a woman who truely love him to suffer throughout her whole life.
How can I help my mum ? Does she has to suffer for her whole life...
Can somebody please advice...
my dad was like yours -- a male chauvinistic pig. our characters clashed since i was young, and it was partly my fault -- i was a rebellious, wild and proud kid. he was a proud man -- too proud to give me a hug or tell me he loved me. he was exceptionally staunch in his beliefs and i would not waver in mine too.
but i couldn't live with the way he treated my mum. shouts, yellings pierced the golden silence that we had enjoyed for the past few minutes. it became worse as i grew older. the shouts turned into heated arguments and the arguments turned into beatings. things reached a climax when my mum threatened to commit suicide. i hated my mum for putting up with all this, i thought she was a real dumbo. at that point of time, i was persuading my mum to divorce my dad for the good of the family. however, with the passing of time, i realised that she's actually one of the bravest people in the world i've ever known. i really admire your mum for the courage so evident in her. sometimes you would wish she just left him, but it takes alot of longsuffering, patience and moral courage, if i might add, to stick to your dad even when the going gets tough. you ought to be proud of her. faithfulness is a thing of the past in today's dog-eat-dog world.
don't hate your dad. i mean, we've all hurt others in one way or another so try to refrain from pointing a finger at him k. for all you know, he may not be aware that his actions have the effect of hurting everyone, including you. you could try to initiate a heart-to-heart conversation with him for two reasons. one, its the perfect medium for you to unleash your bottled feelings. and two, it has the potential to remedy the situation. he may be a bad husband, but that does not make him a lousy father. once he understands how you feel, he may wish to make some restitutions in order to heal your emotional wounds.
i know how you feel, i struggled with loving my dad too. always bear in mind that you are the one at the losing end hating. you end up with emotional scars deep inside you and your train of thoughts goes haywire. so stop hating him.
as for your mum... you can try to lighten her burden by helping her with the housework or taking care of your siblings if you have any. encourage her to take up other enrichment activities like cooking lessons, taiji or a sightseeing tour etc. this will broaden her social circle and being surrounded by friends helps to alleviate the pain. encourage and praise her whenever you can, her self-esteemed and dignity must have been severely damaged by the affair. for my mum, she took things better after she became a christian and went to church. she got a wider perspective of life, and she's a happier person.
always remember that you are the one that can make a difference in this bleak situation. the most important thing is not to allow your parents' problems to enter your life. feel free to drop me a pm if you need encouragement in your struggles. cheers. -
have you tried telling your Dad That What goes around comes around? Treat others how you like to be treated?Originally posted by totalLost:Just saw my mum cried quietly in her room. My dad has left for Hat Yai again, will be back 10 days later.
I have a great mum but a very selfish, arrogance and ill tempered dad. Hate to see the way my dad treats my mum. It is obvious that my dad is seeing a thai lady in Hat Yai. There are several receipt of his remittance of money to the Thai lady on his desk, he openly stuff boxes of condom in his luggage before he left for Hat Yai... he was like telling my mum "So what ? what can u do ?"
To me, my mum is the best mother and wife in this world. She took good care of us and my dad, leave the best food for us and my dad, she look after us and my dad when we were sick. But when she is sick, she will suffer alone and continue do her household chore with no complaint at all. She treats my dad like a king. Listen to all his command and dare not provoke him. To my dad, whatever he does or say must be right and insist that my mum to follow even if its obviously wrong. Whenever my mum tried to argue, she will get a bad scolding and humilated etc.
I hate my dad. Since young, I have seen him scolding my mum stupid loudly even in front of relatives/friends or even stranger. He is very demanding and unreasonable. He expect my mum to do every single thing for him and if she make any slightest mistake, she will get a very bad scolding from him. Even the cutting of his toe nail too short can get a real bad scolding ! Everytime my mum will quietly suffer and sometime secretly cried in the kitchen etc. At times i even saw her putting down her pride and appologies for what that is obviously not her fault. This really hurts and make me hate my dad more...
Months ago, my dad when for operation, my mum took great care of him, visit him everyday, cook tonic, porriage etc. Help him wash up, accompany him for checkup, carry with her my dad medicine and accompany him everywhere he goes so as to remind him to take his medicine. If she failed to remind my dad of his medicine, she will get a bad scolding.
My mum keep thinking that by treating my dad better, he will stop seeing the thai lady. But she is definitely wrong. Now that my dad has fully recovered. Immediately he left for Hat Yai today. My mum has done so much for him and was never appreciated. As a housewife throughout her life, she has little left for herself, she has minimal saving and no CPF. Her monthly allowance was barely just enough to prepare for three meal.
