How do you know it is time to break up?
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There's No hard & fast rule. U make the decisions, & u bear the consequences, I'm afraid...
It's all in the heart...
FeowFeowOriginally posted by 3minute:Hello everyone. Been lurking for months, and never thought that I would ever post here. Anyway, here's my question....
How do you know it is time for a break up? I caught my gf cheating on me (via emails and icq) some time ago, I forgave her and warned her not to contact xxx again. But just some hours ago, I found that they have remained in contact, just keeping it away from me. I feel about 50% as hurt as the previous time. Also now I begin to develope a sense of insecurity about continuing a relationship with her.
Part of me tells myself how much I don't wish to lose her, but another part of me says that I deserve better.
Thanks for reading. -
Even if you don't wanna give up and just wanna 'wait and see how', you'll also have to know in which direction is the relationship going towards...?Originally posted by 3minute:Thanks for the reply.
What I wanted from this r'ship? I wanted it to last my lifetime.
How does one know it is time to give up?
It is pretty obvious when you are in the "I hate you to the bone" or "I'm sorry I love somebody else" kind of situation.
I think I'm in the grey area. Should I just follow my heart (first wait and understand how I really feel and what I really want)? When do people decide to break up? when their heart tells them so? What if my heart has no direction? -
Well.. For a starter, you're the one who choose to hang on to the relationship...?Originally posted by 3minute:I think it is useless. I talked to him over the phone b4. And he agreed not to contact her, but I have now found out that they remain in contact.
For the first .5 second this morning when I woke up, I was so relieved thinking it was only a dream. Then I remembered that it is not a dream, and that I did read those emails. Felt really sad after that. Sometimes really don't understand why my life is so tough. I already had my share of family problem and work related problem.
It's never wise to hang on to such a kind of relationship when you're already having tons of problems on your own.... What you need is probably a partner who can be with you to fight through life... Not one just for the sake of having one...
By the way, who's this 3rd party guy? Do you know him well? Why do they have to remain in contact? Is it necessary?
How did your gf behaved the last time you found out that she betrayed you? How long ago was that?
Both of your horoscopes pls....? -
Family problem on and off, work problem was very recent only. I usually don't have a ton of problems.Originally posted by Devil1976:Well.. For a starter, you're the one who choose to hang on to the relationship...?
It's never wise to hang on to such a kind of relationship when you're already having tons of problems on your own.... What you need is probably a partner who can be with you to fight through life... Not one just for the sake of having one...
By the way, who's this 3rd party guy? Do you know him well? Why do they have to remain in contact? Is it necessary?
How did your gf behaved the last time you found out that she betrayed you? How long ago was that?
Both of your horoscopes pls....?
This 3rd party is her best friend.
She denied. 1 yr ago. Since then, I felt like I'm fighting a war to win her back, now I think the war was long over 1 yr ago. People that I talked to tell me that I have to restore faith and trust in her. So I tried my best to trust her again, and give her freedom, not asking too much where she went, who called her etc. Looking back, I think I am very stupid. Worse, both of them must have thought that I am an idiot, as they play their "hide and seek" game w/ me.
Both Pisces.
Thanks to all of you who replied. I do realize that this rel'nship is hopeless. -
you are pulling your head into lion's den...Originally posted by 3minute:I think I can forgive and forget, I think i am the soft hearted type, (or rather the weak type). Problem is I have f&f once, and this is what I got in return.
i tink when girls cheats on bf... its much worse den vice versa...
dun even need 3 minutes to tink... juz break it... nike.
cheerios -
She's a leech.Originally posted by 3minute:Family problem on and off, work problem was very recent only. I usually don't have a ton of problems.
This 3rd party is her best friend.
She denied. 1 yr ago. Since then, I felt like I'm fighting a war to win her back, now I think the war was long over 1 yr ago. People that I talked to tell me that I have to restore faith and trust in her. So I tried my best to trust her again, and give her freedom, not asking too much where she went, who called her etc. Looking back, I think I am very stupid. Worse, both of them must have thought that I am an idiot, as they play their "hide and seek" game w/ me.
Both Pisces.
Thanks to all of you who replied. I do realize that this rel'nship is hopeless. -
Just move on. Since she cant give u a good action answer... move on. U r just being tired to settle all these.
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What is it regarding the 'restoring faith and trust' thing? Something you did?Originally posted by 3minute:Family problem on and off, work problem was very recent only. I usually don't have a ton of problems.
