how should things start?
-
i have a father that gambles and lost alot of money. making my mum in credit card debt also my own saving around 20+k and i still personally borrowed from my grandma 25k to let him clear his debt. currently still paying my grandma bit bit.
6 months have past, i nv tk to him and even greet him. juz walk pass him whenever i see him at home. he now stop gambling liao and also been driving lorry. seeing him waking up early and coming home late making himself so tanned my heartaches.
i was very angry him in the past he noes it and also feel ashamed nv did he dare to look in my eyes. but now i find that the anger is not there anymore. money only i can slowly save up again,i have forgive him but the problem is how to let him noe.
as i very long nv tok to him liao then hard to open mouth also, for him he also dun dare tok to me and all.
anyone can give some ideas on how to start,its been long since i feel that i have a father liao as all the while i call shots at home and i miss that feeling. -
it all depends on oneself... juz like ur character, u decide how u want urself to be... we cannot tell u to be like this, to be like dat.... right??
like u've juz mentioned, ur father is remorseful now, why not u take the initiative to move him first...?? -
Well, if you feel a bit "paiseh" to use the direct approach like going to him, giving him a fatherly hug, telling him you still love him and you're not angry with him anymore, then you may want to try the INDIRECT approach.
You can try any one of the suggestions below, or if you can think of any other subtle way, that could work too:
1) "da bao" (pack) supper back for him one of these days since he works late. If you don't feel like talking to him yet, you may want to write a simple note and leave it on the table.
2) On his birthday, or on father's day, buy a small card or even a present for him. Once again, if you feel that you're not ready to give it to him directly, you can put the gift on his bed, or ask one of your family members who's living under the same roof, to pass it to him.
3) When you're outside, pretend to give him a call and ask him if he knows where Sungei Gedoh (or other location) is, and say you're lost and you need directions (it's appropriate to ask him this since he drives, so he may know the roads of singapore well).
The bottom line is to do a simple gesture so that he gets the idea that you're ready to accept him again, that you're ready to let bygones be bygones. I hope everything works out fine between you and your dad from now on. -
what james say is correct,
AND DO NO procrastinate, cuz if he is like ignored or "neglected" then he may feel sad and despondent and go to gamble again!!!!
so make him feel at home and let him enjoy the family warmth, then he knows that everything is slowly getting back....else he may want to "forget" his problems by gambling again..
-
Initiate a family dinner as it'll encourage closer ties. Get him a gift to show that you still appreciate him as a father if his bday is round the corner. Can also get him a massager since he's working long hours.
Do not wait till it's too late to show concerns for your loved ones. Act now, and the results will be rewarding. Family is after all your family. Rem, blood is thicker than water.
Good luck! -
Yup.. gamblers, or ppl with any form of addictions tend to revert easily esp when they feel neglected or depressed...
After all, u are both father & son so it doesn't rely matter how the communication shld start? Maybe can start by greetin him when he returns frm work...
Good luck & all the best
-
I duno whether u can afford to bring him and family out for a nice meal, chit chat together..he will be delighted.
No matter what, he is your father. Forgive him before it's too late..cherish the times together..My father passed away too suddenly. We regret not doing many things that could be done to make him happy..now we want to be filial, he's not around anymore. -
practical ways of starting include:
1) make milo for him when he's in the shower after coming home from work.
2) watch tv with him. u dun have to say anything, just pretend you're really interested in the show, that way u dun have to feel very awkward.
3) personally, i like the calling to ask where sungei buloh is idea. do something like that. talk to him about non-personal stuff... and act natural about it. -
no matter how he is still your father...without him you also won't be in this world so since you already forgive just go over and talk to him lah...im sure he won't dare to speak up first as he did a grave mistake before...now he is waiting for his children to forgive him and talk to him...im sure this will be the most happiest moment for you to speak to him and this will push him to work even more harder~ waiting for the great news from you soon~Originally posted by ak0:i have a father that gambles and lost alot of money. making my mum in credit card debt also my own saving around 20+k and i still personally borrowed from my grandma 25k to let him clear his debt. currently still paying my grandma bit bit.
6 months have past, i nv tk to him and even greet him. juz walk pass him whenever i see him at home. he now stop gambling liao and also been driving lorry. seeing him waking up early and coming home late making himself so tanned my heartaches.
i was very angry him in the past he noes it and also feel ashamed nv did he dare to look in my eyes. but now i find that the anger is not there anymore. money only i can slowly save up again,i have forgive him but the problem is how to let him noe.
as i very long nv tok to him liao then hard to open mouth also, for him he also dun dare tok to me and all.
anyone can give some ideas on how to start,its been long since i feel that i have a father liao as all the while i call shots at home and i miss that feeling. -
Start from actions... Small ones for starters... Show that you still care.. Go on to other things when the 'bond' feels connected again...Originally posted by ak0:i have a father that gambles and lost alot of money. making my mum in credit card debt also my own saving around 20+k and i still personally borrowed from my grandma 25k to let him clear his debt. currently still paying my grandma bit bit.
6 months have past, i nv tk to him and even greet him. juz walk pass him whenever i see him at home. he now stop gambling liao and also been driving lorry. seeing him waking up early and coming home late making himself so tanned my heartaches.
i was very angry him in the past he noes it and also feel ashamed nv did he dare to look in my eyes. but now i find that the anger is not there anymore. money only i can slowly save up again,i have forgive him but the problem is how to let him noe.
as i very long nv tok to him liao then hard to open mouth also, for him he also dun dare tok to me and all.
anyone can give some ideas on how to start,its been long since i feel that i have a father liao as all the while i call shots at home and i miss that feeling. -
Everyone makes mistakes. Since he is remorseful & have changed for the better, u should take the initiative to show him how proud u are of him.
Tell him to take care of his health & have plenty of rest. Buy him some tonic/ vitamins.
Be good to him while he is still alive or u will regret it.