COnfused
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Hi,
I have a prob that has been bothering me since last night. Needs advice.
My fiance and I are planning to ROM this year. We have been together for almost 2 years now.
He used to be in a relationship with this fren of mine, which I saw named her as Elle.
Barely 2 months into the relationship, Elle broke up with him. Not long after, my fiance and I committed into a new relationship. It was full of ups and downs, problem mainly lies in my shortcomings. In the beginning of this year, everything went on smoothly for us for I've compromised and learnt to correct my shortcomings and so did my fiance.
Last 2 weeks ago, we decided to ROM as we feel that time is right and we have learnt to accomodate and love each other for what and who we are.
Last night, I went out for dinner with Elle and shared with her this piece of news. She looked surprised and shared with me that in Feb, my fiance had met her for lunch (which I was aware of) and was sharing with her about us being not compatible in some ways and he wasn't sure if we were able to work out.
I was quite disturbed with what was shared with me. However, there was a turning point in my relationship with my fiance in March when he was in India for business trip. The short duration made us realise how important our presence means to each other. Things change very much for the better since then and he popped the BIG question 2 weeks ago.
Elle told me not to think too much and perhaps things really work out now and thus whatever was shared with her would very much be invalid but somehow, I have a problem in convincing myself.
What're your opinions then? All I know is that my fiance and I are able to get along very well and we're very much in sync but is such fact enough? My heart and intuition tell me that he's the one but why am I still bothered with what was shared with me last night?
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aiya he was juz jittery bout marriage la.. at least he takes it serious no?
+1 -
elle is right you are thinking too much.
Sometimes a guy too have times in which they feel scare or insecure and will confine in friends about their worries.
For my case I usually talk to friends whom I trust about it.
Its just a common thing that happens to all of us.
Is the same thing too.
Are u not talking to us about your worries too?
Trust is a very important thing in any relationship.
Final advise
You are worrying for nothing. -
How much can you trust Elle?
Can you believe her words?
You wun know if she was trying to tiao bo li jian and break you two up?
Clarify with your fiance if you have doubt. But handle it peacefully.
Buf if you trust him, you shouldn't be bothered with what she said. -
main thing... relationships, must work at it...
maybe your guy is worried that things may not be "happy ever after"... there is no such thing as "happy ever after" without bumps and scrapes along the way..
the main thing is that both recognise it and are willing to work on the relationship...
most of all, talk about it with him.. clear up all insecurities, all doubts...
good luck! -
Thanks for advice guys...I think I'm really thinking too much.
Btw, Elle has been attached with another guy for at least 2 years now and they are planning on ROM thus I dun think she would sow discord...but then again, it's great to hear from a 3rd party's point of view
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good luck girl!
and come back in other forums in sgforums to exchange ideas and discuss stuff.. or just hang out
i do hope you'll both be happy -
I guess I have to log onto forums on wedding etc....wedding can be a headache....
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Everyone has a past.Originally posted by kitji:Hi,
I have a prob that has been bothering me since last night. Needs advice.
My fiance and I are planning to ROM this year. We have been together for almost 2 years now.
He used to be in a relationship with this fren of mine, which I saw named her as Elle.
Barely 2 months into the relationship, Elle broke up with him. Not long after, my fiance and I committed into a new relationship. It was full of ups and downs, problem mainly lies in my shortcomings. In the beginning of this year, everything went on smoothly for us for I've compromised and learnt to correct my shortcomings and so did my fiance.
Last 2 weeks ago, we decided to ROM as we feel that time is right and we have learnt to accomodate and love each other for what and who we are.
Last night, I went out for dinner with Elle and shared with her this piece of news. She looked surprised and shared with me that in Feb, my fiance had met her for lunch (which I was aware of) and was sharing with her about us being not compatible in some ways and he wasn't sure if we were able to work out.
I was quite disturbed with what was shared with me. However, there was a turning point in my relationship with my fiance in March when he was in India for business trip. The short duration made us realise how important our presence means to each other. Things change very much for the better since then and he popped the BIG question 2 weeks ago.
Elle told me not to think too much and perhaps things really work out now and thus whatever was shared with her would very much be invalid but somehow, I have a problem in convincing myself.
