I hate my mother
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Someone can pls help~ she looks down on me, call me names, and talks bad about me behind my back
I had tried to be friendly but sometimes her mood just swings, and its not pms, i tell u. Rarely we have anything to talk about, since she's a bit hard of hearing. She stirs sh*t with the neighbours and create gossip, tension and unrest between everyone. Occassionally she steals ppl's mobile just to get attention, and mind you, she strikes at those friends she knows best, Colleagues, relatives, neighbours.
Sometimes it just reached a poing where she will provoke me, then a shouting match will suddenly start if there's no one nearby to stop us. Imagine facing this type of person after a long hard day battling with suppliers, customers, manager, upper management and deadlines...
Anyone knows how to handle her? What would you do if you were me? Don't talk about my father, her almost non- existent, usually he seeps immediately after he comes home.. to "avoid" the abuse.. they dun even slp together anymore.. Siblings and other relatives are avoiding her like plague... -
instant tip for you. never post this. why? in a situation where yr mum is in the wrong, most ppl will tell u to bear with it, yr mother gave birth to you, etc, and tell u how to work ard the situation. some even say u are in the wrong for posting.
in the event that u are wrong, ppl will whack u left right and centre. ppl will flame like nobody's biz. at the end of it u will feel like u are the biggest idiot in the world. -
Perhaps she did all that to attract attention, maybe she juz wanted someone to talk to. Seek professional counselling or those family centre or whatever? Since there's also some prob between your mum and dad.
Never hate your parents, coz without them, you will not be here. You will regret if one day either one of them leave this world and you realized that you have not been filial to them all these years etc. -
In that case I'll be hoping for some people who can help to cope this. Its true that she had given birth to me. But we were never close in the first place. My grandma brought me up all by herself...
I had an gf who fled because she cant take the way my mother speaks. She openly insults, and is really unprecitable. People may flame me, but out of all these ppl there are bound to be some sensible people who can put themselves in my shoes. I'm not saying my mum is in the wrong, I'm just asking for some advice on how to deal with her, have less conflicts...
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Mothers' day is coming.....
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i only can associate with u on some aspects of the behaviour.Originally posted by The Den:In that case I'll be hoping for some people who can help to cope this. Its true that she had given birth to me. But we were never close in the first place. My grandma brought me up all by herself...
I had an gf who fled because she cant take the way my mother speaks. She openly insults, and is really unprecitable. People may flame me, but out of all these ppl there are bound to be some sensible people who can put themselves in my shoes. I'm not saying my mum is in the wrong, I'm just asking for some advice on how to deal with her, have less conflicts...
sure every family has it's probs. my dad is sometimes like this, so what do i do ? i avoid contact with him, i dont talk to him much.
when he rains insults on me, i just keep quiet. u may ask, why so stupid, keep quiet.
simple, sometimes arguing back fuels the argument. i rather let the other party in most arguements think they are right than to fight it out to prove my point. going back to parents. i just let them say what they want. alot of times, i just dun argue back solely because fundamentally to me, they are my seniors.
yes i do fight with them but i avoid using harsh terms like expletives which my father loves to use on me. when i am tired of arguing or i find it';s going nowhere, i just say "fine ok, sorry" and walk off.
i dont care. sorry these days are worthless. i can slap someone and say sorry at the same time, not that i am prone to violence.
to avoid conflicts, either ignore it totally and treat it as if nothing has happened. 2. (maybe contradictory to waht i said earlier), work ard it.
how to work ard it ? let's say she scolds u for leaving the printer on all the time, u just switch it off and if the start up time is too long, switch it on and go for a drink. by the time ya back, it's ready to print.
maybe this is a bad example to show how to work ard it. but minor actions can sometimes prevent arguements. -
Perhaps u kids give her a treat or sth...make her really happy first...
then after tat, while shes in a good mood / relaxed...have a easy heart2heart chat with her. For instance, u can talk abt the past and present, and from there maybe you can hint about her attitude at times..
i mean, as children, sometimes we can also initiate to have a good chat with our parents. Communication is the key.
