What would you do if you were in my shoes?
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I have a problem and a major one at fact.
I am now very confused and please don't make a joke out of this or flame me.
PLEASE!!!
I need serious advice.
Thanks.
I dated a single mother for 6 months.
After our first month together, she slept with someone else.
At first, i thought that i could handle that fact.
But as time passes by, i felt more and more insecure and started to lose faith and trust in her.
Things started to get worst as time went by.
We started to argue a lot regarding anything including the smallest problem or misunderstanding.
After three months has passed, she told me that the other guy she slept with wore a condom.
My thoughts was that she was making me feel better but it didn't help.
I am most of the time at work and while i was away, this has affect my performance and ability to work properly.
After another two months has passed, she wrote a letter to me because we have broken up and i couldn't take it anymore.
In that letter, she said that she lied to me about sleeping with the other guy because she wanted to see if i would leave her side.
I was feeling like how could i believe you after all that has happened and the story keeps changing.
At this moment, i am feeling very confused and messed up inside.
Everyday since we both broke up, i couldn't keep the thought of her and the unborn child out of my mind.
It lingers and haunts me like a nightmare that i can't wake up from.
A lot of questions keep coming in and out from time to time.
Like...
Is that child really mine?
How is she coping with the medical bill?
How is her pregnancy getting along?
and so on...
I don't really know what to do.
My parents hate her and her family hates me.
My feelings for her is on a 50 - 50 thin line between heaven and hell.
She says that she still loves me a lot and wants to be with me.
But i don't know what to do at this moment.
I tried being my old self where i shut off everybody and anybody from my life.
I tried being cold hearted and heartless.
I tried killing myself.
I tried drinking and smoking till i felt sick.
I am so lost right now and confused that i wish i was dead.
So, now i decided to ask all of you out there...
What would you do if you were me?
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are you sly???
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A girl that is that easy isn't a girl that you want as a girlfriend.
IF you do you're going to constantly worry about her having
sex with someone every time she goes out withought you. WHich is rightfully so.
Imagine how often she gets drunk and does that.
I can tell that you dont get asked to have sex all of the time, cause of the way you took this.
I suggest that you stop worrying about that girl and move on to a more decent girl.Originally posted by Marmalade Boy:I have a problem and a major one at fact.
I am now very confused and please don't make a joke out of this or flame me.
PLEASE!!!
I need serious advice.
Thanks.
I dated a single mother for 6 months.
After our first month together, she slept with someone else.
At first, i thought that i could handle that fact.
But as time passes by, i felt more and more insecure and started to lose faith and trust in her.
Things started to get worst as time went by.
We started to argue a lot regarding anything including the smallest problem or misunderstanding.
After three months has passed, she told me that the other guy she slept with wore a condom.
My thoughts was that she was making me feel better but it didn't help.
I am most of the time at work and while i was away, this has affect my performance and ability to work properly.
After another two months has passed, she wrote a letter to me because we have broken up and i couldn't take it anymore.
In that letter, she said that she lied to me about sleeping with the other guy because she wanted to see if i would leave her side.
I was feeling like how could i believe you after all that has happened and the story keeps changing.
At this moment, i am feeling very confused and messed up inside.
Everyday since we both broke up, i couldn't keep the thought of her and the unborn child out of my mind.
It lingers and haunts me like a nightmare that i can't wake up from.
A lot of questions keep coming in and out from time to time.
Like...
Is that child really mine?
How is she coping with the medical bill?
How is her pregnancy getting along?
and so on...
I don't really know what to do.
My parents hate her and her family hates me.
My feelings for her is on a 50 - 50 thin line between heaven and hell.
She says that she still loves me a lot and wants to be with me.
But i don't know what to do at this moment.
I tried being my old self where i shut off everybody and anybody from my life.
I tried being cold hearted and heartless.
I tried killing myself.
I tried drinking and smoking till i felt sick.
I am so lost right now and confused that i wish i was dead.