My dad has retired years ago, he had received a sum of pension but gave nothing to my mum. He has intention to spent all the money for the rest of his life, enjoying himself alone and leave nothing for my mum to prepare for her old age. He rather remit money to the thai lady than to give any to my mum. He has never realise who has been taken care of him when he is sick, who has been giving him such a comfortable life like a king for the past many years. Worst he has never realise how he made a woman who truely love him to suffer throughout her whole life.
How can I help my mum ? Does she has to suffer for her whole life...
Can somebody please advice... -
Well.. all is not lost.
Reasons being that your dad has commit infertility and adultory outside his married. This alone is sufficient to file for divorce. Other reasons, fear of STD and AIDS which he may bring back from his act.
What happened when divorce case is filed?
Well, many headache will start heading towards your dad. For one,
- Demand for monthly maintenance fee. Certain portion of his overall assets?
For Two,
- He has to face his friends and relatives and everyone whom knows him.. that the payday for his dirty acts has due.
Seek out professional help. Engage a lawyer who is in this field. Do some readings and research..
This is not to teach him a lesson but to show him what you can do and he has to pay for his act.
"Every action has an equal and opposing re-action." -
Treat yr mum well & bring her out. Get her to CC activities to widen her circle of friends/ take up part-time work.
Then she won't be financially dependant on yr dad.
Stand up to yr dad if he is abusive towards your mum.
Tell him that u don't approve of his behaviour & infidelity. -
leave your dad, go start a new life with yr mum, i bet u will live happier
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Standing up against his dad is something he might not be able to do...remember how his dad treat his mum so badly n he could only watch in silence...he felt very sorry for his mum for those treatments she had received from his dad..but seems like he couldn't approached his mum n console her..(Based from what i see from his story)..Originally posted by gerrykoh:Treat yr mum well & bring her out. Get her to CC activities to widen her circle of friends/ take up part-time work.
Then she won't be financially dependant on yr dad.
Stand up to yr dad if he is abusive towards your mum.
Tell him that u don't approve of his behaviour & infidelity.
With years of upbringing in his family, with that kinda father he has, i feel that he dun dare to fight back at his dad if his dad will to scold his mum...if he does, his dad will be more or less tone down..he's the only son in the family,(If i'm not wrong...)..his dad can't do much to him if he stand up against his dad's behaviour.
Boi..you've to learn to be courageous n protect your mum from any harm she could receieve from your dad again..i believe right now, the most, she needs you alot..juz like what jerrykoh has mentioned above, "Treat yr mum well & bring her out. Get her to CC activities to widen her circle of friends/ take up part-time work." - > That will try to divert her attention n occupy her time...make her life live to the fullest...your mum sure has suffered enough..Care, Love & Protect her is your duty right now....
All the best n hope you can really stand by your mum...remember...she's your mum n you're her son... -
ur dad is very selfish ...onli think of himself..... if in olden times he will be thrown inside a pig basket n drowned.....
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I believe most of the advices have been given, so i should not go back generally to the repeat version.
Let's see in a more perspective vision. Currently, looks like your dad is runnin another affair in Thailand and it seems very obvious. So do you intend to forgive him, if he repents one day? Sometimes in life, forgive can be easy, forget can be hard. However ask yourself, are you still able to accept him if he repents one day after all these harms and unfaithfullness done?
Sometimes, a person can get very foolish. Why? Look at this way, forsaking his whole family (wife, kids, all these years of family foundation) just to seek for some moments of pleasures. Is your dad belonging to this type?
Also, not to frighten you. Most men whom got into affairs with Thail women for just a moment of folly, I don't meant all thail women. Usually they are being "black-magic". If they do not return they will fall very ill or sometimes death. Some didn't even know why they have to return to thailand every forthnightly or monthly.
There can be many things to write on... but my advice is to seek some "Enlightened" person's help to check if your dad is under any spell or he is just plain visiting bars and niteclubs seeking some pleasures.
If you need help, you can always pm me. -
leave the house, ask for a divorce n get alimony...he thinks he is realli a king?giv him a taste of shit..
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Sigh.
There are many of us who are watching/suffering from abusive parents, either to our other parent, or to ourselves.
Seriously, what can we do but to endure?
I think, other than you who needs an outlet for release, Your mother needs it as well. Perhaps you could spare some time to visit a counsellor or a psychologist together with your mom?
