am i too sensitive??
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a couple broke up and the girl went to my bf for consolations.. me and bf nvr talk much on phone, always quiet, very seldom on phone also.. den he tel me say he was on the fone wif the girl den can hear her voice cry until very chia lat.. ask me for ideas to console her.. so i gave a few.. i was already feeling jealous liao.. but.. in my mind, i try not to let jealousy get hold of me.. i juz kip thinkin that my bf is a helpful guy.. but still i cant stand it.. dono y like tt.. haixx.
n cuz nw exams period.. den he ask me go study don msg animore. bt b4 dis, he say his bills high.. n stil sae but nvm cos helping ppl mah.. then dis reminds me of last time.. we msg alot, cos no time on phone oso.. then he say bill high, ask to stop msging.. den i lan lan okay loh.. den now becuz of this girl.. his bills high nvm.. mabbe i too sensitive also..
but last time i help 1 of my guy frienz woo girl, in msn i chat with him oni, my bf gave me hell.. now he can talk on phone with her and sms her bill high nvm... den i how?? haixx.
summore actually today wan meet study together wan.. but nw tinks like tt.. dowan le.. and i walked pastt him in skool juz now.. saw him smsing.. duno to who.. but from morning till now nvr receive a single sms from him.. haixx.. last nite i gav him cold shoulders.. and i wun msg him.. i only wait for his smses.. mabbe im of more wrong, but.. still duno wart to do now.. haixx.. -
i like the way you use "lan lan".
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/me sings "it's only just begunnnnn~..."
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thank you???Originally posted by Deportivo:i like the way you use "lan lan". -
now i msg him.. he nvr reply..... haixx..... WHAT TO DO???????
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Maybe U shld try toking to him tt U feel uneasy having him to tok to another gal...
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not too sensitive..
you have a right to feel the same way he did then..
everyone's human... talk to him! tell him you're feeling really uncomfortable about it.. but do it nicely...
these things, if fixed, help the both of you understand each other more... -
hai yo...exam period of course busy mah....anyway helping a fren is good wat....dun think too much lah...nothing one lor...just take it easy...be cool...everything will turn out right
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me n him always quarrel abt such boy girl things one. i don like him being around with girls and he also don like me with guys.. but then i dunno why i closer to guys ma.. i get along better with them.. summore girls in my class don click with me.. i cant be alone everywhere i go rite? haixx.
he really doesnt wan to reply me.. yes i know is helpin people.. but.. aiya dunno how to say.. juz don lyk...
how to talk to him like this now?? he never reply me at all... was i really wrong??? -
Are you not being overly sensitive...? You'll have to understand that your bf is probably serving a different purpose in his communication with the girl?Originally posted by blueberryjam:me n him always quarrel abt such boy girl things one. i don like him being around with girls and he also don like me with guys.. but then i dunno why i closer to guys ma.. i get along better with them.. summore girls in my class don click with me.. i cant be alone everywhere i go rite? haixx.
he really doesnt wan to reply me.. yes i know is helpin people.. but.. aiya dunno how to say.. juz don lyk...
how to talk to him like this now?? he never reply me at all... was i really wrong???
Of course to be fair, I won't know what his real intention is... But shouldn't we just let him have the benefit of doubt for now? One thing I should mention is that though he might be genuinely trying to help a broken-hearted, he shouldn't be neglecting his own relationship?
On this point, Bear is right about the gentle approach to remind him of things..
Try to re-look the situation? As in you and him having quarrels and such...? Often 'things' happen in a relationship because of 'bad links'... Don't just happen for nothing... Keep an open mind about things...? -
he quite flirt.. he had 2 girls at one time before de.. in fact, after those two, den its me.. i donno how to "think" abt him.. i know he's my bf.. maybe i shldn't even doubt him.. but.. not i don wanna trust him or wat.. haixx dunno how to say.. don feel safe when he around girls.. im sure if the girls around him gets a lil flirty.. omg he's gone. haixx dunno why i speak/see him as this.. haixx.. perhaps its becos of his past that makes me so insecured...
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I want to ask why u like him?
If he is a flirt why do u stick to him?
Is he handsome, cute? -
Juz close one eye for the time being? Till the girl gets better le hopefully they wun chat that much liao? Dun mind chatting on phone with her once or twice..coz it's not a daily thing? And bcos you are a gf, if he does that with you everyday, it will be very siong ba. That's what I think.
If he ever quarrel with you for advising your guy frens on r/s prob, then you ask him why he can do that and you cannot lor? Tho together, both of you cam still have your frens..even frens of opposite gender.
Talk to him..compromise. Give each other some freedom of making frens? Afterall, it's a matter of trust. -
love him no need reasons one wat.. i jus go the direction where my heart leads and my mind thinks its okay.. only now problems surfaced.. haixx..Originally posted by drx:I want to ask why u like him?
