A Friend getting on my nerves
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Hello. I have a good female fren whom I find that she can get overly critical about what I say or do when her friends are around.
The first time it happened was simply because I had a fever. And she told me I should learn to speak up and be a good conversationalist, yadda yadda yadda. After a whole one hour of lecture, it was dampening. Kept comparing me with her other 'smarter' friends who are witty, intelligent and 'never a dull moment' kind.
I thought ok, might as well take it easy on this since I can learn a thing or two from her advice.
The 2nd time this happened was when she invited me to her fren's birthday party. What I didnt know was that it became an all-female gathering where I was the only male. Sounds cool ? Oh no man, this fren of mine then started her thing again, telling me that I have said something wrong that would offend the ladies. And I asked her what did I say, she said she dunno, just that one of female friends was quoted saying "Oh, he said we're not good enough for him !". I then told my friend that she needs to get her facts right. Because I never said that line. Her fren was just making a joke. She backed off on this.
Then she told me I said something about the gals being old. And I needed to be sensitive to their feelings. I was sure I didnt say that, but I told my friend if I offended anyone, I was sorry. (Honestly, I didnt say anything about them being old). She said that I said something along that line and 'to that effect'.
HEADACHE..
Now I am pretty tired of this. I am not perfect so why should she try to mould me into one ? I take her like an elder sister and its really frustrating that I cannot enjoy my life without being judged and scrutinized. Weirdest thing is, she's in her early 30's.. so are her female friends. And I am 26. She told me that her frens are going thru rough time, one of them is single mum to 2 kids, the other just broke off with her bf etc..
I mean, everyone has their problems. I have mine too. But why issit that she is making a really big deal out of nothing ??
I value this friend of mine because she was there at my downtime, listening really effectively. Now, my situation is slightly better but only because I have accepted it (My mum's a terminal cancer patient). I just want to live my life normally ya know.
I spoke with my guy frens and they all think she's really snobbish. Cos she think she knows everything. My guy frens do not have a good impression of her.
If given a choice, of cos I wouldnt want this sort of 'gathering' to take place again. Its damn stressful. But my fren's birthday is coming (DOH !) and there is another this sort of gathering (DOH ! DOH !). Feel like AWOL from her birthday, haha.. but it wouldnt be nice lah.
Just ranting here. I am fed up. -
Know you've got your own sh|t.
About the other things... BE COOL about it. -
Am trying to dude.
If you had such a fren of the opposite sex, wat would you do/react ? -
*double posting*
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Give some excuse so u don't have to attend if u don't want to.
Just drop by earlier & pass her the present. -
yeah .. if not drop by with present, don't stay too long. When you are about to leave, just pull her aside and tell her sincerely you enjoy the session but you had another appointment. remember to wish her happy birthday. Then go.Originally posted by gerrykoh:Give some excuse so u don't have to attend if u don't want to.
Just drop by earlier & pass her the present.
Maybe that's her character ? Being a big sister ? -
I'm often cool about things. If she really irritates me that much like you've described for yourself, I'll probably just minimise down on the contacts.Originally posted by Alleycat:Am trying to dude.
If you had such a fren of the opposite sex, wat would you do/react ? -
Go look for new friends. Respect is the basic of all relationships. Y put yourself under such pressure?
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er.. you sure you didn't define Friend wrongly???
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Spend more time with your mom , ignore her.
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Haha,in this kind situation, you can try throwing your most snobbish attitude at her.Then see how she reacts
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Snobbish or not... dunno lar. but give her the benifit of the doubt... i'd advise you minimise contact with her lor. just be cool but keep your distance. the more you talk to her the more irritated you'll get... and things will get worse. anyway... keeping ur distance might be able to help you see stuff in a clearer light..
take care! -
She did it again.
You guys are right. She is not giving me respect. 2 nights ago, she went online telling me I need to socialise and travel to widen my horizon.
I joined Social Development Service membership a while ago..
She:
did the sds send u anything?
Me:
yes.. finally
She:
going for anything?
Me:
one complementary coupon to confirm a meetup session on april 2nd.. but i'm not going for that for now. Take it slow lor.. got so many activities. Take my time to see what i want to do..