So, now i decided to ask all of you out there...
What would you do if you were me? -
get the DNA checked and settle your questions.
Not to make all single moms out to be bad ...
But she's one messed up girl and she had not ironed out her own life, you want to get your equally messged up with hers?
Do not be a moron and get used and become bitter!
Do all your checks! Then if you are willing, then negotiate. -
let her go..
take the time to figure out what you want to do with your life...
when someone puts you to the test, she's the one who is not trustworthy.. shows that she does not trust you at all...
frankly, after all those lies, you have every right to doubt her... i don't know what state of mind she is in to come up with such a test.. frankly, it's something no reasonable person would believe...
if you want to figure things out, take a paternity test..
but i'm not sure if the broken trust can be fixed..
try seeking professional help instead? this is heavy...
go do some soul-searching.. do you want to be with her? that is a BIG question.. next is: can you trust her again?
if you wanna fix it, you better do so with eyes wide open.. and that she stop with the lies and games... only then, do you have a chance at it..
you look after yourself, stop drinking and smoking so much, it's not going to help.. you need clarity of mind and sobriety of spirit to figure this out.. being sick or ending it does not solve the problem..
be well.. -
1st thing I should say. 50-50 feelings for her is not enough to substain on this relationship. Being together just for the sake of it would not bring the matter to any better stand.Originally posted by Marmalade Boy:I have a problem and a major one at fact.
I am now very confused and please don't make a joke out of this or flame me.
PLEASE!!!
I need serious advice.
Thanks.
I dated a single mother for 6 months.
After our first month together, she slept with someone else.
At first, i thought that i could handle that fact.
But as time passes by, i felt more and more insecure and started to lose faith and trust in her.
Things started to get worst as time went by.
We started to argue a lot regarding anything including the smallest problem or misunderstanding.
After three months has passed, she told me that the other guy she slept with wore a condom.
My thoughts was that she was making me feel better but it didn't help.
I am most of the time at work and while i was away, this has affect my performance and ability to work properly.
After another two months has passed, she wrote a letter to me because we have broken up and i couldn't take it anymore.
In that letter, she said that she lied to me about sleeping with the other guy because she wanted to see if i would leave her side.
I was feeling like how could i believe you after all that has happened and the story keeps changing.
At this moment, i am feeling very confused and messed up inside.
Everyday since we both broke up, i couldn't keep the thought of her and the unborn child out of my mind.
It lingers and haunts me like a nightmare that i can't wake up from.
A lot of questions keep coming in and out from time to time.
Like...
Is that child really mine?
How is she coping with the medical bill?
How is her pregnancy getting along?
and so on...
I don't really know what to do.
My parents hate her and her family hates me.
My feelings for her is on a 50 - 50 thin line between heaven and hell.
She says that she still loves me a lot and wants to be with me.
But i don't know what to do at this moment.
I tried being my old self where i shut off everybody and anybody from my life.
I tried being cold hearted and heartless.
I tried killing myself.
I tried drinking and smoking till i felt sick.
I am so lost right now and confused that i wish i was dead.
So, now i decided to ask all of you out there...
What would you do if you were me?
The child. If you want, you can do DNA test on the child after it's borned.
Now. Just let life get over you for now. Really no point in destroying yourself or doing anything like that. If that's really your child she's bearing, you might wanna take some responsibilities later in your life? So KEEP IT IN SHAPE FOR NOW.
If you're really worried (and there're grounds to it) that she cannot afford to pay for medical and such, you can consider giving her loans for now (pls make them recorded ones). Financial arrangements wise, you can decide after the DNA test?
If you still care a bit for her and perhaps the child, I think it'll be nice if you can see her some time and such? May it be that you're just doing it out of being friends or whatever, at least you won't have so much regets if it really turns out to be your child? -
did i read wrongly? u tried to kill yourself over such a woman?
hahahaha!!
what a dumb ass...
what is it so special abt her tt makes u keep thinking of her?
ask yourself tt... are u thinking more using your big head or your small head?
if u are cock sure u are thinking using ur big head, than u need some help.
