Did i do the right thing?
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I just initated to break with my bf. I sent him an sms for i wont be able to tell him my decision verbally. I find that our social life is different. He is one who used to frequent nightclubs and pubs. I dont know why but i also have the feeling that he does still go to such kind of places with his friends for he and his friends like to go and hug those nightclubs girls and drink and chat with them.
We have been together for a couple of months and i dread having to suspect him. Recently he has started to quit smoking and drinking so he stayed away from his friends but his friends always come and pester him to go to such places again. He even dared to tell me if his friends are willing to pay for the tips for the girls and the beer he dont mind going.
I mean if he's really determined to quit all these why reply that to his friends, there is a possiblilty that his friends will really pay for those and does it mean he can do such acts behind my back. When we are outside and he sees a beautiful girl, he will keep looking at that direction even if i was talking to him. He said it will be a fool to not look at beautiful girls.
Now while still in the process of quitting smoking and drinking his friends all blame me. They questioned him as in "why are you quitting all the smoking and drinking just for a girl? She's not pretty, no figure, bad temper, is it worth it?" Though he told them its not because of me but his friends still blame me.
Am i doing the right thing to break off with him? Though i should be supporting him in quitting smoking and drinking but i really feel very tired of all these guesses and his actions. I dont feel any security at all. To him, a relationship must have sex then there will love. This is even more unacceptable to me, i asked him back is there really no love if there is no sex and he said yes.
From then on, i really lose faith and trust in this relationship, am now very sad. -
Seems to me like a clash in personalities and expectations of a relationship between 2 individuals.Originally posted by Mian_Hua_Tang:I just initated to break with my bf. I sent him an sms for i wont be able to tell him my decision verbally. I find that our social life is different. He is one who used to frequent nightclubs and pubs. I dont know why but i also have the feeling that he does still go to such kind of places with his friends for he and his friends like to go and hug those nightclubs girls and drink and chat with them.
We have been together for a couple of months and i dread having to suspect him. Recently he has started to quit smoking and drinking so he stayed away from his friends but his friends always come and pester him to go to such places again. He even dared to tell me if his friends are willing to pay for the tips for the girls and the beer he dont mind going.
I mean if he's really determined to quit all these why reply that to his friends, there is a possiblilty that his friends will really pay for those and does it mean he can do such acts behind my back. When we are outside and he sees a beautiful girl, he will keep looking at that direction even if i was talking to him. He said it will be a fool to not look at beautiful girls.
Now while still in the process of quitting smoking and drinking his friends all blame me. They questioned him as in "why are you quitting all the smoking and drinking just for a girl? She's not pretty, no figure, bad temper, is it worth it?" Though he told them its not because of me but his friends still blame me.
Am i doing the right thing to break off with him? Though i should be supporting him in quitting smoking and drinking but i really feel very tired of all these guesses and his actions. I dont feel any security at all. To him, a relationship must have sex then there will love. This is even more unacceptable to me, i asked him back is there really no love if there is no sex and he said yes.
From then on, i really lose faith and trust in this relationship, am now very sad.
I think it is important to find someone who has the same beliefs as you.
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Smoking n drinking are indeed bad habits. It is better to lose him now, than to do so after the relationship has matured.
Moreover, it is not easy to change a person. -
why be with a man who only wants your body and not your love? do not settle for such treatment in a r'ship.
he doesn't appreciate you and even your feelings. you'll be happier without him. -
What made you accept him as your bf initially? I assume that before he became your bf, that's his lifestyle?
I guess you don't really love him at all. Cos if you are able to accept him in the past, why can't you accept him right now? Nothing significant changes in him as far as I can see...but something about you have changed isn't it?
You should respect his freewill and his rationality to make decision for himself. If he chose not to give up smoking or pubbing, so be it. External factors shouldn't erase your love for him or his love for you.
Let him be himself and if you still love him that way, then congratulations...you have found love. Else, it will be better if you leave him...cos one of you will be living life with pain. Unless both of you are so deeply in love that you can't live without each other...then both of you might be able to work out something to compromise and make this relationship work. And it is definitely not going to be a smooth ride...but love does brings miracle doesn't it?
Hmm...please remember to think positively towards your own relationship at all times and always and you will do fine.