If he is a flirt why do u stick to him?
Is he handsome, cute? -
now i smsing with him.. den he tell me that girl give up on her guy le.. haixx.. we now quarreling in sms and he can tell me such things.. close many eyes le.. always see him sms, dunno to who.. also nvr receive msgs from him.. not i wan doubt him.. haixx i also duno who the girl is.. he don wan tell me..Originally posted by browniebaobao:Juz close one eye for the time being? Till the girl gets better le hopefully they wun chat that much liao? Dun mind chatting on phone with her once or twice..coz it's not a daily thing? And bcos you are a gf, if he does that with you everyday, it will be very siong ba. That's what I think.
If he ever quarrel with you for advising your guy frens on r/s prob, then you ask him why he can do that and you cannot lor? Tho together, both of you cam still have your frens..even frens of opposite gender.
Talk to him..compromise. Give each other some freedom of making frens? Afterall, it's a matter of trust.
regarding the guy friends thing.. we argued and in the end made peace many many times too.. but now still lyk tat.. haixx.. -
stop texting him, take a few deep breaths, stop being angry and talk to him.. call him or something...Originally posted by blueberryjam:now i smsing with him.. den he tell me that girl give up on her guy le.. haixx.. we now quarreling in sms and he can tell me such things.. close many eyes le.. always see him sms, dunno to who.. also nvr receive msgs from him.. not i wan doubt him.. haixx i also duno who the girl is.. he don wan tell me..
regarding the guy friends thing.. we argued and in the end made peace many many times too.. but now still lyk tat.. haixx.. -
study for exams lar
exam result will follow u forever, relationship will not.
You want your grades to be fill with "F"?
Do you really think that this guy will support you when you failed?
Where is he when you need him the most?
Need i say anymore?
I make your mistake once and the end result is very shocking
I was lucky that I was able to make it due to my hard work..
Is up to u to learn it in the hard way or the easy way. -
Last time one of my ex bfs also like this..Originally posted by blueberryjam:now i smsing with him.. den he tell me that girl give up on her guy le.. haixx.. we now quarreling in sms and he can tell me such things.. close many eyes le.. always see him sms, dunno to who.. also nvr receive msgs from him.. not i wan doubt him.. haixx i also duno who the girl is.. he don wan tell me..
regarding the guy friends thing.. we argued and in the end made peace many many times too.. but now still lyk tat.. haixx..
then you ask him lor..is he serious about you? If not, let u go ba. Very tiring if things carry on like this..if it's just normal frens, ok fine..I'm ok with it..but if the messages get flirty or intimate...I'll say bye bye le. I can tolerate anything....i can sacrifice and do a lot for him..but if he dun even spare a thought for my feelings..then why should I waste my youth on him? Why should I make myself so miserable? -
aw, sorry for ur past. *pat* hmm.. friends of cos its fine with me.. but the problem is.. how do i even know who is he smsing when he doesnt even lemme see his hp? sometimes i asked for it, he said no.. wrong, not sometimes, everytime. i never got to see his phone b4.. and we'r together for half a yr already.. i reali dunno what is he doing.. im tired from all these guessings, denying things.. but i don wanna lose him lei.. haixx..Originally posted by browniebaobao:Last time one of my ex bfs also like this..
then you ask him lor..is he serious about you? If not, let u go ba. Very tiring if things carry on like this..if it's just normal frens, ok fine..I'm ok with it..but if the messages get flirty or intimate...I'll say bye bye le. I can tolerate anything....i can sacrifice and do a lot for him..but if he dun even spare a thought for my feelings..then why should I waste my youth on him? Why should I make myself so miserable? -
Originally posted by blueberryjam:aw, sorry for ur past. *pat* hmm.. friends of cos its fine with me.. but the problem is.. how do i even know who is he smsing when he doesnt even lemme see his hp? sometimes i asked for it, he said no.. wrong, not sometimes, everytime. i never got to see his phone b4.. and we'r together for half a yr already.. i reali dunno what is he doing.. im tired from all these guessings, denying things.. but i don wanna lose him lei.. haixx..
It's ok..I'm over it..
I never look at my bf's hp wan leh..I respect their privacy..
So what if he let u see? U see nothing u will still guess who were the smses for? U see something might make you unhappy/angry nia.
Lose him? I think it's he zou bao wor.
He treats you well or not? -
he treat me not bad one. very sweet. many fond memories.. sometimes i bad mood will vent anger on him.. den he endure everything.. im so sorry for that.. but sometimes really quite moody den he come de shi jian so zhun. den irritate me he die. lol. sumtimes is i wrong, end up he say sorry also..Originally posted by browniebaobao:
It's ok..I'm over it..
