In Dire Straits..
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Dear Friends,
I am now in a very very suicidal mode on now. I am with my gf for 3 years and 1 month now. Then she told me crying over the phone that she had done some intimate stuff (bj and stuff) to this guy in her class that she knew in less than a month. i dunno what to say right now. My mind is in a mess. She was crying on the phone and so was i. She told me she was sorry and really didn't know what made her do that. I really really love her a lot and even her mum regarded me as her son in law already but after what had happened today made me really really sad and disappointed. My heart says to be with her again but am i doing the right thing? I am just scared i will be made a cuckold. This is my 1st serious relationship and i was hoping it was all a joke but i almost had a heart attack when she told me that.
The fact that she did all those things to that guy behind my back really had it. My whole life crashed when it happened. She even sms me that she went out with a girl.
sigh.. what shall i do now? pls reply me with everything u got -
first things firstOriginally posted by Tamade Extreme:Dear Friends,
I am now in a very very suicidal mode on now. I am with my gf for 3 years and 1 month now. Then she told me crying over the phone that she had done some intimate stuff (bj and stuff) to this guy in her class that she knew in less than a month. i dunno what to say right now. My mind is in a mess. She was crying on the phone and so was i. She told me she was sorry and really didn't know what made her do that. I really really love her a lot and even her mum regarded me as her son in law already but after what had happened today made me really really sad and disappointed. My heart says to be with her again but am i doing the right thing? I am just scared i will be made a cuckold. This is my 1st serious relationship and i was hoping it was all a joke but i almost had a heart attack when she told me that.
The fact that she did all those things to that guy behind my back really had it. My whole life crashed when it happened. She even sms me that she went out with a girl.
sigh.. what shall i do now? pls reply me with everything u got
1)verify the story.speak to her in person...wad is so easy to sae over the phone will be diffcult to sae in person..find out if it's a joke first..
2)even if it's not a joke...and if it's for real..assess your situation:do u wish to forgive and forget or do u wan to break and start life anew???
if u can have the answers to these two qns u'll be fine
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wah piang..haiz..i pity u
but i think u should ask y ur gf give bj all these to that guy. -
if you are able to tolerate the ignominy that comes with knowledge of your partner's infidelity and cope with the severe loss of dignity, then by all means, patch things up with her. however, if this incident has greatly undermined the foundation of trust you previously had in her to the extent that it becomes virtually impossible to retrive the intimacy and trust that once existed prior to the affair, you should seek to consider the unenviable option of a break-up.
as such, i do not feel that its the best time for you to make a decision now, simply cos of your mental state of being. (you are suicidal, confused n frustrated). let time quell the confusion and heal your wounds before you come to a wise and solid decision.
these things aside, i do admire her for being so brutally honest with you, although more often than not, the truth hurts. -
Originally posted by Tamade Extreme:Dear Friends,
I am now in a very very suicidal mode on now. I am with my gf for 3 years and 1 month now. Then she told me crying over the phone that she had done some intimate stuff (bj and stuff) to this guy in her class that she knew in less than a month. i dunno what to say right now. My mind is in a mess. She was crying on the phone and so was i. She told me she was sorry and really didn't know what made her do that. I really really love her a lot and even her mum regarded me as her son in law already but after what had happened today made me really really sad and disappointed. My heart says to be with her again but am i doing the right thing? I am just scared i will be made a cuckold. This is my 1st serious relationship and i was hoping it was all a joke but i almost had a heart attack when she told me that.
The fact that she did all those things to that guy behind my back really had it. My whole life crashed when it happened. She even sms me that she went out with a girl.
sigh.. what shall i do now? pls reply me with everything u got
Before I began, allow me to react like a mortal...
'WTF...`
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Dear Tamade Extreme I can feel your anguish...your utter dissapointment...your complete despair. A lengthy relationship that has gone astray may have its own cause of failure, especially to external parties. BUT when it strikes a seemingly good relationship, all hell break loose. You start questioning the definition and core of your love and wonders what's left after a devestating conflagration, which burns off almost everything you have built so far.