This 3rd party is her best friend.
She denied. 1 yr ago. Since then, I felt like I'm fighting a war to win her back, now I think the war was long over 1 yr ago. People that I talked to tell me that I have to restore faith and trust in her. So I tried my best to trust her again, and give her freedom, not asking too much where she went, who called her etc. Looking back, I think I am very stupid. Worse, both of them must have thought that I am an idiot, as they play their "hide and seek" game w/ me.
Both Pisces.
Thanks to all of you who replied. I do realize that this rel'nship is hopeless. -
well,sometimes you should give respect or give her some privacy...she also needs her own friends,be it guys or girls..just as long as you trust your gf,i think this isn't a big problem thou~why not you try thinking in another? just put yourself into her shoe...she doesn't allows you to have any other normal friends(girls) and have no trust in you...how would you feel? take care and all the best for your r/s~Originally posted by 3minute:Hello everyone. Been lurking for months, and never thought that I would ever post here. Anyway, here's my question....
How do you know it is time for a break up? I caught my gf cheating on me (via emails and icq) some time ago, I forgave her and warned her not to contact xxx again. But just some hours ago, I found that they have remained in contact, just keeping it away from me. I feel about 50% as hurt as the previous time. Also now I begin to develope a sense of insecurity about continuing a relationship with her.
Part of me tells myself how much I don't wish to lose her, but another part of me says that I deserve better.
Thanks for reading.
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are you supporting her financially? if so, that may be the reason that she's still sticking with you (im sorry to said that, but yes there are many such cases)
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1yr ago, after I discovered her cheating on me via emails & icq, I sort of went "crazy" for a few days, like checking on her a few times a day. It took me some time and a lot of effort, but I learned to trust her again. That was what I meant.Originally posted by Devil1976:What is it regarding the 'restoring faith and trust' thing? Something you did? -
I don't write "l love you"s and "I miss you"s to my normal friends. Maybe I'm old fashioned.Originally posted by Danisdead101times:well,sometimes you should give respect or give her some privacy...she also needs her own friends,be it guys or girls..just as long as you trust your gf,i think this isn't a big problem thou~why not you try thinking in another? just put yourself into her shoe...she doesn't allows you to have any other normal friends(girls) and have no trust in you...how would you feel? take care and all the best for your r/s~ -
Yes. As per I've thought? Both of you could have been quite a loving pair?Originally posted by 3minute:1yr ago, after I discovered her cheating on me via emails & icq, I sort of went "crazy" for a few days, like checking on her a few times a day. It took me some time and a lot of effort, but I learned to trust her again. That was what I meant.
She should be quite a loyal girl. Quite unlikely that she'll go for another guy unless you 'push' her or you've betrayed her.
In this case, it seems more like that you've 'pushed' her?
From my own point of view, it could have been quite likely that they were only friends in the beginning... But somehow something you did which you didn't tell us, or your 'crazy days' had got the better of her... But one day which I don't quite understand... Your 'crazy days' only appeared after she'd cheated on you? So it shouldn't have been a 'cause' in the 1st place... Unless you've misunderstood and wronged her...? Or your story's kinda twisted (ain't getting your facts right here...)... -
Right, I sortof pushed her into betraying me. Far from perfect several years ago.Originally posted by Devil1976:In this case, it seems more like that you've 'pushed' her?
1 yr ago, I admit my mistake, and I forgave her becos I felt that her betrayal is partly my fault. -
hmm.. how can one 'push' another to betrayal? isn't it still a choice made after all?Originally posted by 3minute:Right, I sortof pushed her into betraying me. Far from perfect several years ago.
1 yr ago, I admit my mistake, and I forgave her becos I felt that her betrayal is partly my fault. -
You can start by admitting your mistake to her. Lots of giving in and apologises to soften her. You cannot be tough on this one. Chances are, she won't just forgive you too easily on this one. Let her know that you've knew your mistakes and won't commit them again. After she've cool down, you MIGHT still stand a chance. Then again, it's no promise that things would just be as 'perfect' as before...Originally posted by 3minute:Right, I sortof pushed her into betraying me. Far from perfect several years ago.
1 yr ago, I admit my mistake, and I forgave her becos I felt that her betrayal is partly my fault.
Good luck. -
when it's time, it's time...