She:
just go n see lah. Learn to socialise
Me:
yes.. thats why i joined SDS. now just prioritizing my stuffs first.. secure job, get over exams.. that kind of shit
She:
yah dont wait too long though. i feel u havent venture out b4
Me:
there will be time n place
She:
wait until when, u r 26!
Me:
have faith in me ok ?
She:
let me see, b4 26, where have i been? US,NZ, Aust M'sia. N u r a guy. u know what i'm saying?
Me:
yes.. so where do i get that money ? work right ? last 5 yrs, been struggling to make ends meet on n off jobs.
She:
even in spore where have u been?
She:
u have alot of excuses u know
Me:
u keep thinking i am that frog in the well dun u ?
She:
Yes
Me:
mabbe its just me ya know.. this is me for now. And u just have to accept the fact that there will be a time.
She:
the now seems forever to me
I was like, whoa, there she goes again. I told her there are more important issues at hand, like putting bread on the table. She keeps thinking I am that frog in the well and always give excuses. Her line that struck the rawest nerve "You're just like your dad, always needed to be pushed to get things done."
Now, my r/ship with my dad may not be all that great, but she definitely had no rights to criticise him whatsoever. Just bcos I confided with her in the past, she's throwing all these back at me ! How sad is that ? Really, she's a snob and deserve no more respect.
She gave me an example that once I tried getting hp number from her guy fren I met (who happened to be my ex-poly mate) was absolute no-no as her guy fren tot I was gay by just asking for his hp number lidat. She then said, thats not the way to deal with things even if it seems most innocent to you. "Guys dun take hp number just lidat, unless they are meeting up for TV shopping or something" .... I tot its perfectly normal ??!! And she said I 'dunno the social code'. What the hell..
I seriously doubt that guy ever tot I was gay or something.. and just something she made up. Anyway, me and that guy never really came in contact.
"And you have to stop letting me supply you frens !" was another of her nonsense. She was the one who invited me to meet her other frens. Damn bitch.
She has this idea that living the way she does or feel is the right way.. i.e go travel while you're young, go out and meet new people, learn to talk like gentlemen. I told her I am comfy being myself and I need to make ends meet.
Guess she's the real frog in the well..
"Am I the most Jialat guy you ever knew ?" I asked.
"YES"
So i was like ok, for someone I really respected in the past has turned into a total snob. I really dun understand.
I guess its because when I was down and out, I confided in her too much that she sees this 'wimpy' side of me ? I mean, I didnt go all crying and stuff, just regular online chat ya know. Laying the facts as we go along.
When I reasoned out with her... "I guess its bcos you had this impressions of me"
She snapped ... "You know what. I will stop. Too much excuses from you. You have too much pride to admit it. With me, I dun know why you need the ego. I see you need help desperately in areas you don't even know. FORGET IT. Just stay home. Forget that I ever suggested anything to you. Change nothing. Stick to your kind if you're happier."
So guys, yes, I see your points. She is not putting herself in my shoes just because she earns 4K a month and need not feed her family as she has rich sisters.
Oh well, we all do meet crazy ppl once in a while.. haha.
Am minimizing all contacts with her from now on. -
Relax dude. Maybe she meant well? Maybe she just don't know how to put her words right?Originally posted by Alleycat:She did it again.
.....
Am minimizing all contacts with her from now on.
Take it easy from there... -
yeah. who knows, maybe she just dun have tact? dun be so sensitive abt stuff lar....
take everything thing with a large dose of salt yeah? but it's good that u're minisming contact with her... -
I think she is interested in you!
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I seriously doubt it.Originally posted by ILPSY:I think she is interested in you! 
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Why are you surprised? There are all sorts of ppl out there. I would think that as she is older than you, she feels that you are still not up to her mark yet, and she is trying to mould you into wat she wants you to be the ideal guy for her. She brings you along to her gf-outings and such, as I feel that she wants you to meet her frens. But, of course, things go haywired a bit, as she is putting you down again and such. I think its her female-chauvinist in charge again! heehee... Juz a thought.
I think i will behave litdat too if I have a younger bf... hmm...