torn between 2 buddies
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i am currently torn between 2 friends. one of them used to be closer to me (let's call Friend A), the other is my very good friend (let's call Friend B). but recently, Friend A seems to be rather nonchalant in my affairs. each time, i told her stuff, she would give uninterested and non-committal answers. i have tried talking to her regarding this matter, saying that i wish she can show more concern with my life but we always end up quarrelling. this makes me very frustrated to the extent that i decide to minimise contact with her.
on the other hand, i feel totally at ease with Friend B. we had since grow closer during this period (after i quarrel with Friend A, i find myself seeking the company of Friend B). Friend B is very understanding. she is always able to make me feel very comfortable in her presence. she is interested in my affairs and she always try to make me feel valued with the little things she does / said.
fellow forumers, what should i do? i don't wish to give up on Friend A but we seem to be drifting further apart each day. further, i also find myself drawn towards Friend B. please help. -
They're ur frens, u're Not trying to choose a gf here, rite?
FeowFeowOriginally posted by granny goose:i am currently torn between 2 friends. one of them used to be closer to me (let's call Friend A), the other is my very good friend (let's call Friend B). but recently, Friend A seems to be rather nonchalant in my affairs. each time, i told her stuff, she would give uninterested and non-committal answers. i have tried talking to her regarding this matter, saying that i wish she can show more concern with my life but we always end up quarrelling. this makes me very frustrated to the extent that i decide to minimise contact with her.
on the other hand, i feel totally at ease with Friend B. we had since grow closer during this period (after i quarrel with Friend A, i find myself seeking the company of Friend B). Friend B is very understanding. she is always able to make me feel very comfortable in her presence. she is interested in my affairs and she always try to make me feel valued with the little things she does / said.
fellow forumers, what should i do? i don't wish to give up on Friend A but we seem to be drifting further apart each day. further, i also find myself drawn towards Friend B. please help. -
its so clear cut. just choose the one you love. period!!
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i get what you mean. i am not making a choice between them. it is just that it is very frustrating and trying at times that the friend you are supposedly closer to (Friend A in my case) seem so unconcerned and distant. do you understand how i am feeling? this is not a one-time incident but a accumulation of incidents and over a period of time. i do not know how to communicate with Friend A anymore and i hope that you guys and gals out there can show me some light.
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is A have some problems?
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A is not having any problems. she is very happy. problem with us is that we quarrel over the slightest things these days.
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then just give in to her lor sometimes...yi ren tui yi bu...Originally posted by granny goose:A is not having any problems. she is very happy. problem with us is that we quarrel over the slightest things these days.
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Hi goose
Let us put aside your problem and let me ask you these. Do you know whether A is in any problem or worries? Maybe she need you to show concern to her, but have you do that while you are tied up in your own worries? Do you know what she is going through right now?
RegardsOriginally posted by granny goose:i am currently torn between 2 friends. one of them used to be closer to me (let's call Friend A), the other is my very good friend (let's call Friend B). but recently, Friend A seems to be rather nonchalant in my affairs. each time, i told her stuff, she would give uninterested and non-committal answers. i have tried talking to her regarding this matter, saying that i wish she can show more concern with my life but we always end up quarrelling. this makes me very frustrated to the extent that i decide to minimise contact with her.
on the other hand, i feel totally at ease with Friend B. we had since grow closer during this period (after i quarrel with Friend A, i find myself seeking the company of Friend B). Friend B is very understanding. she is always able to make me feel very comfortable in her presence. she is interested in my affairs and she always try to make me feel valued with the little things she does / said.
fellow forumers, what should i do? i don't wish to give up on Friend A but we seem to be drifting further apart each day. further, i also find myself drawn towards Friend B. please help. -
Need a bit more information before one can start jumping to conclusions:
Do A and B know about each other? More importantly, does A know about B? -
from what i know, A is not facing any problems right now. in fact, she always give me that attitude whenever i talked to her and this is very frustrating.
yes, A and B knows each other but they are not on talking terms. -
how old are you???
your prob sounds like those primary/secondary school kiddo problems...
i friend you...
you dun friend me...
my friend friend me...
my friend dun friend you...
maybe you always pour out your problems to A...
but neglect to hear her out...
maybe she got problems but you dun noe...
coz you too busy being pi$$ed with her... -
Hi goose
Do you enjoy getting frustrated?
RegardsOriginally posted by granny goose:from what i know, A is not facing any problems right now. in fact, she always give me that attitude whenever i talked to her and this is very frustrating.
yes, A and B knows each other but they are not on talking terms. -
Originally posted by granny goose:
Hm. I may be just jumping to conclusions, but some things could be coming to light.
from what i know, A is not facing any problems right now. in fact, she always give me that attitude whenever i talked to her and this is very frustrating.
yes, A and B knows each other but they are not on talking terms.
When a girl seems to be having problems, and she puts a nonchalant attitude and says "no problem" whenever asked about it, that usually means there is a problem and the problem has got something to do with the person asking the question.