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??? I admitted my mistake 1 yr ago. Maybe she hasn't forgiven me while at the same time enjoys secret rendezvous.Originally posted by Devil1976:You can start by admitting your mistake to her. Lots of giving in and apologises to soften her. You cannot be tough on this one. Chances are, she won't just forgive you too easily on this one. Let her know that you've knew your mistakes and won't commit them again. After she've cool down, you MIGHT still stand a chance. Then again, it's no promise that things would just be as 'perfect' as before...
Good luck. -
Also right.Originally posted by icepole:hmm.. how can one 'push' another to betrayal? isn't it still a choice made after all?
I think Devil1976 is saying that for some girls they would just break off. But for others (like in my case), they are the "loyal" type that do not like break offs, but because they could not find what they want with their current bf, they look for "help" elsewhere. -
whoever she chooses.. jus let her go... there's no point... it may nt be tis guy the nxt time anyway...Originally posted by BrUtUs:ask her wat its all about.... then give her 2 choice again... u or the other guy...
y bother when she is not repentant? i'm sure u know the ultimate answer, just that u are not ready to face it.. but, my fren, i think it's beta to pull out now then to let her drag u thru' more mud and needles.. there are other gals out there... open ur world out n free ur mind... -
Over the phone, I proposed the break up and she cried like she's still in love with me. My heart melted.
But when I asked her to tell me about anything that she has done that I may mind, she does not want to reveal anything. Of course she is also sad and angry at me because she know I must have checked on some of her account. We ended the conversation with we will not call each other again. But I really hope she will call me again. And she just called me this morning. And we talked like we were not quarelling, and like the 3rd party problem does not exist. Again I asked her if there's anything she wants to tell me, she said no.
So we broked up for one night only. I'm sorry, I know I am weak.
She don't remember one of the episode in douyu. Xiao yan zi said to herself "Ni3 shuo1 ah1, ni3 shuo1 shen3 me4 wo3 dou1 hui4 xiang1 xin4 de4." And Yu hao says " Wo3 wu2 hua4 ke3 shuo1". -
If you really wish for anything to work for the better, you've really got to learn to let go of the past... Alternatively... If you just want a break, let me know.. I might also be able to teach you how to do a better job.... Afterall, that's one Devil's specialities....Originally posted by 3minute:??? I admitted my mistake 1 yr ago. Maybe she hasn't forgiven me while at the same time enjoys secret rendezvous. -
Yes, ultimately you can still define it as a choice. Just that things often don't happen for no reasons, and some things don't happen by itself. Hence in this case, it's called a 'pushed'. The more you pressurise and corner someone, the higher the likely chance that relative actions would be taken. When you leave her with little choices, even a loyal partner could swift.Originally posted by 3minute:Also right.
I think Devil1976 is saying that for some girls they would just break off. But for others (like in my case), they are the "loyal" type that do not like break offs, but because they could not find what they want with their current bf, they look for "help" elsewhere. -
Bad. Make it a 'double'.Originally posted by 3minute:Over the phone, I proposed the break up and she cried like she's still in love with me. My heart melted.
But when I asked her to tell me about anything that she has done that I may mind, she does not want to reveal anything. Of course she is also sad and angry at me because she know I must have checked on some of her account. We ended the conversation with we will not call each other again. But I really hope she will call me again. And she just called me this morning. And we talked like we were not quarelling, and like the 3rd party problem does not exist. Again I asked her if there's anything she wants to tell me, she said no.
So we broked up for one night only. I'm sorry, I know I am weak.
She don't remember one of the episode in douyu. Xiao yan zi said to herself "Ni3 shuo1 ah1, ni3 shuo1 shen3 me4 wo3 dou1 hui4 xiang1 xin4 de4." And Yu hao says " Wo3 wu2 hua4 ke3 shuo1".
How long have they been together already? My guess is she's just stuck in between... As much as she loves you and wish to be loyal to you, she's probably somewhere on the same line with the other guy...
She's emotional... Too emotional to get her thoughts straighten out most of the time... What's making it worse? You're equally emotional....
Unless you can straighten out your thoughts 1st, make a FAST MOVE in straightening her thoughts out and convincing her that she wants to come back to you (with much consideration to what's really going on between her and the other guy)... There might be a relative chance... Without which, both of you would probably just have to swirl around in 'emotions' and let fate plays its game on you.....