After all, she has years of pent-up suffering in her. Sometimes that can rob us of our reason for living...
Yet, affairs of the heart can be solved by only one thing. Love. Love her with all your might, love her to make up for the love that she never received from your dad...
And i hope your father realise the errors of his way soon. In some way or another.. -
Fuk ur dad
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u need to talk to a councillor, not us. we can't help u much, but a psychiatrist or councillor can. pls pls pls go and talk to a professional
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Well, my heart & soul go to u. Glad that u r quite to mature enough to understand ur mum plight. Not only, u need to take care & show more concern to ur mum, maybe u can try to cheer her out by taking her out for a meal or something that can make her forget her unhappiness.
If u studying right now, all the best to ur studies & hope u can study hard & earn a good living when u grad or if u r working then, work harder to support ur family & reduce ur mum burden.
Most of all, i think u shld be rational enough & not to vent ur anger or sorrow at anything such drugs or alcholic.
i wish u the very best in ur future & a turning point in ur life -
Firstly if your dad go play girl at least don't show condoms until so obvious lah . Err....play is ok lah i mean it's normal for guys to play wat ....
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So it's also normal for woman to play also lah? You got sisters? Can you introduce her to sammyboy guys..? I'm sure they love to play.Originally posted by Playstation 2:Firstly if your dad go play girl at least don't show condoms until so obvious lah . Err....play is ok lah i mean it's normal for guys to play wat .... -
find a gun and shoot yr dad.
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not sure how old you are but if u are still studying make sure u do well and be a good child to your mom. you can always be the one providing and caring for her when she is in her old age.
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Used to be a similar situation as yours. But i was six at that time. unlike your mum, my mum is more of stronger woman with her own way of life. After the divorce, she brought up the 2 of us alone with a sickness that she had since 12. It was hard, but i guess she's happier rather than staying with my dad. My mum went all the way to Taiwan trying to catch my dad. I dunno what had happened, but all i heard from my mum much later was, my dad slapped her and she demanded a divorce and told him, It's not because of this woman for our end, its ur slap.
Well.. i guess.. first thing, ur mum have to be strong to decide to fight for her own happiness.. otherwise she can only suffer in silence. -
Marriage.Originally posted by totalLost:Just saw my mum cried quietly in her room. My dad has left for Hat Yai again, will be back 10 days later.
I have a great mum but a very selfish, arrogance and ill tempered dad. Hate to see the way my dad treats my mum. It is obvious that my dad is seeing a thai lady in Hat Yai. There are several receipt of his remittance of money to the Thai lady on his desk, he openly stuff boxes of condom in his luggage before he left for Hat Yai... he was like telling my mum "So what ? what can u do ?"
To me, my mum is the best mother and wife in this world. She took good care of us and my dad, leave the best food for us and my dad, she look after us and my dad when we were sick. But when she is sick, she will suffer alone and continue do her household chore with no complaint at all. She treats my dad like a king. Listen to all his command and dare not provoke him. To my dad, whatever he does or say must be right and insist that my mum to follow even if its obviously wrong. Whenever my mum tried to argue, she will get a bad scolding and humilated etc.
I hate my dad. Since young, I have seen him scolding my mum stupid loudly even in front of relatives/friends or even stranger. He is very demanding and unreasonable. He expect my mum to do every single thing for him and if she make any slightest mistake, she will get a very bad scolding from him. Even the cutting of his toe nail too short can get a real bad scolding ! Everytime my mum will quietly suffer and sometime secretly cried in the kitchen etc. At times i even saw her putting down her pride and appologies for what that is obviously not her fault. This really hurts and make me hate my dad more...
Months ago, my dad when for operation, my mum took great care of him, visit him everyday, cook tonic, porriage etc. Help him wash up, accompany him for checkup, carry with her my dad medicine and accompany him everywhere he goes so as to remind him to take his medicine. If she failed to remind my dad of his medicine, she will get a bad scolding.
My mum keep thinking that by treating my dad better, he will stop seeing the thai lady. But she is definitely wrong. Now that my dad has fully recovered. Immediately he left for Hat Yai today. My mum has done so much for him and was never appreciated. As a housewife throughout her life, she has little left for herself, she has minimal saving and no CPF. Her monthly allowance was barely just enough to prepare for three meal.
My dad has retired years ago, he had received a sum of pension but gave nothing to my mum. He has intention to spent all the money for the rest of his life, enjoying himself alone and leave nothing for my mum to prepare for her old age. He rather remit money to the thai lady than to give any to my mum. He has never realise who has been taken care of him when he is sick, who has been giving him such a comfortable life like a king for the past many years. Worst he has never realise how he made a woman who truely love him to suffer throughout her whole life.