But if u are using ur small head to think, pls wake up and move on. -
Go for other girl , this girl can't be trusted .
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agree he's a dumbass. She's playing with this AFC (Average Fustrated Chump)Originally posted by vroomvroom:did i read wrongly? u tried to kill yourself over such a woman?
hahahaha!!
what a dumb ass...
what is it so special abt her tt makes u keep thinking of her?
ask yourself tt... are u thinking more using your big head or your small head?
if u are cock sure u are thinking using ur big head, than u need some help.
But if u are using ur small head to think, pls wake up and move on. -
Originally posted by Marmalade Boy:I have a problem and a major one at fact.
I am now very confused and please don't make a joke out of this or flame me.
PLEASE!!!
I need serious advice.
Thanks.
I dated a single mother for 6 months.
After our first month together, she slept with someone else.
At first, i thought that i could handle that fact.
But as time passes by, i felt more and more insecure and started to lose faith and trust in her.
Things started to get worst as time went by.
We started to argue a lot regarding anything including the smallest problem or misunderstanding.
After three months has passed, she told me that the other guy she slept with wore a condom.
My thoughts was that she was making me feel better but it didn't help.
I am most of the time at work and while i was away, this has affect my performance and ability to work properly.
After another two months has passed, she wrote a letter to me because we have broken up and i couldn't take it anymore.
In that letter, she said that she lied to me about sleeping with the other guy because she wanted to see if i would leave her side.
I was feeling like how could i believe you after all that has happened and the story keeps changing.
At this moment, i am feeling very confused and messed up inside.
Everyday since we both broke up, i couldn't keep the thought of her and the unborn child out of my mind.
It lingers and haunts me like a nightmare that i can't wake up from.
A lot of questions keep coming in and out from time to time.
Like...
Is that child really mine?
How is she coping with the medical bill?
How is her pregnancy getting along?
and so on...
I don't really know what to do.
My parents hate her and her family hates me.
My feelings for her is on a 50 - 50 thin line between heaven and hell.
She says that she still loves me a lot and wants to be with me.
But i don't know what to do at this moment.
I tried being my old self where i shut off everybody and anybody from my life.
I tried being cold hearted and heartless.
I tried killing myself.
I tried drinking and smoking till i felt sick.
I am so lost right now and confused that i wish i was dead.
So, now i decided to ask all of you out there...
What would you do if you were me?
/me pat pat Marmalade Boy.
Someday she will drive u insane. A lie will eventually create more lies. Since u are not sure whether the child is urs, perhaps u will want to do a test. But if both families hate each other..there will be no ending..
Regarding the medical bills, can't her family afford? If you are so soft-hearted that u want to help her pay..then u will have to think of the consequences..will she take it that u are accepting that the child is urs and etc.
Whatever it is, pls dun be foolish and try to kill yourself. Not worth it. I think you need professional counselling and help.. -
u dated single mam for 6mths n things went wrong.... story seems familiar...
sly n maia??
ok.. back to topic.. go for DNA check if u anit sure.. and since there's not trust anymore, how can u live wif her??
if the baby isnt urs, dump her.. if the baby is urs, live wif the responsibility rather den feelings for ur gal n guilty for killin the baby....
it takes several reincarnation to become a human.... -
Don't pay. Don't be a loser. You lose out in the long run. Move on AFC.Originally posted by browniebaobao:
/me pat pat Marmalade Boy.
Someday she will drive u insane. A lie will eventually create more lies. Since u are not sure whether the child is urs, perhaps u will want to do a test. But if both families hate each other..there will be no ending..
Regarding the medical bills, can't her family afford? If you are so soft-hearted that u want to help her pay..then u will have to think of the consequences..will she take it that u are accepting that the child is urs and etc.
Whatever it is, pls dun be foolish and try to kill yourself. Not worth it. I think you need professional counselling and help.. -
didnt i see u 2 guys in mustafa centre around midnight last night?