Could your closeness to B be the cause of the rift in your relationship with A? Relationships are a very tricky business -- what you may think of as mere friendship may not be interpreted as such by the other party. I do not know how things stand among the three of you, but I do not discount the possibility that envy or jealousy may have a hand in this. -
all along A and B couldn't get along but i maintain friendship with them separately. i am not sure if there is a tinge of envy/jealousy between them but i don't see a need for such feelings. B has been a close friend all this while and A knows it. but i don't deny that i become closer to B recently.
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sometimes i feel that it is better to be alone. friends at times will unexpectedly treat you as dirt. any seconders?
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u not seeing the need for such feelings dun mean that ur fren A does not. and it is possible that A thinks that since ur close to B.. means u dun like her as much anymore etc etc.. which then explains why shes cold and unconcerned.. all r assumptions tho.... but them being not on speaking terms even... well...Originally posted by granny goose:all along A and B couldn't get along but i maintain friendship with them separately. i am not sure if there is a tinge of envy/jealousy between them but i don't see a need for such feelings. B has been a close friend all this while and A knows it. but i don't deny that i become closer to B recently. -
it is not that i want to separate them but apparently, they are just not on talking terms with each other. i had tried to arrange to meet up for a meal. in the end, it was left with only B and me as A didn't want to turn up at the last moment. anyway, this is besides the point. the point i am trying to drive at is how to reconcile the differences with A and to break the communication/emotional barrier? any help is greatly appreciated.
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since shes all cold oredi... theres no quick fix solution...
my take on this is... show her concern.. not by shooting ur mouth off about ur problems when u see her.. but by asking her about hers.. in the beginning she would say shes fine but i think most would agree that she does have some kinda problem.. it is up to u to be insistent while not pressing her too much.. when she decides that maybe u r really concerned abt her.. then u would noe the real cirumstances behind her behavioral change ba..
gd luck -
yah. I agree with that. Sometimes solitude is much better.Originally posted by granny goose:sometimes i feel that it is better to be alone. friends at times will unexpectedly treat you as dirt. any seconders?
But try to get the best of both worlds -
Hmm...I don't see anything wrong with it. Your Friend A and B is behaving according to what they usually does...just because you think that Friend A is becoming bo chap towards you and you wanna dump this friendship? What kind of friend are you?Originally posted by granny goose:i am currently torn between 2 friends. one of them used to be closer to me (let's call Friend A), the other is my very good friend (let's call Friend B). but recently, Friend A seems to be rather nonchalant in my affairs. each time, i told her stuff, she would give uninterested and non-committal answers. i have tried talking to her regarding this matter, saying that i wish she can show more concern with my life but we always end up quarrelling. this makes me very frustrated to the extent that i decide to minimise contact with her.
on the other hand, i feel totally at ease with Friend B. we had since grow closer during this period (after i quarrel with Friend A, i find myself seeking the company of Friend B). Friend B is very understanding. she is always able to make me feel very comfortable in her presence. she is interested in my affairs and she always try to make me feel valued with the little things she does / said.
fellow forumers, what should i do? i don't wish to give up on Friend A but we seem to be drifting further apart each day. further, i also find myself drawn towards Friend B. please help.
Remember this...Friends don't force each other to commit towards the friendship relationship. And you certainly sucks at that...being a Friend A's friend.
If you truly desire a healthy friendship with Friend A, do not dwell on her action/behaviour...friends don't do that. If she really does something bad towards you or your loved ones in the future, then dump this friendship and make her regret for losing you as a friend...take revenge if you want.
In fact, you shouldn't worry about her behaviour if you truly desire a friendship with her. But I think you wanted more out of this friendship...well...in that case, go after her openly and get out of this friendship umbrella.
Another thing though, make up your mind who you like and wanna be with. You might find yourself falling for Friend B because she is providing emotional shelter for you whenever you are feeling stormy.
It is still true that being loved is somehow better than being in love. However, that theory applies to different people. For me, I will always choose to be in love and hope to be loved...cos I only lived once and I wouldn't wanna run my life like a second-hand shop with second-hand decision throughout my life.
Think through and make your next decision at your own time. Don't lived your life with regrets hor......
Good luck. -
Sometimes people juz need some time..some private time to be alone.
So leave her alone. Afterall, everyone has their worries.
Dun burden him/her further with yours. -
Humans tend to demand the environment to suit themselves. If not it doesn't suit them, it's a tough time to go through.
Not surprised when a friend wants the attention needed but not met. And ended up a sour relationship.
One could also fall in the trap of insensitivity towards people around.
Nothing wrong with that just got to learn awareness.
Life is a cycle. When you criticise others. Sometime in your life, you'll do the same and be criticised.
Cheers -
are you saying that i have been insensitive to A and that when the needed attention from A is not met, the relationship turn sour?Originally posted by M©+square:Humans tend to demand the environment to suit themselves. If not it doesn't suit them, it's a tough time to go through.
Not surprised when a friend wants the attention needed but not met. And ended up a sour relationship.
One could also fall in the trap of insensitivity towards people around.
Nothing wrong with that just got to learn awareness.
Life is a cycle. When you criticise others. Sometime in your life, you'll do the same and be criticised.
Cheers -
i'm not trying to imply anything.Originally posted by granny goose:are you saying that i have been insensitive to A and that when the needed attention from A is not met, the relationship turn sour?
Maybe it's for you to think about how real life could be and how selfish a man could subtlely become??