Good luck.Originally posted by Mian_Hua_Tang:I just initated to break with my bf. I sent him an sms for i wont be able to tell him my decision verbally. I find that our social life is different. He is one who used to frequent nightclubs and pubs. I dont know why but i also have the feeling that he does still go to such kind of places with his friends for he and his friends like to go and hug those nightclubs girls and drink and chat with them.
We have been together for a couple of months and i dread having to suspect him. Recently he has started to quit smoking and drinking so he stayed away from his friends but his friends always come and pester him to go to such places again. He even dared to tell me if his friends are willing to pay for the tips for the girls and the beer he dont mind going.
I mean if he's really determined to quit all these why reply that to his friends, there is a possiblilty that his friends will really pay for those and does it mean he can do such acts behind my back. When we are outside and he sees a beautiful girl, he will keep looking at that direction even if i was talking to him. He said it will be a fool to not look at beautiful girls.
Now while still in the process of quitting smoking and drinking his friends all blame me. They questioned him as in "why are you quitting all the smoking and drinking just for a girl? She's not pretty, no figure, bad temper, is it worth it?" Though he told them its not because of me but his friends still blame me.
Am i doing the right thing to break off with him? Though i should be supporting him in quitting smoking and drinking but i really feel very tired of all these guesses and his actions. I dont feel any security at all. To him, a relationship must have sex then there will love. This is even more unacceptable to me, i asked him back is there really no love if there is no sex and he said yes.
From then on, i really lose faith and trust in this relationship, am now very sad. -
I accepted him initally for i thought he might change after he had me. I can accept him drinking and smoking but not to those places where there are other girls for them to hug and kiss and drink with. Who can allow to such tolerances? Furthermore he do it behind my back, its like betrayal to me.
I do like him but i just find it stressful to be together with him, i want a happy, secured relationship not those which i have to worry where he might be going with his friends tonight and etc since i cannot be with him every minute. He may tell me things like he love me and etc but i find that i cant trust him every now and then.
He just called me back and asked if i have gone haywired again, he doesnt seem to believe i would want a break up. But i seriously do want to put an end to this torture. Im afraid i may become more and more paranoid as the days goes by. -
My bf of six years had promised to quit smoking, drinking and gambling several time but it din happen... though we are separated for a different reason, my point is you can never change a person. You got to love the person as he is... if you cannot accept, then it's best to end it today!
One day, he will realise that his so called buddies are no more than destroyer... -
You can either... Ask his mindset 1st, then ask him to change his social circle of friends... Or ask him to change his social circle of friends then change his mindset... Either way, it won't be easy...Originally posted by Mian_Hua_Tang:I just initated to break with my bf. I sent him an sms for i wont be able to tell him my decision verbally. I find that our social life is different. He is one who used to frequent nightclubs and pubs. I dont know why but i also have the feeling that he does still go to such kind of places with his friends for he and his friends like to go and hug those nightclubs girls and drink and chat with them.
We have been together for a couple of months and i dread having to suspect him. Recently he has started to quit smoking and drinking so he stayed away from his friends but his friends always come and pester him to go to such places again. He even dared to tell me if his friends are willing to pay for the tips for the girls and the beer he dont mind going.
I mean if he's really determined to quit all these why reply that to his friends, there is a possiblilty that his friends will really pay for those and does it mean he can do such acts behind my back. When we are outside and he sees a beautiful girl, he will keep looking at that direction even if i was talking to him. He said it will be a fool to not look at beautiful girls.
Now while still in the process of quitting smoking and drinking his friends all blame me. They questioned him as in "why are you quitting all the smoking and drinking just for a girl? She's not pretty, no figure, bad temper, is it worth it?" Though he told them its not because of me but his friends still blame me.
Am i doing the right thing to break off with him? Though i should be supporting him in quitting smoking and drinking but i really feel very tired of all these guesses and his actions. I dont feel any security at all. To him, a relationship must have sex then there will love. This is even more unacceptable to me, i asked him back is there really no love if there is no sex and he said yes.
From then on, i really lose faith and trust in this relationship, am now very sad.
So it'll be better if you either just accept him as he is or change a boyfriend....? -
It would be better to sit down with him and discuss the problems that both of you are facing. No look too long at pretty girls, no hugging of girls at pubs, no drinking etc, if not you would have to leave him.
He would probably say some things you need to change too. If reasonable, then change with him and encourage each other.
If he can do it, believe him one more time. If he cannot, then break up.