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Thanks to everyone who has replied or commented.
Even though some of you who are quite heartless and started making a joke out of my situation.
In any case, thanks to those who gave their serious opinions and advice.
Really appreciated it. -
Marmalade Boy, you don't love her anymore...am I correct?
You just felt that you are responsible and it is your conscience that is truly disturbing you...and you wanted to get away from that cleanly and completely.
Well...I can't tell you how to do so without hurting that single Mum. She is definitely going to be hurt if you leave her eventually.
No point coming into Aunt Agony asking for advice if that is your intentions.
On the other hand, IF you still love her and is willing to accept her for who she is...it wouldn't be that difficult for you to get back together with her, isn't that true? Remember she told you she still loves you? ...
I would suggest you to get back together with her if you really love her that much...at least give her a call please. You will get the answers that you seek. Singapore is really a small island...you shouldn't have difficulty locating her if you really wanted to do so.
Good luck.
Originally posted by Marmalade Boy:I have a problem and a major one at fact.
I am now very confused and please don't make a joke out of this or flame me.
PLEASE!!!
I need serious advice.
Thanks.
I dated a single mother for 6 months.
After our first month together, she slept with someone else.
At first, i thought that i could handle that fact.
But as time passes by, i felt more and more insecure and started to lose faith and trust in her.
Things started to get worst as time went by.
We started to argue a lot regarding anything including the smallest problem or misunderstanding.
After three months has passed, she told me that the other guy she slept with wore a condom.
My thoughts was that she was making me feel better but it didn't help.
I am most of the time at work and while i was away, this has affect my performance and ability to work properly.
After another two months has passed, she wrote a letter to me because we have broken up and i couldn't take it anymore.
In that letter, she said that she lied to me about sleeping with the other guy because she wanted to see if i would leave her side.
I was feeling like how could i believe you after all that has happened and the story keeps changing.
At this moment, i am feeling very confused and messed up inside.
Everyday since we both broke up, i couldn't keep the thought of her and the unborn child out of my mind.
It lingers and haunts me like a nightmare that i can't wake up from.
A lot of questions keep coming in and out from time to time.
Like...
Is that child really mine?
How is she coping with the medical bill?
How is her pregnancy getting along?
and so on...
I don't really know what to do.
My parents hate her and her family hates me.
My feelings for her is on a 50 - 50 thin line between heaven and hell.
She says that she still loves me a lot and wants to be with me.
But i don't know what to do at this moment.
I tried being my old self where i shut off everybody and anybody from my life.
I tried being cold hearted and heartless.
I tried killing myself.
I tried drinking and smoking till i felt sick.
I am so lost right now and confused that i wish i was dead.
So, now i decided to ask all of you out there...
What would you do if you were me? -
Originally posted by Marmalade Boy:I have a problem and a major one at fact.
I am now very confused and please don't make a joke out of this or flame me.
PLEASE!!!
I need serious advice.
Thanks.
I dated a single mother for 6 months.
After our first month together, she slept with someone else.
At first, i thought that i could handle that fact.
But as time passes by, i felt more and more insecure and started to lose faith and trust in her.
Things started to get worst as time went by.
We started to argue a lot regarding anything including the smallest problem or misunderstanding.
After three months has passed, she told me that the other guy she slept with wore a condom.
My thoughts was that she was making me feel better but it didn't help.
I am most of the time at work and while i was away, this has affect my performance and ability to work properly.
After another two months has passed, she wrote a letter to me because we have broken up and i couldn't take it anymore.
In that letter, she said that she lied to me about sleeping with the other guy because she wanted to see if i would leave her side.
I was feeling like how could i believe you after all that has happened and the story keeps changing.
At this moment, i am feeling very confused and messed up inside.
Everyday since we both broke up, i couldn't keep the thought of her and the unborn child out of my mind.
It lingers and haunts me like a nightmare that i can't wake up from.
