Shall I get a divorce?
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Bear with me fellow members,
As u all know, i got retrenched just before CNY
Things have been downhill since, but whenever i come to this forum, it never fails to cheer me up, the fake nippon, the bangla and all the craps that are posted here. 
However, certain things have surface which is starting to irritate me (u guys are free to comment if u think that i'm being over-sensitive) I married a Viet wife. Yes it's true. Am married for 5 years plus. NOT through those agency. In the begining, things were good. I dun have a very high education but i'm the very adventurous type who try not to work for ppl instead be my own boss. But failed in quite a few attemps already. Initially she understand the risk I was taking, but now, I think she's had it.... Told me she this evening that she got a job as a clerk for a seafood company in VIETNAM! Damnit, that's given me the impression that, erm... t's like she gave up on me providing for her needs. I mean how much can she earn there? Was told about USD150 per month. I think it's really obvious liao... aiyah, i feel like telling her if she thinks that way, then we should just end it...... 
Btw i have no regrets marrying her... she is a good girl. it's just that.... -
Is she staying with you in Singapore now and plans to return to Vietnam, leaving you here in Singapore?
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Most of the time she's here, occasionally go back to visit. But that comment, does'nt it means that she wants to work there meaning staying there?Originally posted by Qitai:Is she staying with you in Singapore now and plans to return to Vietnam, leaving you here in Singapore? -
Have you questioned her as to why she's returning back to Viet, to get a job?
Is it because:
1) She misses her country?
2) She wants to leave you for a bit? To think about your relationship?
Or a host of other reasons?
You should ask her and clarify things out..
Then maybe you can untangle the knot in your heart and return back to business-building again~ -
That's what i dun waan know.Originally posted by _Aaron_:Have you questioned her as to why she's returning back to Viet, to get a job?
Then maybe you can untangle the knot in your heart and return back to business-building again~ -
So what are you waiting for? Work for someone is not as bad as having an unsteady income or mounting debts. Your wife realised this and she dares to take up the challenge, u?Originally posted by LuNAtIcfArKeR:I dun have a very high education but i'm the very adventurous type who try not to work for ppl instead be my own boss. But failed in quite a few attemps already.
(WHO'S NEXT TO WORK FOR SOMEONE?!
) -
From my point of view... I think that in singapore, even with a dip or degree, also not guranteed a better life what say me? If dun 'chung yi chuang' I'll still be a normal person leading a limited life. As an only son, I would not like my future generation to lead a dog's life like mine. While still young, if we dun give it a shot, by 70 years old I would die in regret knowing that my son/daughter suffer. no offenceOriginally posted by cooleo:So what are you waiting for? Work for someone is not as bad as having an unsteady income or mounting debts. Your wife realised this and she dares to take up the challenge, u?
(WHO'S NEXT TO WORK FOR SOMEONE?! ) -
Talk to her. It is better than just going around guessing what she is thinking in suggesting that.
Until then, don't assume anything. -
Better clarify things with her....?Originally posted by LuNAtIcfArKeR:That's what i dun waan know. -
do u know how to spell assume (make the ass out of u and me)???
dont hold expectation that life is gotta be good or better if u choose the route of setting up business instead of working for people... havent u consider that gaining experience from other people's business gives u a clearer mind of what kind of business is suitable for u.... give urself more time... working for people not only allows u to gain more experience and knowledge, it also slowly let u understand how to handle different industries and handle business people as well... networking is very important too when u want to start up a business....
too many people out there like u, wanna set up business and yet everytime ended up in a bad state... i'm not trying to put u down but to let u understand that even if a lesson is learnt everytime ur business fail, doesnt mean u avoid repeating the mistake will allow u to succeed... hope u are not offended by my comments.
as for ur wife, u said that u appreciate her and ur marriage, then prove it by ur actions~!! u have to approach and ask her face to face... dont expect her to come and tell u whats wrong and explain to u... if u cherish her, then take the initiative... juz like proposing, u dont assume whether she'll marry u anot... u have to ask~!! otherwise u wouldnt know...
u should have heard of the story of the farmer who sits under a tree waiting for money to drop from sky.... look, friend, life's never good to anyone... dont hold expectations... accept and face reality when u have to... if u wanna drag until she pack her things and leave for her job, it would be too late~!! grab hold of ur chance now and sit down calmly and discuss with her... she might give u a better idea of what u should do, or maybe she's all ready to support u all the way???? u dont know~!! thats what u gotta do as the role of a husband, go and understand ur wife....
a marriage of 5 years doesnt come by easily... even a match made in heaven have to go thru a million obstacles.... all the best ya~!! -
It is not so bad working for others. The most impt thing is able to support your wife & family.
Not everyone is cut out to do their own business. I have a fren who failed numerous times, finally following his wife's advice & got a job.
Impt is to earn some money so u can start all over again.
Woman needs security so u have to demonstrate u can give her a good life.
Have a good talk with her & don't give up your marriage so easily. -
wait..let mi change the answer abit.
What is more impt, ur ego or wife?
Ask ur wife what she is thinking? No point guessing around -
Never Comtemplate a Divorce.
Why get marry in the first place.
Have a good talk with her.