However, all that you said, seemed to me that he doesn't really love you at all. He is taking you for granted. You are just his spare gf until he find someone better. -
kind of difficult ba...
if his friends are all like this
a bit difficult to 'force' him to give up his friends,
and his lifestyle cos he is with you.
if he doesn't understand WHY u feel bad abt him going to night club and hugging the girls
then there is no point 'forcing' him to do it
same thing with smoking.
same thing with gambling
if he doesn't WANT to do it, then no point one lor
i only hope u break up with him
becos u realise u can't change a person
and not just hope that this is a 'tactic' that will force him to change
cos u can only employ this tactic once
after tt.. .. no effect liao. -
1. Accepted him initially cosh u thot u cld change him.
Girl, a guy has to change cosh he loves u, willingly. It's hard to expect him to change if he's Not convinced otherwise. How wld u like it if someone forced u to change AFTER they get involved wif u?
2. Hugging, kissing & drinking wif other girls.
YUK.
3. Stressful to be together wif him. Wanting a secure r'ship.
A r'ship is supposed to make u feel happee & secure, & supposed to be based on love. Based on wat u'd sez'd & the aforementioned, u made the right decision to break up wif him. To waver now means u risk getting hurt more deeply later.
4. He juz called u back & asked if u've gone haywire again.
He doesn't take u seriously, nor does he respect ur unhappiness. Do u need any further reasons to break up wif him?
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Mian_Hua_Tang:I accepted him initally for i thought he might change after he had me. I can accept him drinking and smoking but not to those places where there are other girls for them to hug and kiss and drink with. Who can allow to such tolerances? Furthermore he do it behind my back, its like betrayal to me.
I do like him but i just find it stressful to be together with him, i want a happy, secured relationship not those which i have to worry where he might be going with his friends tonight and etc since i cannot be with him every minute. He may tell me things like he love me and etc but i find that i cant trust him every now and then.
He just called me back and asked if i have gone haywired again, he doesnt seem to believe i would want a break up. But i seriously do want to put an end to this torture. Im afraid i may become more and more paranoid as the days goes by. -
Well.. just take it tat you choose the wrong guy.. Someone you think who will change be cos of you.. SOmeone who wants your body only and not you.. Good that you have shaken him off.. Yes, there will be pain in you.. But if you keep this r/s going on.. do you think he will still chang afterall this is his kind of lifestyle.. and he enjoyed!Originally posted by Mian_Hua_Tang:I just initated to break with my bf. I sent him an sms for i wont be able to tell him my decision verbally. I find that our social life is different. He is one who used to frequent nightclubs and pubs. I dont know why but i also have the feeling that he does still go to such kind of places with his friends for he and his friends like to go and hug those nightclubs girls and drink and chat with them.
We have been together for a couple of months and i dread having to suspect him. Recently he has started to quit smoking and drinking so he stayed away from his friends but his friends always come and pester him to go to such places again. He even dared to tell me if his friends are willing to pay for the tips for the girls and the beer he dont mind going.
I mean if he's really determined to quit all these why reply that to his friends, there is a possiblilty that his friends will really pay for those and does it mean he can do such acts behind my back. When we are outside and he sees a beautiful girl, he will keep looking at that direction even if i was talking to him. He said it will be a fool to not look at beautiful girls.
Now while still in the process of quitting smoking and drinking his friends all blame me. They questioned him as in "why are you quitting all the smoking and drinking just for a girl? She's not pretty, no figure, bad temper, is it worth it?" Though he told them its not because of me but his friends still blame me.
Am i doing the right thing to break off with him? Though i should be supporting him in quitting smoking and drinking but i really feel very tired of all these guesses and his actions. I dont feel any security at all. To him, a relationship must have sex then there will love. This is even more unacceptable to me, i asked him back is there really no love if there is no sex and he said yes.
From then on, i really lose faith and trust in this relationship, am now very sad.
If you cannot accept then dun force yourself to.. Even if you do.. Do you think you find any happiness being in this relationship.. ?? Yes you can still support him in quitting smoking and night clubbing.. but AS A FRIEND..
Try to bring up yourself.. and time to move on!
Cheers -
I think u make the right decision.
At least u end it b4 it got any worse.
yr bf is very selfish, only think of himself -
U have a definate idea of what u want in a bf- don't smoke, womanize etc
Next time before u enter into a r/s, make sure the guy meets these criterias.
U cannot change him, he must want to do it himself.