How can I help my mum ? Does she has to suffer for her whole life...
Can somebody please advice...
For better or worse?
A karmic relationship
Usually nothing more then paying of debts.
Relationship builds
Relationship destory
***
There is no motes of love left within the marriage; your mum is merely a companion to shoulder the entire family burden and responsibility for your dad, where in fact, he ought to share half of what is on your mum. Submissive wife and a mad-raging dad, if you thought about it, the only reason why this marriage is still on-going - it has to be you, her child.
Nothing will change.
Woman gather and listen: if you think you can change your man through marriage, you will be wronged. A man will be the same, before and after marriage, unless enlightenment has taken place from within. However, usually for a man case, its difficult because most man are not spiritually/emotionally driven.
And then again, if they are - such thingy hardly occur.
Your mum suffer much hardship; she is pretty much a strong woman. And an emotionally strong woman would be able to get out of your dad's clutches and survive on her own. She wouldn't. She was so drilled psychologically that she thought she wouldn't survive... have to be scolded... she is unlovable and all sort of nasty psychological imprints that bounded her in this loveless marriage.
NOW, it is up to her child to tell her otherwise. I can not only see your helplessness and agony in this post, but also the deep love and affection for your mum. If you are independent (ability to work), my suggestion:
I) To bring her out of this home first. She will will definitely resist (especially if your mum is a Taurus, Scorpio, Leo, Aquarius), but you have to keep 'brain-washing' (psychological conditioning) her that what this marriage has imbue into her psyche - it must now be undone and led away by her child.
II) In a new environment, everything will change eventually. She must be cut from the karmic cord she had with your dad - meaning, an self-impoised physical separation from your parents first. Financially, you will be stretch to the max at first, but after when your mum had settle emotionally in her own home, encourage and help her to find work in so to achieve three things:
- For easing of finanicial load. (Physical)
- Clearing her mind and focus on new things. (Psychological)
- Interaction between new people; not neccessary a new mate, rather to keep her emotions faraway from her failing marriage. (Emotional)
III) Once her new life sinks in and when courage shine upon her to raise the issue of divorce, this would be the final stage. Of course, your dad WILL fight to the bone for these three things to happen. Why would he want to lose a woman who's nothing more than a free maid to him? He will fight and you as her child will combat back. Resistance must happen if you want things to change.
Everything walks a long way and love is the only way you could bring a smile to your mum. Keep loving her, not only by action, but also through words and gesture like hugs. This is important for emotional restructuring. Discard those-asian side of being uncomfortable and embrace what love would do, like you to your partner.
P.S: I would fight for my mum if that happens (Aries Moon in 4th house) and she will receive million times more love than what my dad would give. You have to share the same sentiments. She will then evolve, for you act as her 'little husband' and would gradually gather what is neccessary to lead a better life in the future. I wouldn't advice trying to psycho her to divorce your dad BEFORE letting her experiencing her new life. She will definitely resist (especially if she belongs to the four astrological sign mentioned). Go on a reverse trip, if it is humanly possible.
Cheers -
Love her. Be independent and provide better for her.Originally posted by totalLost:Just saw my mum cried quietly in her room. My dad has left for Hat Yai again, will be back 10 days later.
I have a great mum but a very selfish, arrogance and ill tempered dad. Hate to see the way my dad treats my mum. It is obvious that my dad is seeing a thai lady in Hat Yai. There are several receipt of his remittance of money to the Thai lady on his desk, he openly stuff boxes of condom in his luggage before he left for Hat Yai... he was like telling my mum "So what ? what can u do ?"
To me, my mum is the best mother and wife in this world. She took good care of us and my dad, leave the best food for us and my dad, she look after us and my dad when we were sick. But when she is sick, she will suffer alone and continue do her household chore with no complaint at all. She treats my dad like a king. Listen to all his command and dare not provoke him. To my dad, whatever he does or say must be right and insist that my mum to follow even if its obviously wrong. Whenever my mum tried to argue, she will get a bad scolding and humilated etc.
I hate my dad. Since young, I have seen him scolding my mum stupid loudly even in front of relatives/friends or even stranger. He is very demanding and unreasonable. He expect my mum to do every single thing for him and if she make any slightest mistake, she will get a very bad scolding from him. Even the cutting of his toe nail too short can get a real bad scolding ! Everytime my mum will quietly suffer and sometime secretly cried in the kitchen etc. At times i even saw her putting down her pride and appologies for what that is obviously not her fault. This really hurts and make me hate my dad more...