If not, perhaps to seek professional help. Probably she is having menopause? -
Have you tried talking to her nicely? Maybe there is something that you have done that disappointed or annoyed her? From your posts, you seemed to have inherited her temper as well. Don't engage in a shouting match with her next time when she lets loose her temper at you. When you're both shouting at the top of your voices, the only people who can hear and understand what both of you say are your neighbours, and they are probably too busy enjoying the show to do anything constructive anyway.
Just walk away, go out, stroll around the neighbourhood or have a cold drink at the nearby coffeeshop. Wait for her temper to cool down. Wait for your temper to cool down. Then go back and try talking nicely to her again.
If she starts a cold war or gives you mean sarcastic comments, just ignore her and be like your father -- go to your room, lie down on the bed and cover your head with a pillow, if necessary. It is a little hard to pick an argument with a sleeping person (or one pretending to), and it worked for your father, didn't it?
You hate your mother, but she loves you. She just doesn't know how to show it, that's all. -
Originally posted by bismarck:
Well, it is rather hard to imagine what other kind of constructive advice people here could have given. Not to mention, responses in a forum like this could only be directed to the poster himself/herself, so there really isn't much point if people directed their advice and suggestions to someone not in this forum, such as the poster's mother instead.
instant tip for you. never post this. why? in a situation where yr mum is in the wrong, most ppl will tell u to bear with it, yr mother gave birth to you, etc, and tell u how to work ard the situation. some even say u are in the wrong for posting.
in the event that u are wrong, ppl will whack u left right and centre. ppl will flame like nobody's biz. at the end of it u will feel like u are the biggest idiot in the world.
The effort to work out the solution has to come from the poster, for the advice and suggestions to be meaningful. -
Firstly thanks for everyone's view... I know how she feels towards me... but sometimes when you feel so tired after a long and sh*tty day of work, the last thing you want to do is to pick a fight...
I would start off something really trivial, like not walking the dog, even. At times I just go to my room and start to listen to some music. At worst times she just go trashing things in the house, throwing my laundry on the floor...
My ex gf left because she felt my mum was "threatening".
Imagine that for a breakup...
Basically I always try to talk nicely first, but she'll say something like: "Don't f88cking pretend, you are a f88ked up person with no life.. etc.. " It really winds me up. Once during my primary school days she emptied my school bag, directly from 10th floor to the 1st, just becos I didn't feed the dog and had failed one of my mid year exams... I'll never forget it. That was only one of the incidents...
Talking about feigning sleep is good... but maybe I'm too hot- headed... calling me stupid and "dog" does not help at all. Really puzzled... and how do u cure menopause? I just think she's crazy
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I experience the same thing too. Once I posted and drew a lots of flak. My mum looks through my things, touches my things, despite being told REPEATEDLY not to. Its just piss offing. I'm contemplating moving out soon. I've had just about enough. My job is similar to yours, dealing with many perople, and being on the receiving end of abuses. At home, again no peace. How to progress in my career like this?
She's not happy with the amount of money I give, even though most of my freinds give around the same and they earn MORE. She's just not appreciative. And they always confront me with the bills. Go figure. They watch tv from day to night, night to day. I'm home like 7 pm to 7 am, don't even turn on the tv, air con, uses the PC for like an hour. And when I'm on the phone she'll turn off my light on the pretex of saving on electricity. You know how piss offing that is? -
Not to mention she's blind to her own faults and she's always right, can never be wrong, cuz she's older/old, people have to always give in to her. she's unreasonable to my dad too. For eg, when i watch tv with my dad in the hall, we can hear her radio from another room much louder than our tv. when he's going to take a shower, she screams at him and says she has to go first. when she misplaces her own thing, she keeps saying i took it, cuz she touched my things the other day. seriously, i'm sleep deprived, you think I have so much time to cook up lame immature tricks like this, that only someonw with obviously too much time but too little brains to make sense of this time can concoct of such thinking.
it doesn't help either that she is biased towards my brother. he earns like 5 times more than me, give only twice me, and is perfectly ok. she is understanding to his having to pay for his luxury car, and his kids' 5 star education and their terrace house, but not to my situation that i'm literally being sucked dry by my driving lessons! -
since you do work, why not move out? get your own life and let her rot hers.
