Suggestions/advice??
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Yesterday I had a chat with one of my long time friends and he told me this..
Here is the scene:
He has this girlfriend and both of them love each other very much..however his girlfriend has been seeing his Ex..as in not dating..erm like going for movie..chilling/hanging out..receiving gifts from Ex..ya sort of..now he's feeling insecure..worry that.. u know all that kind of stuff.. There is trust...its just that being with Ex..guys or anyone else will get worried..after all..its Ex..no telling what might happen..
any suggestions about wat to do next? or just sit and heck care about it? -
Dear InsidiousGG,
The 1st thing that comes to mind is that there should be trust, & that this is a trust issue. However, human feelings come into play...
Your friend is understandably insecure, who wouldn't be when there used to be deep (?) feelings between his girl & her ex. Whilst he may trust her, he may also worry that her ex may try to woo her back. This is supported by him giving her gifts, taking her out to movies, etc. Your friend's anxiety may be even worsened because she hasn't offered to bring him along.
So, the suggestion is this, ask him to tell his girl about his feelings. If she loves him enough, she'll know what to do. He probably shouldn't insist that she stop being friends with her ex, but a reasonable request would be that she brings him along, so he can assess his competition.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by InSidiousGG:Yesterday I had a chat with one of my long time friends and he told me this..
Here is the scene:
He has this girlfriend and both of them love each other very much..however his girlfriend has been seeing his Ex..as in not dating..erm like going for movie..chilling/hanging out..receiving gifts from Ex..ya sort of..now he's feeling insecure..worry that.. u know all that kind of stuff.. There is trust...its just that being with Ex..guys or anyone else will get worried..after all..its Ex..no telling what might happen..
any suggestions about wat to do next? or just sit and heck care about it? -
Originally posted by FeowFeow:
Usually when a guy wants to woo his ex-girlfriend back, he wouldn't ask the ex-girlfriend to bring her current boyfriend along. So the ex-girlfriend probably didn't want to make things awkward for both sides by asking the current boyfriend along.
Your friend is understandably insecure, who wouldn't be when there used to be deep (?) feelings between his girl & her ex. Whilst he may trust her, he may also worry that her ex may try to woo her back. This is supported by him giving her gifts, taking her out to movies, etc. Your friend's anxiety may be even worsened because she hasn't offered to bring him along.
Agree that InSidiousGG's friend should talk to the girlfriend. The girlfriend may love his friend very much and could be just treating the ex-boyfriend as a harmless good guy friend (even though the latter may not think that way). She may be being frank when she reassured her current boyfriend that she is merely going out with the ex-boyfriend, nothing more. However, one wonders how she would take it if the current boyfriend did the same thing to her and went out on single dates with his ex as well? Going out on single dates with ex-boyfriends and worrying the current boyfriend silly certainly does not seem very considerate on her part.
It could be some kind of childish test, but her actions could also indicate some possibility that she is at a crossroads. InSidiousGG's friend may need to be mentally prepared for the worst. -
Dear Tuatau,
To some extent, I agree AND disagree with your 1st para. Yes, I agree that when a guy wants to woo his ex-gf back, he wouldn't ask her to bring her current bf along. In this situation, it appears he hasn't, & is pretty happy with having the current bf outta the pic. The 2nd sentence is what I disagree with. The girlfriend may Not want to make things awkward, but she still needs to consider her current bf's feelings. It may have contributed to her current bf's insecurity?
Notwithstanding the above, I do agree with your last para. The current bf has to be mentally prepared that she's evaluating her options, whether or Not to stay with him. Whilst it's nice to remain friends with her ex, if she loves her current bf, his feelings should be important enough for her to consider...
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Tuatau:Usually when a guy wants to woo his ex-girlfriend back, he wouldn't ask the ex-girlfriend to bring her current boyfriend along. So the ex-girlfriend probably didn't want to make things awkward for both sides by asking the current boyfriend along.
Agree that InSidiousGG's friend should talk to the girlfriend. The girlfriend may love his friend very much and could be just treating the ex-boyfriend as a harmless good guy friend (even though the latter may not think that way). She may be being frank when she reassured her current boyfriend that she is merely going out with the ex-boyfriend, nothing more. However, one wonders how she would take it if the current boyfriend did the same thing to her and went out on single dates with his ex as well? Going out on single dates with ex-boyfriends and worrying the current boyfriend silly certainly does not seem very considerate on her part.
It could be some kind of childish test, but her actions could also indicate some possibility that she is at a crossroads. InSidiousGG's friend may need to be mentally prepared for the worst. -
Originally posted by FeowFeow:
Your disagreement does shed some light on the girlfriend's character.
The 2nd sentence is what I disagree with. The girlfriend may Not want to make things awkward, but she still needs to consider her current bf's feelings. It may have contributed to her current bf's insecurity?