The ball lies in your hands, in whether you want to remain in this relationship or not. You are probably too confused to decide for yourself, so calm yourself down FIRST, before anything could take place. You have to acknowledge a few truth:
I) You must recognise the fact that you will NOT forget this incident. Forgiveness comes only when everything else is settle; it doesn't apply automatically. When you are willing, you will attempt forgiveness. However, where the shrine of memories is located, this mark will not be erase. If you cannot overcome the barrier of HAVING that memories WHILE having the relationship - I would advice leaving the relationship. Because there is a high tendency for you to change your personality and attitude towards her and the relationship, which will work against the continuity of this love. And this phenomenon is difficult to dispel.
II) You must understand wtf (lack of better terms) happened in your relationship that constitute for such behaviour. If REALLY nothing is wrong with the relationship, there are definitely other reasons (outside the relationship why she fell for it. Is that man someone she had small feelings for and ended up being exploit by him into bed? Possible. Or was it a completely lust thing? (Planetary transist trigger Mars/8th house influence). Possible as well.
III) You need to conduct a soul-talk with her. This is crucial for the above two points would not make any sense if this doesn't happen. You must communicate and learn to communicate MORE and BETTER when dire situations like this happen. Avoiding...giving days to think/consider/cold war are all useless and would create further confusion and uncertainly. If you wanna know why and how to move from here, this must definitely be implemented. Speak sensibly, and try not to treat it like a trashing session on how s|utty she is. Gulit has cause her to admit her fault, you ought to be mature enough to control that anger as well.
Cheers -
Sorry to hear your story. I will try to help u as much as i can.
I got standard checklist which I think u can use to solve your problem.
Calling it my SOP for love.
1) Check story with gf if she not rape or drug and she is willing.
2) Check story with guy
3) If story is true the ask yourself whether you truly love her.
3a) If you that you love her then you got to forgive her for wat she has done.
3a1) Ask her to go check up for Aids test and pap smear to protect you and her.
3a2) If test found negative then she is lucky then is time to face the truth. Can you really love her if she ever play around again? Are you ready for the day it happends again? If yes congras you really love her for wat she is ( P.S I have seen guys been able to handle this part so you will not be the first one)
3b) If you have found that what she has done is not acceptable and you can never find it in yr heart to forgive her then on to ( the forget phase )
3b1) Phase one, (Totally confuse). You keep asking why she had done this to you. Sorry boy it happen nothing can change the fact. Its hard to accept but at least it happen before you rom or before you get married. Count yrself lucky.
3b2) Phase two, ( Total cutoff ) Yes! you heard me! Burn all photos! Delete all yr files, throw all yr stuff she bought for you. Change your number. Tell her straight in the face you want to break up and tell all her friends wat she had done and why you want to break! ( to prevent her friends from calling you a jerk cos they do not know wat happen) DO NOT TURN BACK! It will only bring bad memories and heart pain! ( this phase is worst part and if you can cross this part you are half way there. Be brave you are no longer a boy, prove to the people that you are a real man )
3b3) Phase three ( Hate phase ) You hate her for all she had done. Why her? the love of yr life? u ask? haiz sadly she do not love you enough to handle outside temptation. is al rite to hate her but is best not to attack her in any way cos they are laws against that. Just complain and cry to yr friends and good friends will lent a listerning ear.
3b4) Phase four ( Recovery phase ) After letting it all out, Do you feel better? Slowly and surely u start noticing gals around you. Hey u say this gal not bad why I nv notice her before. NOTE is best you ask yrself if have cleaning forget yr ex first before you go into another relationship or else the poor new gal will be just a replacement and the cycle will repeat it self. Take your time be friends first slow understand how it is like to love again.
3b5) Phase five (The ending phase ) Finally you have learn to let go but wat if u see yr ex again ? Good question i got 2 answer (1 You run and hide or pretend not to know her. well most of the guys i know use this method is nothing wrong with it. (2 The mature man method. Go up to her and say hi how do u do? if she ignore you then fine just work away. If she talk to you then you can be friends again)
I personally have been through 3b so i know how it feels. This guideline is given to me at my darkest hour and had help me through it all. Just want to do my bit and help a fellow brother at your darkest hour. -
This is a thorny issue indeed. There has been plenty of practical solid advice given up there, IÂ’ll try not to repeat them.