Good luck! -
Disagree to this. It is not about ego, but the willingness to take risk, fail and climb up again. Problem is he needs a wife who must be willing to accept for who he is and also perhaps a minimum agreement on what he needs to ensure even if he fails.Originally posted by icebaby0:wait..let mi change the answer abit.
What is more impt, ur ego or wife?
Ask ur wife what she is thinking? No point guessing around
I have a friend who go into business as well, but he ensures that he set certain amount of $$ aside to make sure basic needs like roof, food, eletricity and water is catered for. His wife has been supportive of him all these while and had even quit her job to help him out.
A marriage is not about the guy alone. But neither is it about the girls alone too. It should be the acceptance of each other, be it in luxury or in poverty. A guy is inconsiderate if he does not considers the family need while going into business. A girl is inconsiderate if she leaves the guy the moment he is not doing well. -
1) You should be asking yourself what you should do now to make the marriage work. Rather than entertaining thoughts of a divorce.
2) You must show her that you can provide for the family, and give her security in your marriage.
She must be experiencing a lot of inscurity to want to return to her life of earning US$150.
3) If she returns to Vietnam now, that may be the end of your relationship. Try to dissuade her.
4) Find a stable job. Money seems to be a problem in your situation. Hope you two can rough it out and that things will get better soon. -
Divorce or Not, I have a touching story to share with you.
One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walked into a lawyer's
office. Apparently, they were there to file a divorce.
The lawyer was very puzzled and after having a chat with them, he finally
got their story... This couple had been quarrelling in all their 40 over
years of marriage. Nothing ever seemed to be right. They held onto their
marriage for the sake of their children, afraid that it might affect their
up-bringing. Now that all their children have already grown up and have
their own family, there was nothing else the old couple has to worry
about. All they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these years
of unhappiness from their marriage, so both of them agreed on a divorce.
The lawyer had a hard time trying to get their papers done, as he could
not understand why at the ripe age of 70 the old couple would still insist
on a divorce after 40 years of marriage.
While they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband, "I really
love you, but I really can't carry on anymore. I'm sorry."
"I'm fine with it, I understand." said the husband. Looking at this, the
lawyer suggested a dinner together, just the three of them. The wife
thought to herself "Why not, since they are still friends."
At the dining table, there was an awkward silence.
The first dish served was roasted chicken and immediately, the old man
took the drumstick for the old lady. "This is for you, it is your
favourite."
Seeing this, the lawyer thought maybe there was still a chance, but the
wife was frowning when she answered, "That's the problem with you. You
always think so highly of yourself, and you never consider on how I feel.
Don't you know that I simply hate drumsticks?"
Little did she know that, over the years, the husband had been trying all
his means to please her. Little did she know that drumsticks were actually
her husband's favourite. Little did he know that she never thought he
understood her at all. Little did he know that she hated drumsticks, even
though all he wanted was the best for her.
That night, both of them could not sleep. They tossed and turned
continuously in their own beds. After a few hours, the old man could not
take it anymore. He knew that he still loved her, and he cannot carry on
with his life without her. He wanted her back badly and he sincerely
wanted to tell her that he is sorry. He wanted to tell her "I love you".
He picked up the phone and started to dial her number. The phone never
stopped ringing. He never stopped dialing.
On the other hand, she was sad. She could not understand why after all
these years together, he still did not understand her at all. She loved
him a lot, but she just cannot take it anymore. The phone rang. She
refused to pick up the phone, knowing that it was from him. "What is the
point of talking, now that it is over between us? I have asked for it and
I just want to keep it this way," she thought to herself. The phone was
still ringing. Finally, she decided to pull out the cord.
Little did she remember that he had heart problem.
Early next morning, she received news that he had passed away. She rushed
down to his apartment, and saw his body lying on the couch still holding
on to the phone. He had a heart attack, while trying desperately to get
through her phone line.
One night after the funeral, while clearing his belongings, she came
across an insurance policy that was dated from the day they got married,
with her as the sole beneficiary. There was a note in the policy file:
"To my dearest wife, by the time you read this, I will no longer be
around. I bought this policy for you, even though the amount is only
$100,000. I hope it will keep the promise that I had made when we got
married. I might not be with you anymore, but I want this money to take
care of you on my behalf, just like the way I would if I could live
longer. I just want you to know that I will always be with you. I love
you."
Tears flowed down the old lady's cheeks like river.
I know this story might be too heart-rending for a beautiful Valentine's
Day like today, but I hope it would remind all of us not to take our loved
ones for granted. Never be afraid to express your true feelings when you
are with them. Tell them nicely if any of their actions or words upsets
you. Say it while you still can. Don't wait till you lose them before you
start to regret the ways that you have treated them. Time and tide waits
for no man. Life is simply too short for us to fill it with regret and
remorse.
Meanwhile, not to forget "domo balentan o yuroshiku
itashimasu" (Happy Valentine's Day).
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Are you afraid of the answers?Originally posted by LuNAtIcfArKeR:That's what i dun waan know.
You're running away from your problems, that's why you're thinking of divorce.
If you seriously want to tackle the problem, you'll be asking her why, instead of posting here.
Its your life, but don't you think a marriage of 5 years is sacred enough for you to overcome this insecurity in you... and to ask her why?
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