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Seem like i share the same situation as foxwalk... Moving out is an option, but as some people mind say; she, no matter what she does, is till my mother, and I'm desperate and eager to rectify the problem...
In flashes I do see some contributions she made to the family, and what hurts is the way she disapprove my career... demands cash when she doesnt have enough, steals money from my bank account...
What really really pisses me off is the way she think that she's perfect, faultless.. "Because I'm your mum, therefore you should..." I'm sick of it..
so foxwalk are you living happily with your mum yet? How do you do it? -
Yeah in very similar shoes as you. I still stay on becuase they're quite old, esp my dad, and also I don't make that much. I've only worked for less than a year. I just talk less to her, unless necessary.Originally posted by The Den:Seem like i share the same situation as foxwalk... Moving out is an option, but as some people mind say; she, no matter what she does, is till my mother, and I'm desperate and eager to rectify the problem...
In flashes I do see some contributions she made to the family, and what hurts is the way she disapprove my career... demands cash when she doesnt have enough, steals money from my bank account...
What really really pisses me off is the way she think that she's perfect, faultless.. "Because I'm your mum, therefore you should..." I'm sick of it..
so foxwalk are you living happily with your mum yet? How do you do it? -
actually such problems are not uncommon. nothing much you can do except to bear with it. maybe old folks are mostly like that.
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so kelian. move out and stay wif ur bf lorOriginally posted by foxwalk:Yeah in very similar shoes as you. I still stay on becuase they're quite old, esp my dad, and also I don't make that much. I've only worked for less than a year. I just talk less to her, unless necessary.
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mm.poor sod.
my dad's like tht too.heh.
i guess there's rlly nth much tht ppl like us can do..
jus stay outta the house fer as long as u can i guess..
thts wad i do. -
haiz... so sad story.Originally posted by The Den:Someone can pls help~ she looks down on me, call me names, and talks bad about me behind my back
I had tried to be friendly but sometimes her mood just swings, and its not pms, i tell u. Rarely we have anything to talk about, since she's a bit hard of hearing. She stirs sh*t with the neighbours and create gossip, tension and unrest between everyone. Occassionally she steals ppl's mobile just to get attention, and mind you, she strikes at those friends she knows best, Colleagues, relatives, neighbours.
Sometimes it just reached a poing where she will provoke me, then a shouting match will suddenly start if there's no one nearby to stop us. Imagine facing this type of person after a long hard day battling with suppliers, customers, manager, upper management and deadlines...
Anyone knows how to handle her? What would you do if you were me? Don't talk about my father, her almost non- existent, usually he seeps immediately after he comes home.. to "avoid" the abuse.. they dun even slp together anymore.. Siblings and other relatives are avoiding her like plague...
she needs attention n plenty of love. she also need professional help cos she could b suffering fr depression as well. arrange for her to visit the polyclinic which has pycharictist help or your neighborhood family counseller.
i hope you can b more forgiving and as a family member help her along. i feel sorry for you and will pray for you. -
from wat I see I can offer a few options
1) Stay on, just go ahead and complain and complain cos from what I see thats all you can do. If you really want to change then do something if not just stay the same and kena abuse by your mum and nothing will change.
2) move out. It may seems hard to a few people but it may not be a bad option. Sometimes people need space to understand and calm down. For you my advice is this. Is not saying you are hard -hearted or what but sometimes it works for some as it gives you a piece of mind and a small quiet place you can run home to after work where you can enjoy some piece and quiet.
3) hack care. be like your father totaly ignore your mum. Ever wonder why your father still can get along with your mum ? cos he knows if he care too much he will be like you shouting at her.
4) Give yourself a break go on a tour. Relax your mind. you are too stress. This is for a short term option
5) disappear. run away, go hide somewhere let your mum worry and sometimes this trick will work and your mum will treasure you even more. -
as u grow older u will understand more
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How old are you? How many siblings you have? How old are them?Originally posted by The Den:Seem like i share the same situation as foxwalk... Moving out is an option, but as some people mind say; she, no matter what she does, is till my mother, and I'm desperate and eager to rectify the problem...