Apparently the girlfriend has not considered her current boyfriend's feelings and by accepting without inviting him along (and with the ex-boyfriend's permission of course), she has displayed a certain level of immaturity or inconsideration. Who knows? Perhaps she is just an open-minded free spirit that such thoughts are simply beneath her. -
Give the gf the benefit of doubt. Maybe she is really treating her ex as a good fren, coz they were together once...
Do ask your fren to tell his gf abt his worries. The gf shld understand. By not telling the gf, the gf might think everything is OK and continue her friendship with her ex. -
give her a good boning to let her know who her daddy is.Originally posted by ILPSY:Give the gf the benefit of doubt. Maybe she is really treating her ex as a good fren, coz they were together once...
Do ask your fren to tell his gf abt his worries. The gf shld understand. By not telling the gf, the gf might think everything is OK and continue her friendship with her ex.
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You have a point. Perhaps the girlfriend is too young to even think of considering her boyfriend's feelings. However, as Tuatau mentioned, wonder how she would feel if her current boyfriend's seeing his ex without bringing her, & worse, never even considered bringing her.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by ILPSY:Give the gf the benefit of doubt. Maybe she is really treating her ex as a good fren, coz they were together once...
Do ask your fren to tell his gf abt his worries. The gf shld understand. By not telling the gf, the gf might think everything is OK and continue her friendship with her ex. -
Hmm ... are these two ex-partners going out really often? A good bit depends on the circumstances under which they chose to break off the relationship. To me, trust is one thing, lollying about and receiving gifts from an EX is a totally different matter (unless it's a birthday or xmas gift). Seems to me she can't decide if she wants the current bf or go back to her Ex.Originally posted by InSidiousGG:He has this girlfriend and both of them love each other very much..however his girlfriend has been seeing his Ex..as in not dating..erm like going for movie..chilling/hanging out..receiving gifts from Ex..ya sort of..now he's feeling insecure..worry that.. u know all that kind of stuff.. There is trust...its just that being with Ex..guys or anyone else will get worried..after all..its Ex..no telling what might happen..
Agree with those who suggested your friend should have a serious talk with his gf. Based on her answers, he'll have a pretty good idea what's going on. I'd be prepared for the worst, too, if he hasn't been doing anything with the opposite sex that's making his gf see red
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I am not sure too.. I knew that his girlfriend went to the extent of telling my friend who is her current boyfriend about the gifts the Ex gave... bangles or some sort... and wore them.. I was like ''wow..this girl arh..''
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Originally posted by InSidiousGG:
It is amazing your friend could sit through all that without making any noise to let the girlfriend know how he felt. Another nice guy?
I am not sure too.. I knew that his girlfriend went to the extent of telling my friend who is her current boyfriend about the gifts the Ex gave... bangles or some sort... and wore them.. I was like ''wow..this girl arh..'' -
Being open or having one's own space and friends.....well, to me, this one has perhaps crossed the line. I guess it's okay to remain friends and perhaps chat once in a while but hanging out with an ex? If I value my current relationship, I wouldn't do that. It's a form of respect for my current beau as well as taking his feelings into consideration. I mean if the tables are turned, like if he is hanging out with his ex, can I take it? Trust is one thing but if it happened frequent enough, the trust and security will also wane. Natural reactions, you think?
Humans are such. We get absorbed into environments (ambience). We behave as the environment presents and then may regret later, whether be it our actions or our speech. And with an Ex, there is that familiarity feeling or "ching mei liao" thing. Maybe, I don't know. But seriously, your friend should have a chat with her and let her know his feelings. She may honestly thinks he is okay with it. If she knows that he has certain uneasiness then I am sure she should know what to do.
Good luck to your friend. Hope everything will turn out well. -
Hey..thank u all of u guys..
That girl from my view..dunno wat is love..think is just another girl who just like to be in love in the hands of guys, be loved but not giving love.
My friend would be grateful to u guys for taking time out..thanks..
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Some people's character is just like that... Doesn't mean that she has to be young or something then have this form of mentality to wanna hang out with ex...Originally posted by FeowFeow:You have a point. Perhaps the girlfriend is too young to even think of considering her boyfriend's feelings. However, as Tuatau mentioned, wonder how she would feel if her current boyfriend's seeing his ex without bringing her, & worse, never even considered bringing her.
FeowFeow
I don't totally agree that the girl must be an insensitive creature... It's a balance between freedom... As in respect of one's partner's freedom, and thinking about how the other party might worry about your movements...
However, I do agree with most of what's been mentioned here generally speaking... Especially the part about a 'heart to heart' talk with his gf... Without appropriate communication, nobody would know what is going on....? -
Warning bells should sound for your friend
Seems like the Ex is trying to get the girl back
He (your friend or is it you?) should let his gf know that he's not happy with what's going on.
If she loves him, she'll care about how he feels, and stop seeing the other guy. dating or not dating...
if not... dump her before the inevitable... (ok I'll spell it out... she'll dump him).