I never look at my bf's hp wan leh..I respect their privacy..
So what if he let u see? U see nothing u will still guess who were the smses for? U see something might make you unhappy/angry nia.
Lose him? I think it's he zou bao wor.
He treats you well or not?
ya i respect privacies too.. he may be calling some girls out there "darling" or watever.. i duno.. haixx.. plus all my frens say he change le.. become better and wont flirt.. but duno why i still get so touchy when see him with girls.. sometimes he reply me late i also wonder what he doing.. everyday in sch till so late also duno do what.. -
Originally posted by blueberryjam:he treat me not bad one. very sweet. many fond memories.. sometimes i bad mood will vent anger on him.. den he endure everything.. im so sorry for that.. but sometimes really quite moody den he come de shi jian so zhun. den irritate me he die. lol. sumtimes is i wrong, end up he say sorry also..
ya i respect privacies too.. he may be calling some girls out there "darling" or watever.. i duno.. haixx.. plus all my frens say he change le.. become better and wont flirt.. but duno why i still get so touchy when see him with girls.. sometimes he reply me late i also wonder what he doing.. everyday in sch till so late also duno do what..
Then I think it's u feeling insecured lor.
Talk to him....and find a solution. -
~Flips a coin~
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Originally posted by blueberryjam:a couple broke up and the girl went to my bf for consolations.. me and bf nvr talk much on phone, always quiet, very seldom on phone also.. den he tel me say he was on the fone wif the girl den can hear her voice cry until very chia lat.. ask me for ideas to console her.. so i gave a few.. i was already feeling jealous liao.. but.. in my mind, i try not to let jealousy get hold of me.. i juz kip thinkin that my bf is a helpful guy.. but still i cant stand it.. dono y like tt.. haixx.
n cuz nw exams period.. den he ask me go study don msg animore. bt b4 dis, he say his bills high.. n stil sae but nvm cos helping ppl mah.. then dis reminds me of last time.. we msg alot, cos no time on phone oso.. then he say bill high, ask to stop msging.. den i lan lan okay loh.. den now becuz of this girl.. his bills high nvm.. mabbe i too sensitive also..
but last time i help 1 of my guy frienz woo girl, in msn i chat with him oni, my bf gave me hell.. now he can talk on phone with her and sms her bill high nvm... den i how?? haixx.
summore actually today wan meet study together wan.. but nw tinks like tt.. dowan le.. and i walked pastt him in skool juz now.. saw him smsing.. duno to who.. but from morning till now nvr receive a single sms from him.. haixx.. last nite i gav him cold shoulders.. and i wun msg him.. i only wait for his smses.. mabbe im of more wrong, but.. still duno wart to do now.. haixx..
Double thinking.
This is exactly what happens when your have accepted two contradicting statements and compromising it.
He wants to exterminate any possible guys from having any form of social contacts with you, at the same time, refuse you when you demanded the same for him. Such common advantageous plan man often put into implementation, which is born out of a mixture of male chauvinist, mistrust, flirt-proof and controlled security in the relationship. When that happens, you are forced into compromising emotionally because it seemed reasonable on his side to deal with a gal friend's problem, yet having to coax yourself into believing that trust is the main essential ingredient here and you ought to have it. However, when the table is turned around, you are expected to drop whatsoever immediately, for your doing endangered the trust of the relationship. Double thinking - you are forced into two sets of thinking when placed into either-side of the scenario.
He was a flirt; when he lingered with the ladies, it activated your insecurity. This insecurity came with the birth relationship - you recognise and knew it long ago. Entering into this relationship is accepting the insecurity as part of the package. Of course, a big effort of yours is to avoid triggering this insecurity during the course of the relationship because you are seeking for a long term fulfilling relationship.
Believe you me, you will never stop triggering your own insecurity as long as:
I) You refuse to acknowledge your present and future of your man & relationship AND chose to believe the previous him. Whether he has change or not doesn't matter. Remember, you chose the man you wanted for a boyfriend, if he is a jerk; you still made that decision to be with him. IF he is a jerk and he plays with your love - who's to blame ultimately? You isn't it? You allowed him to be with you.
Place effort on something you could work around with (the future of your relationship) and not dwell in his unchangeable past.
II) As long as this advantageous plan of his is in effect, you should not find security. It forces you into double thinking (if you wished to continue the relationship) and trigger insecurity that came with the relationship.
P.S: You may probably need to communicate about this. If trust is the issue here, fine - both of you are eligible to mingle with friends from the opposite gender (provided it is as simple as friends). If it's about the insecurity part of you, fine. Work out a viable solution where both of you could accept and still lead the relationship comfortably. (E.g. He could do wth he wants, but negligence to you is NONO). If it's about both issue, fine. Speak them out tactfully and see where it lands.
Cheers