Let’s look at you first. You have been with your first and only girlfriend for about 3 years, you “really really love her a lot” and are possibly considering marriage in the near future. That probably explains why you felt “really really sad and disappointed” by her unfaithfulness because she meant so much in the world to you. Deep inside your heart, you want “to be with her again”, but one thing holding you back is the fear that she would repeat the mistake and make you “a cuckold”.
Now letÂ’s look at your girlfriend. She probably loves you a lot too, because the remorse she felt for her actions was so overwhelming that she could not hide her unfaithfulness from you, that she had to confess to you, crying over the phone. Apparently, she seemed really sorry and wanted you to forgive her.
WhatÂ’s done is done and there is no point working yourself up, unleashing your fury on her or the bastard who committed the act with her. It is easy to say so, but if you calm down and think, youÂ’ll know that the above actions will never change the fact that she has been unfaithful to you. So if you donÂ’t think youÂ’ll ever be able to forgive her, if you are confident of quitting 3 years of relationship just like that, then do it quick and clean, put her behind you and move on.
On the other hand, if you donÂ’t think you could give her up (your words seem to indicate that inclination too), then do what many men have not the magnanimity and courage to do -- forgive her (not necessarily now, could wait for your turbulent emotions to subside first) and put the whole thing behind you. She is not a saint, and she is prone to mistakes, just as you are too. The very act of her admitting guilt and showing repentance is proof enough that she still loves you and you still occupy some place special in her heart. If you could overcome your pain and return the favour with the gift of a second chance, who knows if she would not be so touched by your proof of love that your relationship could be strengthened in spite of this episode?
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Of course it is all easier said than done, we cannot deny this shadow would always be there somewhere in your heart. And there is always the possibility that she might repeat her mistake again. However, if this has given you the opportunity to strengthen your character and to re-evaluate your relationship maturely before you commit, perhaps -- and I mean in a good way -- it is not such a bad thing after all. -
are you still alive? hope you haven't killed yourself over a cheating b|tch.
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regardless of wat, dun ever kill urself.
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forget her...
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Hi guys.. i am still alive...
Latest news..
I am still with her.. 3 years is not a short time... the feelings i have for her solid like concrete. I am able to forgive but not forget.. and she was so guilty that she tried slashing her wrists... i saw the marks myself
i can't bear to cast aside this relationship arh... -
she ask for it herself. if she can do it once, wat makes u think she cant do it another time. go find another girl tats worthy of ur love. no point continuing tis r/s.Originally posted by Tamade Extreme:Hi guys.. i am still alive...
Latest news..
I am still with her.. 3 years is not a short time... the feelings i have for her solid like concrete. I am able to forgive but not forget.. and she was so guilty that she tried slashing her wrists... i saw the marks myself
i can't bear to cast aside this relationship arh... -
hmmmOriginally posted by Tamade Extreme:Hi guys.. i am still alive...
Latest news..
I am still with her.. 3 years is not a short time... the feelings i have for her solid like concrete. I am able to forgive but not forget.. and she was so guilty that she tried slashing her wrists... i saw the marks myself
i can't bear to cast aside this relationship arh... 
eh...if u realli cant cast aside... y not go on???
ask her honestly if she still cherish u as a bf...if she does...give it a go and start from fresh again...
someone once said to me love can conquer all...and i guess i just pass it on to u then -
Yoz...Originally posted by Tamade Extreme:Hi guys.. i am still alive...
Latest news..
I am still with her.. 3 years is not a short time... the feelings i have for her solid like concrete. I am able to forgive but not forget.. and she was so guilty that she tried slashing her wrists... i saw the marks myself
i can't bear to cast aside this relationship arh...
Since U cant cast aside the relationship...U nd to clarify all the doubts U haf nw with Ur gal...seek mutual understanding over the whole incident n start afresh...starting afresh after all tt happen isnt tt easy...