Months ago, my dad when for operation, my mum took great care of him, visit him everyday, cook tonic, porriage etc. Help him wash up, accompany him for checkup, carry with her my dad medicine and accompany him everywhere he goes so as to remind him to take his medicine. If she failed to remind my dad of his medicine, she will get a bad scolding.
My mum keep thinking that by treating my dad better, he will stop seeing the thai lady. But she is definitely wrong. Now that my dad has fully recovered. Immediately he left for Hat Yai today. My mum has done so much for him and was never appreciated. As a housewife throughout her life, she has little left for herself, she has minimal saving and no CPF. Her monthly allowance was barely just enough to prepare for three meal.
My dad has retired years ago, he had received a sum of pension but gave nothing to my mum. He has intention to spent all the money for the rest of his life, enjoying himself alone and leave nothing for my mum to prepare for her old age. He rather remit money to the thai lady than to give any to my mum. He has never realise who has been taken care of him when he is sick, who has been giving him such a comfortable life like a king for the past many years. Worst he has never realise how he made a woman who truely love him to suffer throughout her whole life.
How can I help my mum ? Does she has to suffer for her whole life...
Can somebody please advice... -
Support your mother in her time of need.Originally posted by totalLost:Just saw my mum cried quietly in her room. My dad has left for Hat Yai again, will be back 10 days later.
I have a great mum but a very selfish, arrogance and ill tempered dad. Hate to see the way my dad treats my mum. It is obvious that my dad is seeing a thai lady in Hat Yai. There are several receipt of his remittance of money to the Thai lady on his desk, he openly stuff boxes of condom in his luggage before he left for Hat Yai... he was like telling my mum "So what ? what can u do ?"
To me, my mum is the best mother and wife in this world. She took good care of us and my dad, leave the best food for us and my dad, she look after us and my dad when we were sick. But when she is sick, she will suffer alone and continue do her household chore with no complaint at all. She treats my dad like a king. Listen to all his command and dare not provoke him. To my dad, whatever he does or say must be right and insist that my mum to follow even if its obviously wrong. Whenever my mum tried to argue, she will get a bad scolding and humilated etc.
I hate my dad. Since young, I have seen him scolding my mum stupid loudly even in front of relatives/friends or even stranger. He is very demanding and unreasonable. He expect my mum to do every single thing for him and if she make any slightest mistake, she will get a very bad scolding from him. Even the cutting of his toe nail too short can get a real bad scolding ! Everytime my mum will quietly suffer and sometime secretly cried in the kitchen etc. At times i even saw her putting down her pride and appologies for what that is obviously not her fault. This really hurts and make me hate my dad more...
Months ago, my dad when for operation, my mum took great care of him, visit him everyday, cook tonic, porriage etc. Help him wash up, accompany him for checkup, carry with her my dad medicine and accompany him everywhere he goes so as to remind him to take his medicine. If she failed to remind my dad of his medicine, she will get a bad scolding.
My mum keep thinking that by treating my dad better, he will stop seeing the thai lady. But she is definitely wrong. Now that my dad has fully recovered. Immediately he left for Hat Yai today. My mum has done so much for him and was never appreciated. As a housewife throughout her life, she has little left for herself, she has minimal saving and no CPF. Her monthly allowance was barely just enough to prepare for three meal.
My dad has retired years ago, he had received a sum of pension but gave nothing to my mum. He has intention to spent all the money for the rest of his life, enjoying himself alone and leave nothing for my mum to prepare for her old age. He rather remit money to the thai lady than to give any to my mum. He has never realise who has been taken care of him when he is sick, who has been giving him such a comfortable life like a king for the past many years. Worst he has never realise how he made a woman who truely love him to suffer throughout her whole life.
How can I help my mum ? Does she has to suffer for her whole life...
Can somebody please advice...
Get her out into the open , like community centers , get her to socialise and make friends. Sometimes friendship can help forget the pain.
Your mom needs empowerment - make her feel that she can help ( i.e. community work) instead of feeling helpless. All these stoic years in verbal abuse your dad did to her will make her feel very useless and powerless. Restore that power in joint community work and she can gain some friends as well.
If your dad supported you in school and food , you have to be thankful in a way. Maybe you could try reason with your father. Try to reach an amicable solution or try a counsellor.
Remember to take care of yourself too.