A lot of questions keep coming in and out from time to time.
Like...
Is that child really mine?
How is she coping with the medical bill?
How is her pregnancy getting along?
and so on...
I don't really know what to do.
My parents hate her and her family hates me.
My feelings for her is on a 50 - 50 thin line between heaven and hell.
She says that she still loves me a lot and wants to be with me.
But i don't know what to do at this moment.
I tried being my old self where i shut off everybody and anybody from my life.
I tried being cold hearted and heartless.
I tried killing myself.
I tried drinking and smoking till i felt sick.
I am so lost right now and confused that i wish i was dead.
So, now i decided to ask all of you out there...
What would you do if you were me? 
It's not surprising that she ended up having a ruin marriage - such personality would deny and exterminate the growth and havest of ANY potentially good relationship. Love cannot survive on deceptions, doubts and confusions. Yours breed these vile corruptions like stagnant water breeding mosquitos. Gradually, your relationship will be suck dry of vitae.
Noticed that your problems revolved heavily on the issue of sex. Too much sex-related issues involved in a BGR, in the morning foundation of your love, would have opposite effect of what love-making could do to a relationship. It destroy whatsoever positivity love brings.
Violent parental objection...
Lies...
Mixed feelings...
Unborn child...
Financial problems...
Top up the already torn relationship... What good ever happen with the arrival of this relationship? A blind love? Or rather a karmic love?
P.S: There are relationships we should try to avoid, if we long for proper lasting fulfilling relationships: one with serious incompatiability and one suffering from serious immaturity in love. To lie because she wanted to test you? This only happens in movie (and I bet she got the idea from there as well) and in reality, only inferior people with poor psychological outlook will attempt thingy like this.
You do your own calculation.
Cheers -
resorting to smoking, drinking and wad nots isn't the smartest thing to do now. you will need all the brain cells and composure you can get to think things through and the last thing you need is a clouded mind. seek professional help.
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Dear Marmalade Boy,
Not once did you mention you love this woman... I can understand why you didn't.
I don't think I can give any advice (base on the fact that I am not in your situation), so I can only offer a few point for you to think about:
1) Is this the type of relationship you want? considering she's a partner who sleeps around, one whom you can't trust, both families violently objecting, etc...
2) Do you feel responsible because she's pregnant again? (I'm presuming because you didn't explicit state it) Think for a moment, the unborn is not yours, would you still love her (assuming you do in the first place)?
3) Is it the life you want? I presume you're young (<30 yo), with 2 kids.
4) If the kid is yours, can you still be responsible for him/her, without being together with the mum?
As Donald Trump would say, "It's a no brainer", but that's just my prejudiced views. I am not you and I didn't go through what you've been through. Think about it.
Perhaps I can give one piece of advice. Go communicate with this woman, ask all the questions you need to ask and get all the answers you need to answered. Judge for yourself whether or not it's the truth and then make a decision.
I'm new to this forum, but think that some of the comments here may be valuable, most of them are quite trashy.
All the best! -
u sound like a friend of mine.. hmm...
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She told u in te letter (after u guys 1st break) that she slept with the a guy was a lie.. this could have 2 possible effects.
1. Though even she loves you .. she cant bear u to suffer with her so she want to find some ways to make u leave her(love is all about making other party happy)
2. Lame excuse.. first hack care u then after that reflect that she loves u and wanner patch up with u..
These 2 possible theories..i can say i dont take the 2nd one.. as she is grown up by now and wont resort to such childish acts So makes the 1st option possible Plz.. For the sake of your both.. Even the kind of love feelings and experiance(whatever is there) as long destiny says ur 2 not suitable for each other... U have NO choice but to accept fate( be matured and move on with your life) or u 2 will end up in a horrible fate(most probably)
I wont ask u 2 forget her or someting... but i suggest u 2 should juz stick to being friends..
Least act that u can try 2 make do with your life without her.. infront of her -
want my advice? show pics first and i see if its worth the while...coz NPNT.