The trust in relationship once broken is like a broken mirror...no matter hw U mend it...there will still be cracks...its nv be whole again...U gt wat I mean...
U nd to ask Urself...wat can U n Ur gf do to rebuild the trust in the relationship again...the trust issue muz be address to help maintain the relationship in the long run...
Glad tt U love Ur gal enuf to forgive her after wat she had done...
Hope U 2 will gt over this issue n carry on with Ur lives...
Cheers... -
U mean some cute Bear told U tt rite...Originally posted by Lance_han:hmmm
eh...if u realli cant cast aside... y not go on???
ask her honestly if she still cherish u as a bf...if she does...give it a go and start from fresh again...
someone once said to me love can conquer all...and i guess i just pass it on to u then
Lolx...
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eh...rite...i no hear cute bear...but simple_bear i hear of...Originally posted by Simple_Bear:U mean some cute Bear told U tt rite...
Lolx...
and btw ppl...do humanity a favour:pass it on will u??? -
Sorry, error in submission, hence, double post.
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I am glad for you. It will not be an easy path to walk for awhile. But trust can be rebuilt especially if she is also helping with her positive actions. Sometimes I think relationships nowadays are so thin. But you have proven otherwise. Way to go, young man!
All the very best.
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Well, i guess she is really guilty and i admire her honesty, if it were other girls.. they would keep it to themselves forever, but perhaps she realised her folly and realised that the one she really love is still you and not that guy. So well give it a try again, cause she is being honest here.. but if it happens again. well then ....
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We are not God. Not even close enough, to forgive and forget.
Most of us can forgive, but we all have a brain and a heart that will not forget.
By saying this, I don't imply that God is brainless and heartless. Just that we are humans.
But let me say this; if you love the girl, then love is all about forgiving. So forgive her, and carry on. If you can't, then it's the human part of you - you can't get over it, your hurt, and probably can't forget this soon.
Love is all about letting go. It's freedom, it's understanding, it's the ultimate forgiveness of another being.
UNCONDITIONAL.
Think about it; you are human, your girlfriend is also human. Humans are full of weaknesses. Therefore, we need one another.
If you make a mistake in life, I bet you'd want others to forgive you?
What she has done shook you, but has it shaken your love for her?
True love, is utterly strong and unshakeable. -
Lets all praise the work of Amor...Originally posted by Lance_han:eh...rite...i no hear cute bear...but simple_bear i hear of...
and btw ppl...do humanity a favour:pass it on will u??? -
Just becareful/prepared to face repercussions ok?
All the best. -
go and fark her best friend or sister. Yeah!!!Originally posted by Tamade Extreme:Dear Friends,
I am now in a very very suicidal mode on now. I am with my gf for 3 years and 1 month now. Then she told me crying over the phone that she had done some intimate stuff (bj and stuff) to this guy in her class that she knew in less than a month. i dunno what to say right now. My mind is in a mess. She was crying on the phone and so was i. She told me she was sorry and really didn't know what made her do that. I really really love her a lot and even her mum regarded me as her son in law already but after what had happened today made me really really sad and disappointed. My heart says to be with her again but am i doing the right thing? I am just scared i will be made a cuckold. This is my 1st serious relationship and i was hoping it was all a joke but i almost had a heart attack when she told me that.
The fact that she did all those things to that guy behind my back really had it. My whole life crashed when it happened. She even sms me that she went out with a girl.
sigh.. what shall i do now? pls reply me with everything u got -
i'm happy fer youOriginally posted by Tamade Extreme:Hi guys.. i am still alive...
Latest news..
I am still with her.. 3 years is not a short time... the feelings i have for her solid like concrete. I am able to forgive but not forget.. and she was so guilty that she tried slashing her wrists... i saw the marks myself
i can't bear to cast aside this relationship arh... 
you've given the cynics of love a solid punch. -
Well~ aftermath is more crucial then present decision.Originally posted by devoid05:i'm happy fer you you've given the cynics of love a solid punch.
There's no punch yet.