What're your opinions then? All I know is that my fiance and I are able to get along very well and we're very much in sync but is such fact enough? My heart and intuition tell me that he's the one but why am I still bothered with what was shared with me last night? -
what does your guts tell you????
why do you trust what someone, whom you dont even know, BUT YOU DONT YOUR OWN INSTINCTS, MAN, JUDGEMENT & THE 2 YEARS YOU BOTH SPENT TOGETHER???
i dont get it. does she really mean more than you think???
please dont let anyone affect your marriage.
the bond between the man should be much much stronger than it.
you need to remember this that there is only 2 persons in the relationship; YOU & HIM
you trust him and he trusts you.
the issue was said in feb but march, after the trip, he proposed right?
how often do we lose someone that we realise how much the person mean to us? this, he realised from his trip and so did you.
dont lose anymore sleep over it. it is not worth it.
by the way - elle may still be jealous and trying to stir trouble. just because she is committed to someone else does not mean anything. some women have this mentality "i cant have it, you cant either"
dont let what this woman said affect you in any way. -
what does your guts tell you????
why do you trust what someone, whom you dont even know, BUT YOU DONT YOUR OWN INSTINCTS, MAN, JUDGEMENT & THE 2 YEARS YOU BOTH SPENT TOGETHER???
i dont get it. does she really mean more than you think???
please dont let anyone affect your marriage.
the bond between your man and you should be much much stronger than it.
you need to remember this that there is only 2 persons in the relationship; YOU & HIM
you trust him and he trusts you.
the issue was said in feb but march, after the trip, he proposed right?
how often do we lose someone that we realise how much the person mean to us? this, he realised from his trip and so did you.
dont lose anymore sleep over it. it is not worth it.
by the way - elle may still be jealous and trying to stir trouble. just because she is committed to someone else does not mean anything. some women have this mentality "i cant have it, you cant either"
dont let what this woman said affect you in any way. -
Originally posted by kitji:Hi,
I have a prob that has been bothering me since last night. Needs advice.
My fiance and I are planning to ROM this year. We have been together for almost 2 years now.
He used to be in a relationship with this fren of mine, which I saw named her as Elle.
Barely 2 months into the relationship, Elle broke up with him. Not long after, my fiance and I committed into a new relationship. It was full of ups and downs, problem mainly lies in my shortcomings. In the beginning of this year, everything went on smoothly for us for I've compromised and learnt to correct my shortcomings and so did my fiance.
Last 2 weeks ago, we decided to ROM as we feel that time is right and we have learnt to accomodate and love each other for what and who we are.
Last night, I went out for dinner with Elle and shared with her this piece of news. She looked surprised and shared with me that in Feb, my fiance had met her for lunch (which I was aware of) and was sharing with her about us being not compatible in some ways and he wasn't sure if we were able to work out.
I was quite disturbed with what was shared with me. However, there was a turning point in my relationship with my fiance in March when he was in India for business trip. The short duration made us realise how important our presence means to each other. Things change very much for the better since then and he popped the BIG question 2 weeks ago.
Elle told me not to think too much and perhaps things really work out now and thus whatever was shared with her would very much be invalid but somehow, I have a problem in convincing myself.
What're your opinions then? All I know is that my fiance and I are able to get along very well and we're very much in sync but is such fact enough? My heart and intuition tell me that he's the one but why am I still bothered with what was shared with me last night? 
What she is saying may be true and if she didn't have ulterior motives, there is no reason why she could lie. But do note that the cusps of the problem doesn't lies with what she says or does she have any hidden motives or whatever - its about YOU.
Your man probably said that as part of a conversation with a friend about his relationship, but does that suggest anything negative? To me, it's merely a causal rant, mixed with a little small worry about his relationship.
OMG, at least your man worries about your relationship with you (If it means anything to you: it would be completely different if he tells her that, while react normally to you in day to day life. Of course, yours is not the case, as he popped the big question: his actions speaks louder than words).
'You have your flaws... yes... but I am willingly to work with you, through a marriage...'
Have you considered this as the actual idea?
P.S: If you wanna ride better through your relationship, learn to extinguish the flame of negativity. It will help you so much.
Cheers -
Well, guys usually hesitated when it comes to long term committment, & hav many thoughts for his future as well as his family. Once he makes up his mind, i'm sure he will give his best to build up a good family. If u think he is the one for u .... treasure him. A million pounds cant buy a right man for u.
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hei...look at the timestamp...
elle said feb they met and have a chat about ur relationship..(that was b4 he go to india )
back from india ..which is march...which is that short duration make u both realise how important ur presence means to each other.
ur friend is right..but that was b4 he went to india...
so don't confuse...ur fiance still love you...
congratulation on what u both will go through together....enjoy