It is not good to try him out & later tell him u change your mind. -
Sometimes, you gotta find a person with the same frequency.
CHeers and good luck. -
I don't quite understand why he wanted to quit smoking and other activities...
Is it because he wants to avoid his friends only? -
Originally posted by Mian_Hua_Tang:I just initated to break with my bf. I sent him an sms for i wont be able to tell him my decision verbally. I find that our social life is different. He is one who used to frequent nightclubs and pubs. I dont know why but i also have the feeling that he does still go to such kind of places with his friends for he and his friends like to go and hug those nightclubs girls and drink and chat with them.
We have been together for a couple of months and i dread having to suspect him. Recently he has started to quit smoking and drinking so he stayed away from his friends but his friends always come and pester him to go to such places again. He even dared to tell me if his friends are willing to pay for the tips for the girls and the beer he dont mind going.
I mean if he's really determined to quit all these why reply that to his friends, there is a possiblilty that his friends will really pay for those and does it mean he can do such acts behind my back. When we are outside and he sees a beautiful girl, he will keep looking at that direction even if i was talking to him. He said it will be a fool to not look at beautiful girls.
Now while still in the process of quitting smoking and drinking his friends all blame me. They questioned him as in "why are you quitting all the smoking and drinking just for a girl? She's not pretty, no figure, bad temper, is it worth it?" Though he told them its not because of me but his friends still blame me.
Am i doing the right thing to break off with him? Though i should be supporting him in quitting smoking and drinking but i really feel very tired of all these guesses and his actions. I dont feel any security at all. To him, a relationship must have sex then there will love. This is even more unacceptable to me, i asked him back is there really no love if there is no sex and he said yes.
From then on, i really lose faith and trust in this relationship, am now very sad.
Strange.
Woman, subconsciously, always feel that they are able to change the man they love with love.
Possible, but with the process of trying taming the 'bad guy', you will likely to perish.
What do I mean? Never try being the woman who TRIES to change him; it's always better to be the woman when he has regreted much about himself/past and decide to exercise the change himself. (Especially if he is a Leo, Taurus, Aquarius or Scorpio).
Love can perform miracles in a person's character/habit/etc. I have seen it personally. However, question is: does he allow your love through to evolve himself? Most man generally block any form of deliberate attempt to change (unless this woman is skilled at psychological/emotional warfare).
P.S: Are you a Taurus, Capricorn or Virgo?
Cheers -
What if the guy is Capricorn and the gal is a Virgo?Any chance there?
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u can never change the person tat easily, unless hes himself wanted it... if u dont like guy to smoke, drink, look at gals, always want sex, find one who is already like that, dont attempt to change one.
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Well, u go girl!Originally posted by Mian_Hua_Tang:I just initated to break with my bf. I sent him an sms for i wont be able to tell him my decision verbally. I find that our social life is different. He is one who used to frequent nightclubs and pubs. I dont know why but i also have the feeling that he does still go to such kind of places with his friends for he and his friends like to go and hug those nightclubs girls and drink and chat with them.
We have been together for a couple of months and i dread having to suspect him. Recently he has started to quit smoking and drinking so he stayed away from his friends but his friends always come and pester him to go to such places again. He even dared to tell me if his friends are willing to pay for the tips for the girls and the beer he dont mind going.
I mean if he's really determined to quit all these why reply that to his friends, there is a possiblilty that his friends will really pay for those and does it mean he can do such acts behind my back. When we are outside and he sees a beautiful girl, he will keep looking at that direction even if i was talking to him. He said it will be a fool to not look at beautiful girls.
Now while still in the process of quitting smoking and drinking his friends all blame me. They questioned him as in "why are you quitting all the smoking and drinking just for a girl? She's not pretty, no figure, bad temper, is it worth it?" Though he told them its not because of me but his friends still blame me.
Am i doing the right thing to break off with him? Though i should be supporting him in quitting smoking and drinking but i really feel very tired of all these guesses and his actions. I dont feel any security at all. To him, a relationship must have sex then there will love. This is even more unacceptable to me, i asked him back is there really no love if there is no sex and he said yes.
From then on, i really lose faith and trust in this relationship, am now very sad.
Cheerios!
You have done excellently. Letting it go now is better than regretting later. I'm sure you do not want to live a life of regret later on right? cool!
healing a small wound is much faster than a deep-cut wound!!