In flashes I do see some contributions she made to the family, and what hurts is the way she disapprove my career... demands cash when she doesnt have enough, steals money from my bank account...
What really really pisses me off is the way she think that she's perfect, faultless.. "Because I'm your mum, therefore you should..." I'm sick of it..
so foxwalk are you living happily with your mum yet? How do you do it?
How old is your mum?
If you think your situation's really that bad and moving out is a viable option, why not? -
I'm just another other 23 yo guy, but whats she doing is really pissing me off... what's worse is the way my dad react... or rather.. no reaction at all..Originally posted by ha8n:as u grow older u will understand more
I agree moving out is an option but at the same time I want to forgive and make everything nice and right again, cos no matter how sh*tty she is, she's still my mother and I'm desperate to bury the hatchet
Each day the idea grows more far-fetched, and I'm quickly losing patience... I didnt get off a good start for my career and now I have to face her nagging and yelling that I'm stupid to slog out with so little results to show....
I'm understanding more, that I may have to take the path that my brother chose... move out, get married, and struggle like hell...
My other sibling will be out for like 20 hours a day (the 4 hours are his sleep time) and we hardly get anytime together anymore... I cant do that... I dont have a gf and a classes to go..
Maybe its me suffering from depression... I feel so spent... -
Hmmm....."hate" is a strong word eh? I guess you know she is a good person but you are just unhappy with her behaviour, right?
Well, for a start, what's the root of her unhappiness? We typically behave from our inner self. If she is unhappy on the inside, how can she display any form of kindness or positivity on the outside? Is she happy with her marriage? What's her life like? I mean has she got a life, like doing things she likes and enjoys? Is her life all about chores and attending to her family?
I think your dad has a bigger role to play here. Like talk to her (nicely), take her out for a walk (hand in hand, if possible), watch and discuss a drama together, have tea-time at a coffee shop and watch people go by at the same time enjoy a no-speech togetherness.....both absorb in their own thoughts but know/feel each other's presence. I don't know if anyone will reject warmth and nice treatment. If she feels better and good about herself, it will show.
The same for you, Den. You are unhappy about your job. So, naturally, mood not at its greatest. Be calm, stay strong....talk to your mum. Make her feel she is important and that you seek her as your rock for understanding and compassion with what you are going through. I am sure your mum loves and cares about you. Sometimes, the approach is not so ideal because she doesn't know any better. Sometimes, we "borrow" from what we were brought up with. But ultimately, the intent is always meant well. Just be selective with her words and pick those that sounds encouraging.
Nagging, sorry, it's a women's perogative (hee hee 
). I know it sounds terrible and can get too much. It really depends on how you folks approach your mum too to tell her to go easy on it. A lot of things has two sides. If one is kind, it is harder for the other to be unkind. If there is only one shouting, ultimately, the "fun" is over and will shut up too.
I hope things will improve. As in anything else, relationship; spousal, children, friends, colleagues.....there's always ups and downs.
Cheers....
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Hmm... You are working and taking classes at the same time...? What would the classes bring you...?Originally posted by The Den:I'm just another other 23 yo guy, but whats she doing is really pissing me off... what's worse is the way my dad react... or rather.. no reaction at all..
I agree moving out is an option but at the same time I want to forgive and make everything nice and right again, cos no matter how sh*tty she is, she's still my mother and I'm desperate to bury the hatchet
Each day the idea grows more far-fetched, and I'm quickly losing patience... I didnt get off a good start for my career and now I have to face her nagging and yelling that I'm stupid to slog out with so little results to show....
I'm understanding more, that I may have to take the path that my brother chose... move out, get married, and struggle like hell...
My other sibling will be out for like 20 hours a day (the 4 hours are his sleep time) and we hardly get anytime together anymore... I cant do that... I dont have a gf and a classes to go..
Maybe its me suffering from depression... I feel so spent...
If you feel that things are getting too much for you to bear, why not try to regulate your life instead of just letting it slips into depression...?